April Winchell

The Junk Drawer

May 13th, 2003 · No Comments

Yee haw! It’s time once again to gather up the kin folk and come see what’s in this here junk drawer!

It’s just my folksy way of dishing up all the down homey style family goodness I’ve been saving in a cozy corner of my hard drive.

Oh, and this is nothing like the Friday Brown Bag of Crap, by the way. Because, well, this is a drawer.

First, some new MP3s:

In the TV Stars That Insist On Singing category, we have Jasmine Guy, best known as “Whitley” of the Cosby Show, trying to get down with her bad self on Try Me. It’s all very Paula Abdulish, only not as interesting. If that’s possible.

Next up on the shit parade, Peggy Lipton of the Mod Squad, weakly sniveling her way through something called Lu. This is sort of how the 5th Dimension would sound if they were comprised of only one very thin white girl. I can’t understand more than a few words (”winter”, “rainbows”, “love”), but that probably doesn’t hinder my experience. Pass the patchouli!

Next, in the Chicken Songs category, a pair of tracks from Roger, who knows what a girl likes.

Here are Born To Be Wild by Chickenwolf, and, perhaps my favorite in this category, Chicken Impossible by the Nutley Brass. Cluck on.

Of course, we all know that chicken isn’t impossible. It’s just very hard work. But thanks to a new track in the KFC Employee Training Tapes category, Cleaning The Store Windows just got a little easier.

Mother’s Day Star Sightings

We took mom to brunch on Sunday, and were seated in the back of the restaurant, near the bathrooms. It turned out to be a huge bonus. Three separate stars had to parade past us to rid themselves of their passion fruit iced teas.

First up, Ellen Degeneres, in brown corduroy pants and a dress shirt. The bathroom was occupied, so she had to wait in the hall for several long and embarassing minutes; trapped by the kitchen like a lab rat while diners turned to gawk. I felt bad for her, but then I remembered that she’s really rich and just got a new show, and then I didn’t care.

Next up to pee: Wayne Brady, wearing some terrible clothing. Hideous blue and silver shirt, open, with a skin tight blue tank underneath, tight blue jeans and a bad belt. I think he uses Ryan Seacrest’s stylist.

And finally, Michael Chiklis, who looks very much like my niece’s 4 month old daughter.

Make it Stop

Yesterday they started major construction and repair on my house. As I type, this is the view from my office window. That yellow thing is a jackhammer, which isn’t annoying at all. No, really.

In a few days or weeks, the wall to the left of me is going to be reconfigured, which means that I will lose my office, my internet connection and the last remaining shreds of my sanity.

I will have to retreat to the living room, where I will watch Elimidate with the dogs in the gathering twilight, until everything from the bedroom is moved in. Then I will sit in a very small corner like Anne Frank, still believing that after everything, people are basically good.

Eventually I will lose that corner, and will start hanging around Ralph’s, looking for aluminum cans.

Because I will soon have no place to work, I’ve had to stop doing Ken & Company. I will also not be able to update the web site for a while. But let’s not think about that now. Let’s just look at these links instead.

Cheers theme animation (requires Flash)

Rhino Cam

Rude Food

Audi-Oh!

Boyzz (requires Flash)

The Christian Hankie Code

Risks of piercing and other body modifications (nasty)