If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, then you know that this is a very special week around here. This is traditionally the time of year when I make my library of deathly awful holiday music available for your listening pleasure. It will be online on Friday, so please come back and download as much as you can bear. Trust me, there’s no better way to get relatives out of your house than throwing on some of these tunes.
But this year, we have even more to be thankful for. I have yet another holiday treat for you, thanks to this email from one of two people who still come here:
FROM THE MAIL BAG
Subject: Sailor Trouble!
Date: Tue, Nov 26, 2013 at 12:51 PM12:51 PM
I need the Sailor Trouble guide – I have family coming for Thanksgiving!
Any chance that it’s archived somewhere?
Here’s what Shari is talking about.
Two years ago, when I was running Regretsy, I got the following request from a reader:
My friend’s birthday is in mid-November and I need some assistance with my gift plan.
Years ago we “invented” a game we call SailorTrouble. It involves drinking (naturally) and playing this game — with the added stipulation that every time you hit the Pop-O-Matic dice roller you must swear like a drunken sailor.
I found a portable version of the Trouble game, and I want to make a SailorTrouble rule booklet that includes several pages of swear words. Do you think you could enlist your cabal of snot floggers to assist with this fuckery?
I am sincerely your devoted goat blower,
If there’s two things I love, it’s creative profanity and birthday presents. And the very idea that some crap-cradling suckpuppet figured out how to blend the two… well, it made me piss my Underoos like a shit-flinging wank monkey.
So I asked the readers to post their most imaginative cursing into the comments, and we’d allow Lulubelly to help herself.
We got over 1,200 comments.
It was a little disturbing to be honest with you. But then, this is what happens when your readership is mostly chunder huffing colon spankers.
Lulubelley diligently went through all the profanity, compiled her favorites into a booklet, carefully arranging your spew into categories like Family Fun Night, International House of Profanity and Swearing like Shakespeare. She even shared the pdf with us so you could download it!
Of course, most of you dolphin-fondling bream reamers aren’t up for that kind of effort, so I made smaller pages for your review. Click the images to see a bigger version and leave a comment.
Keep pumping that sponge, seasquirt!
- Download the booklet cover pdf here
- Download the booket pdf here