April Winchell

Pictures

WARNING: NSFW

It all started this morning when longtime ex-listener Dennis directed my attention to a web site called Bedazzled TV.

I don't mind telling you that I was immediately smitten. Who wouldn't love vintage TV show clips of duets by Robert Blake and Gavin Macleod? Or shots on the set of Jerry Lewis' holocaust comedy, "The Day The Clown Cried"? And I squealed when I scrolled down and saw the Orson Wells clips I posted on this site a few days ago. Truly, we are sympatico.

But the whole thing just rocketed into the stratosphere when I saw a clip of Telly Savalas singing "If" on The Dinah Shore show. Holy Jesus.Now, some of you may know that his rendition is about my favorite piece of "music" in the world. I proudly feature it on this site in the Multimedia section, and have played it on the radio many, many times. So you can imagine my delight at finally getting to see him perform it. On Dinah, no less.

It is horrible. I mean, really, really horrible. First of all, there's her stupid set, which is all white wicker and fake plants, and she's looking over at him lovingly while he talk sings - wait, I mean, LIP SYNCHS the damn thing. He actually lip synchs, can you believe it? It's talking and he can't do it live.

But wait

Here's the excellent part. The part that almost made me pee a little.

He's smoking.

Oh man, that is some high quality shit right there. And the most wonderful thing happens - he smokes at the wrong time, when he's supposed to be talking. It's just glorious.

So after I recovered from that, I scrolled down some more and came upon a link to a site called Plan 59.

I cannot really put into words what this site did to me. I was just filled with joy and wonder for hours. This is the most wonderful collection of images I've seen in a long time, and thankfully, they make many of them available as prints. The little thumbnail up there of the sodas was stolen from them, which I'm not supposed to do, but I'm giving them a big plug here, so whatever. Plus I bought a pantload of prints from them. Ask me if I feel guilty.

Speaking of fabulous images, here are some shots of Paris Hilton giving a guy a blow job.

It's wonderful, isn't it? I wonder if this was taken on the same day. Maybe the girl in front is thinking about how she hopes to grow up and conquer her gag reflex. too.

Isn't she great? What a role model. Look how happy those kids are just to be in the same room as a walking vagina with a trust fund. Macy's should be really proud for setting this one up. Maybe they can come out with Paris Hilton jewelry for little girls. "My First Pearl Necklace."

Speaking of pictures of whores, here's a shot of Lindsay Lohan's tit hanging out at a press event.

This was sent to me by longtime ex-listener Kevin, who seemed less interested in her cans than the condition of her skin. True, she does look like a 78 year old woman in Boca Raton, but who knows what the fashion is these days. Kevin suggests the leather seats in his 30 year old car are in better condition, but then, they probably don't do as much coke.

New Advertiser!

Take a look over there to the left and you'll see a new ad from a great company called Cerebral Itch. They make fantastically funny greeting cards and T-shirts, and they've decided to advertise right here! I guess they knew my readers would be starved for comedy.

I'm crazy about their Intervention line, but the Retro Crap line is pretty funny too.

Go take a look, and if you buy something, tell them I sent you. I don't think he believes anyone reads my site.

Sound

Tomorrow night, 10:00 to 1:00, I'll be on with Mr. KABC on AM 790 Talk Radio. Note the time change; he's on an hour later now, for reasons that are not abundantly clear to anyone.

Tomorrow we'll be talking about my three latest celebrity sightings - all within 48 hours and 3 blocks of my apartment! We'll be talking about a new diet that Mr. KABC and I are about to go on together. I'll do my imitation of Heidi Klum. And I'll speculate that Deborah Messing was on the season finale of Project Runway because not enough gay men were watching.

Tune to AM 790, or listen to live streaming here.