April Winchell

40 responses so far ↓

• 1 theFatTubist // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:07 pm

  There are times when I just shake my head and turn away. While I do have a hight threshold for all things mediocre, you are invulnerable, April.

  I must turn away.

• 2 JohnnyBoy // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:09 pm

  Be thankful you don’t play the oboe

• 3 Andre // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:23 pm

  Hey Melinda! Put down the damn spoon! We’re rolling

• 4 theFatTubist // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:31 pm

  And I am!

• 5 linnefaulk // Apr 9, 2008 at 3:55 pm

  I think my life would have been fulfilled without that time waster.

• 6 chalagee // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:01 pm

  Despite your protestations I think you’re doing FAR too many drugs…

• 7 JohnnyBoy // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:12 pm

  April, yes, I must agree with theFatTubist….you must be powerful indeed to tolerate more than 5 seconds each

• 8 Duns // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:36 pm

  I was sad and lonely, scared
  Opened the freezer
  And guess who was there?
  I held on to your carton as if you were mine
  Cheesecake Diva, you’re delicious
  And totally fine…

  http://www.seriouseats.com/required_eating/2008/03/ice-cream-american-idol.html

  and Most Orange-inal, One Split Wonder, Those get my votes baby!

• 9 pal Jacky // Apr 9, 2008 at 7:31 pm

  I love pointlessness myself. The crying shame about this what is that the original dreyer’s ice cream factory in oakland is just a short walk from my alma mahler, Berkeley. So it has been my ice cream of choice since then. (Ben and jerry’s has got too much gunk in it). I might have to resort to buying haagen daas or, gasp, breyers. I’m coming up on my 48th birthday and I’m still not diabetic. I can’t fucking believe it. I drink at least a six pac of soda a day along with one or two energy drinks. eat lots of candy and still the blood sugar of a man who has fasted for a week. I am not alone, I know most people want to enjoy a diabetic coma as much as I do. I want to have someone pick the maggots out of my toes like John Fante forced his sons to do for him. I wanna have some fun before I die of prostate cancer.

• 10 gary // Apr 9, 2008 at 9:22 pm

  That Fante story is bullshit

• 11 WhereTheresSmoke // Apr 9, 2008 at 11:10 pm

  Once again, like a cold slap in the face, we are confronted with the absence of Mister K. I hope reality has sunk in now that Mister K has been over two weeks being tortured for the secret to his talk radio success by the Bush Shadow government. No more will evil ventriloquist trickery ensnare me in the lies and trickery of the perverted plans of Bush Shadow government to turn the powers of Mister K to doing evil in reelecting another pre-alzheimer’s warmonger to the highest office in the land. Demand that Mister K be restored to full-strength to his loyal minions. The heads of the let-them-eat-cake Republinazis shall roll down the capitol steps in the day of reckoning. Free Mister K. End extreme rendition. Tell the truth about Building 17.

• 12 PeekaBooRevue // Apr 10, 2008 at 4:21 am

  Question: What is the difference between Chris Richardson and a black hole?

  Answer: Scientists actually believe that one day a black hole will stop sucking.

• 13 bnaivar // Apr 10, 2008 at 5:03 am

  Hello….I’m…reading…these…words…from a….prepared…script.

  I say we Rick Roll ‘em.

• 14 JohnnyBoy // Apr 10, 2008 at 5:51 am

  Tell the truth about Dept. 56

  there’s cameras in those little buildings

• 15 eBayEnigma // Apr 10, 2008 at 8:45 am

  Wow, right you are April. Just so I can get my two cents in: Even dummies in a wax museum are more animated than this pair. What boring and uninspired deliveries these two give. That reminds me of the story about the guy that cleans up after the elephants in the circus. He complains bitterly to his friend about his job and how demeaning it is, following elephants around with a push broom and a garbage can. His friend suggests that he find another job that would be more meaningful to him. He replies, “What, and leave show business?!”

• 16 JohnnyBoy // Apr 10, 2008 at 10:29 am

  I’ve always thought highly of the performance given by whoever it was that sang “The Mr. Turtle Pool” song

• 17 Andre // Apr 10, 2008 at 11:18 am

  How the hell did I miss this?!

  http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117936759.html?categoryid=1264&cs=1

  George Takei singing “On the Road Again”? Debbie Reynolds as a judge…of talent? Sounds like bad tee-vee heaven.

  And that’s where it has gone, cancelled after only one airing.

  I’m counting on YouTube for the George Takei video.

• 18 JohnnyBoy // Apr 10, 2008 at 11:36 am

  I knew it was coming on since it was mentioned frequently on the Howard Stern show, where George is the occasional announcer.

  No, I just couldn’t watch such a thing, no matter how much I like George

• 19 JohnnyBoy // Apr 10, 2008 at 11:36 am

  It came in dead last in the ratings

• 20 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 10, 2008 at 2:49 pm

  Happy Wapaneaster, everybody!!!

  Wapaneaster, also known as “Weeaboo Day” and “The Feast of Saint Weeaboo”, falls on the 10th of April every year, and is the holiest of holy days for the Wapanese.

  For those unaccustomed to the sad, sad types of people that populate the internets:

  “Wapanese” (also called “Weeaboo”) are decidedly Caucasian individuals who, by means of thoroughly warped postmodern acculturation processes, have come to the decision that it is in their best interest to act as if they were denizens of the nation of Japan. The term “wapanese” can be accurately though of as an analog to wigger. A whitey can be classified as a “Wapanese” if they are in possession of two or more of the following defining traits:

  1. Has an unhealthy obsession with shallow, saccharine and intellectually insulting animation shows (also referred to as anime by the nerd elite) originally tailored for young Japanese children

  2. Operates under the erroneous belief that every aspect of American culture is vastly inferior to that of Japan’s – even though 99.9% of Wapanese have never had firsthand experience of any sort with their preferred culture (in other words, they’ve never set so much as one foot upon the island(s) of Japan)

  3. Halfheartedly studies Japanese language and/or is a part-time practitioner of martial arts

  4. Has a sword (samurai swords only, of course) collection

  5. Is a Virgin

  6. May be afflicted with a terminal case of “yellow fever”; however, they constantly fail in their quest for Japanese pootytang

  7. Extreme cases may traipse around whilst wearing a “costume” that makes them resemble their favorite anime characters (this practice is referred to as cosplay; cross-dressing and raging homosexuality is not an uncommon component of cosplay.

  Interestingly, Wapanese are generally though of as “failures” and rejects within their own culture. Social scientists such as myself speculate that it was their failure to gain acceptance within their own culture than has lead many a white geek to seek out Japan’s culture as a surrogate; however, they’d be shattered to know that the insular and somewhat racist Japanese society would be even less accepting of them than the people of their true and native culture.*

  See also: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Wapanese

  Beware, the above website is extremely NSFW. Don’t click around if you have someone looking over your shoulder.

  Anyway, this date celebrates the birth of the original Weeaboo, Commodore Matthew C. Perry, who opened Tokugawa Japan for trade back in 1854, thus ensuring the Weeaboos of today as much Pocky, Ramune, and repulsive lolicon hentai as they can consume. For those such as I, however, Wapaneaster is a prime trolling opportunity. There are people (myself included) who look forward to this date all year, simply because of the great amounts of pleasure they derive from mocking and enraging these pathetic human beings. I, for one, shall have a grand old time on this great day.

  See ya at the chans!

  ————————————————————–
  *UrbanDictionary.com

• 21 clevelandphil // Apr 10, 2008 at 3:17 pm

  Remember, April 29 is free ice cream day at Ben and Jerry’s.

• 22 pal Jacky // Apr 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

  speedy, the definition of ‘cosplay’ falls short on one respect. The favorite anime character can be replaced with the favorite video character. In fact it comes from people who play the video game in their costume. Not mario(though he is japanese) I’m talkin’ ‘Cloud’ and ‘tidus’ from the final fantasy games or some of the ‘Street fighter’ or its modern equivilents. I fear that my 11 year old nephew with his ‘ ‘legend of zelda’ sword, shield and ocarina(not a joke) is already doomed to become part of this. What’s that line from ‘glen or glenda’? …’then it wasn’t halloween any mory’. I for one got rid of my Richter belmont castlevania vampire hunting whip when people started thinking I was kinky in bed.

• 23 pal Jacky // Apr 10, 2008 at 4:31 pm

  ‘The ruins’ is the most hysterically funny horror film since ’stigmata’ The monster is a maneating vine that only lives on these ‘ruins’. it also parrots sounds that it hears!! They thought a cellphone was ringing, but instead it was just the vines. At that point I almost pissed myself with laughter much to the chagrin of mental peasants in the audienc who were buying into this or making the best of a bad bargain before five o’clock choice. The only thin missing was it growing little replicas of its victims like in ‘a little shop of horrors’.( I never saw the musical remake so don’t get on me if it doesn’t end like that)

• 24 inerror // Apr 10, 2008 at 5:02 pm

  Don’t forget to support Borderline Personality Disorder Month
  http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/HR1005-action.shtml

• 25 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 10, 2008 at 6:19 pm

  @pal Jacky

  1. I didn’t write the shit in italics. See my lil footnote? Take it up with the douche who penned it.

  2. All of the video games that you mentioned (indeed, almost all video games made in Japan) are considered “in the anime style”, therefore well within the scope of “Weeaboo”.

  Basically, If the boys in the game look like girls, you got anime there, fella.

  Also, you got the Castlevania theme going though my head. Damn you.

• 26 JohnnyBoy // Apr 10, 2008 at 7:21 pm

  I like Pokemon and Speed Racer

• 27 JohnnyBoy // Apr 10, 2008 at 7:24 pm

  Borderline Personality ! Ha!

  I suppose I have that from time to time, but I’m so old, I call it “being an asshole”

• 28 Andre // Apr 10, 2008 at 10:58 pm

  Oh yes!

  Here’s the YouTube video of Sulu doin’ a little shit-kickin’. Personally, I just couldn’t wait for him to be “On the Beat Again”. As an added bonus, watch for Uhura in the audience cheering his performance at the end.

  I live for moments like these.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51YkIj5c-0E

• 29 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 11, 2008 at 12:32 am

  I love the fact that, despite that video being “official” and posted by CBS, they still misspelled his name.

• 30 Doug // Apr 11, 2008 at 5:16 am

  I dunno…I think I like Most Orange-inal. I think.

• 31 eBayEnigma // Apr 11, 2008 at 8:43 am

  I give ol’ George props for trying and all the work that went into his solo, but whatever happened to quality programming? Stuff like this is why I don’t watch network television anymore.

• 32 eBayEnigma // Apr 11, 2008 at 8:49 am

  Ignore that last post…I thought I was posting on the George Takei thread. See? It sucks to get old.

• 33 JohnnyBoy // Apr 11, 2008 at 8:54 am

  Too late…can’t put the shit back into the donkey

  well, you COULD, but that’d be one angry donkey

• 34 eBayEnigma // Apr 11, 2008 at 9:04 am

  More profound words were never written, JohnnyBoy. I like you. =)

• 35 JohnnyBoy // Apr 11, 2008 at 9:12 am

  Thanks !

• 36 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 11, 2008 at 10:03 am

  D’awwwwwwwwwwww

  AprilWinchell.com: Bringing People Together, One Crass Comment At A Time.™

• 37 pal Jacky // Apr 11, 2008 at 10:13 am

  speedy, I wasn’t flaming or anything. but the whole sitting in front of your tv playing a video game dressed as a character in that game is far more freakish than just dressing up like a anime character to impress your friends. I just thought it needed a mention. BTW just finished ‘castlevania(I)’ for the first time in almost 20 on my Wii’s virtual consel. Drac is still fucking harder than shit.

• 38 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 11, 2008 at 11:04 am

  Ha.

  Jacky, do you watch the AVGN? You have a Wii, you like playing Castlevania, and you use the phrase “fucking harder than shit”. You need the AVGN in your life.

  http://cinemassacre.com/AVGN/Nes_Nerd_videos.html

• 39 pal Jacky // Apr 11, 2008 at 9:42 pm

  thanks for the site speedy. to this day, I think the first castlevainia has the hardest last boss in any game I’ve ever played. Infinite continues, but no save or warps, so the NES was on nights on end. With the Wii VC it has a ‘quicksave’ at the end of a session in the 8 and 16 bit games so you can come back exactly where you left off(it does ‘erase’ the save point, but you can make another when you end the session), so though it doesn’t make it any easier, It does allow one to pick up at the final boss once one gets there. Also, makes games with passwords easier because you don’t have to write them down.

• 40 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 11, 2008 at 10:24 pm

  Jacky, if you like le jeux classiques so much, you should get an emulator.

  In case you don’t know, an emulator in a prog that creates a virtual NES environment on your PC. Or, uh… Mac, I guess. You then download ROMs of NES games, and buy a USB controller (9.99 at Target, my man), and then you play. Best of all, since it’s on your comp, you can perform all sorts of dickery with the game–including saving the game instantly, whenever and wherever you want.

  It’s seriously easy to set up, no comp skills required. Oh, and it’s free.

  I have every NES game ever released in North America right here on my C:, along with many Japanese releases, and they can all be yours. Say the word, man. I’ll hook you up.