April Winchell

I’m talking to you

Okay, so first things first.

I will be on with Mr. KABC tomorrow from 9:00 to midnight, and I am bringing music with me that is so frightening, it defies description. If you plan to listen to the show, put the cats outside to protect the drapes.

Among the important topics I’ll be covering are the steadily decreasing intelligence of people who work for the airlines, why you shouldn’t talk to people in waiting rooms, how to eat fried foods exclusively for 6 weeks and dear sweet Jesus, how much do I hate Verizon?

Tune to KABC AM 790 at 9:00 PM, or listen to live streaming here.

So now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about some other crap.

First of all, I have some eBay auctions up. It seems like a good time, since I’m moving in a few weeks (details on that tomorrow night) and would like to bring less crap with me. And moving is always expensive, so a few extra bucks won’t hurt.

So far, everything is moving along pretty well, with one horrific exception: no one is bidding on the souvenir yarmulke from Roseanne and Tom Arnold’s wedding.

Does that make sense? None of you people want to own that and display it proudly in your own home?

I don’t even know you anymore.

All right, let’s just move on, because I’m so disappointed I’m close to tears, and damn it, I don’t want to cry today.

I just got back from a trip to Boston with my wonderful boyfriend. We were there for New Year’s Eve and my birthday and it was amazing. Walking around in the snow like that, with scarves and everything, all in love and shit, well it was just like Love Story. Except with thyroid cancer and not whatever the hell it was that Ali McGraw got.

Boston Gina, long time ex-listener and mastermind behind Snark City, was kind enough to take John and I out for my birthday on the 4th. We went to a place called Jasper White’s Summer Shack, which is sort of an indoor clambake. How great is that? It’s snowing outside, and the guy is making fried clams and corn dogs. This is the way to live.

Anyway, somehow or other, the Boston Herald picks this up as a story, and actually reports it in their gossip section.

Okay, so a few questions.

First, how did Gina become my personal assistant? Why is this newsworthy? And most importantly, who gives a rat’s ass? Who the hell am I? I’m not even on the radar in Los Angeles, who cares what I’m doing in Boston?

The important thing is, I’m working on something for you.

I’m adding a new section to the site that I think you’ll like. I’ve been getting lots of requests for this sort of thing, and I hope to have it up and running in a week or less. It depends how much time I have to put against it with the move coming up and everything. We’ll see.

In the meantime, here are 5 web sites that have my complete attention at the moment.

Buy some body parts
Who do you look like?
Sex doll polaroids
The best stuffed animals ever
Tony and me