Jesus Christ, do I hate Pat Boone.
I used to like him. I did. I even had him on my show years ago, when his horrific heavy metal CD came out. I thought it was camp and fun, and I am a big fan of people who don’t take themselves too seriously.
And I also felt bad for him. Here was a man who had worked pretty tirelessly for the PTL Network, and as soon as he released that CD they fired him off his own show. They said he was “of the devil” for embracing that music.
Of course they were wrong. He wasn’t lost because he recorded heavy metal music. He was lost because he’s a homophobic hate monger, clobbering God’s love into your skull with the biggest bible he can find.
Here’s a pre-recorded phone call Republicans in Kentucky are fortunate enough to be getting this week, featuring Boone himself, campaigning for incumbent Governor Ernie Fletcher. Fletcher is being challenged by Steve Beshear, who has been endorsed by a prominent gay rights organization. You know, exactly the kind of Godless heathen we can’t afford to have running our backwater inbreeding states.
Classy! Oh not as classy as the Governor himself, who, when addressing a crowd on Halloween, referred to the challenger as a “San Francisco treat”. Wow! I guess we know where all those striking writers are working!
The older I get, the less patience I have for people who claim to speak God’s word. They are invariably the people who understand it least.
Now I’m going to cut Pat a little bit of slack. Because I think he’s misunderstood here. He has to be. No one who delivers the loving message of God as hard as he does could possibly mean to suggest that gays, lesbians and even bisexuals should be denied their basic human rights. After all, that’s the heart of the Republican party.
So I reworked his track a little bit, and I think it’s much closer to the message he was trying to deliver.
In other news, Here are a few more stills from the shoot I did last week:
55 responses so far ↓
1 ListenerJustin // Nov 5, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Wow, poking your finger right on the “partial jew newscaster” pleasure center of my brain here! Woo! Maybe I should start a fetish group like that on yahoo and see what joins.
2 SpicyD // Nov 5, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Damn woman, even though I am a little light in loafers. You are looking H-O-T.
3 pal Jacky // Nov 5, 2007 at 4:00 pm
as far as ‘partial jew newscaster’ fetish groups go, I’ve had some experience. It is not pleasant. First off some JDL member joined up thinking I was antisemitic since my mother’s mother was the daughter of a rabbi, I was a total jew instead of a partial jew(jewish law goes by mothers instead of fathers because parternity isn’t 100% certain). Then the worst thing happened. A guy who believes he was traumatized by his circumcision when he was a newborn joined to tell how jews mutilate their babies penises and how he has a device he wears to stretch the skin of his penis. Yeah, Jews are the freaks.
4 Stretch // Nov 5, 2007 at 4:29 pm
NICE ~
I’m laughing so hard I just soiled my white buck shoes
5 davidhazard71 // Nov 5, 2007 at 4:36 pm
The editing is perfect!!! HA HA!!!
6 Eli // Nov 5, 2007 at 5:07 pm
That is fucking awesome!
7 naughty zoot // Nov 5, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Holy Moly April-
You’re Smokin’ HOT!!!!
8 Stretch // Nov 5, 2007 at 5:47 pm
I like pix #1 - the stern No BS look
I bet that look scares the death out of Sully when he does something wrong
9 jandu // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:08 pm
wow, paul moyer looks great!
10 katzinoire // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:14 pm
To start, you look great in the images.
As for your statement about people and the whole “word of God” situation, I agree with you-most of the people who say shit like that don’t comprehend it at all.
Sexual preference is what it is, it’s natural for some. Why no one can accept this is beyond me.
11 JohnnyBoy // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:27 pm
In honor of the writers strike, here’s a free joke from me.
If someone mentions indie films, say “What, like Raiders of the Lost Ark?”
12 pal Jacky // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:42 pm
I have to throw this out. Rosanne Cash was asked that since her dad and very devout, he was one of Billy Grahmn’s closest friends , was Johnny ‘homophobic’ at all. She laughed it off and said to even ask that question shows the person has never listened to her father’s music.
13 JohnnyBoy // Nov 5, 2007 at 8:30 pm
“I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep my pants up with a piece of twine
If you want mine
Just pull the twine”
Some deejay in the 70’s I forget who
14 theFatTubist // Nov 5, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Bah, everyone else already said it.
15 Auntie Vera Charles // Nov 5, 2007 at 11:42 pm
I smell fish.
16 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 12:19 am
“What’s that smell like fish pretty baby, I really would like to know
Tell me What’s that smell like fish oh mama, I really would like to know
That ain’t puddin’ and that ain’t pie,
it’s the stuff that gets you by
So keep on truckin’ mama, truckin’ my blues away ”
Hot Tuna
17 radioShirley // Nov 6, 2007 at 2:37 am
how does one say “thats fabulous” ?
you can spread your “patmash” on my shepherd’s pie anyday, April.
luv ya!
Ken & Shirl
18 bnaivar // Nov 6, 2007 at 5:29 am
The steely eyes, the firm jaw, the squared shoulders….but the guy looks like a creampuff.
19 Doug // Nov 6, 2007 at 8:10 am
While I miss the longer hair and black locks, I have to admit that this new ‘do is hot hot hot. You go, girl.
20 jim // Nov 6, 2007 at 9:58 am
Rrrrrr. Va va voom. Hot damn. Hubba hubba.
That look is pure magic. Those burning eyes, those poetic cheekbones, those subtly powerful curves, those cruel yet sensuous lips - & hey, you’re lookin’ okay too, April.
Still waiting for Xtians to begin killing people who eat shellfish - I think THAT would make for a much more exciting focus than some dead hippie’s parable obsession.
CALVARY WAS AN INSIDE JOB!
PETER DID IT - PAUL KNEW!
21 Mark // Nov 6, 2007 at 11:10 am
the hair is amazing
22 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 11:33 am
Kentucky is sorta phalli-shaped
While Florida is the obvious winner, KY wins just on the abbreviation alone
Plus which, the Capital is Frankfort
23 Dylan // Nov 6, 2007 at 11:34 am
You look good, April.
And fuck Pat Boone. Not *literally* of course, dear god…
24 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 11:39 am
And Jim, while that makes great graffiti, the inside guy was Nicodemus.
Though some still hold to the “lone-nailer” theory
25 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 11:43 am
http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=57775
Boone is seriously disturbed. And he’s a descendant of Daniel Boone.
But Fess Parker was a really nice guy
26 ListenerJustin // Nov 6, 2007 at 11:59 am
You know, on further inspection of these new glamour shots, I could totally see April doing a bit on The Daily Show next to Jon Stewart. Mmmmm.. Jon Stewart..
27 nix // Nov 6, 2007 at 12:20 pm
This entire site just made my day. Thank you.
28 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 12:39 pm
The Green Lantern Jon Stewart ?
29 ubermilf // Nov 6, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I’m all confused by Pat Boone’s fairy tale.
In the original, didn’t the dwarves PROTECT Snow White FROM the witch?
How did Snow White get pregnant if she was having sex with her female teacher?
Is he writing about his Debby?
30 haineux // Nov 6, 2007 at 1:10 pm
The following is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. It might make you spew coffee on the monitor, and that could get you fired.
http://www.boingboing.net/images/boone-hustler.jpg
31 Farfel // Nov 6, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Being a native of The Dark and Bloody Ground, I know just how much FUN political campaigns are in Kentucky. Beshear has the Louisville vote, which pretty much pits him against the rest of the state. Since Louisville has been proclaimed “Gayest City In Kentucky”, the tag has been put on Beshear to remind all the other Hayseeds that he’s Big City. There’s probably photos of Fletcher passed out in a pool of vomit on top of the 2nd Runner-up Miss Kentucky…which is STILL not as damaging as the insinuation that Beshear is friendly to Homosexuals!
32 milt // Nov 6, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Halloo? Anybody here? What is this place?
I was doing the google for Pat Boone and Anita Bryant’s new duet CD - The Hits As God Intended - and they sent me here by cybercab, or something?
Here’s the list of the songs they say they have rerecorded for family hearing and I was wondering if anybody could tell me how they sound before I lay down my $17 . I’m thinking maybe just i-Tune the good ones?
1. Karma Kameleon
2. Bad Boys
3. We Are The Champions
4. Me And Bobby McGee
5. Pina Colada
6. Even Cowgirls Get The Blues
7. Tutti Frutti
8. Don’t Go Breaking My Heart
9. Fast Car
10.I’ve Got A Loverly Bunch of Coconuts
11.It’s Not For Me To Say
and a bonus track
12. YMCA
If anybody has heard any of them I’d like to know what you think. You seem like nice people.
33 pal Jacky // Nov 6, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Not that John stewart the real John Stewart. the Kingston trio’s John Stewart. The one that wrote ‘runaway train’ for Rosanne Cash and ‘daydream believer’for the monkees
34 naughty zoot // Nov 6, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Haineux-
You ROCK!
And, well, so does Larry Flint.
Hustler may be one of the skeezier skin mags out there (yes, yes, I KNOW “Big Jugs is WAY less tasteful) but you just gotta love anyone who fights hypocrisy so very very well.
35 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 6:48 pm
I thought I wrote Daydream Believer for The Monkees…oh wait, I was just a little kid then.
Anyway, here’s my Monkees story…it’s 1967 and I’m like 7 years old andwe’re in a hotel room in DC, and The Monkees go on and I start singing “we’re the young generation, and we’ve got something to say”….
so my Dad says, “All right….what is it?” and I say “What?, and he says “you said you’re the young generation and have something to say….so What is it?”
So I’m all like “gee, I don’t know….I’m just singing the song” and such…and he says “I knew it….you got nothing to say”
and that is the end of my little story
36 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 7:07 pm
So my wife sees John Stewart and says “The Green Lantern’s black?” and I say “no…he’s Green ! “
37 godzthor1 // Nov 6, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Pat Boone didn’t help. Ernie Fletcher lost badly (by 20 points) tonight.
38 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Let the Fellation begin !
39 Farfel // Nov 6, 2007 at 10:10 pm
WooHoo! I guess Beshear had some photos taken of him kissing a Tobacco leaf. That always helps!
40 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 3:00 am
JohnnnnBoy,
I can’t pronounce shit right, sorry I got your name wrong. I can top your story.
Right after “Hey, Hey we’re the Monkees, and we’ve got something to say.” my stepfather asked me the same question and when I couldn’t answer him, he made me suck his dick.
41 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 3:02 am
I’m sorry for that Lord, please forgive me but it was a good joke at the time.
And by the way, when I am running for president, I inhailed, I swallowed and I had fun. Howard Collins lives! Even though he’s dead.
42 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 3:05 am
Where else can I go and find mischef without ending up with a Coach purse or a Macy’s gift card? Oh, and if you believe that he won’t come in your mouth.
43 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 3:06 am
I am so fucking bored.
44 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 3:11 am
But it’s not 3:06, it’s 2:06 a.m. And that is the style of the Associated Press.
45 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 3:12 am
And now for my dinner of worms.
46 JohnnyBoy // Nov 7, 2007 at 6:39 am
There is an actual historical Diet of Worms, which has nothing to do with cuisine, but a council that they called Martin Luther in front of because he nailed 95 Feces to the church door.
They probably wanted to know why he couldn’t have just put them in a paper bag and lit it
47 JohnnyBoy // Nov 7, 2007 at 6:42 am
Shannon I am SHOCKED !
Not as shocked as when i found out that The Archies didn’t even play their own instruments, though
48 Stretch // Nov 7, 2007 at 10:24 am
Diet of Worms?
Look at Klingon food delicacies under the word ” GAK”
Ka’Plah Everyone!!!
49 Stretch // Nov 7, 2007 at 10:27 am
I ask you - if you have four Monkee’s pounding away on typewriters…would they have invented Liquid Paper?
50 pal Jacky // Nov 7, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Rosanne Cash is having brain surgery. I heard it on coast-to-coast last night. I guess selling out to Bridgestone did bring her bad Karma. Even if they only used the first few words of the bridge section. “the wheel goes round an round’ of course, ‘the flame of our souls will never burn out’ just won’t sell tires.
51 JohnnyBoy // Nov 7, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Sorta like Iggy Stooge’s Lust for Life on that cruise commercial …which they changed to “here comes Johnny Yean again, playin shuffleboard, and eating a lot, with retired people hangin in bermuda shorts”
good stuff from Iggy and Soupy Sales’ kids…ya know, the Tin Machine guys
52 Stretch // Nov 8, 2007 at 9:12 am
good stuff from Iggy and Soupy Sales’ kids…
I smell fish soup
53 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 8, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Since, by dint of my sexual orientation, I am qualified to make this observation, I will say:
The Power Dress Look works for you. In spades, baby. Don’t give it up until they pry it out of your rigor-mortis-stiffened fingers.
Also, this reminds me of the show that Ms. Winchell started to do on Fox. Wasn’t she supposed to play a reporter of some kind, making fun of “The Daily Show”-type programs?
54 Las Vegas Guy // Nov 8, 2007 at 5:34 pm
“Daily Show” type programs….you mean the one where you get actual news? FN Isn’t that the Fantasy News Network?
55 pal Jacky // Nov 11, 2007 at 7:10 am
No it is the 1984 network. If you just keep repeating the same lies over and over. a certain percentage of people will think it is the truth. Like james thurber said’You can fool too many of the people too much of the time’.
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