Signs your Motivational Speaker is Depressed
- His seminar is titled, "Harnessing the Power of Self-Loathing."
- Keeps remarking how coffin-like the lectern is.
- His wrists are bandaged and his suit has visible blood stains.
- "The key to a happy and successful life? Don't marry a soul-sucking, bank-account-draining minion of Satan."
- During the "fire walk," asks that you try not to disturb his ex-wife's ashes.
- Asks everyone in the audience to just stay in their seats while he flips through his high school yearbook and sobs softly.
- Everybody gets a workshop kit consisting of a razor blade and a fifth of Jack Daniel's.
- After failing to catch you during a "trust fall," he says, "Welcome to reality, pal."
- Keeps reminding the audience that "can" is 50 percent of "cancer."
- From listener Erik
Our AIDS Walk team is only $22.93 away from our first $1000!
Two questions:
Who will pony up the $22.93 that will put us over the top?
Who the hell gave us 7¢?
Never, ever teach your husband how to work the web cam. I'm just saying.
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