April Winchell

From the Mail Bag

Every day continues to bring delightful surprises to my post office box!

Today, I received a pantload of treasures, including a package from lovely longtime ex-listener Deborah. Deborah felt I might be in need of an Atkins colon cleansing system and a gift card to GNC. Her note read:

"Here's a gift card to get yourself some Atkins Advantage Peanut Butter Bars. Also, nothing says, "You're special" like a little colon cleansing. If nothing else, it'll keep you on the move during the day."

Not to be outdone, longtime ex-listener and Nyquil abuser David sent 2 packages of Peeps, stolen off the set of a new Edward Norton movie. David thinks they might be suitable for auctioning off on Ebay, but I might have to lick them first.

And there was more. Much more. Rob sent this package, cleverly using my begging photo as a mailing label. That would have been spectacular enough, but Rob enclosed a frightenng assortment of birthday music, which I'll be using to upset Mr. KABC this Friday. I also got a completely awful CD from Dennis, who obviously knows what I like.

There were also lots of cards and notes, which are very encouraging, and mean the world to me.

Longtime ex-listener and paint huffer Timothy writes:

"Here's 2 bucks because you're twice as entertaining as any woman I've ever given a buck to. And there have been more than a few."

And another Tim sent a $2 bill, which he claims to have stolen from a homeless woman. He also had some advice for me:

"Don't let Rose McGowan play you in the movie. We want it to be someone whose boobs we haven't seen."

Be careful what you wish for, Tim. We haven't seen Angela Lansbury's tits yet either.