April Winchell

From the Mailbag

Subject: Show indexes
Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2004 01:12:12 -0700
From: Graham

Hey April, I love your work but it's a measure of my poverty that all I can give you in return are these: Show indexes for your site.

My God, how much do you love this? This man actually sat down and created indexes for every one of the 5 new shows I put up in the archives this week.

It's all very heartwarming, until you realize that he voluntarily listened to 15 hours of my radio shows with no compensation. Then it's just a little scary.

Subject: Question for eBay seller
Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 14:07:16 -0700
From: REMOVED

Hi April I grew up watching your father (I loved the tv show) I was wondering if you knew where I could get a working Farfel doll?

Well, considering Farfel is not my father's puppet, I would say you probably grew up watching someone else's show. Or maybe you were just so strung out on Ovaltine and Froot Loops it's just a big blur. Please make sure to write to me again when you're looking for Willie Tyler and Lester memorabilia.

Subject: Celebrites and Target
Date: Wed, 21 Jul 2004 17:57:54 EDT
From: Gina

I've heard of celebrities going to openings of restaurants, movies, plays, etc. Going to the opening of a Target, however, surprised me.

Is Target big in celebrity circles or is this one of those "Will go to the opening of an envelope" kinda thing? Granted, the list of celebs was B list but still. Chloe Sevigny and Maggie Gyllenhaal didn't have anything better to do than go to an opening of a Target in Brooklyn? Alan Cumming? Sandra Bernhard? I'm just at a loss on this one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the proud owner of a Target card and a frequent shopper there. But I feel kind of slighted that no one took my picture when I went to the opening of the Danvers Target a couple of years ago.

You know Gina, maybe this was all a coincidence. Maybe the stars just happened to be shopping there that day, and were photographed without their permission. I completely accept the idea that Chole Sevigny shops at Target, particularly after looking at her wardobe. And who's to say that Maggie Gyllenhaal didn't need a 4 pack of tube socks or a Stussy toilet seat cover?

Celebrities are just like regular people, only with stylists. It's like I used to say about the Menendez brothers; they shoot their parents one at a time, just like the rest of us.

Ruthless Reviews

The lovely deviants at Ruthless Reviews have posted yet another of my ugly rants about Disney. This time, I'm aiming my bile at Treasure Planet, a smelly pile of feces that basically ruined my life. Read my charming take on this film by clicking here.

New Uploads

A long time ex-listener was kind enough to send a strange piece of audio, celebrating the late, bloated Marlon Brando.

Apparently Mr. Brando was not a big fan of Burt Reynolds. Having actually worked with Burt Reynolds on an animated feature some years ago, I can tell you that he is not a lot of fun, and is in fact, a little scary. So I took particular pleasure in this clip, and I hope you will too.

I was also sent a short movie today that made me laugh out loud, all alone at my computer, like the crazy fucking loon I have become.

I don't know anything about the origin of this, but it's a reel of outtakes from an industrial film about recreational vehicles.

Whoring

We only have 6 sushi tickets left now, so please buy them immediately.

I don't know what the hell you people are waiting for. Is there some really great guest on Satirday Night Live this week? Perhaps a Chris Kattan retrospective? Maybe you just want to pound that quart of Healthy Choice Butter Pecan and get caught up on your Trading Spaces.

Look, you have to get out of the house. Your mother and I are worried about you.

There will be so much good food and good company. There will be door prizes and goody bags. There will be Mr. KABC, for God's sake. And a very worthwhile charity gets a nice boost as well. So for Christ's sweet sake, people, let's go!