April Winchell

63 responses so far ↓

• 1 Gina // May 16, 2008 at 7:11 pm

  It’s a shame Fr. Geoghan didn’t live to see this day.

• 2 JohnnyBoy // May 16, 2008 at 7:16 pm

  Holy Boner !

• 3 jim // May 16, 2008 at 7:25 pm

  This one’s a home run.

  Bet some people are wishing they could arrange to get some of those pastors “fixed” too - bet they’d even chip in for the Neuticles.

  RC’s sure spent a lot of years playing “Musical Parish Chairs” to give their clergy’s sick-fuck contingent an escape-pod from criminal charges, as well as lots of new victims to choose from. I bet they really miss the good old days, when they could just burn accusers at the stake & take all their stuff.

  Religions: because after all, what has Science done for us lately?

• 4 inerror // May 16, 2008 at 10:06 pm

  Last night on a radio talk show during the wee-wee hours that will remain nameless I heard tell that a movie is in the works based upon Beavis and Butthead. I really thing the Winchell party should sue for copyright infringement since B&B were obviously patterned directly after Winch and Knuck. I’ll bet if someone just did a little digging, they’d find out the ones that own rights to B&B were also obsessive followers of Winch & Knuck. Just a word to the wise.

• 5 pal Jacky // May 16, 2008 at 11:04 pm

  of course this all goes back to the pre-catholic days of the Roman empire. Tiberious loved to bugger young boys. Though he is perhaps the most famous, he wasn’t the only emperor who did such things. In fact, most scholars now believe Constantine only converted the country to Catholicism because of assurances that he could and his hench men could still carry on the perversions.

• 6 Scott // May 17, 2008 at 1:53 am

  My fiancee absolutely had to have a Catholic wedding. What do I know about that being one of those degenerate Protestants. So off I go, knocking on the door of the rectory to make arrangements. We find out that we have to have 6 months worth of classes, taught by the priest, first! That was impossible, she being in the country on a 90 day fiancee visa. So I say to him, “I guess we will have to have a civil ceremony first and have the church wedding later.” His reply, “But you’ll be living in sin!” My ass!

  To cut to the chase. Several years later this guy who is telling us we’ll be living in sin is defrocked for banging altar boys up the ass! One of the few priests in the Boston area to actually do time for the crime.

• 7 eBayEnigma // May 17, 2008 at 7:38 am

  ***WARNING*** A kind of “preachy” paragraph follows. I’m not trying to convert anyone, I’m just stating my own personal point of view. There will be some that will disagree with me, but that’s OK. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion regarding the existence God, or if they don’t believe, the non-existence of God:

  I believethe above story proves we all are sinners in the eyes of God and that Man is fallible. God also created Man and gave him free will. I am Catholic and I remain sort of detached from all the horribleness of what is happening in the Catholic church today. I do not condone it, but it doesn’t make me want to NOT be a Catholic, because it doesn’t really have anything to do with me, per se, but I pray for the victims every day. I take comfort in the fact that the priest was prosecuted and sent to prison for his crime. That priest was free to chose between good and evil and he chose evil. I believe God will punish him for that and that it is not my place to judge. It is what it is. My faith is my faith.

• 8 unclemike // May 17, 2008 at 9:14 am

  “…kind of preachy??”

• 9 Andre // May 17, 2008 at 10:26 am

  I’m just here for the bun exhibit.

• 10 eBayEnigma // May 17, 2008 at 10:43 am

  OK, unclemike, it was very very preachy! But at least I warned ahead of time! =)

• 11 Scott // May 17, 2008 at 12:48 pm

  eBayEnigma. I hear you and understand completely. Sorry if I came across as anti-Catholic or anti-religious. My experience was with only one priest out of hundreds of thousands. Go in peace.

• 12 TW // May 17, 2008 at 2:20 pm

  Most Priests don’t take Sundays off because they don’t want to leave their Altar Boys behind.

• 13 eBayEnigma // May 17, 2008 at 2:44 pm

  Scott…Thank you for the apology, but it was completely unnecessary. You’re perfectly entitled to post whatever you like, and no offense was taken by your post. I am a cradle Catholic with 12 years of Catholic school under my belt, so I am firmly ensconced in my beliefs which I try not to foist on other people. I have many friends; some of which are Catholic and some aren’t. I even have a couple of atheist friends that I love dearly and plan to keep as my friends. It doesn’t matter to me what religion other people are or aren’t, or what race a person is or what political views people embrace in their lives. We are all members of the human race and have much in common. =)

• 14 coasterboy // May 17, 2008 at 4:34 pm

  no, ebay…..You just kind of remain sort of detatched from the horrible things your chuch does? You just put your but in the seat, and give them the money to keep doing it. And your silence is seen as approval. As long as you show up and pony up the cash, they will think you don’t care and continue to fuck kids.

  Oh, and by the way, they haven’t stopped. The church has shipped the kid fuckers down to Mexico, where the church goers fear god, the priest must always be obeyed, and most importantly, they aren’t litigious.

• 15 coasterboy // May 17, 2008 at 4:35 pm

  Bottom line:
  The Catholic Church has fucked more children than NAMBLA could ever dreams of doing.

• 16 eBayEnigma // May 17, 2008 at 5:53 pm

  coasterboy…as I look at your post I am afraid that you are probably right about the Church/NAMBLA thing because the Catholic Church has been in existence longer than NAMBLA. As I said in a previous post, I don’t think it is my place to judge any person, including you. I don’t agree with many things that the Church professes…for instance; I took birth control pills when I no long wanted any more children. I believe that is between my Creator and me.
  I agree with you that the Church has certainly done the wrong thing, and I hope the new Pope takes steps to do something about it.

  You are entitled to your opinion, but at the end of the day, your opinion doesn’t affect me one way or the other.

• 17 inerror // May 17, 2008 at 6:40 pm

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• 18 eBayEnigma // May 17, 2008 at 6:47 pm

  Huh?

• 19 coasterboy // May 17, 2008 at 6:58 pm

  E-bay,

  I know my opinion doesn’t matter to you. Your God will always forgive you, even if you fuck children. It’s really kind of smug and offensive.

  Just out of curiosity, what do you get out of belonging to a religion and not following the rules that are inconvenient to you? I know more devout “Cafeteria”Catholics who use birth control, have had abortions, beat their children, are having affairs, fuck men on the side, use prostitutes, watch porn, and would never concede any of this to the clergy. What is the point of belonging then? You’ll do what you want, and just say “it’s between me and my God”. So convenient, isn’t it? Isn’t one of the tenants of Christianity being honest? How honest is that?

  I’d actually like to meet a Christian who actually knows and understands the teachings of Christ. I know I’ve never met one who actually practices His teachings in their lives. Jesus would roll over in his grave if he could see the Churches of today. “Christ” and “Christianity” have really become trademarks that have no connection to him or anything that he stood for.

  You all say that you don’t judge, but you (or rather, most religious people) will have no problem deciding to deny gay people (in California) the right to marry, or be treated as second class citizens, this November.

  Since you are all going to hold us to arcane religious standards, all I ask in return, is the right to come into your religious households and enforce the book of Leviticus for 1 week. I arbitrarily get to pick and choose what applies (the Cafeteria Catholic principal at work!). I guarantee no one would be left un-stoned within a week.

  I know it doesn’t matter to you, but I consider that you and every Catholic, through your offering, are paying the salary of your priest, so in effect you are paying to have children fucked. All it would take to stop it is for you to all stop funding the Church until it rectifies the situation, but none of you has the guts. You just say “I remain sort of detached from all the horribleness of what is happening in the Catholic church today”. Isn’t the church the sum of the community that makes up it’s membership? If you won’t take a stand to fix it, who will? If you won’t, I consider you a willing participant.

  You can take that as a judgement, if you’d like. At least I’m honest.

  It would bring me great comfort to believe that all Catholics will be going straight to hell, If only I didn’t know that the whole Heaven and Hell thing was made up centuries ago in order to provide comfort to and control the simple minded, uneducated masses. I guess there are lots of simple minded masses still out there.

  One last note in this skree. To the priests out there:
  When you are finished fucking the little ones out there, it might be cheaper for you to just snuff them. A missing child would be cheaper to explain/pay for than lots of molestation lawsuits. And though it might give you harder wood, don’t think of taping the snuff. You know it’ll end up on YouTube and where would you be then?

• 20 JohnnyBoy // May 17, 2008 at 7:24 pm

  We switched over to High Episcopal, same as Catholic but without the boyfucking

• 21 eBayEnigma // May 17, 2008 at 7:28 pm

  Like I said, coasterboy, you are entitled to your opinion, but in reading your post, you sure assume an awful lot about a person that you don’t even know. How do you know all this about me? Do you live in my house and observe what I do? Define the word “honest”. How do you know what it means to me? Have you had my life’s experiences?

  Just some food for thought. I will pray for you.

• 22 pal Jacky // May 17, 2008 at 8:12 pm

  What we are all forgetting here is that sometimes the message is good but the messenger is fucked up. Perhaps this simple bit of wisdom will put this whole mess in perspective.
  Q: What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue?

  A: A nun falling down a staircase.
  With that I want you to all pull out your favorite Sandy Denny album and contemplate how it has been thirty years since she fell down a staircase. Or your favorite gesualdo motets and think about how that sick fuck killed his wife, her lover and his son and is still considered a great man when it comes to write church music.

• 23 pal Jacky // May 17, 2008 at 10:53 pm

  oops wrong bit’o wisdom I obviously meant
  q: what is black and white and red and can’t go through a revolving door?
  a: a nun with a javelin through her.
  tha makes much more sense. BTW still check out some gesualdo. I like the old columbia(now sony) disc it is in english and the man just had a way with harmonies. Of course, if you caused a few death rattles in your day, you might be gifted in that area as well.

• 24 Speedy Cerviche // May 17, 2008 at 11:04 pm

  My my, this thread is chock full of serious business. Man, there are people praying for people and shit.

  Ebay, I don’t mean to offend, but why are you here? You seem like a comparatively devout person. Surely the godless brand of irreverent humor found on this site is forbidden in some way by Catholic teachings?

  Also, to the general users of the site: You may split hairs over boyfucking and funny hats, but if you belong to any Christian denomination, you by definition believe that the immortal all-seeing invisible man in the sky sent a ghost down to Earth to impregnate a fifteen year old girl so she could give birth to a divine Jewish space zombie who will cause the devout (yes, the murders and child-fuckers included, so long as they pray really hard) to physically ascend to heaven, leaving the majority of humans to be tortured for all of eternity. You just remember that.

  Hail Xenu.

• 25 coasterboy // May 17, 2008 at 11:38 pm

  You tell ‘em, Speedy.

• 26 coasterboy // May 17, 2008 at 11:40 pm

  My mother prayed for me for years. Prayer and a buck will still get you a coke.

  Is it just me or when someone says they will pray for you, it really means, “Fuck You”. It certainly comes across that way.

• 27 coasterboy // May 17, 2008 at 11:44 pm

  Speedy - I just love it when my Christian friends talk about Scientologists, and roll their eyes, wondering how screwed up and gullible people must be to believe such a fantastical, nonsensical story. It just makes me giggle.

• 28 JohnnyBoy // May 18, 2008 at 2:17 am

  “There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us.”

  Robert Louis Stevenson

• 29 eBayEnigma // May 18, 2008 at 7:47 am

  Well, it looks as if I’ve kicked up a pretty lively discussion. I don’t feel as if I have to explain myself to any one, just as don’t expect a non-Christian to explain himself to me.

  Speedy…I am not offended in the least by your comment about why I’m here. I could ask you the same question of you. I find this very entertaining and people using euphemisms for sexual intercourse and the like, doesn’t bother me. I’ve been known to say a swear word or two myself. I am a human being after all. A blog, by its own nature, is a form of expression by all who participate in it.
  I apologize if I have offended anyone, but I am essentially doing what everyone else is doing here. If I serve as a target for someone’s anger and rage, then so be it. Just sitting here at my computer screen, I can take no steps to end it.

• 30 unclemike // May 18, 2008 at 9:03 am

  eBay, the only things he “assumed” about you were based on direct quotes from your postings.

  I don’t understand the point of staying a member of a church if that church has rules, beliefs, actions, etc., that you feel fine ignoring or disregarding.

  I also feel that it’s the height of hypocrisy (and not a little bit evil) to “remain sort of detached from all the horribleness” and say that it has nothing to do with you. I of course know that you personally did nothing wrong, but by your silent acquiescence are you not part of the problem?

  Simply because you’ve been one since childhood doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to stay one as a mature, thinking adult. Particularly when the church has shown that it was much more interested in maintaining the status quo when it had the opportunity to do the [difficult but] correct thing.

• 31 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 9:06 am

  here’s a good one, If you want to see the power of God, just mention his name around an athiest.

• 32 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 9:18 am

  C’mon people, no one has to blindly agree with every aspect of the way a church is run in order to feel a sense of belonging, I’m all for jailing the chesters and the higher ups who aided and abetted them, but shit.
  The truth is most priests DONT molest children. Mother teresa was not lezzing off with young girls. One stays sometimes because one feels they can change things. Likewise, how many people here of Cursed the name of George W. Bush and still call themselves an american?

• 33 eBayEnigma // May 18, 2008 at 9:18 am

  uncle mike, I never posted anything about gay marriage, or whether I was for it or against it. How does coasterboy know if I even go to Mass or “church”, for instance? I fail to see how my leaving my life-long Church is going to solve anything, or make things better.

  But all of you bring up valid points, and I will have to think about them. Thank you for bringing them to my attention.

• 34 coasterboy // May 18, 2008 at 10:23 am

  Jacky:

  The difference is, I didn’t vote for Georgie boy. I actively worked against him to the best of my ability.

  BTW, I have several devout Christian “friends” who voted for Georgie twice, and would vote for him again now if they could. These Christians feel no responsibility for the deaths that Georgie has caused, nor do these fiscally conservative Repubs think that they have any responsibility to pay for it. George alone is responsible for his failures, they say, and their support of him does not make them responsible in the least.

  Maybe they are smug enough to think that God forgives them…

  Makes me throw up a little in my mouth whenever I’m around them.

• 35 coasterboy // May 18, 2008 at 10:30 am

  And E-bay:

  Though you may not believe it, I have great respect for the power of God. I think that spirituality is a great and wonderful thing. It is your connection to the universal energy, and every living thing around you. I have a great and clear connection to my God.

  But religion, every one of them, all become about money and power. And the Catholic Church is one of the biggest whores of all. Guess which business is the largest landowner in California? Maybe they should sell off some of their income properties (which, while not used for church purposes, and completely tax free) to pay off the children they fucked….

  God, how I would love to live in a country that was religion free…

• 36 JohnnyBoy // May 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm

  and you’d no doubt vote for such a proposition

  hypocrite

• 37 JohnnyBoy // May 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

  rephrase that to “hypocritical”

• 38 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 4:34 pm

  coaster boy,
  Did you vote for John Kerry in ‘04? He’s a catholic you know and so was John Kennedy.
  I’ve got cousins who graduated from Bob Jones university, They drove their father to suicide and then on her deathbed told our grandmother how she better repent or she will join her son in hell. So don’t think I need a didactic lesson in intolerant christians. My point was and is that many people get comfort, fellowship and a sense of moral calculus by belonging to a church. I don’t, but that doesn’t mean that they are wrong, weak or crazy for tapping into it, if it works for them. That being said, it is possible to condemn the actions of a few leaders and still belong to a church. I would explain the analogy to politics a bit better, but sometimes when dealing with easily confused hotheads I should just leave it alone.
  America has freedom of religion, to think no one should belong to any religion is as fundementally self rituously dogmatic as those ‘devout christian friends’ you claim to have. “I know the truth and if don’t agree you are damned’

• 39 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 5:47 pm

  speaking of athiests, have you notice that they condemn the idea of God because they see no physical proof, therefore he doesn’t exist. However, when they talk about life on other planets, they go gaga over’billions and billions’ of stars and say there just has to be life somewhere out there, even though they have no physical proof. Furthermore, Carl Sagen says ‘Absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence’ when it comes to ET life, but the same just can’t be said about god.

• 40 Speedy Cerviche // May 18, 2008 at 6:35 pm

  This thread has far too much serious business.

  You are all making fools of yourselves.

  Christians are weak-willed and intellectually dishonest.

  Atheists are self-entitled, elitist and pompous.

  And we are, as a whole, the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

  Now please, for the love of the generic, all-inclusive, politically correct sky-deity who may or may not exist, let us resume our discussion of fart and dick jokes.

• 41 eBayEnigma // May 18, 2008 at 6:39 pm

  coasterboy…I am happy for you that you have a great respect for the power of God, and I agree with you that spirituality is a great and wonderful thing. I fail to see why my belonging to a religion makes my spirituality less than yours. I could use the words that were used to describe me: “smug” and “self-righteous” and attribute them to you now. That’s like saying I’m a despicable lout for putting pickles on my hamburger just because you can’t stand pickles.

  We could debate this until the Second Coming of….uh, poor choice of words there…until the cows come home and we will never agree on some points. I think we should just agree to disagree.

• 42 eBayEnigma // May 18, 2008 at 6:45 pm

  Okay, I think speedy is right . Here’s something my Dad used to say:

  If you eat Beef Hearts, they’ll be farts, tomorrow. (I know that was lame, but it’s all I could come up with.)

• 43 Speedy Cerviche // May 18, 2008 at 6:51 pm

  Hey, everybody! It’s a list of the 6 most terrifying foods in the world!

  http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html

  See, kids? This a lot more fun than a religious debate over the internet!

• 44 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 7:05 pm

  damn fucking straight I just listened to over 3-1/2 hours of Bruckner’s church music (the joachum dg recordings) and i’m so fucking spirtual I can hardly stand it myself. I was about tto hit my Schubert 8-disc box of sacred music(sawallich on angel/EMI). But I’m gonna lighten things up with Tchaikovsky’s ‘pathetique’. Because like most people the despair of closeted homosexuals makes me happy.

• 45 JohnnyBoy // May 18, 2008 at 7:20 pm

  Punchlines: “I’m not doing THAT 68 more times”

  “your brother’s dick tastes funny”

  “Aunt? ummm…do you have an eraser?”

• 46 eBayEnigma // May 18, 2008 at 7:20 pm

  Wow, speedy, that list is frightening. My husband used to tell me about buying and eating marinated monkey meat skewers after downing 2 cases of San Miguel beer in the Philippines in 1968, but I never believed him. =)

• 47 Doug // May 18, 2008 at 7:32 pm

  All I can say is this: there is the message, and then there are the message bearers. These are two different things. If you decide to condemn the message, or applaud it, for that matter, on account of the character of the message bearers, then you’re a moron.

• 48 Scott // May 18, 2008 at 7:55 pm

  Balut! Ever seen a real one? It actually looks more disgusting than the picture. Married to a Filipina so I should know.

• 49 Doug // May 18, 2008 at 8:03 pm

  Scott, are you hacking into my web browser?

  http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html

• 50 jim // May 18, 2008 at 8:10 pm

  Wow.
  Now I KNOW I’m in a parallel universe.
  Theological debate - HERE?!?
  It’s like finding a Gloria Steinam fan-club on /b/ or something.

  *checks sky for rain of blood*

• 51 unclemike // May 18, 2008 at 8:33 pm

  Never said you should leave your church. I said I don’t understand why one would stay. I was hoping you would enlighten me.

  But I did suggest that simply “remaining detached” wasn’t helping things any. I do apologizer, because that is an assumption on my part. For all I know, you could be one of the most outspoken members of your church, loudly proclaiming to all where your views differ from the church’s.

  But I doubt it.

• 52 unclemike // May 18, 2008 at 8:38 pm

  And now back to disgusting foods.

  http://www.bockscar.de/blog/Bilder/hering.jpg

• 53 Speedy Cerviche // May 18, 2008 at 8:44 pm

  Doug, try reading the thread before you post.

  And to Jim: /b/ is the anus of the internet. Only the most moronic and immature douchebags would ever be found in that wretched cesspit.

  So yeah, I have a pretty rich history of going there. How long have you browsed /b/? Are you a certified Oldfag™?

• 54 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 8:58 pm

  Jokes and jokes and jokes
  What round and red and gets smaller?
  A baby combing his hair with a potato peeler.

  What do you get when you cross Micheal Jackson with a cubscout?
  nothing yet but he keeps trying.

  What did the bbrown gerbil ssay to the white gerbil?
  New in town.

• 55 pal Jacky // May 18, 2008 at 9:04 pm

  They left out of the food list anything from Taco bell Who needs dual action cleanse when you have taco bell in the neighborhood. Flush often so you don’t clog the toilet.

• 56 eBayEnigma // May 18, 2008 at 10:05 pm

  Well, unclemike, I’m done talking about this, so you’ll never know, will you?

• 57 inerror // May 18, 2008 at 11:33 pm

  Don’t usually. But flipping around caught this in between TMZ segments.

• 58 coasterboy // May 19, 2008 at 7:48 am

  Actually, Johnny Boy, I wouldn’t vote for a proposition to eliminate religion. Even though I think it would be great to live in a world where it didn’t exist. So, even though in some things I’m hypocritical, it isn’t there.

  But if there were a God, he’d do something about it, wouldn’t he?

  And pickles don’t do evil.

• 59 coasterboy // May 19, 2008 at 8:01 am

  One last thing and I’m done…
  A JOKE!

  We can make it all OK, as long as every priest tatoos “Holy Bible” on the head of his dick!

  Then, It’s not sex, he’s just shoving the Bible down their throats!

• 60 JohnnyBoy // May 19, 2008 at 9:23 am

  My apologies then, coasterboy !

  I was going to say something like it’s not good to put words in other people’s mouths, but your joke said it better !

• 61 jim // May 19, 2008 at 9:40 am

  Nay, Speedy, I’m a perma-n00b - I’ll never qualify as an oldfag, & the hardcore /b/tards would sneer at me … my sense of humor isn’t nearly, ahem, catholic enough to get major lulz out of carpet-bombings, gang-rape or tsunami victims … & I’d have to work at it to even be a namefag.

  Actually, I don’t lurk around on the ‘Chans much, I’m more of an Encyclopedia Dramatica fellow - ED being the pyloric valve of the Interwebs. Particularly piquant to me is the fact that they have equal contempt for all races, creeds & ideologies - & that may be the only honest equality we have left soon, if history gets any more exciting. I recommend it for anyone who needs to be entertained, degraded & confused but lacks the free time to wait for 3 seperate events to satisfy those needs.

• 62 Doug // May 19, 2008 at 3:56 pm

  This isn’t your momma’s Rachel Ray…this is the RR hate to love. It’s both salty *and* delicious!

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb1hXigxUKM&feature=related

• 63 Speedy Cerviche // May 19, 2008 at 4:11 pm

  That’s cool, jim. I used to lurk on /b/ back in the day… I really don’t go there that often nowadays –it’s changed too much from the glory days of WT Snacks, back when it was filled with nothing but B& SA goons and sociopaths. I guess my sense of humor is very, ahem, Catholic, because I always enjoyed the particular form of shockingly bad-taste black humor that pervaded that board. Hey, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry, amirite?

  Presently I hang out on 420’s /m/ board, but that’s the closest I come to regular *chan lurking these days.

  I do, however, enjoy Encyclopedia Dramatica, and have ever since its creation. One of the funniest sites on the internet, bar none. You earn internets for that excellent choice.

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