Although we largely lost our baseball boner after the Yankees lost one shameful pussy loss too many to the motherfucking Cleveland Indians, there is still a lingering half-interest over the World Series, and who is eventually going to get there.
It was in that spirit that I had the game on tonight while I was making dinner. The Arizona Diamondbacks and the Colorado Rockies are battling it out for a spot in the series, and while I have no real connection to either team, there’s still something pleasant about having a game on. Well, except for the horrible Dane Cook promos, which are so completely awful they could almost make you want to watch hockey.
The Rockies won the game, their third against the Diamondbacks, and their 20th win out of 21 games, which is pretty amazing. One more win and they go on to play the series, which could be a sort of a nice story, since they’re nobodies and have never done this well before.
After the game, one of the announcers on TBS had an interview with the Rockies catcher, a man by the name of Yorvit Torrealba. Yorvit is familiar to me mainly because he was once number one on John’s list of ballplayers with the most ridiculous names (he’s since been replaced by Yorman Bazardo of the Detroit Tigers).
What I didn’t know about Yorvit is that he also has the most ridiculous accent of almost any ball player. It’s apparently Venezuelan, thought it sounds like someone on Mad TV doing an Italian pizza chef.
Here’s a clip from the interview. I realize it’s hard to understand since we taped it off the TV, so I’ve done a transcript for you, and you can read along.
ANNOUNCER: Talk a little bit about tonight’s pitchers, and the conditions they had to go through.
YORVIT: Well de peaches he is doing great jaw, I mean de las mon and a ha, I mean even befo de seesaw, befo we maka da play off, de bullpeh is oust tanden. And de peaches, starden peaches, definitely, you know, gong bag on Gig Young, gong K paul’s in the gang, and den das whadeydu. En I may, Froggy, we got to give a lot oh cray do jaws, I mean he’s oust tanden ballgame tune eye and de bullpeh I mean like I say de last mon is bing amazen so…
35 responses so far ↓
1 pal Jacky // Oct 14, 2007 at 10:30 pm
I thought Gig Young killed himself after Elizabeth Montgomery divorced him. There’s a really awful ‘coast to coast’ guest host on tonight. She’s yapping off about immigration and astrology. I need to write George Noorie an E-mail thanking him for making that show so unlistenable that I’m finally going to bed at a decent hour.
2 steve // Oct 14, 2007 at 11:00 pm
tho I’m not sure they speak with such fluid eloquence, could we add Yngwie Malmsteen and Engelbert Humperdinck (b. Arnold George Dorsey, May 2, 1936, Madras, India) to this? especially since Mr. H chose that name?
3 gary // Oct 14, 2007 at 11:14 pm
The games are worse on Fox. You get Dane Cook AND Tim McCarver.
Yahtzee!!!
4 pal Jacky // Oct 15, 2007 at 2:41 am
Mr. H. chose it after a third rate late romantic German composer. Only known for a dreadful opera based on the grim fairy tale ‘ hansel and gretel ‘ It got lots of perfomances during the first half of the twentieth century. The music of his contemporary, Gustav Mahler, did not.
5 godzthor1 // Oct 15, 2007 at 2:45 am
At least Yorvit’s trying. You should watch the Dodger postgame shows. They require multiple translators.
Real baseball fans mute the tv and listen to the games on ESPN radio. No Tim McCarver, no whooshing sound effects every three seconds, and no Dane Cook ads!
6 joshpincusiscrying // Oct 15, 2007 at 10:14 am
Years ago, here in Philadelphia, there was a pitcher on the Phillies named Yorkis Perez. What’s up with these Latin American names beginning with “Y”? The Phils traded him to San Francisco where he promptly dropped off the face of the earth.
7 pal Jacky // Oct 15, 2007 at 11:46 am
No one really talks about it. However, there is a dimension portal in San Francisco. People go there and disappear all the time. Most of them aren’t missed. They are crazy up there.
8 Rogue of the Celestial Night // Oct 15, 2007 at 12:13 pm
” gong bag on Gig Young”
Is that gay code for something?
9 pal Jacky // Oct 15, 2007 at 1:54 pm
some people in ‘cisco think there is a spaceport with the cookbook ‘to serve man’, but that is really silly even by their standards. I’m fairly certain another demension portal exists in Seattle. However, nobody I know has ever wanted to search out anyone who moved there on purpose.
10 pal Jacky // Oct 15, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I meant ‘dimenstion’ above. I’m still befogged by those years I spent in Berkeley.
11 pal Jacky // Oct 15, 2007 at 1:57 pm
no I’m the one who loos really silly
12 steve // Oct 15, 2007 at 3:59 pm
speaking of gay code, I think Yorkis Perez is just about the best drag name ever… maybe that’s what happened to him when he went to san fran.
13 Farfel // Oct 15, 2007 at 4:59 pm
The Dimensional Portal kicks in when somebody in San Francisco tries to park their car. It scoops them up, car and all, and deposits them on I-5 going through downtown Seattle whenever I have to drive to the airport. Every time! Oh, we’ve also got a player to add to the Latin American names with Y: Yuniesky Betancourt!
14 DannyandBarkley // Oct 15, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Hey, at least he did not refer to himself in third person!
Or, it could be that basketball players are more prone to do that sort of zany thing.
15 John Foley // Oct 15, 2007 at 6:59 pm
You mean black people, Danny. Just say it.
16 katzinoire // Oct 15, 2007 at 7:11 pm
Was the character “Boomhauer” from “King Of The Hill” based on this guy?
17 pal Jacky // Oct 15, 2007 at 7:50 pm
no, the dimension portal doesn’t drop poeple off in wahington state. That doesn’t make any sense at all. It drops them off a bit east Wyoming or Montana. I think its how the unabomber went got to his cabin. ONe last thing on him. If Dr. Laura can use her P.H.D. in P.E. to spew her morally deranged manifesto as self help and further confuse damaged people in need real help, why can’t Dr. Ted use his PHD in math to do the same thing. I’ve read his writings. They aren’t that much different from other self help books.
18 gary // Oct 15, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Biff Pocoroba.
Just sayin’.
Or maybe Yuniesky Betancourt
19 DannyandBarkley // Oct 15, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Years of silent racism and white flight rears its ugly head.
Man, I’m fucked.
20 cheapengineer // Oct 15, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Tank you, Hane.
BaseyBall, She been Berry Berry Good to Me.
21 jandu // Oct 16, 2007 at 12:46 am
I ate my first hot dog in a ball park, then dad and I had lunch
22 riamia // Oct 16, 2007 at 12:55 am
I would give up my perfect English in a heartbeat to be a ball player….how many of you can speak two languages? Just a little annoyed….he’s my friend.
23 Stretch // Oct 16, 2007 at 7:19 am
…hmmmmmmm - that sounds just West of dirty
24 John Foley // Oct 16, 2007 at 8:10 am
@riamia
In case you hadn’t noticed, April makes fun of everyone. Even people you might be friends with. It’s the land of opportunity, where everyone is equal. Equal treatment means equal eligibility for criticism.
Yorvit has a very strong accent, and it sounds funny. Therefore he is fair game.
If I went to Venezuela, and I was interviewed on TV, and people made fun of my accent, guess how much I would care? Not at all. Wanna make fun of my accent? Knock yourself out. I put myself out there, I can take the heat.
Something tells me Mr. Torrealba will be sleeping just fine tonight.
25 Stretch // Oct 16, 2007 at 11:32 am
I think April and John need to look into the next addition to their household!! MINI-PIGS
They like to snuggle too!!
http://abcnews.go.com/International/popup?id=3731500&contentIndex=1&page=3
26 pal Jacky // Oct 16, 2007 at 1:30 pm
remember it isn’t okay to make fun of koreans because they are the biggest, stupidest, most ungraceful of the asians. It is okay to make fun of them because they smell like garlic and ass. One interesting thing about the koreans is that, unlike most asians, they don’t kill cats and dogs for food. They do go around picking up and cooking roadkills, but only the ones the side of the road for a few weeks.
27 Durwood // Oct 16, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Ummm, April?
“Although we largely lost our baseball boner after the Yankees lost one shameful pussy loss too many to the motherfucking Cleveland Indians”.
The Red Sox beat the Yankees and the Indians beat the Angels to get to the ALCS. Since I HATE Boston I’ll be very happy to see Cleveland prevail.
The game you were watching was NLCS game 4. The Rockies swept the Diamondbacks and will be in the world series.
By the way, your transcript of YORVIT is priceless. Thank you for listening to and enduring it 50+ times to bring it to your listener(s)/reader(s).
Love(ish),
Durwood
P.S. Speaking of F’d up names… Whoever names their kid Coco Crisp should be beaten with a shovel. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, John will help you.
28 Durwood // Oct 16, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Ooops.
I just realized that April was talking about the earlier games this weekend. Sorry about that. Everthing else stands.
Durwood.
29 Andre // Oct 16, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Ha ha! See ya’ later Yankees! You lost!
Sorry, but I’m a true blue Dodger fan and it’s inbred in us to hate the Yanks. And that’s not hard to do given the sports media’s obsession with East coast teams. You’d think there were no teams west of the Mississippi.
Besides, it’s almost criminal to be a baseball fan in L.A. and not be listening at every possible chance to the greatest living sportscaster in the world, Vin Scully.
My current favorite ballplayer name is Coco Crisp. I’m cuckoo for that name.
30 pal Jacky // Oct 16, 2007 at 5:47 pm
has anyone else noticed that the girls on the model shows these days are getting more and more anorexic? I was watching the one with Ben stein the other day(’are you smarter than a top model?’ or something like that) and my god two of the women had sauch boney arms their shoulders looked spherical. It was so disgusting I couldn’t turn the channel.
31 pal Jacky // Oct 16, 2007 at 5:49 pm
also montel williams had conjoined twins and other sideshow fodder on today. Tod Browining lives!! and the workl is a better place for it.
32 whodathunkit // Oct 16, 2007 at 6:45 pm
It’s definitely the Venezuelan accent. The White Sox’s Ozzie Guillen sounds exactly the same. I thought it was a speech impediment at first.
33 JohnnyBoy // Oct 16, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Until I found out that Hideo didn’t rhyme with Video,
i thought that was a pretty funny name
34 JohnnyBoy // Oct 16, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Here is website what be having funny baseball names :
http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/article/banana-fana-fo-fudcat/
35 Gina // Oct 16, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Ummm, Durwood?
The Indians beat the Yankees and the Red Sox beat the Angels.
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