April Winchell

Possible Star SIghting

I don't know if this is really possible, but I could swear I saw Mary Kay and Villi at Bloomingdale's yesterday.

I was walking around looking for cheap dishes, when I saw two people who looked remarkably like the happy couple, arguing with a clerk about returning some wedding gifts.

It was better than seeing Monica Lewinski and Shannen Doherty at Barney's. That was a very special moment, as you can imagine. But this… this was almost magical, like seeing a unicorn.

The whole thing was a little overwhelming. I got very lightheaded and thought I might crap my pants. Kind of like a Zelnorm user.

Of course, it's very likely that I did not, in fact, see Mr. and Mrs. Fualaau, but some other recently married couple comprised of an older white woman and a much younger Samoan man. Hell, I'm sure that shit happens all the time. Middle aged white woman gets herself a little tropical fever and it's poi for everyone, if you know what I'm saying. And I hope you do, because I don't.

So if you happen to know where Vil and Mare were yesterday, and it wasn't Bloomingdale's in Century City, do me a favor and don't tell me. I've had enough disappointments lately.

Schlock and Roll

Longtime ex-listener Gina from Boston recently emailed me some tracks from the new Paul Anka CD, Rock Swings. It's probably the meanest thing anyone has done to me since junior high.

In a nutshell, Anka has reworked a handful of rock songs with a swing sound, resulting in the kind of music one might kill themselves to.

While the overall experience of listening to this CD is soul killing, one very positive thing did come out of it. I now have enough putrid covers of "Teen Spirit" to start a new category in the Multimedia section. Look for it in the next couple of days.

In the meantime, take a moment to enjoy the terror of Paul's version, simply by clicking here. You can thank me if you survive.

By the way, now that this is an actual category, I am actively looking for more covers to add. If you know of any that are heinous enough to hold their own, please fill me in.

Enter and Sign In, Please

Well, if you missed last Wednesday's performance of What's My Line at the Acme Comedy Theatre, you missed a perfectly fabulous evening.

My fellow panelists included Debra Wilson from MADTV, and the lovely Andy Dick. I'd never met Mr. Dick before (he likes being called that, it turns out) and I have to say, he was an absolute doll.

And he's a smart bastard too, I'll tell you that. I got on a roll with a guest, and got about 12 questions in a row correctly. I figured out that she was a musician, played a wind instrument she could carry, and that it was an unusual instrument not found in a typical orchestra. At that point I totally hit a wall and couldn't think of anything. I had to pass to Andy, who immediately asked if she played the bagpipes. And he was RIGHT! I still don't know how he did it.

Then came the celebrity mystery guest. We all put our blindfolds on (I love that the girls' blindfolds have pearls glued on them), and asked our questions. We figured out that it was a female actress, best known for her role on a 70's TV show, but that's as far as we got.

It turned out to be none other than this woman. And the crowd went wild.