April Winchell

All Right, All Right

I know I've dropped out of sight for a while, but believe me, It's nothing personal. I just have a lot going on in my personal and professional life, and I don't have the time and energy these days to do this on a regular basis. I'll get back to it soon, I promise.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share a little story about Paypal – America's most efficient online payment service. In fact, they're so on top of things over there, they'll give your money to anyone who asks for it, with no authorization from you required. What a time saver!

I had a subscription to an online news service that renews every February. Not having a radio show anymore, I decided not to pay $50 a year for it and cancelled it in October. I went into my Paypal account and filled out the form and ended the subscription. Paypal sent me a confirmation email.

On February 3rd, Paypal renewed the subscription anyway. They withdrew the money from my account and charged me a fee for the pleasure.

When I saw this, I immediately emailed them and asked why. I got an answer from a very nice robot named Mary, who gave me an excellent answer. Unfortunately, it was the answer to a completely unrelated question.

But you know, A for effort.

I wrote back twice and no one answered. So yesterday, I called the "Help" Center.

The first woman I spoke to insisted I had to call the online news service and ask for a refund. When I told her I didn't think I should have to do that, she said, "Don't talk over me!" I looked at my watch and realized she had lost her patience in under a minute, setting a personal best for a Paypal employee.

I asked to speak to her supervisor. She asked, "What for"? I kept repeating, "May I please speak with your supervisor"?, and she kept repeating "Why"? This went on like this for a few rounds until she she finally sighed and transferred me.

Her supervisor was equally pleasant. After trying to pass the buck again, she grew irritated when I insisted it shouldn't be my problem. Finally I asked, "Is Paypal a very stressful place to work? Because you all seem to have a short fuse over there". She replied, "What are you talking about? I've been on the phone with you for ten minutes".

Unfazed, I demanded she explain why Paypal was not responsible for refunding a payment to me that I had not authorized. I pointed out that I had cancelled the subscription 4 months prior to their renewing it.

"Maybe you have to cancel it every year", she offered. I told her that didn't seem right to me. After all, you don't have to cancel your magazine subscriptions year after year. There is no perpetual opt-out policy for periodicals that I'm aware of.

Reaching the end of her mental resources, she finally said, "You must have had two subscriptions and only cancelled one", theorizing that I willingly paid twice for the same service. I could see no benefit in that strategy, save for being able to log on under both of my separate personalities.

I told her that this simply didn't make sense. I cancelled my subscription. I had proof. Paypal paid it anyway. I again asked why they weren't responsible. She said, "I'm trying to explain, but you just don't want to listen, do you"?

At this point, I felt a sharp pain start behind my eyes that signalled something bad was about to happen. Things got very surreal, because it was so hard to comprehend that anyone you give your business to would speak to you like that. It got worse when I realized that this is not an isolated incident, but rather, a company's culture. Everyone at the company will speak to you like that with no reservations. So you virtually have nowhere to go, except up your own ass.

Having nothing to lose, I asked her to show me some proof that I had subscribed twice. She said, "I'm not going to keep arguing with you".

Yes, it finally happened. I was speechless.

After a pause she asked, "Is there anything else I can help you with today"?

I took the high road. I thanked her for her time, and then, just before hanging up, I said, "Oh, and fuck you."

I then cancelled my Paypal account, and I heartily recommend you do the same. Unless you enjoy being treated like shit on someon'e shoe, in which case I suggest you get the Premiere Acount.