I can’t think straight.
I’m having such a terrible time concentrating lately. This blog has already taken 10 hours to do. Two sentences, one day. That’s better than Joe Esterhaus!
It’s all due to my physical condition, which is the perfect storm of hypothyroidism, aging, residual damage caused by cancer, and adjusting to new hormone replacement medication. Trying to get your thyroid function to work after cancer is trial and error, and this is my third prescription this year.
It’s always a rollercoaster of emotions and physical problems when I switch to new meds. I’ve been crying a lot for no reason, and I spent Monday throwing up until 2:00 am. Oh sure, it was fun. But John’s having the best of it. What a lucky guy.
The worst part is the inability to focus. The effort of writing, even writing email, is overwhelming. And being online is way too hard. I actually had to lie down today after looking at the Barnes and Noble web site.
Of course, that might have had something to do with this.
What the hell?
Why would you buy a used food diary? So you can see what someone else ate last week?
On the other hand, it might be Oprah’s food diary. Now that I’d buy. I’d like to see what she’s choking down on her private jet to Africa, heading to yet another tearful press conference. That’s gotta be some read. And it’s a lot longer than 244 pages, I can tell you that. 244 pages is Wednesday.
I hear Angela Basset is trying to option it. She’s in a bidding war with Halle Berry because I’m telling you right now, that mid-afternoon Variety Bucket has Oscar™ written all over it.
In any case, this brain fog is frustrating, because I really do have a lot to say. It’s not like every other day, when I have dick-all going on and I can’t stop talking about it.
Since last we spoke I’ve been to the World Series, explored the mysteries of Denver’s 53 square mile airport, shot 5 TV commercials for Big Bear Mountan Resorts, got $1500 worth of shit injected into my face, got two new bonafide celebrity pen-pals on MySpace, had an MRI and a thyroid test and now I’m counting down the last few days before Sully the Boston Terrier gets his nuts cut off. And it’s only the 4th!
So let’s start with the TV spots, which I shot this week.
I’m very excited about these for a number of reasons.
First, I wrote them, and I haven’t written TV commercials in a few years. Second, I’m in them, and I’m on camera. I’ve been trying to get film on mself for a very long time, so this is a big step for me. Third, Mick and I are also producing these. We’ve created hundreds of television commercials working for other agencies, and we’ve produced radio advertising for years. But this is the first TV we’ve done from start to finish, completely on our own.
And lastly, Mick and I snatched this client back from Ogilvy and Mather, an honest-to-God, big ass agency, after they snatched it from us. Score one for the little guy.
The spots will be finished in a week or so. If you live in Los Angeles or San Diego, you’ll start seeing them the week of the 26th. I’ll also post them here when they’re done. Please let me know what you think. And if you like them, let Big Bear Mountain Resorts know too.
I’m not going to talk too much about the campaign because I don’t want to give it all away, but I’ll tell you that the spots are made to look like weather reports. And the main anchor (brilliantly played by Steve Morris) is lovingly based on my hero, Hal Fishman.
I play a field reporter, and part of my stuff is shot on green screen.
The way green screen works is this: you shoot your subject against a solid color - usually green or blue, because those aren’t colors commonly seen in skin tones. Later, you can take that color out (a process called matting or keying, and replace it with the background of your choice.
So that means I could be covering important weather stories, like Katrina.
Or maybe important celebrity stories, like Paris getting out of jail.
Or maybe, if everything lined up just right, I could be covering important celebrity weather stories.
I guess well have to wait and see.
27 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Nov 5, 2007 at 12:48 am
You’re right, I am a lucky guy.
As hard as it may be for you to believe, there’s nothing I would rather do than spend my days “putting up with” you.
2 Titan // Nov 5, 2007 at 1:00 am
Welcome back, April! It’s been a while, and you have been missed! Whatever problems you may have been having, it just helps us to love you all the more!
Once again, Welcome back!
3 bnaivar // Nov 5, 2007 at 4:58 am
“HUAABLLAAA! Snuggle me John.” Oh yeah, that’ll work.
4 godzthor1 // Nov 5, 2007 at 5:43 am
Who played the part of Hal Fishman’s toupee?
5 wills7577 // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:22 am
You look good. Winter white is very becomeing on you.
6 JohnnyBoy // Nov 5, 2007 at 8:08 am
Good to see you back
7 lotmi127 // Nov 5, 2007 at 8:25 am
What?! Your not dead yet?? Sweet boneless Jesus woman! Drop already! So I can sue your estate for that $1 I sent you back in your “Internet Millionaire” scam days!
Miss ya Wench!
8 ubermilf // Nov 5, 2007 at 10:32 am
I don’t think the general public realizes how debilitating thyroid problems are. Everyone in my family has them, (well, mom and mom’s side and all my siblings; not my dad. His family brings diabetes and colon cancer with it. Yay, me!)
Anyway, I’m sending healing thoughts your way and understanding. Not that that helps, but I understand how hard it is to get your ass in gear. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
9 steve // Nov 5, 2007 at 10:33 am
April, we love you and miss you and we’re thrilled you’re back.
now the more important issue at hand: does Hal Fishman eat with his ears? was he worried about spilling soup on the shoulders of his suit?
10 ListenerJustin // Nov 5, 2007 at 10:52 am
Mrowr. Look at you gettin’ all hot up in there in your sexy chapeau!
11 davidhazard71 // Nov 5, 2007 at 10:55 am
Well we are all glad your around. It’s not easy especially with the whole med thing. My cousin is 48, when she was diagnosed with diabetes, they kept trying different combinations of meds on her, which left her weak all the time, and to black out behind the wheel of her car. God Bless and you , and darn the commercials won’t be syndicated on the East coast so i hope you put them on youtube or myspace. Hang in there.
D.
12 Eli // Nov 5, 2007 at 10:59 am
Wow, do I feel like a moron for that Myspace message.
Glad you’re getting back to form, and congrats on the TV spots!
13 jim // Nov 5, 2007 at 11:13 am
?!!?
Oops.
Thought you’d eclipsed Katie Couric for a moment there.
Sigh.
Scary or not, here it is: you’re now definitely pretty enough to do REAL Network reporting or co-anchoring. But I strongly suspect the depth of “Status Quo Support Team” trepanning required would make your current fogginess seem like IMAX with a smart-drug IV drip. Party like it’s 1984? You’d be mere weeks from knee-cracking & sucker-punching Limbaugh to swipe & chug his Trailer-Park-Smack bulk-jug. In short: ewwwww.
I’m seeing our intrepid reporter risking both combat & time-travel to cover the battle of Tobruk, with Monty (Mick) versus Rommel (Ogilvy and Mather CEO). No, it’s not the codeine.
Wuh HO. Whoa whoa whoa rewind & WHOA THERE. “Drop already” my fanny. You bloody well die AFTER my lottery bullseye & ensuing majority option on your bio-pic, & that means not a cunt-hair divided by a New York picosecond sooner!
Do you think that vast sick hateful diabolical eldritch planetary-slavery conspiracies just grow on trees? Is my oh so potentially frolicsome latent “Caligula Jr.” status no more than a mere toy to you?
That’s the acorn of a magically delicious neo-psychotocratic destiny you’re bogarting, little lady. Keep it on the lo-pro hence, or at least until “the silver gerbils pull the magenta canoe over the gibbous moon” - THEN, & only then, may you even dare FLIRT with Bony Von Fuckface, Esq., anemic-horse-jockey ordinaire.
Peas.
14 Xanadude // Nov 5, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Glad too see you’re still with us. I thought maybe you were swept away in the fires. The California ones, not the Hell ones.
15 Stretch // Nov 5, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Ah NUTS TO YOU
signed Sully - the Boston terrier
16 Stretch // Nov 5, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Ah Steve -
Hal Fishman is dead. Sorry to have to breaklthe news to ya.
17 pal Jacky // Nov 5, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Is John Foley’s mom from Stepford conn?
18 naughty zoot // Nov 5, 2007 at 2:31 pm
April-
I’m with you. My doc slashed my thyroid replacement and then sent me off merrily to try to keep my brain (and emotions and relationships…) together with my hormones at half-mast. Try Dr. Hans Gruenn in West LA for bio-identical hormone work (I can’t afford him, but I hear he’s tops) and Greta, the senior homeopathy specialist at the Santa Monica Homeopathic Pharmacy. HER I can afford, and her recommendations have kept me sane and working while my doctor tortures me through hormone adjustments. At the very least she can give you help with the brain fog, I promise.
19 katzinoire // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Aggg! My sympathies on the medication situation-changing meds is never easy. Hopefully it works out and the fog goes away. As for Sully, good luck with the snippin’.
I was peeking around for you guys on TV during the series, hope you all had fun!
:o)
20 JohnnyBoy // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Stepford CT? Is there really one? cause there IS Amityville, not so far from me, and I know people who sorta knew the original murderer, and one of them rented the house shortly after the murders, and saw NOTHING, even with taking acid and weed and such
So I think the Lutzes are full of shit
21 steve // Nov 5, 2007 at 8:08 pm
shit. I meant Steve Morris, the actor in the photos, but now that it’s a brand new day and I’m not laying in bed, drunk, with my laptop, I see that he’s just on-set, getting some final makeup touches, protecting his suit. aren’t I great.
22 Farfel // Nov 6, 2007 at 2:55 pm
What actor would answer the call for a Hal Fishman lookalike?! That’s one brave guy, and a Helluva toupee to fill!
23 pal Jacky // Nov 6, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Didn’t one of the Lutzes say they were full of shit. You don’t hear that on ‘Coast-to-coast’ . I was kind of implying perfect boyfriend form perfect mother. Nevermind, Amazing how Ira Levin has had as much pop culture impact in three books as Stephan king has in all of his.
24 JohnnyBoy // Nov 6, 2007 at 6:37 pm
It’s possible that one of them fessed up
the house no longer has those iconic windows
the current owners probably just threw them out
they really hate it being an attraction
25 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 8, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I like the new waistline. !!!
I’m sorry to hear about your medication problems. I’d make a joke about how they will someday replace the high-larious entries you wrote dealing with PMS, but I’m trying to be nice here.
26 dhclarke // Nov 13, 2007 at 6:07 am
Hi .. glad to find you are still doing your thing. Just contacted your buddy on the radio… wanted to know what happened with him and be able to listen on Friday evenings and he was no longer at KABC.. but he answered and I think he said you are with him on the new station even. So I will be tuning you in… You are the funniest gal I know….
27 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 14, 2007 at 2:02 pm
I have to say it….
“YOU wanted the active life of a reporter!”
You must log in to post a comment.