Does Kevin Federline really think America hates him because he defiled "our queen"? Britney Spears? Our queen? I don't know about you but I always thought Oprah was our queen.
I watch a lot of television. I mean, a lot. When the power goes out for an extended period of time, I start to look like Jim in The Basketball Diaries. So because of this, I see a lot of commercials and sweet Jesus, most of them just suck. There are a few good ones, like the Geico Cavemen, the Men of the Square Table, the AMEX commercial with Ellen and the animals but by and large they're just awful so I've decided that some of them just need to go. If you're on this list, sorry but it's better than being on my TV.
Kay Jewelers: Every kiss begins with Kay? You can almost hear the conversation that went on in the boardroom when this commercial was conceived. A bunch of really evil, men-hating harpies…"I know! Let's tell them they ain't gettin' any unless they cough up the jewels." "Yeah and the bigger the diamond, the bigger we'll LET them think their dick is!" Laughter all around.
Boniva: Sally Fields has a friend who…I hope you're sitting down…has to put aside time every week to take her osteoperosis pills. Oh, the humanity!! How long does it take to swallow a pill? Ten or fifteen seconds, including gulping the water? I take four pills every morning and somehow I'm able to soldier through the rest of my day. What the hell is Sally's friend taking? It's the same with the people bitching that they have to remember to take a daily pill to get rid of their herpes or STD du jour. Hey, you had enough time to get the itchies, so just take your pill and shut up.
Domino's Pizza: Fudge 'ems? Seriously? I'm sorry, there's just something creepy about a little girl hugging something that looks like a walking turd.
The Gap: Audrey Hepburn, AC/DC and The Gap. In what world do these three things possibly go together?
Dunkin' Donuts: Every single freakin' one of them. If you live on the East Coast, you know why. Three words: alarm clock catastrophe.
Chevy: "From the East Coast…to the West Coast…". If you've watched any football this season, you've heard this commercial. Every eight god damned seconds.
And now it's time for the unholy trio…
Overstock.com: That woman is like nails on a chalkboard. "Is the Big O part of your day?" No, because my man didn't begin his kiss with Kay. And the insipid Christmas commercial with her strolling through the merry neighborhood and singing with the boys. If ever there was a need for a large patch of ice.
Nutrisystem: "This is a two!" Dear sweet mother of God, how I loathe this woman. Her squeaky tone of voice, her whining about her struggles when she was a size four, just everything about her. Look, I have nothing against skinny people. Some of my best friends are skinny people. But this broad makes me want to start hunting them for sport.
Leptopril: This commercial has the distinct honor of making me throw my remote across the room every time it's on. Here, take a look at an abbreviated version.
"If you're significantly overweight, you've probably seen this commercial." What the hell does that mean? Do skinny people get a different commercial? It doesn't make any sense. What do they get to see that the fat people don't?
It's probably a jewelry commercial, isn't it?
Is there a commercial that drives you absolutely batshit? Speak up! Let it out. You'll feel much better.
0 responses so far ↓
There are no comments yet...Kick things off by filling out the form below.
You must log in to post a comment.