MySpace
I was looking around on MySpace this morning, and or some reason or other I wound up on Tom's page.
For those of you not familiar with Tom, he's the creator of MySpace. When you join, Tom's picture appears your first "friend",but it's just generated by the system. He's not your friend, and he never will be.
However, there are 67,205,261 people on Tom's friend list, and many of them seem to think they actually are friends with Tom. And that's just plain sad.
Sadder still are the people who want him to look at their page and figure out why their html isn't showing up. Like that's his job.
I decided to browse through some of the 779,913 comments left on Tom's page, just to see what Tom's closest friends have to say about the guy. These comments seem to fall into three categories:
Clearly I didn't have time to read all 16,000 pages of comments, but I did isolate a handful from the last few days that amused me.
On The Radio
I'll be on the radio tonight live with Mr. KABC.
We'll be talking about lots of important things, like how Cindy Sheehan's speaking voice sounds like a 16 year old girl at The Gap, how cookies can make you lose weight, and the shocking realization that liberal talk radio is just as stupid as conservative talk radio
It's been a big week.
Tune to KABC AM 790 from 10:00 PM to 1:00 AM, or listen online with live streaming by clicking here.
Dog Boners
I have a new hobby.
You're going to be dismayed, but I've started baking my own dog biscuits. I call them "Dog Boners".
I know that's feeble and sad, but let's face it, I lost my edge a long time ago.
This all started because our dog Mac developed the most persistent diarrhea imaginable a few weeks after we bought her, and nothing could make that stuff firm up. I mean, we tried everything.
Eventually, we hit upon the mouthwatering combination of oatmeal and turkey. Sounds delicious, doesn't it? I can just see Wilford Brimley sitting down to a big old bowl of that, pouring gravy all over it. Mmmm.
Anyway, this seems to be working perfectly. We now get big girl turds that are a joy to pick up.
The only drawback is that Mac wasn't getting any treats. Every dog snack has stuff in it that would just restart that bad cycle of pancake batter craps all over the patio, and I for one, am just not up to it.
But it's impossible not to give her something because she's just so unbearably cute. It's painful to deny her anything. She gets up on her hind legs and puts her little paws on you and gives you that Ed Begley, Jr. face, and you're just done.
So I went online and found a bunch of recipes for dog biscuits. I adpated one so that there was nothing in it but oatmeal, eggs, flour, water and garlic. I experimented with cooking times and shapes and sizes and finally figured it out, so now I have it down to a science.
The good thing about it (besides Mac getting treats that don't make her shoot molten dog feces from her ass) is that the baking itself is really satisfying because of my new diet.
You see, Mr. KABC and I have been on a diet for two weeks. We've been testing out a potential sponsor, to see if we liked their diet and believed in it enough to endorse it, and it turns out we do. We'll be talking about it on the show tonight.
It is a very spare program (I lost 8 and a half pounds the first week, which should tell you something). There isn't a lot of cooking and eating, I can tell you that. So the very act of mixing something in a bowl and baking it in the oven is incredibly comforting.
And it doesn't hurt that the end result is a pan full of garlic-oatmeal blobs that I wouldn't eat at gunpoint.
But Mac is happy.
That white blur is her tail, which is moving too fast to be photographed.
Yes, that is a bottle of Barbra Streisand wine on the counter.
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