April Winchell

BREAKING NEWS!

Oh my God.

A week or so ago, I hinted that someone had expressed an interest in hearing me on the radio again. And it wasn't my mother.

Well, it turns out that KLSX (which an FM station, thank you very much) has asked me to come in this Friday night and do an hour for them to test me out.

Now this just makes a lot of sense to me. This is the station that Howard Stern is on, for God's sake. Frankly, it always made me nervous that I was on the same station as Rush and Dr. Laura. If you don't feel the sword hanging above your head in an environment like that, you're just not paying attention.

So this Friday, from 11:00 to midnight, I'll be on KLSX 97.1, all by myself. How about that?

If you've got anything in mind you'd like to hear me do (or not do), let me know!

Laisser le rouleau d'hurlement de poulet (Let the chicken yodel roll)!

Fresh Poop

After an agonizingly slow wait, I am thrilled and delighted to announce that the Dog Shit Pens have arrived!

Just to refresh your memory about how stellar these pens really are, here's Woody posing with a pen this morning. Gorgeous, don't you think? It almost looks like he made it himself.

Now, I want to sell these pens. That's a given. But even so, I'm not going to make up some bullshit story about why you absolutely need to buy a pen that looks like a piece of dog shit. I think you'd lose all respect for me if I did that.

So instead, let me just say this. If, for some reason, you choose not to buy this pen, your family will gradually come to resent you, you'll lose your ability to maintain an erection and you'll finally die alone. Just something to think about, is all.

Speaking of Erections

I got this Viagra spam in my email yesterday. Seriously.

eBay

New and exciting things up on eBay this week. Lordy yes. just a big stinking pile of shit with your name on it.

My favorite thing up for sale this week is a spiral bound collection of Star Trek gay porn. No, really. I mean, I suppose you can live a full and satisfying life without a collection of Spock and Kirk JO stories, but why try?

SometimesI can't decide if I'm more disturbed by what people buy, or what I'm willing to sell.

And finally . . .

The sushi party tickets are almost gone!

If you're thinking about joining Mr. KABC and I for a night of sushi, drinking and all around bad behavior, please buy your ticket soon!

The party is on July 24th at 7:30 in downtown Los Angeles. We have our own private patio and things are destined to go out of control. There will be goody bags, door prizes and God knows what else. Profits will benefit Project Angel Food, an organization in Los Angeles that delivers lovingly prepared meals to people living with AIDS.

So just buy your damn ticket already.