April Winchell

Profiles in Shopping

Well, it's time to buy a pantload of crappy ass gifts again, and I'd like to strongly recommend you do all your holiday shopping through my Amazon Gateway.

The Gateway is just a link to Amazon on my site. You can buy whatever you want once you get there. Of course I've taken the liberty of making a few recommendations, but really, it's all up to you.

Now what's good about this, besides not having to physically be in any retail environment in December, is that 5% of everything you buy is credited back to me, and I give it all to Project Angel Food. So just by going to Amazon through my link, you help a very worthy organization deliver excellent food to people living with AIDS. That's nice isn't it? Yes, it is.

This time of year, I especially enjoy looking at some of the fascinating things you people have bought through my Gateway. Of course, I can't see who you are, but it does my heart good to know that someone who visits this site had a need for this.

How the Other Half Shops

The other day, I went Christmas shopping with Mick. I had a gift card for Neiman Marcus, so we decided to have lunch in the Mariposa room downstairs.

Really, having lunch there is still just about my favorite thing to do. Nothing beats throwing back a couple of cocktails in the afternoon and watching the parade of plastic surgery disasters. It's the reason for the season.

All the usual suspects were there: The Perpetually Surprised Browlift Lady, The Older Gay Man with the Multiple Facelifts, and of course, the Recently Peeled.

It would have been pleasure enough there, but the day was about to get even better. Seated directly behind us were Vanna White, her ex-husband and their young son. It was so Currier and Ives. I especially enjoyed the father berating the boy for not being a good reader.

The glamour continued as we exited the store, and saw a hunched over man with an enormous head shuffling down the street. As luck would have it, the gargoyle turned out to be Larry King, and the day was complete. Or so we thought.

Moments later, as we strolled down Rodeo Drive, we came upon a gaggle of about 50 photographers huddled outside of Gucci.

As we approached, I overheard a papparazzi on the phone: “Oh, we're just waiting for Paris Hilton to come out of Gucci”. Well, who isn't?

Lo and behold, out came Ms. Hilton in a Juicy track suit, chattering away like a Gibbon on her jewel encrusted cell phone. It was like magic, if magic were like a extra-strength laxative.

The group desended on her, cameras inches from her face as she walked down the street and spoke on the phone at the same time - something I did not know she could do.

Eventually she ducked into the Guess store, which was very weird, as her face is all over their windows. You would think she could get that shit for free.

So there you have it. A trifecta of grade z celebs, my absolute favorites.

If only we'd seen Melissa Gilbert. That would have been a Christmas.