April Winchell

Star Sighting

I had a star sighting today that was so close, so intimate and thrilling, that it might as well have been a star Sniffing.

I was at the gym, which in and of itself was not a pleasant experience. It has been about a week and a half since I was there last, and the first time since my surgery. I could not believe how weak I felt after being away for such a short time. I was so winded walking the five blocks up there, that I actually had to sit down before I could work out.

So I was on the treadmill, grunting like Kirstie Alley trying to put on a pair of nylons, when a man walked up and put a magazine on the treadmill next to mine. I instantly tensed up, because I hate it when people work out next to me. For Christ's sake, there's a treadmill over there. Use that one.

I could see from the corner of my eye that there was something a little off about this guy, which made me even more uneasy. He was wearing multiple sweatshirts, short pants on top of long pants and a knit stocking cap. I was not excited about working out with the Gorton's fisherman.

I decided to give him my best "Don't-Violate-My-Personal-Space" face, just to make it clear that we would not be having a conversation during our time together. I turned to him, prepared to sneer, and I realized it was Robert Downey, Jr.

I immediately averted my gaze, and focused my attention on the season finale of Celebrity Fit Club. While I half heartedly watched Jackee slim down to a sylph-like 163 pounds, I could smell Mr. Downey's muskiness gently rising in the air, and I marvelled at my good fortune.

As I dismounted, I thought about saying something to him. I just read in a magazine that he got married last weekend. The article reprinted the menu, so I even knew what they ate.

I toyed with the idea of "Hey Bob, how was that sorbet trio?", but I decided a simple, "Congratulations" might be classy. So I gathered up my belongings and turned to him.

Before I could speak, he looked at me, and I saw it.

It was his "Don't-Violate-My-Personal-Space" face.