April Winchell

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September 27th, 2003 · No Comments


The Rules According to Gym

As someone who goes to the gym regularly, I've seen some bad things. And I'm not just talking about the Women's locker room.

No, this is matter of manners, as it were. Of common sense, if you will.

But many people have neither. And that's why we need rules. A universal standard of behavior. Some fucking ettiquette.

I'd like the following put into effect right away.

RULES FOR MEN:

  • Do not wear anything from the International Male catalogue. Do not dye your hair black if you're over 50. Do not berate your secretary on your cell phone during your Pilates session. Do not wear a wig.
  • Do not shout, "Hell yeah" when you lift weights. Do not try to hit on the personal trainers when they're with clients. Do not talk loudly about women's implants unless they're really asking for it.
  • Do not blow your nose on the towels.

    RULES FOR WOMEN:

  • Do not bring a purse into the gym. Do not take lipstick out of said purse and apply it during your workout. Do not wear high heels, color coordinated hair accessories or leg warmers.
  • Do not leave your hairy razors in the shower. Do not spread the contents of your gym bag all over the bench and give me a dirty look when I need to put my water down.
  • Do not walk around for a long periods of time naked. Do not blow dry your hair for 20 minutes without a towel. Do not sit with your legs open, clipping your toenails. Do that at home, where someone loves you.

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