April Winchell

Men are from Penis

The other day I mentioned to Patrick that I had read an interesting article about the fundamental differences between men and women. And he said, "What, like penises and vaginas"? And I think that says it all.

I guess I've been a little obsessed with this topic lately. The truth is, the majority of men I've been close to in the last 20 years have been gay. And that's all been well and good. But you don't learn much about how the heterosexual male mind works by hanging out with queens at The Abbey.

So now here I am in a heterosexual relationship. And every day is a learning experience.

For example, did you know that straight men don't really enjoy talking about their emotions very much? Or yours? According to the article, straight men are problem solvers, and the abstract conversation women indulge in when discussing their emotions actually creates more problems for the man.

I think this goes a little further than the article. I think men just want women to shut the fuck up. No, really.

You might disagree. If you're a woman, and you think your man enjoys the sound of your voice and all the fascinating things you have to say, you're in denial.

If you're a man, and you find yourself disagreeing with my premise, ask yourself this: "Do I suck dick"? Because chances are, if you enjoy talking to women for long periods of time about their emotions, their lives, their relationships or their cycles, you're gay.

Just a little something to think about. Dr. Phil won't tell you. But I will.