I know you were thinking that it’s all about archives now, and I’m not going to be doing anything new. I’m sure that’s what you were thinking, because you’re like that. Plus I heard you guys talking before.
Well forget that. Because I’m introducing a brand new feature today!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you this week’s HOLLYWOOD ROUND-UP!
How do you like it so far?
All right, so maybe I don’t have everything worked out yet.
The important thing is that I have a graphic, and that’s a start. So here we go.
Shia LeBeouf and Rihanna are dating.
Despite rocketing to fame with starring roles in Transformers and Indiana Jones 4, few people have thought to make fun of Shia’s last name, which literally means, The Meat.
Rihanna, on the other hand, is best known for singing “ella ella ella ella la la la.”
In a related story, Totes has entered into a marketing deal with the singer and is now featuring Rihanna Umbrellas (or umber-ellas las las) on their web site.
Welcome to hell.
Hella hella hella la la la.
Owen Wilson attempted suicide.
Frankly, I’m shocked this didn’t happen a long time ago. Just watching a Kate Hudson movie makes me want to jump out of a building. I can’t imagine actually waking up with her.
And please, someone, anyone, call CPS and get that fucking kid of hers a haircut. This has gotten way out of hand.
Cock and ball torture.
Britney Spears to open the MTV Video Music Awards.
Britney has teamed up with Criss “Mind Freak” Angel to create an opening number for the VMAs. Insiders say the number will be “shocking”.
Please.What can she do now? She’s already shaved her head, showed us her cooter and had about 12 hit and run accidents.
Hey Britney, you really want to shock us? Put the Red Bull down and feed your kids.
Dancing With the Stars cast announced.
In the most exciting entertainment news story since, well, this one, the new cast of Dancing With the Stars was announced on Good Morning America Wednesday.
Joining Wayne Newton and Marie Osmond are Sabrina Bryan, Josie Maran, Cameron Mathison, Albert Reed and Mark Cuban, making this the fifth consecutive season that no actual stars have been involved in the production.
8 responses so far ↓
1 paper-hat // Aug 30, 2007 at 8:00 pm
The cooter girl could just put one of those janet nipple star things over the love button down town with some see through undies…
Western civ. needs another shot in the arm, yes, yes, oh yes!
2 Rogue of the Celestial Night // Aug 30, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Brit feeding her kids may be reaching too high, maybe just wearing underwear would be sufficient enough to shock us.
3 MLW // Aug 30, 2007 at 9:07 pm
The really scary thing is that you didn’t make any of this up!
4 Schlemer K. // Aug 30, 2007 at 9:42 pm
The Burning Man’s never ever had any wooden Kishka! so show the Mr. WoodCock movie next time around, that way the when the early burner’s get those urges they could …. no, wait, the man on fire really needs a big barbie!, and, HEY, little Britney you got nothin on this BABE!
5 Syr Paine // Aug 31, 2007 at 1:46 pm
One umbrella ella ella la la with her name on it.
Possible translation: One hit wonder.
Is Le Beef thinking with his other fella ella ella la la?
Maybe it’s just the booze…
6 wills7577 // Aug 31, 2007 at 6:22 pm
I hate to be a grammer prick, but “LeBeouf” translates to “The Beef.” “The meat” would be “La Viande”.
Please forgive me, I just could not help myself. I have this compulsion to correct people. From when I have you heard speek french on Mr K, yours is far better than mine.
7 April // Aug 31, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Wills, you are absolutely right. I stand corrected.
8 Bitsey // Sep 2, 2007 at 9:24 am
If Owen Wilson can’t make a go of this life, what hope is there for any of the rest of us?
You must log in to post a comment.