Ask Jesus to tune your guitar
May 5th, 2008 · 54 Comments
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54 responses so far ↓
1 Speedy Cerviche // May 5, 2008 at 10:35 pm
April, why do you hate the Lord?
2 Infinite monkey // May 6, 2008 at 12:06 am
And such a small picture of Jesus in there, it needs a total edit. Will it ever make it to GodTube? Will GodTube whip out some miracle here?
Infinite…………………….
3 JohnnyBoy // May 6, 2008 at 1:46 am
Reminds me of this:
http://www.gavinbryars.com/Pages/jesus_blood_never_failed_m.html
4 pronounce the j like a y // May 6, 2008 at 3:00 am
And I thought Fiat Lux was dangerous.
5 linnefaulk // May 6, 2008 at 4:15 am
Oh good lord! Ask Jesus to shut her up!
6 bnaivar // May 6, 2008 at 4:57 am
“Ass Jesus”? wtf
7 mkf // May 6, 2008 at 6:36 am
this is one of those spacer/filler things you were saving for when you hadn’t posted for awhile but figured you’d better throw something out there so you wouldn’t lose traffic, right?
[and not that there's anything wrong with that--i'm just asking]
8 eBayEnigma // May 6, 2008 at 9:03 am
Probably not Norma Lee’s most shining moment, poor thing.
9 ListenerJustin // May 6, 2008 at 9:31 am
“Ask Jesus To Come On Your Heart”? I think I’ve watched that one already. The Lord has a great money shot at the end! Maybe our talc-throated songstress there would be up for a Yodeling For Jesus reunion medley. I’m getting a little short of breath from excitement, but maybe we could track down Lil Markie and make it a go-away tour.
10 joshpincusiscrying // May 6, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I’m sorry, April, after the third loop-through of the photos, I had to turn it off. The combination of bad guitar, bad singing and Jesus was making me dizzy.
11 joshpincusiscrying // May 6, 2008 at 12:33 pm
and the guy with the pen and paper in his pocket creeped me out.
12 Infinite monkey // May 6, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Want more normalee?
Horns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOb1UtetfhA
Dr. Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeCn_a97Ojo
I am Not an Old Doosh Bag
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm8sJfLb4UY
and more…
http://www.youtube.com/user/normaleeshow
13 bflat // May 6, 2008 at 5:50 pm
She convinced me to scream ‘Dear Jesus’- who needs water boarding?
14 phoebefigalilly // May 6, 2008 at 6:31 pm
This is really creepy. It makes me think of the movie Gummo for some reason.
15 Dylan // May 6, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I’m getting vague proto-goth undertones, like her music is slightly desolate and hopeless and evil and and she’s channeling Marilyn Manson and other evil goth music without even knowing it or trying.
16 Doug // May 6, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Ask Jesus to “sit on” my heart? What, the right hand of God isn’t enough for Him?
17 Letty Cruz // May 6, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Jesus cringed.
18 chrisbcritter // May 6, 2008 at 10:14 pm
April, since you added this item, Internet Explorer can’t (or won’t) open your homepage – I have to open it in Firefox. Is the Lord sending me a sign here?
19 inerror // May 6, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Here’s a memento that comes close to the sentiment. You only need to re-engineer the text a little to get it to say “Jesus’ ass loves my heart.”
20 inerror // May 6, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I want to second chrisbcritter’s note about the IE bug on this page. But I know what it is chrisb. April is a Mac biggot. She planted code on this page to screw with IE just because it’s a Windows thing.
21 JohnnyBoy // May 7, 2008 at 6:07 am
I’m having the same problem with internet Explorer, and it’s strictly PC here, no Macs
22 steve // May 7, 2008 at 9:03 am
you’re on a PC and you’re using IE? stop drinking the Kool-Aid! Firefox is PC and Mac compatible, much more secure, and faster. April is a Mac user, it’s true, but the WordPress software she uses is installed on her server and doesn’t care what kind of computer is used to edit these pages.
I think the solution here is it ASK JESUS ASK JESUS
23 inerror // May 7, 2008 at 10:06 am
Maybe Internet Evil (IE) has possession of my PC’s soul and it won’t let Jesus in.
Seriously though, it’s clear that April has gone over to the dark side in taking work on a Disney project. And Disney is a known CIA asset. The “Company” has obviously convinced April to allow them to place malicious code on her web page to keep the enemies of oppression and advocates of free speech from consolidating into a real form of opposition to their tyranny on the internet.
24 inerror // May 7, 2008 at 10:09 am
And perhaps IE is in fact protecting us from the CIA looking over our shoulder by restricting this site. Good ‘ol Bill Gates. What more can you say. He’s always looking out for the registered users’ interests. It’s probably the latest XP update that’s protecting all us Windows users from the creeping fascism.
25 pal Jacky // May 7, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I thought my dell was just rejecting the page because it knows how I feel about ‘cross people’. Or the site was rejecting me because I might start babbling mindlessly about jerry o’connell nailing his feces to the door of marilyn monroe’s crypt.
26 thefifthbeatle // May 7, 2008 at 3:08 pm
That video is on every television channel in Hell.
27 thefifthbeatle // May 7, 2008 at 3:09 pm
And I don’t know if anyone can answer this, but every time I perform a search here, it says “This page cannot be displayed” and closes the browser.
Is there something up with my Internet or what?
28 DavidinBerkeley // May 7, 2008 at 3:24 pm
In other news:
Ms. Winchell needs a couple of these if she’s going to keep kosher: http://rarebirdfinds.typepad.com/rare_bird_finds/2006/12/doggy_judaica_y.html
And these would help, too:
http://inventorspot.com/files/images/HS_Dog_Shalom_Pet_Costume.jpg
29 DavidinBerkeley // May 7, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Topic for Discussion:
How long will it be before Ms. Winchell posts pictures of her current boyfriend wearing her underwear?
Because it’s been a while since the last one…
30 pal Jacky // May 7, 2008 at 3:31 pm
fifth beatle,
you should praise God, your browser is just looking after you. My nephew is 11, and I’m trying to make a ‘net nanny’ program which will keep him away from dangerous propaganda like this minstral. All I’ve got so far is when ‘dr. laura’ is googled the only thing that comes up are her nudie pics. He needs to no when it comes to morals, those who can’t, teach.
31 Speedy Cerviche // May 7, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Anyone out there who’s on a Windows box and using IE–
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET FIREFOX. YOU ARE USING WINDOWS, WHICH MEANS YOU GET VIRUSES AND SPYWARE AND COOTIES FROM THE INTERNET. WHY ARE YOU PRACTICING THIS BIZARRE FORM OF SELF-SABOTAGE?!
Please, for your own sake, get Firefox. While you’re at it, get the AdBlockPlus, NoScript, and GreaseMonkey plugins for it as well. Then surf without fear.
You will be a better person for it.
32 inerror // May 7, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Better yet. Upgrade to IE 7. It’s much more secure than IE6 and as secure as Firefox. And Firefox has issues with it’s implementation of Java and memory leak. I use both on two PCs, one with Vista, one with XP and have had many more lockups with Firefox requiring Task Manager intervention. IE8 is in beta and is looking good as Firefox’s strongest point is it’s extensions. I use Firefox when I need those extensions. The rest of the time I run IE7…except when I try and access aprilwinchell.com that is.
33 Speedy Cerviche // May 7, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Yes, those Java hangups are why I recommended NoScript. In addition to eliminating virtually any weak spots in FF’s virus-proofing, it keeps those annoying freezes from happening.
And I ALWAYS need my extensions. I love my extensions. I could never go back to IE. NEVAH!
Also: inerror, you have two PCs… And they’re both running Windows. There is something very wrong with this picture.
Come on, at least make one of those bad boys a Linux box! Kick Vistaids to the curb! YOU CAN DOOOO IT!
34 pal Jacky // May 7, 2008 at 7:17 pm
nerd talk, nerd talk. the only thing worse than that is politics. I suggest this new slogan
“obama, not uppity for a negro’
35 inerror // May 7, 2008 at 7:51 pm
WARNING: Nerd Talk Ahead:
Ya. Sure. Disable Java. You can do that in IE too. But half the productive things like print shipping labels out of eBay require it. Don’t Bug Me is about the only really useful FF extension. The rest are interesting novelties created mostly by amateur programmers. Go ahead. be my guest and beta test them. Maybe they’ll be something useful and safe some day.
I do have a hard drive with Ubuntu on it. Just to play with since it’s useless for anything productive besides perhaps hacking into Unix systems which in theses days of heightened security is a good way to reserve a room at San Quintin.
36 pal Jacky // May 7, 2008 at 9:00 pm
I think the ‘non-uppity’ campaign would probably work the best in the pacific northwest. Not idaho which is a strong hold of white supremacy, but washington state. Seattle is filled with ‘NIMBY’ liberals who relocated there because they like the concept of african americans as long as they don’t have to actually be around them. One only has to listen to the band ‘nirvana’ to truly understand how deluded this area really is. Being born white in the world’s richest country is nothing to whine about.
37 pal Jacky // May 7, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Few people in the Pacific northwest have seen an actual negro in person. When they do they get scared and confused and report it as a bigfoot sighting
38 Speedy Cerviche // May 7, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I just found out I have the same birthday as Frank Welker. Frank Fucking Welker.
Is this awesome Y/N
39 Syr Paine // May 8, 2008 at 5:02 am
Sweet boneless Christ! My head just exploded off the top of my neck!
Ask Jesus to teach you another chord…or at least a couple of chords that actually sound good together!
Someone…ANYONE….get me a drink!
40 JohnnyBoy // May 8, 2008 at 6:46 am
Y
41 pal Jacky // May 8, 2008 at 9:11 am
to combat cries of Antisemitism, the seattle opera actually imports jews for their annual wagner festival. They play the enslaved dwarves of Niebelheim, therefore, are allowed to wear their streetclothes and are safely locked in the prop room between performances.
42 inerror // May 8, 2008 at 10:18 am
Does anybody even remember Mister K? April goes off to conspire with Disney to conduct mind control over American children to ‘zombyize’ them into the CIA and military to oppress the people, foreign and domestic and just forgets about all the big plans THEY had. Isn’t this all too convenient? Isn’t it obvious the Bush shadow government has offered this pot of honey to April just to draw her from helping Mister K fight the good fight for truth, justice and the American way? Don’t blame me, or Mister K when you wake up with a jack-boot on your throat.
43 pal Jacky // May 8, 2008 at 11:44 am
oksy, so I got the info this mystery inhertance thing. It was one of my grandma’s brothers. It turns out I’m gonna get 10 -20 grand from the estate in about a year. Not bad.
44 Speedy Cerviche // May 8, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I mean, Jesus Christ. Frank “God of Voice Acting” Welker. I feel so touched by greatness. Next thing you know, I’ll find out that Maurice LaMarche is my long-lost uncle.
Though the whole birthday thing is strange. I also share my Bday with Liza Minnelli. I’m thinking this probably gives me some measure of power in the gay world. I mean, could I order a hit on someone? You know, like that Gay Mafia everybody’s been talking about in the chat? That would be cool.
45 DavidinBerkeley // May 8, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Wow this thread missed the curve at Nerdsville and is now tearing across the salt flats in Geek County. On its rims.
Could we puh-lease get back to the subject of April Winchell and what she posts here? Sheesh.
46 pal Jacky // May 8, 2008 at 3:08 pm
but that means the gay mafia owes 1/365 of the country hits. I was born on the same day as rose kennedy and I don’t get nothing. Slavic composer smetana was also born on july 22, which means I get to blast ‘my vlast’ once a year and do interpretive dance in my underwear. This year I’m going for jockey brand boxer briefs-grey with black stripes.
47 mduggan900 // May 8, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Is that a new Hole song?
48 inerror // May 8, 2008 at 7:04 pm
April posts nothing!!!
April is consorting with the Bush shadow government to defile American childrens’ minds with visions of zombie empire.
April has forsaken Mister K and the vow she made in front of us all to bring the Mister K battle for the hearts and minds of America for freedom and liberty etc.
Monitor Gary Lycan’s column in the Orange County Register. He is the only trusted source for Mister K’s triumphant return to his worshiping minions. I’m afraid April is a lost cause. She can’t even give due attention to this blog or whatever it is, much less Podcasts … Remember Pod Casts?
49 JohnnyBoy // May 8, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Yeah, they were those chicks that went around making casts of RockStar’s pods, right?
50 steve // May 8, 2008 at 7:32 pm
what the hell is this?
http://www.sat1.de/comedy_show/tarzan/
51 inerror // May 8, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Miss Tarzan will probably be April’s next excuse for not working on the Mister K project.
As to ‘those chicks’ and their casts, you mean Plaster Casters . And yes I’m old enough to remember this chick showing off her replicas of, then famous phallus’s.
52 JohnnyBoy // May 9, 2008 at 4:04 am
well, yes, inerror, thanks for getting the reference
I encourage people to click on that link, and the phalli to the left to see results !
53 Matthew Dickens // May 9, 2008 at 10:03 am
I think the best part of this is in the end credits: “Norma Lee’s own made up guitar music”. I think that wraps it up!
Tarzan Und Jane! Musical-Tickets!!!
54 lupeSan // May 10, 2008 at 2:11 pm
The woman in that clip is spreading the joy of of Jesus with her FUCKING HILARIOUS MUSIC. God Bless her!
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