April Winchell

Day Three: The Crisis Continues

In case I haven't driven this whole cancer thing into the dirt, let's talk about it some more.

I take medication every day to compensate for what my recently departed thyroid used to do. The meds regulate my hormones, so I don't feel like I'm having PMS while coming off of crystal meth. They give me a metabolism, so I don't gain weight from Certs. They keep my skin from drying up and my hair from falling out, giving me that sort of Joan Rivers glamour that's so hot among cadavers this year.

In short, without the medication and without the thyroid, I'm fucked.

In preparation for radiation treatment on the 14th, I have to stop taking my meds for two weeks. It's been three days. Ergo, I'm fucked.

They told me I would start to feel sick after about three days, but it actually kicked in much sooner. I've been really headachey since Saturday, and yesterday, the melancholy started creeping in.

I just get so overwhelmingly sad about such stupid shit, and to make it worse, I'm accutely aware of how stupid I am. So not only am I sad, I'm mad at myself for being sad. And then I feel guilty for being such a pain in the ass, and I'm just sure that anyone who ever loved me is going to get so exhausted by me that they disappear forever. So it's a great place to be.

The good news is, It's only day three! I've got all of October to ride this train! Yee ha!

And there's a new development. Last night, I started to notice that I was getting a little hoarse. I didn't really worry about it too much, but this morning I have virtually no voice at all. Good for everyone around me, not so good for me. I was supposed to record a new batch of Mercedes Benz of Beverly Hills commercials this afternoon. So I'm a little stressed about that, because like all of life's luxuries, cancer is expensive, and I need the money.

Of course, none of this compares to the excitement of the "Iodine Free" diet I'm on for three weeks. Since iodine or iodized products are in virtually everything we eat (salt, flour, soy, eggs, dairy, etc.), I'm left with about four things to get wildly creative with: