I walked over to Pavilions this morning to get some grapefruit.
Already the stars were seriously out of alignment, as I detest grapefruit, and I never go shopping that early. And yet, there I was, shuffling through the supermarket, trying to make sense of it all.
Clearly, forces larger than we can understand had led me there, to that place, at that that time.
As I turned the corner, I saw a tall man in dark sunglasses looking at the meat. He wore a black, short sleeved shirt and blue jeans, and his bald head gleamed under the flourescent lights.
There was just something about him that seemed familiar to me. He picked up a package of ribs and sauntered away, and of course, I had to follow.
When I saw him in the BBQ sauce aisle, it hit me. And let me tell you, I nearly soiled myself with excitement.
I followed him at a polite distance, and realized we were both going to check out at the same time. I watched him put his two jars of Stubbs Smokey Mesquite sauce down on the converyer belt, and then I made my move.
“Excuse me,” I began, as doe-eyed as I could get at that hour, “would you mind if I took your picture with my camera phone? My boyfriend and I are such huge fans of your show, and he just won’t believe that I saw you.”
Now this sort of thing is always dicey, because not every celebrity enjoys being interrupted while they’re being human. I still cherish the story of Tyra Banks, in full make up and wardrobe at a deli in New York, turning away a fan with a camera becase she was “just hanging out.”
But today was my lucky day, because he smiled and said, “Well, of course.” And I thought that was amazing, since he was obviously joneseing hard for BBQ. You have to be if you’re buying pork at eight in the morning.
The cashier immediately chimed in. “I can take it of both of you!” Another miracle! A fast thinking cashier, unintimidated by the magic of the moment. I handed him my camera, and the rest is history.
I thanked him for his graciousness and he patted me on the shoulder. “You tell your boyfriend thanks for watching.”
And I said, “We have no choice. It’s on all the time.”
This was the best day ever.
- Rex Linn 3/27/08
39 responses so far ↓
1 paper-hat // Mar 27, 2008 at 11:52 am
The stars do shine in the daytime!
2 JohnnyBoy // Mar 27, 2008 at 12:12 pm
On all the time , yes, yet somehow I’ve never seen the show and really didn’t know who he was and had to look him up
3 JohnnyBoy // Mar 27, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Cool for April, though
Looked him up in IMDB, seems he was in a show called Across Five Aprils….so this was bound to happen
4 pal Jacky // Mar 27, 2008 at 1:15 pm
as far as chafing goes. I’vwe heard some of them consider it ‘foreplay’ just like some consider the ooze from a herpes lesion ‘personal lubricant’.
5 John Foley // Mar 27, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Where are his lips? Did he leave those at home?
6 pal Jacky // Mar 27, 2008 at 1:35 pm
okay new subject
“Who was Lewis Carroll-correct-i’ll continue with early child pornographers for $1200, alex”
7 pal Jacky // Mar 27, 2008 at 1:53 pm
okay, serious question about old dogs. I’ve got one dog who is almost 15. In the last few months she seem to have gotten more demanding. She wants to be petted all the time and the little dance she does when she wants to go out has now starts right before feeding and walk time, but instead of the back door she leads me to the kitchen or the front door. She sleeps a lot but she still is very active when she is awake and happy all the time. Is this ‘normal’ for elderly dogs? all the vet says is that its not a side effect of the ‘metacam’ she gets for her arthritus.
8 eBayEnigma // Mar 27, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Awesome! I’m jealous…Mr. Linn is in my 2 favorite movies of all time. “Monte Walsh” (the version starring Tom Selleck) and “Crossfire Trail”. Yeah, I like sh*t-kicker movies! Dunno why…just do.
9 inerror // Mar 27, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I was so sorry when that guy dropped out of the GOP presidential race. I think that down-home Texas accent worked against him. Wonder what he’s doing in LA. “Law &b Order” is in NYC.
10 albo // Mar 27, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I always pictured you as taller. And not as hot and sexy.
11 April // Mar 27, 2008 at 4:37 pm
That’s what I told him!
12 bnaivar // Mar 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm
and here I was thinking that Hoss Cartwright was dead.
13 inerror // Mar 27, 2008 at 4:44 pm
No wait. That’s that relationship counselor on TV. He’s got the down-home Texas twang too so it’s easy to get the two mixed up.
14 Auntie Vera Charles // Mar 27, 2008 at 5:57 pm
April,
You look Asian in that picture…or should I say more Asian than normal.
15 JohnnyBoy // Mar 27, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I’m ready for my croseup, Mrs DeVille
16 Mr Pete // Mar 27, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Well you know, Auntie Vera, that Mark has always accused April of being Wing. This will only serve to encourage him…
17 inerror // Mar 27, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Maybe it wasn’t grapefruit but mandarins April felt compelled to drift to the grocery for. Or maybe everyone looks a little full of chop-suey before they’ve had their grapefruit or whatever in the morning. The guy certainly is cozying up close to April though. Maybe John ought to worry. April may make it a routine to half-sleep-walk over to the grocery every morning to rendezvous with the TV relationship counselor guy.
18 Andre // Mar 27, 2008 at 8:19 pm
CSI Pavilions?
19 JohnnyBoy // Mar 27, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Did anyone else think the story was going to end with April meeting the BBQ sauce guy ?
Except why would he be buying his own? Think he’d have a good supply laid in.
I like that guy “Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m a Cook !”
20 pal Jacky // Mar 27, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I think I need to watch more asian ass porn to get a better idea of what asians look like.
21 Mean John Dean // Mar 28, 2008 at 5:38 am
It took me a minute so I guess if it had been me the poor guy would have gone unmolested, but I’m glad April was alert to his presence. It could be because I’m more of a “Law and Order” guy. But only to watch Jane Mansfield’s daughter and Vincent Donofrio, graduate of the “William Shatner’s School of the Pregnant Pause.”
Mean John Dean
22 pal Jacky // Mar 28, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Actually the whole subject is moot. These people do a fine job ensuring no man needs to walk around without underpants. And no women needs to walk around with a dickhole in hers.
ttp://www.exodus-international.org/
23 bernardo7092 // Mar 29, 2008 at 11:11 am
What happened to April??
Look like someone whupped her with and ugly stick!!!
24 John Foley // Mar 29, 2008 at 11:13 am
Sounds like Bernardo wants to find my foot up his ass.
25 rmsrmsrms // Mar 29, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Stupid me, I thought it was Dr Phil without the ’stash
26 Speedy Cerviche // Mar 29, 2008 at 3:58 pm
John, John, John.
Remember, this is the internet.
27 Hunnyoil // Mar 29, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Never heard of him or seen the show but DAMN you are good at this spotting thang!
28 John Foley // Mar 30, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Sorry. I just get cranky when my baby’s honor needs to be defended.
29 Speedy Cerviche // Mar 30, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Oh not at all, John. I completely agree with your many display of aggression in defense of your lady’s honor.
It’s just that this is the internet. And in case you have forgotten, physical threats do not carry well over the internet. When one promises an ass-kicking over the internet, all the original “scary-ness” of said promise seems to become lost during the trip to the other guy’s computer.
A much more effective tact to take is that of cutting barbs and rapier wit. A good idea would be to mock his poor spelling and grammar. “Look like someone whupped her with and ugly stick”. Come on, in that single line, he gave you more than enough ammunition to call his entire high school career into question. Not enough? Using April’s website administrator privileges, you could search this site for every one of his past comments. I am sure his other comments would be as ripe for ridicule as this one is. Mortification is the internet version of the roundhouse kick, John.
Hey, if you wish to go even further, you could take a page out of April’s book: post his IP. Let the rabble deal with the pitiful little man. Remember, you live with the admin of this site, which means you can do anything you want. Crush your enemies. Rule with an iron fist.
Remember, this is the internet.
30 Speedy Cerviche // Mar 30, 2008 at 7:16 pm
PS
Why the hell haven’t you answered my question? I await with baited breath.
31 John Foley // Mar 30, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I totally forgot to answer, sorry.
I run most of my programs on a DELL XP 600. It’s a good little computer, but it’s a couple years old now. I’m going to be upgrading right soon.
I do my 3D work in Maya and 2D in After Effects.
As for my threatening that jackball Bernardo- well it wasn’t a real threat. Internet threats are lame. It was just an overreaction to an unnecessary comment. Sorry, it was “and” overreaction.
32 Speedy Cerviche // Mar 30, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Thank you~
33 Hunnyoil // Mar 31, 2008 at 12:05 am
Fight, Fight, Fight!!!!
34 JohnnyBoy // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:33 am
Not many men are as many as he
35 JohnnyBoy // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:36 am
an incidentally, it’s “bated” breath
36 eBayEnigma // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Speedy is right…I once had someone threaten me with harm in a chat room. I replied to that person…”and what are you going to do??! TYPE me to death?!! =)
37 Speedy Cerviche // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:41 pm
@JohnnyBoy
…yes, I know. ‘Tis a shitty internet forum joke, whose origin is too boring to explain here. These memes sometimes creep into my postings…desu~
38 typical white person // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Rex Linn, who the heck is he? I don’t know? Let me google him…
I see, that explains it, I never watch CSI or any other TV show. I do watch TCM and sometimes How To Save Your Brain…that show on PBS…
Nice picture though…
39 babs // Apr 1, 2008 at 11:41 pm
my boyfriend went to a Rolling Stones concert with Clyde Stubblefield when he was a freshman in high school (the guy on the bottle).
You must log in to post a comment.