April Winchell

December 5th, 2003 · No Comments

Friday Brown Bag of Crap

Well friends, it's time for another steaming load of marginal fun!

I'm pleased to bring you a pile of odds and ends every Friday, unless I'm drunk or working. Or both. And today is no exception.

So grab a napkin and a shovel, and dig in!

The Appetizer

Faithful longtime ex-listener and painkiller enthusiast Roseanne sends this little message from the makers of Proloxil.

The Entree

ASSORTED EMAIL

Subject: Question
Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2003 21:56:51 -0500
From: Dan(REMOVED)
To: april@aprilwinchell.com

Hairy Alisa Milano is scary, but my question is about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Is she, well, retarded? I know "retarded" is not a PC term, but, that's just the way she looks.

Best wishes, Dan

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Subject: Leonard Nimoy
Date: Sun, 30 Nov 2003 00:14:19 -080
From: Kurt (REMOVED)
To: april@aprilwinchell.com

I think I may have found an image worthy of Leonard Nimoy's singing talent. This life facial casting of him pretty well describes what I'm visualizing when I hear Put A Little Love In Your Heart.

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Subject: Thank You
Date: Sat, 22 Nov 2003 22:19:49 -0800
From: Jinx (REMOVED)
To: april@aprilwinchell.com

I had that Fabio After Dark tape in college and some bastard stole it from me one night while we were all drinking tequila shots.

I thought that I would never again hear the dulcet tones of Fabio's beautiful voice telling me what constitutes romance. But now, thanks to your site, I am a happy, happy girl.

In between bouts of vomiting,

Jinx

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Subject: Mr. KABC's New Book
Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 13:38:23 -0800
From: Robert (REMOVED)
To: april@aprilwinchell.com

April, I picked up Mr. KABC's new book at Borders the other day. As I am a big fan of yours, it naturally sickened me to read this insulting April bashing. I thought you and he were friends. All I can say is that the guy needs help and you, my dear, need to choose your friends a little more wisely.

Concerned and Constipated,

Robert

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Subject: Happy Cows
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 2003 8:21:22 -0700
From: David (REMOVED)
To: april@aprilwinchell.com

After watching your new California Cheese TV spot (good work by the way), I couldn't help but check to see if PETA has any new rebuttals.

I watched their video about bovine abuse. I saw cows wallowing in shit (those working conditions are still better than any one who has worked for the Walt Disney Company), cows being auctioned and one cow being slaughtered.

The net effect of this? It made very hungry. I am not a vegetarian but I seldom eat beef. The video made me desparately want a cheeseburger.

All I can say is happy cows may live in California, but the tasty ones are here in Atlanta.

Keep up the good fight.