One of my loyal readers sent me a link to another show being done by The Miracle Theater Company.
In case you were reading something else for the last few days, I should tell you that The Miracle Theater Company is a Christian theater in Pigeon Forge, which cranks out a hackneyed passion play complete with live goats and crapping donkeys every week.
But I like to think of them as the good folks who threw 110K at USA Today to promote their “petition” against Kathy Griffin.
Ordinarily, a Christian organization – particularly one that actually uses the bible as a moneymaker – might have given that money to poor people in the community, or perhaps fund some sort of program for the homeless or underprivileged kids.
But that’s not the Miracle way. You can’t just do good things if no one’s going to give you any press! Those seats aren’t going to fill themselves, you know. And have you priced hay lately?
In any case, The Miracles have another show running, I guess on the off nights, when the goats need a break.
It’s called The Triumphant Quartet, and it’s apparently a concert of gospel music, otherwise known as a 2 hour sleeping pill.
But something about their web site seemed wrong.
What could it be?
Got it yet? I numbered it for you to help you out.
More archived shows
There are four more shows in the archives, including the most recent show from Sunday:
- KFI – July 7, 2001
- KABC – July 8, 2005
- KABC – June 10, 2005
- KTLK – September 23, 2007
Many thanks to longtime ex-listener SoCalFKK for recording the show, editing it and sending it to me. He’s been doing this sort of thing for me for a long time now. In fact, I only have some of these shows because of him.
Weirdly, he turns out to be my neighbor.
And I don’t mean “neighbor” as in, he also lives in Los Angeles, I mean “neighbor” as in, he lives across the street from me.
I have been offering to buy him a cup of coffee at the Coffee Bean down the block, but he’s being very coy. I urge all of you to post comments in this thread, pressuring him to let me buy him a God damned latte already.
68 responses so far ↓
1 JohnnyBoy // Sep 27, 2007 at 4:36 pm
SoCalFKK
You are hereby commanded to allow April to purchase you a Goddam Latte Already
SoThere
2 John Foley // Sep 27, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Yeah come on SoCalFKK! Let’s get some coffee!
I happen to love Gospel music, just so you know. I can’t explain it.
3 JohnnyBoy // Sep 27, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I like most anything if it’s done well….somehow I get the feeling they don’t
4 JohnnyBoy // Sep 27, 2007 at 4:54 pm
maybe the short guy waits in the wings until someone sings “Make-up” and then comes out with the Miraculous Powder Puff !
Weeeeeeeeeeeee !
5 djs94124 // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:16 pm
SoCalFKK, I think you are taking for granted the fact that you live right across the street from April. Sure, you’re probably thinking, “She’s right across the street, I’m sure we’ll meet at some point, but I’m really busy right now recording all these shows for her. And besides, coffee isn’t good for my ulcer”. However, in my experience, when it comes to meeting people of April’s caliber, you have to seize the moment. Be proactive! These moments are rare and fleeting. Because who knows: in five or ten years, when April makes it big, then where will you be? Standing on the corner of Regret Road and Anguish Avenue, that’s where!
I once drove 400 miles from San Francisco just to meet April, and here you are living within spitting distance! And she offered to buy you coffee, for god’s sake! I had to buy my own coffee and drink it by myself when I was down there! So please, just stop your whining and let April take you to Starbucks. It’s the least you can do for her.
6 Stretch // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:17 pm
….oooooh I just got it – took me long enough.
The last one is named Zeppo or Shemp and he doesn’t really count
7 Stretch // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:26 pm
John-
Gospel music – really?!
You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie… Gospel Music?
8 pal Jacky // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:42 pm
I own a gospel album. No, i’m not talking Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon’s ‘prairie home invasion’ though they do have the delightful ‘are you drinking with me, Jesus’ with the classic line ‘I know you can walk on water, but can you walk on this much beer’. I’m talking emmylou harris’ s ‘angel band’
Furthermore, an awful lot of my Johnny cash albums have a good share of gospel tunes.
9 jandu // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Nice picture of the choir. I like #1. He’s a cute little guy.
I like to make up little stories about people so……I think #5 is the guy who tap danced with that Senator in the men’s room. And #4 dated Patricia Heaton in high school, he put it in her butt.
10 jandu // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Oh, and SoCalFuKK……let her buy you coffee, Jesus.
11 tcotrel // Sep 27, 2007 at 5:56 pm
This page
http://www.triumphantquartet.com/group.php
explains it.
They have four singers, Lead, Tenor, Baritone, Bass. The fifth guy is the pianist.
So there.
12 paper-hat // Sep 27, 2007 at 6:03 pm
SoCalFKK, what are you waiting for? You could ask April for an autograph!!!
pull yourself together man!!!
13 John Foley // Sep 27, 2007 at 6:41 pm
@Stretch
What’s wrong with Gospel? It can be very powerful. The swelling sounds of the instruments, the extensive harmonies. It’s nice. I don’t give a hang about the subject matter. If I like a song I could care less what they’re singing about. Look at “Blitzkrieg Bop” for example, you know?
Elvis did some great Gospel recordings, and he’s the King.
Plus I spent the bulk of my formative years in the company of black Christians, and they know how to do the Gospel. I mean, come on.
14 coasterboy // Sep 27, 2007 at 6:52 pm
If you look on their web page, these guys have an upcoming date at Carnegie Hall…..bizarre!
15 coasterboy // Sep 27, 2007 at 6:54 pm
And howfitting that the Miracle theater was formally the Louise Mandrell theater. Kitch is kitch.
16 Delphi/Pythia // Sep 27, 2007 at 7:01 pm
I have summoned the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Flying Spaghetti Monster and J. R. “Bob” Dobbs of The other Church to perform with The Miracle Theater
Company!!! And Bob will perform with The Triumphant Quartet. ALL of the Gods will be derive such pleasure!
Pythia has ‘SPOKEN’…
17 JohnnyBoy // Sep 27, 2007 at 7:11 pm
I hope the first guy is the pianist
cause then they’d have a small pianist !
“formally the Louise Mandrell theater”
What is it casually?
Oh, and Artie Lange sold out Carnegie Hall just this past November
18 April // Sep 27, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Oh, I love the Mandrill Sisters!
19 DavidinBerkeley // Sep 27, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Anybody know a shortcut to get to the really old shows? I seem to have to keep clicking on the “Previous Entry” button, which takes for-freaking-ever on my 56k dialup/Windows 98/3.2 Gb computer.
20 Rogue of the Celestial Night // Sep 27, 2007 at 10:15 pm
coasterboy, why is it bizarre they are playing Carnegie Hall?
21 steve // Sep 27, 2007 at 11:04 pm
putting a photo in here with an tag seems to fail for some but work for others. it failed for me and I make websites for a living, dangit. might have something to do with putting an extra space between the closing ” and the / before the closing >. as in, blah/blah.jpg” /> vs blah/blah.jpg”/>
fellow nerds? and no fair helping, April, since you are the keeper of the back-end, if you receive my meaning.
ps — is anyone else as aquiver over the Monday Poodle finals as I am? I will not let this make me eat.
22 ibobunot // Sep 27, 2007 at 11:19 pm
SoCalFKK is printing all this out and adding it to his April shrine in the basement dungeon:-)
April, keeper of the back-end.
I like that.
23 JohnnyBoy // Sep 28, 2007 at 12:37 am
It puts the Miracle
Whip on its skin
or else it buys
the coffee again
24 bnaivar // Sep 28, 2007 at 4:09 am
Actually, they were a quartet, but one guy died, so they hired another. Three days later the first guy showed back up, so they figured they better just go with it.
I am SO going to hell for that.
25 JohnnyBoy // Sep 28, 2007 at 7:11 am
bnaivar ! Excellent theory !
According to the sign, what I’d thought was the Four Horsemen is actually the Apocalypse Trio…..obviously some sort of Jazz Combo
Time to drop yer socks , and put yer shoes away
cause we’re jazzin it up on Judgement Day
doo wah doo wah
26 jasonthegreat // Sep 28, 2007 at 8:27 am
When I first saw the picture, I simply assumed you were numbering the homosexuals.
And yes, I counted five.
27 steve // Sep 28, 2007 at 9:05 am
There are no homosexuals in the south. Just ask the homosexuals in Iran.
28 daveleb55 // Sep 28, 2007 at 9:11 am
Lessee, um, the missing Horseman of the Apocolypse (there should be four) is the extra dufus in the Quartet?
(no need to trouble yourself with all that annoying READING and COUNTING stuff, let GOD do it for you!!!)
morons
29 naughty zoot // Sep 28, 2007 at 11:51 am
Jasonthegreat- I just laughed so hard I spit coffee onto my keyboard! (I started my long undistinguished college career as a choral-vocal ed major- and you have NO IDEA how many of my male classmates got propositioned by the “Godly” choir masters at the O.C. Fundy churches where the interned. Know why they have all those “Executive” housing developments in Irvine? ALLLL that CLOSET SPACE!!!)
And dammit SoCalFKK!
April lived down the friggin’ street from me in Santa Monica, and _I_ never got so much as a Promenade Sighting!!!
TAKE THE DAMN LATTE ALREADY!!
Seriously, man, because if you’re the guy who’s been helping her post the shows all those years, you deserve it. Listening to April’s archived shows got me through post 9/11 and a crappy dead-end data job with all sorts of other craptitude raining down at the same time. You rock. I’d pay for the latte myself if it were possible.
April- if he DOESN’T take the latte- can we auction off a “SoCalFKK’s coffee with April” event to raise your yearly donations for Toys for Tots? I mean, if HE’s not gonna take you up on it, at least give the rest of a chance to prove our love!!!
30 JohnnyBoy // Sep 28, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Silence, foul temptress!
31 pal Jacky // Sep 28, 2007 at 1:23 pm
There was an ex-listener named ‘nette who vanished. We lived real close together. We would argue about which donut shop was better. I still say its ‘Donut master’ because of the half dozen creepy old men who hung out there all day. We shopped at the same market. we might still shop at the same market. Everytime I see a crazed looking women checking the expiration date on premade jello cups, I want to say ‘nette to see if its her. The point is, I missed the chance. to actually meet her face to face. Go drink the damn coffee will yeh’.
32 pal Jacky // Sep 28, 2007 at 1:38 pm
here’s a complaint, Has anyone else had problems with these ‘no whiteness’ deoderants? I’ve used Mitchum solid for years, no problem. They changed their formula and all of the sudden its grabbing hold of my arm hair and pulling it out. The pain would be tolerable if the damn stuff actually covered the pits well. I know, I should have thrown it out a month ago and gotten somehting new but I paid $4.50 for it.
33 JohnnyBoy // Sep 28, 2007 at 3:48 pm
I insist on the Mitchum Unscented liquid, no problems to report.
I agree, they did something to it, it’s like too dry or something.
I used to feel they were fairly interchangeable, but NOT NO MORE !
34 coasterboy // Sep 28, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Rogue,
It is bizarre, because most of their other upcoming gigs are in high school auditoriums and churches. With Carnegie Hall in the middle. That’s like me starring in Community Theater productions in bum fuck Iowa, and getting booked to do a 1 man show on Broadway between retreads of R&H.
Oh, and next year, the Quartet will be “blessed” to take threir ministry on the road “full time”. Guess they aren’t getting the butts in the seats at the Miracle Theater breakfast shows…
35 JohnnyBoy // Sep 28, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Well, if they think they can actually sell out Carnegie Hall, then it’s not as bad a business decision as it would seem.
Hey, in New York, anything is possible…….this is why companies don’t test-market anything here in NY….too many lunatics to get an accurate picture.
Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray (Celery-flavor) Soda and
Manhattan Special Coffee Soda have sold well for years here.
There’s a misconception that you have to be “good” to perform at Carnegie Hall, as if it’s somehow by invitation only or something.
As I understand it, though, ANYONE who can come up with the bucks can rent Carnegie Hall and put on a show there.
36 paper-hat // Sep 28, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Another Miracle!
37 Shannon // Sep 29, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Now that’s my Jesus! Thank you paper-hat but can’t we get the loincloth a little skimpier. No banana hammock or anything, just something with a little tug with your teeth would come off.
By the way, an invitation to coffee with April is more of a royal command than an invite. So take off your Spock ears, check to see if your mom needs anything from the store and fire up the Dodge Dart to go meet her.
38 naughty zoot // Sep 29, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Oh, and guys- don’t get all “Wow they made it to Carnegie Hall!” about those jokers.
ANYONE can hire out the Carnegie these days.
If I wanted to make-pretend I was Leontine Price (and I had the money) I could hire out Carnegie for the night. It’s become kind of like the See’s Candy Sale of venues in New York.
39 coasterboy // Sep 29, 2007 at 1:10 pm
That’s so sad about carnegie hall. Just like the rest of America, you no longer need talent when your have enough cash.
Zoot, do you have pics of you as Ms. Price? It would be a nice change from people doing Liza, Judy, Babs, and La Rivers.
40 pal Jacky // Sep 29, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Carnegie Hall has become a dumping ground for third world ethnic folk dancing and other such unbookables. However, its really pretty old as far New York venues are concerned. My favorite is the Kennedy Center in washington D.C. Only because, its still the best venue in DC and watching Albanian horse acrobatics is the best way to honor JFK.
41 pal Jacky // Sep 29, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Is anyone else sickened by the Charmin ads featuring the bears? Why don’t they just be honest and say ‘Charmin for people who can’t wipe their ass right’.
42 JohnnyBoy // Sep 29, 2007 at 3:45 pm
No, in fact i cracked up the first time I saw that commercial, cause it’s the bear that shits in the woods
43 paper-hat // Sep 29, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Shannon, oh yes! how about some edible undies with easy pull candy strings? ‘The Passion of the Christ’ could be enormous…
44 JohnnyBoy // Sep 29, 2007 at 5:22 pm
The fashion briefs of passion
45 pal Jacky // Sep 29, 2007 at 7:31 pm
First of all, didn’t geoarge Bush declare that ‘despair’ was no longer a horseman? I mean he has those vice president duties.
I just sat through the marathon of the best reality show ever. Some foolishness about bullriding. I know its sounds real stupid to watch Vanilla ice and a second rate Baldwin ride bulls, but to see these people injured in the process is really good television. Stephan Baldwan cracked his shoulder!!!Anthony Quinn’s no talent son ended up shattering a rib and almost puncturing a lung!!! jewel sang!!!! ‘eastern promises’ is the best film I’ve seen in a long time, and I’m not saying this just because there’s white slavery and a gouged eyeball.
46 jandu // Sep 29, 2007 at 9:12 pm
is there a first-rate Baldwin?
47 JohnnyBoy // Sep 30, 2007 at 12:58 am
Yeah, but it’s a piano
48 jasonthegreat // Sep 30, 2007 at 11:06 am
The weird thing is that I just got back from Pigeon Forge (where the Miracle theatre is) a couple of months ago (after a “mandatory” family get-together).
I needn’t have worried that my spouse and I would feel awkward as a gay couple. Every dinner show in Pigeon Forge is well-stocked with gay guys. And every show is a weird mix of homogenized music (often gay in origin but made palatable for the masses, much as Lawrence Welk did), Bush-centric patriotism, and Christian posturing. If I weren’t already feeling naseous from the stench of the BBQ ribs sitting in front of me (I didn’t have a choice) or the sight of so many obese people gathered in one room, the sight of a woman in torn fishnets, heavy (and badly applied) makeup, and a bad Dolly Parton wig singing “Amazing Grace” while a gay guy in a tie-dyed leotard pirouetted around her, would have done it.
49 JohnnyBoy // Sep 30, 2007 at 12:13 pm
I’m liking this obesity “epidemic”.
I’m lookin’ positively SVELTE !
50 coasterboy // Sep 30, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Jason – you can’t pick on the obese people. Haven’t you been paying attention!!!!!
The only people left in Amerika that it is okay to slam is the Christians! Not the Jews, the Gays, the Obese, the Smokers, the Blacks (or any other color for that matter) or the Pedophiles. Christians only!!!!
Besides, I resemble that remark, and I’m offended!
51 JohnnyBoy // Sep 30, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Do obese Christians turn the other chin ?
52 pal Jacky // Sep 30, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Koreans are okay if you mention they cook stuff most people throw away. and Spanish(from spain, type) are okay actually if you mention that most of what we think is their culture actually comes from other countries(the opera ‘carmen’ etc), latin americans are all right, if you mention the dumb fuck mayan and aztec religions where killing virgins makes sense. to them, and its the only place in the world where christainity was a step up.
In total, its not okay to make fun of people, its okay to make fun of their culture. Hey, that makes as much sense as ‘hate the sin, not the sinner’.
53 JohnnyBoy // Sep 30, 2007 at 7:10 pm
“I made fun of them because they are FROM China, you see it’s not okay to make fun of an American cause they are black, brown, or whatever, but it IS okay to make fun of foreigners cause they are from another country”
Chef – South Park
54 pal Jacky // Oct 1, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Yeah, but just don’t make fun of Scientologists or Chef will huff off and call you intolerant of religion.
55 naughty zoot // Oct 1, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Coaster-
About the Ms. Price imitation– I lack the necessary 100lbs or so and the caftan, but i’ll try it for Halloween and let you know how it works out.
And Jason- OMG- a TIE DYED LEOTARD??? No. You’re kidding. And I MISSED it???
My hubby grew up in the Bible belt and keeps threatening to relocate me there. If he does, I’m retaliating by opening a sex toy shop. AND YOU’RE ALL INVITED!!! Free dildos for the first 20 customers presenting a current church program!!!
56 Stretch // Oct 2, 2007 at 8:00 am
…while we’re on the subject of toilet paper – what’s with pushing “we’ve got three layers of softness” “it’s so squeezable”
I want MANLY toilet paper. something along the lines of 60 grit sandpaper. Do the job once – and get it done RIGHT!
57 JohnnyBoy // Oct 2, 2007 at 8:14 am
May I recommend Scott Single Ply
fine product
58 SoCalFKK // Oct 2, 2007 at 11:50 am
Alright already, we’re meeting for coffee soon. I’ll be the guy in the “April Winchell Show” T-shirt holding the Sharpie with which she might sign it.
59 JohnnyBoy // Oct 2, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Holding a Sharpei? You should try holding a Poodle…because EVERYBODY loves Poodle !
60 naughty zoot // Oct 2, 2007 at 1:14 pm
How about a Black Lab?
You could get some nice bold strokes with a good-sized lab….
61 Stretch // Oct 2, 2007 at 1:39 pm
I suggest a yodeling chicken
62 JohnnyBoy // Oct 2, 2007 at 3:37 pm
I have Newfoundlands….easy to hold but harder to lift
63 pal Jacky // Oct 2, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Pekes are the answer. Did you know that Peter Falk rescues one-eyed dogs? When my dog lost his eye, I ended up at the same eye vet and saw a whole picture book. The vet says he has about two-dozen on his ranch. Kind of puts the whole self centeredness of Sandy Duncan in perspective doesn’t it?
64 Pookie // Oct 8, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Well, I haven’t spent much time examining this yet, but all these yokels look like hom0s to me. Is that what’s wrong with the picture?
None of these other comments seem to be about that picture, though, so I think I need to read more carefully.
65 Pookie // Oct 8, 2007 at 12:15 pm
I mean, I realize that there are more than four of them, but I thought that was too easy. But that’s what you meant, right?
I still think they are all flames. So, it’s really sad that they’re wasted, here.
66 JohnnyBoy // Oct 8, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Yokels? Homos? does that make them Yokos?
Could they be the Fag Four?
And the 5th one is Murray the Gay?
There, is that better?
67 Titan // Oct 9, 2007 at 12:58 am
SoCalFKK…. Will you lrt April buy you a God Damn Latte, Already? …Geez, SOME people!
68 ZummiGummi // Oct 14, 2007 at 11:40 pm
When is a dozen thirteen? When it’s a baker’s dozen.
When is a quartet five? When it’s a triumphant quartet.
When is a sextet seven? When it’s a slutty sextet.
When is an octet nine?
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