April Winchell

It was this last rule that kept me from making reservations at the Holyland Museum in Silverlake. As tempted as I was by the idea of a guy in a Bedouin outfit showing me some fishing nets, the two hour guided tour aspect was not an obstacle I could overcome. Even if fruit leather is included in the $2.50 admission.

Instead I settled on a two part event, starting with lunch at Clifton's Brookdale in Downtown Los Angeles.

I had NO idea that this existed. Did you?

When I first saw the web site, I thought that it couldn't possibly still be there, or if it was, that it would be completely different now. I actually had to call them to make sure the web site wasn't writing a check the cottage cheese plate couldn't cash.

Well, it's still there, and it still looks like it did when they opened it all those years ago. As they point out on ther web site, the only real change is that they replaced the live entertainment with a giant stuffed moose head, which seems a fair trade. And I was strangely comforted by the fact that the head is tethered to a pipe with the same kind of strap I have on my water heater.

You walk in to that place and you can smell the redwoods. Or maybe it’s just the liver. Whatever it is, you can smell it. And you can hear the gentle splashing of the waterfalls, saturated with blue food coloring, as they cascade down onto a fake duck which has been nailed to a rock. It’s all too much.

As for the food, what can I say? Steam tables laden with all manner of cafeteria style treat. Chef salad, fried fish, a carving station, even something called "Texas Toast"; a steal at only 79¢ a slice. I ate until I was stuffed, much like the pheasant perched atop the "chapel". Yes, there is a chapel in these woods. I understand there were wax figurines inside once, but they were donated to the Holyland Museum some years ago. Oh, the symbiosis of it all.

After lunch, we went onto the second phase of the date, The Old Time Music Hall in El Segundo. Words cannot adequately describe the thrill of watching Bill at the Mighty Wurlitzer.

First of all, the thing is huge. It takes up the whole stage. And the pipes are all outlined in day-glo colors, so when the lights dim, you can see all the pipes and tubes moving as he plays them.

After he played a stunning medley (including an insane version of "I Get Ideas" that had me on the edge of my seat), a screen dropped down and they showed Sing-A-Long slides from a silent movie house. It should come as no surprise that the audience was filled with little old ladies who sang in terrifying vibrato at the top of their brittle lungs.

After this, we watched a silent Laurel and Hardy comedy while Bill played the organ in accompaniment. It was one of the most wonderful, charming things I've done in a long time. Really, you should try to go.

Perhaps the only bitter moment came when Bill opened the show, telling the audience in reverent tones that Ira Fistell had been at the theatre only the night before.

Damn that man. Always one step ahead of me.