April Winchell

I hate those ads. I really do.

I have nothing against condoms, you understand. They protect you from disease and unwanted celebrity pregnancies, and I think it’s a fine message to get out there.

I just don’t think that’s the message these ads are delivering. The TV ads, anyway.

The commercials focus on a woman in a bar, being hit on by a procession of pigs. Actual pigs,with curly tails and hooves. She’s unimpressed, until one pig scurries to the bathroom and buys a condom. When he returns, he’s been transformed into a handsome man. So I guess that means she fucks him.

See, that’s a little different. That’s not saying that having sex with someone you trust naturally includes condoms, because that’s about respect.

No this is something less than that, since this is a woman looking to get laid in a bar.

She’s not looking for intimacy or connection. She’s just trying to pick some guy to go back to her studio apartment and smoke that roach she’s been saving. So really, no one has any self respect at all.

As a pale substitute, the campaign offers up condoms as a social grace. It’s all about manners, and having a condom handy is like knowing which fork to use. By simply going to the men’s room and buying one out of a vending machine, you’re Prince Harry.

Is this really all it takes now?

Now, I’m not saying that a man should have to spend money to bed you. That’s more my mom’s generation. She grew up in a time when women expected men to buy them jewelry for a handjob. And while I certainly could use a new watch, that’s never been my style.

That being said, shouldn’t a man offer you something before you sleep with him? Something more than just a condom?

Or do we really want to suggest that a man with a condom is a better partner, regardless of who he is?

Memo to Trojan: You can put a condom on a pig and it’ll still be a pig.