April Winchell

Thyroid Not Taken

Well kids, this may well be my last post for a week or so. I'm going in for surgery on Thursday, and I don't think I'll be feeling real bloggy for a while.

I'd like to thank all of you who have written and sent good wishes. You have flooded me with optimism, and it has helped more than you will ever know.

As you might expect, all of this has left me a little reflective lately. And I can say that I've learned a few interesting things from this experience. Would you like me to share them with you?

Yes, I think you would.

1. YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUMP

Some of you know that I have been seeing someone very special. Many of those closest to me have seen fit to give me two words of advice: "Be Careful". I have no fucking idea what that means.

There is no way to be vulnerable and careful at the same time. Feeling anything halfway will not spare you anything later. It will only diminish your experience now.

2. FUCK FEAR

You cannot help but think about your shelf life when your doctor says "cancer".

Don't get me wrong. I don't think I'm going anywhere. But if the worst happened, and I was looking at a shorter life than I had envisioned for myself, could I say I used it wisely?

In some ways, I could. But in other, more personal and important ways, I could not.

I spent a lot of years being isolated and unhappy. I made Herculean efforts to be left alone. I rarely grabbed for my heart's desire, but instead lived a series of highly lucrative and successful contingency plans.

I made these choices because I was afraid. And when you add up a lifetime of choices made from fear and not from joy, you have a bloodless result.

3. SPEND YOUR MONEY

I had a neighbor named Sam some years ago. An elderly man who I adored, and made my adopted Grandpa.

Sam did not have air conditioning. He didn't want to spend the money, because it was hs son's inheritance. Year after year he sweltered in that house. He would not budge.

Some years later, his wife had a stroke. Even though Sam was in his 80's, he took care of her until she died. He refused to hire a nurse, because he didn't want to spend his son's inheritance.

Eventually, Sam died. His house was sold, and all his money went to his son. He paid off his gambling debts with it.

Sam worked his whole life for that.

You don't know how long you're here. Do not dream about seeing Europe some day. Go now. Do not save champagne. It goes bad. Champagne is ready now. Do not save the good towels for company. Wipe your ass with them.