Well, can you?
Go on, take a big deep breath.
Smell it yet?
Know what that is?
That, my friends, is excitement.
That’s right. Pure, unfiltered excitement. It’s a little like burning hair, with just a touch of wet dog. But that could just be my office.
The point is, things are really getting good now. I am dead serious. No more disappearing for weeks and then farting out some crusty blog about seeing Daisy Fuentes at the dry cleaner. No, we’re not playing that game anymore. We are in it to win it, people.
Ring ring!
Sorry! I can’t pick that up because I’m not phoning it in.
Let’s talk about the mp3 library. Let’s start there, because I did.
All right, so a couple of years ago, when I was dead broke and I thought I’d have to close down this little outpost of mediocrity, I was advised to re-encode all my mp3s at lower bitrates so I could save money. Smaller files mean less bandwidth, and that means smaller hosting bills.
So I did that. And you complained bitterly.
Well not you personally, but I see complaints here and there . Like this one.
Ok, maybe that’s just an observation and not really a complaint. Whatever. Let’s not make this all about Lukas, because we’ll be here all day.
What I’m getting at is this. When I changed the site over, I had to completely redo my mp3 library. Everything had to be moved and renamed since nothing was on the same server. So it occurred to me that this would be an excellent time to swap out those crappy mp3s that Lukas loves to bitch about, and put up them big fat ones you like so much! How about that?
And I’ll tell you what else I did. I added more mp3s to the library! Stuff I’ve been hoarding, stuff I’ve been saving, stuff you’ve begged me to post, stuff you’ve begged me not to! It’s all here, people.
Here then, are the mp3s I have just finished uploading to the library:
Espiritu Adolescente (Tango Teen Spirit cover)
Get the Feel of the Wheel of a Ford (from the Ford Pavilion at the 1964 World’s Fair)
Nobody Can Do it Like McDonalds Can (Flexi-Disc sent to franchisees announcing 1979 ad campaign)
Pepsi is for Swingers! (Mel Torme)
Ancient Chinese Secret (Calgon)
Bounty - The Quicker Picker Upper (Nancy Walker)
Good Morning, World (Levis)
Candy Clusters (Kraft)
Things Go Better With Coca-Cola (The 5th Dimension)
1978 ABC Promo (Ernie Anderson)
Show Me That Smile Again (Growing Pains) Acapella
Meet the Flintstones (Dots Will Echo) Beautiful piano version
You Can Count on Me (Hawaii 5-0) Sammy Davis, Jr.
Love is All Around (Mary Tyler Moore) Sammy Davis, Jr.
Theme from Quincy (with lyrics)
Mario Brothers Theme Acapella (Unknown)
Mario Brothers Theme Concerto (Unknown)
Thought for Today (Ceasar Romero)
Good Taste Tip on: Dating courtesy (The Shangri-Las)
Good Taste Tip on: Gift receiving (The Shangri-Las)
Welcome to my Fan Club (David Cassidy)
Learn to Take Dictation (instructional recording)
Train Your Parakeet (From Hartz Mountain)
We Love You, Call Collect (Art and Diane Linkletter)
Mike Tyson press conference
Let Brittney Spears leave your outgoing message
Shut the Fuck Up (Streisand) Barbra’s outburst during a concert, remixed by Revo Lucian
Ann Coulter Remix (all of Ann Coulter’s stammers from a 20 minute phone interview)
Tom Cruise Comes Out (remix)
I Feel Good (Dictionaraoke)
I Wanna Be Sedated (Dictionaraoke)
Happy Birthday from Stephen Hawking (A piece I made for Mr. K’s 40th birthday show)
Moon Landing Re-Mix (Unknown)
Growin’ Inside Me (Sylvester Stallone)
Chihuahua Choo Choo (Ricardo Montalban)
Turn Me Loose on Broadway (Bette Davis)
There’s a Tavern in the Town (Wally Cox)
As Time Goes By (Lorne Greene)
Razmatazz (John Travolta) Post-sweathog, pre-Xenu
Ruby (Walter Brennan)
What Ever Happened to Women? (Mr. Blackwell)
What is Love? (Anthony Quinn)
The Raven (Christopher Walken)
You Don’t Bring Me Flowers (Liberace)
Desiderata (Leonard Nimoy)
Sweet Transvestite (Rocky Horror) Icelandic cast
Oh Mein Papa (Bjork)
Fun, Fun, Fun (French)
Jive Talking (Chinese)
Wouldn’t it Be Nice (Swedish) Sung by Frida from Abba
Bruce Lee Rap (Chinese)
Paul Moyer and Ann Martin (A nasty spat just before the news goes live)
Haunted Mansion (the original recording session)
Marlon Brando badmouthing Burt Reynolds on the set of Guys and Dolls
Jack Palance (they asked him for one take too many)
Alec Baldwin (Father of the Year)
Joan Rivers losing her shit on a BBC show
Day Tripper (Swingle Singers)
Within, Without (Anthony Newley) Intro by Tony Randall
Hard Day’s Night (Goldie Hawn)
Hard Day’s Night (Count Basie)
Hey Jude (Assagi) (5.26 MB)
Hey Jude (Edmundo Ros And His Orchestra)
NEW MP3 CATEGORY: COMPLETELY FUCKING AWFUL
I’ll Always Love You (Demo)
Joy to the World (Unknown)
My Life (Bjorn Thor Karlsson)
She Loves Another, I Cry (Unknown)
You Needed Me (Demo given to me by a guy who sold me some lamps)
The Joy of the Lord (Tammy Faye)
Yes Sir, That’s My Baby (Japanese Jukebox)
Stayin’ Alive (Pan Flute)
Black Hole Sun (Steve and Eydie)
Louie, Louie (Julie London) The Narcoleptic version
Personal Jesus (Johnny Cash)
And finally…
NEW MP3 CATEGORY: PAUL WINCHELL ARCHIVE
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show 1 (14 minutes)
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show 2 (15 minutes)
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show 3 (14 minutes)
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show 4 (14 minutes)
The Paul Winchell and Jerry Mahoney Show (29 minutes) Jerry’s Birthday Bicycle
The Friendly Polka 1952 RCA Victor
When I Get Back From Vacation 1952 RCA Victor
Jack and the Beanstalk 1952 RCA Victor
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I 1952 RCA Victor
Ice Cream 1954 Decca
Colors 1954 Decca
Winchell-Mahoney Time 1954 Decca (Winchell-Mahoney Time theme)
Friends, Friends, Friends 1954 Decca (Winchell-Mahoney Time closing song)
Knick Knack Band 1954 Decca
Anything You Can Do 1957 RCA Victor
When You Come to the End of a Lollipop 1961 Epic
Soft Drinks in Cans (Part 1) 1962 US Steel
Soft Drinks in Cans (Part 2) 1962 US Steel
Soft Drinks in Cans (Part 3) 1962 US Steel
Tracks from Chips of Wisdom; a very creepy album my dad made in the 60’s with Jerry Mahoney:
Eyes (You see, Joe has NO EYES!)
Wisdom (You see, our teacher has NO HANDS!)
Home (You see, Johnny Smith has NO MONEY!)
Mary Smith (You see, Mary Smith has NO PARENTS! AND SHE ISN’T PRETTY!)
Distinguished (The damn puppet saves a kid from a vicious dog and my dad still isn’t impressed)
Happiness (Nobody’s happy, get over it)
Stop That Pigeon! (Dick Dastardly) Theme from CBS animated series, Dick Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines
How do you like that? That’s just for starters, people, because I am not fucking around this time. Oh no!
Nothing can stop me now. Nothing!
I’m going to bed.
Blow it out your ass, Lukas.
16 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Aug 19, 2007 at 11:26 pm
Yeah! Lukas sucks!
2 Amorte // Aug 19, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Man, busy girl!
The new site looks nice.
BTW.. when are those duffs at KTLK going to offer you your own show!
Inglorious bastards!!!
3 Solonor // Aug 20, 2007 at 4:42 am
My God! If all it takes is a little half-hearted whining to get you to mount up a mountain of marvelous mp3 mashed potatoes on our plates, imagine what we could do with a concerted effort!!
Fortunately for you, I’m too lazy for a concerted anything beyond breathing and sleeping at the same time (and that’s pushing it). So, I’ll just thank ye for the downloads and ask someone to pass the gravy.
4 steve // Aug 20, 2007 at 5:34 am
April, you’ve always been a giver. you’re just a big warm hug of giving. give, give, give, that’s April. I know you’ve been working your mouse to its proverbial bone, but there are two songs from recent radio shows that bring my day to a screeching halt: That’s Why I’m Dumping You, Bitch and The Colors of the Wind. A fully liberated, full-quality version of each of these (with artist credit?) would just be a gift that keeps on giving. I’m reminded of a quote, “Sometimes when God gives us a gift, He forgets to wrap it.”
5 steve // Aug 20, 2007 at 5:47 am
yeah, me again. I was looking for the “email my tired ass” link that was on the now long-forgotten “old” site, and I don’t see it. so I’ll post this here for all to see. Thank God there wasn’t “anyone famous was involved in the accident”. You know, just some anonymous German extras, one of whom was seriously hurt and had to remain in hospital. But nobody famous.
6 Doug // Aug 20, 2007 at 6:56 am
Lukas, you bastich, I’m jealous. After all, bad press is better than no press, right?
Grrr.
7 wills7577 // Aug 20, 2007 at 10:56 am
God bless you April, you are truly doing the Lord’s work!
8 jasonthegreat // Aug 20, 2007 at 12:38 pm
April’s a lot like my neglectful parents. Once they start giving me the attention I beg for, I don’t know what to do.
Right now I’m happier than a seventeen year old Mindy Cohn at Souplantation.
9 paper-hat // Aug 20, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Now with some of that ‘Forever Krystle’ Lucas- can really break in on that Tuesday night orgy and raise the excitement up even higher?
me, i am going to listen to the new Mp3’s with my love…
and it will really be orgiastic…
p.s.
April Winchell is a saint!
Saint April
10 paper-hat // Aug 20, 2007 at 7:57 pm
oops from above….. Lucas-/Lukas, on that/his!
Lucas- that could be the guy wearing the Krystle bottle above… who is that guy really?
11 Saddle Magic // Aug 20, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Woo Hoo!
12 JohnnyQuest // Aug 20, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Oh, April, how we love thee…
Thanks for all the new MP3 goodness!
13 paper-hat // Aug 20, 2007 at 8:56 pm
awhhhh!… could it be the ghost of Rock Hudson?…
14 jim // Aug 20, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Get this girl a bucket of crushed ice for her poor dainty mouse-hand!
GADZOOKS … it’s a cheese-gasm!
Mind if I floss?
The world can start to be a better place now. Hope is alive & well again. All it took was a Chinese version of “Jive Talking” … I see a light at the end of the tunnel. There’s also a noise - like a waterfall, but louder.
15 davidhazard71 // Aug 20, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Love what you’ve done to the place. I’m glad your going to be around. heck I’m still laughing from the other post of Beatles Rive….
David
16 Dylan // Aug 21, 2007 at 12:22 am
Thanks for the effort, Ms. Winchell.
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