Last week, I took my mother out of town for a few days of gambling at Harrah’s.
The high point was winnning about $200 and buying her a steak dinner at a fancy restaurant. The low point was forcing a $.20 credit slip from the wrong casino into a dollar machine, and running away when it broke down.
John’s family came to Los Angeles while I was gone, so the minute I came home I went straight to Benihana for the first of several meals together. I haven’t been there in a long time, and this was a real deja vous.
First of all, we live in the Valley now, which is where I grew up, so this is the same Benihana I went to as a child. They still have the same mirrored walls in the bar, the same autographed photos of hot celebrities like Linda Carter, the same cheeseball souvenir cocktail glasses shaped like pagodas. Even the Valley sluts are the same, though I know that isn’t possible. But I swear I grew up looking at these same blondes, pretending to be drunk on one MaiTai and leaning over too far in their halter tops from Rampage.
About the only thing that has changed is the ethnicity of the chefs. I’ve never had teppan prepared by someone named Pedro, but this is California after all. To his credit, he did all the standard tricks very well - spinning the egg, catching the lemon on the fork and flipping the shrimp into his sombrero.
Enyoy!
The rest of the week was spent driving around in 5,000 degree heat, looking at things.
Anyway, I realize I haven’t updated much, but this one is going to be brief. I’m very busy playing Sparkle, and I have three more lives before I get another amulet and reach the Old Mill.
So let’s do this bullet point style:
• I got a part in a movie.
One scene, on-camera. Very exciting. I play a woman being pitched an investment she isn’t particularly interested in. Oh - and the man pitching the investment to me?
Gary Busey.
Thank you.
• I saw the new Indiana Jones movie last night.
John and I were invited to an advance screening. I won’t give away any spoilers, but Indy dies.
Anyway, it was . . . fine. The movie has its elbow in your ribs the whole time, reminding you how cute and clever it all is, and hey, remember those first coupla Indiana Jones movies? Yeah, we did those too! Heh.
Karen Allen is absolutely awful, and she looks like hell. Harrison Ford is fine, but he’s very old to be doing this, and I kept thinking how much it all had to hurt. Shia Le Bouef already needs a hairpiece.
Most of the effects are incredibly good. The last 30 minutes (with the exception of the terrible last scene) make the whole film worth seeing.
If this had been the second movie, they could have probably gotten away with the some of the goofy storylines. But as John so aptly put it, “If you’re going to wait 19 years for a movie, you don’t want it to be this movie.”
• I’m the voice of Saturn. Sort of.
I did 6 radio commercials last week for Saturn’s new “Rethink” campaign. It’s me and another guy doing a sort of Bill O’Reilly Point/Counterpoint kind of thing. He’s the idiot, I’m the voice of reason.
The client seems to like them very much. They’ve already said they’ll be doing some Labor Day spots, so with any luck this will run forever, and I’ll be like Tom Bodett. But with cans.
And finally . . .
• I am once again a finalist in the Radio Mercury Awards.
I was very happy to make the cut on this award show, which is one of the most prestigious in radio advertising. Two of my Big Bear radio ads are in the final round.
The last time I was a finalist was 1996, and we won that year. There’s a $100,000 cash prize, but I doubt that will happen again. Lightning striking twice and all.
Still, there are lesser prizes, and I think I’m in a good place to win one of those.
For a complete list of nominees and mp3s of all spots, click here.
The awards are Wednesday night in Beverly Hills. I’ll let you know how I do.
114 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // May 19, 2008 at 10:25 am
Does it have to be an Old Mill?
2 steve // May 19, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Holy Ghost!
3 inerror // May 19, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Gary Busey? I didn’t think he’d ever be in another film in the US after Kurtlar vadisi - Irak , a Turkish/Islamic smear of American Imperialism in the Middle East.
· Looks like Mister K and podcasts are a thing of the past. I hope he was right about being back in July. Otherwise one has to assume he’s fallen into deep depression and is considering desperate measures.
4 eBayEnigma // May 19, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I miss the podcasts….sigh. =(
5 Here For The Bun Exhibit // May 19, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Pedro is no different than the Asians at Taco Bell selling me “charupas…”
6 JohnnyBoy // May 19, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Okay, I just experienced a temporal causality shift, I could have SWORN i was reading a palJacky comment here
Of course, I’m the only one who is aware of these anomalies, so it’s sorta pointless to mention them, but still….
7 Speedy Cerviche // May 19, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Then again, what ethnicity is appropriate at Taco Bell?
8 Speedy Cerviche // May 19, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Johnny, go to the chat! Quick!
9 JohnnyBoy // May 19, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Belgiumese
10 Speedy Cerviche // May 19, 2008 at 2:04 pm
That was exciting. Ol’ JB and I had ourselves a little chat over in the sanctioned chat area. Yeah, I know you’re all jealous.
11 DavidinBerkeley // May 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Ms. Winchell has successfully diverted most of you into forgetting that she and The K were working on a super-secret audio thingy that she was teasing us about some posts ago.
EbayEnigma and I, though, will continue to lie face down on the floor and with both hands AND feet pound the Congoleum until she posts one for us to hear.
Or she posts pictures of her boyfriend wearing her underwear.
12 DavidinBerkeley // May 19, 2008 at 2:54 pm
’cause I’m game for either.
13 DavidinBerkeley // May 19, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Winchell Quiz Time again!
One Winchell listener had a Celebrity Sighting at the Rexall near the Beverly Center. Said celebrity was seen in the wee hours buying a case of SlimFast.
Who was the celebrity?
14 DavidinBerkeley // May 19, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Lordy-lucy, she lives in The Valley now.
I hope she’s stocked up on moisturizer.
15 JohnnyBoy // May 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Commissioner Gordon
16 Speedy Cerviche // May 19, 2008 at 3:57 pm
No no no, it was detective Harvey Bullock.
17 Edward // May 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm
1. Good work, agent-wise. You are destined to be the female William Macy.
2. Thanks for the insight. Let’s face it, did anyone think this was going to be Godfather II?
3. You are going to have some stiff competition from Let-Right, but your work shreds the rest of the field. BTW, it is usually bad luck to have two entries. It splits the votes.
18 Infinite monkey // May 19, 2008 at 6:40 pm
This is all so splendiferous! It is going to be a great summer now…
19 pal Jacky // May 19, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Johnny I did post something. But if I post within the first five posts it disappears. I wonder why I even bother.
20 John Foley // May 19, 2008 at 7:36 pm
William Macy or William H. Macy?
21 pal Jacky // May 19, 2008 at 8:23 pm
actually the post that got lost was about the greatest joke I ever wrote. I thought of it to lighten up the dogmatic insanity of the last topic but figured id share it here.
Q: what do you call a man with no arms and no legs that sings opera?
A: Thomas Quastoff.
What is great about this joke is that first it shout have a one word answer like ‘bob’ or ‘van’. But instead it is a specifc person. second, it is an eclectic reference, since those who Quastoff is hardly are the type to laugh at sick humor. Furthermore, in a day and age where Heather mills one leg jokes are deemed okay, people still have a problem with poking fun at people who are born with defects from thalmidihide.
http://www.gopera.com/quasthoff/en/
22 pal Jacky // May 19, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Quastoff is the greatest singer in the baritone/leider category since Fischer Dieskau. However, I have learned most of the repetoire from owning recordings of the latter, Quastoff is sort of there in special cases like Schubert’s ‘wintereisse’ where you just can’t have one.
23 coasterboy // May 19, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Dogmatic insanity? Are you referring to me? or the Photo at the top of the post?
24 JohnnyQuest // May 19, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Best of luck, A-Dub! You deserve the 100 large…
(But I agree with David - what about the top sekrit Mr. K project?)
- Johnny
25 Doug // May 19, 2008 at 9:32 pm
“so with any luck this will run forever, and I’ll be like Tom Bodett. But with cans.”
All hail the cans! The luckiest man on Earth is that butcher, from way back when. Alas, the memories.
Lucky SOB.
26 pal Jacky // May 19, 2008 at 10:46 pm
coaster, I was actually refering to the whole mess, myself included.
27 Andre // May 19, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Ryan O’Neal.
What do I win?
28 bnaivar // May 20, 2008 at 5:33 am
But Indy can’t DIE. He drank from the Holy Grail. He was an old fart with an eye patch in the “Young Indiana Jones” TV series. He was frozen in carbonite for christsakes!
wait……
29 joshpincusiscrying // May 20, 2008 at 6:03 am
April, you’re the man…… sort of.
30 eBayEnigma // May 20, 2008 at 8:34 am
DavidinBerkeley, right you are! Hopefully April will be able to fit us into her schedule with a podcast or two before long.
Oh, and while I’m down here, I really need to do a better job of cleaning my Congoleum. I have waxy yellow build-up in the corners.
31 JohnnyBoy // May 20, 2008 at 11:35 am
I’ve never heard it called a “Congoleum” before
hmmmmm
32 JohnnyBoy // May 20, 2008 at 11:38 am
I hope he means William H, cause the female version of Bea Arthur’s husband is not desirable
33 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Now we know!
34 jim // May 20, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Another movie-cameo is always a good thing.
Mmm, benefits.
Rooting for you to get that award-thing.
Money is yummy, & awards make great paperweights!
35 DavidinBerkeley // May 20, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Andre/Mesa wins 5 Winchell points.
Can anybody else think of a question for Winchell Quiz Time?
36 Here For The Bun Exhibit // May 20, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Where does my screen name come from?
37 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 2:07 pm
googled it and it points to this URL. Nice to know google is picking up on this discussion group. Be careful what you say. The whole world is watching.
38 thefifthbeatle // May 20, 2008 at 2:55 pm
What campaign are you nominated for? I’m looking for it but can’t find anything…congratulations, by the way!
39 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm
“I’m just here for the but exhibit.”
So saith Farmer John when questioned of his intentions at a museum (all this taking place in a breathtakingly exciting radio spot which was run ad nauseam during April’s early years. The phrase became a popular sound drop on April’s show, along with “I have irritable bowel syndrome” and others.
Next question follows, and only true, h-core Winchell fans need apply:
What is April’s best friend Roy’s last name?
I want a good clean fight on this question. No cheating. And by that, I mean no personal acquaintances of April shouting out the answer. I only want people who found this out through listening to the show religiously.
40 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 3:43 pm
*bun
Damn typing habits…
41 Here For The Bun Exhibit // May 20, 2008 at 3:55 pm
“Thanks Ramrod”
42 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 4:00 pm
“Thanks, Ramrod” was from a Forest Lawn commercial.
Now someone needs to take a stab at my question. Come on, HFTBE, you seem like a true A-Dub fan…
43 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Some Brit has baked an enormous bun and is putting it on exhibit.
44 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 5:42 pm
A photographer named Bun Chan holding an exhibit.
45 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 5:45 pm
An artist named Will Bullas creates Buns of Steel work depicting a rabbit picking a safe.
46 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Artist William Henderson gives an exhipit titles Sticky bun City
47 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Did I get it?
48 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 5:50 pm
inerror.
Read the thread.
I answered the question several comments ago.
We have a new question now.
49 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I must have been thrown by the “Ramrod” reference.
50 JohnnyBoy // May 20, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Roy Harper Jr.
51 JohnnyBoy // May 20, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I’ll be back soon, I have to take a leak
52 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 6:55 pm
ಠ_ಠ
53 JohnnyBoy // May 20, 2008 at 6:59 pm
meh
54 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 7:06 pm
ɥǝɯ
55 JohnnyBoy // May 20, 2008 at 7:25 pm
it most certainly does
56 pal Jacky // May 20, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I always got William finley and william macy mixed up. Macy’s role on ‘maude’ was walter finley. William finley is a cult guy who played in early brian de palma films but had a small part in depalma’s wretched ‘black daliah’ it was one of those moments like seeing P.J. Soles in ‘devil’s rejects’ or jessica harper in ‘miority report’ where I kept squinting and saying ‘is that who I think it is?’
57 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 8:27 pm
A-Bub = AW = April Winchell
Damn why didn’t I think of that sooner…
58 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Please oh please Oh God of Typo vengeance spare me.
It’s A-Dub Dub.. I know it now…damned fingers betrayed me again.
59 Speedy Cerviche // May 20, 2008 at 8:36 pm
John Foley:
What follows is a brief multiple choice survey concerning comic book superheroes. Please read each question as they are presented and answer using the provided checkboxes. Take your time. You will be graded after the completion of the entire survey.
FIRST QUESTION:
Who is the greatest Green Lantern of Earth?
[ ] Alan Scott
[ ] Hal Jordan
[ ] Kyle Rayner
[ ] Guy Gardner
[ ]
John StewartJust kidding, he doesn’t count.60 pal Jacky // May 20, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Speedy, why would the writer of ‘daydream believer’ not count? commenting on one of my own posts, Jessica harper was in ‘phantom of the paradise’ where W. Finley played the title character. If you endured it you might remember the devil was played by little person paul williams. However, no matter what else she did Harper played the lead in one of the greatest and most influential horror films of all time, ’suspiria’
61 inerror // May 20, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I don’t know who’s the all time greatest Green Lantern. I never knew who was acting the part when I watched it. That just wasn’t part of my childhood consciousness. And when I grew up, I found other things to watch. But if these guys can’t figure it out, I’m sure not going to dive into the controversy.
62 JohnnyBoy // May 21, 2008 at 6:07 am
Obama Sur
63 DavidinBerkeley // May 21, 2008 at 11:29 am
Thanks for continuing the quiz, Speedy.
My answer is Roy Leakey, Jr.
Next question: A listener called in once to say he was in a bar and sat next to a celebrity. The turned to each other and he said the celebrity smelled like “she’d been chewing on a cat turd.”
Who is the celebrity?
64 Andre // May 21, 2008 at 11:58 am
Dyan Cannon.
A listener called in once to say he was in a bar as a child (!) and saw a celebrity and when he went over to say hi, the celebrity turned to him and said “Fuck off, kid!” (One of my favorite star sighting stories).
Who is the celebrity?
65 JohnnyBoy // May 21, 2008 at 12:43 pm
The Dalai Lama
66 DavidinBerkeley // May 21, 2008 at 12:47 pm
You’re quite good Andre/Mesa!
The answer to your question is: William Frawley.
Next question: What was in the bag that AW got from Patrick while in the DMV line?
(Gawd, we’re geeks if we know this stuff, aren’t we?)
67 DavidinBerkeley // May 21, 2008 at 12:49 pm
And since I’d like to keep this a horse race, I’ll add another.
What special ingredient did AW tell a listener that was traditionally used to make paprikash, the time she had a caller “bleed over” from Melinda’s show?
68 Andre // May 21, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Don’t know and don’t know. Was the first one a dog turd pen?
Thanks for remembering my old chatroom name, Dave, but it’s “meso” not “mesa”. Ah hell, I guess it’s close enough.
69 Speedy Cerviche // May 21, 2008 at 2:41 pm
@DavidinBerkeley
Hmmmmmm… Can’t remember anything about Patrick and the DMV. Then again, I’m more of a classic April fan (pre-KABC).
In regards to your second question: I can’t recall any conversations about paprikash, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that April did once field a Melinda call concerning Hungarian goulash. April claimed that it was made with cat meat. Meow.
And I’m still waiting for John Foley to answer my survey incorrectly. I simply can’t wait for him to be wrong.
70 coasterboy // May 21, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Question: What restaurant did April have a birthday party in where listeners were invited to join in the celebration?
71 Speedy Cerviche // May 21, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Waaaaaaaaaaitaminnit.
David, something just popped into mind. Was it a pair of scissors? You know, so she could cut up her old Rosie O’Donnell-lookin license?
72 DavidinBerkeley // May 21, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Speedy gets 10 points for 2 right answers, and 5 bonus points for correcting my question.
I can’t answer your question, Coasterboy, since I’m clueless about her non-audio life.
Your turn, fellas.
73 Speedy Cerviche // May 21, 2008 at 6:03 pm
*ding*
*ding*
*ding*
Yay, me!
74 DavidinBerkeley // May 21, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Actually, don’t count out Jon Stewart. He might look pretty hot in a Green Lantern leotard.
75 DavidinBerkeley // May 21, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Tonight is the night Ms. Winchell waits to win an award. Since she says she’s not in the running for the hundred thou’, what are the other prizes?
A trip for 2 to Hawaii? A Day of Beauty at Burke-Williams? Creamettes?
76 Infinite monkey // May 21, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Jesus, please turn around and give doggy a big kiss!
77 Infinite monkey // May 21, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Snow Watch 1 must win! Snow Watch 1 must win! Snow Watch 1 must win! Snow Watch 1 must win! Snow Watch 1 must win! Snow Watch 1 must win!….
78 pal Jacky // May 21, 2008 at 7:37 pm
okay, I can do this. Who was her last guest before 9/11? Hint I don’t think she realized he went apocolyptical christian until he was on the show.
79 Speedy Cerviche // May 21, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Not counting Steve Morris, I believe April’s last pre-9/11 celeb guest was Tim Bagley. Is he an apocalyptical Christian?
Of course, April had Pat Boone on earlier in the year. Wasn’t he some kind of weird Christian? Was she actively seeking out these people?
80 Infinite monkey // May 21, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Snow Watch 2 has won! Snow Watch 2 has won! Snow Watch 2 has won! Snow Watch 2 has won! Snow Watch 2 has won! Snow Watch 2 has won! Snow Watch 2 has won!
81 Speedy Cerviche // May 21, 2008 at 9:30 pm
HOSHIT–
Congrats April, you deserve it.
82 JohnnyQuest // May 21, 2008 at 9:43 pm
JohnnyBoy - “Obama Sur” is so geeky, so perfect, and so full of win…
Hey, Speedy - How do you know John’s going to get it wrong? I mean, statistically he has a chance, right? This my not be the right place for a GL discussion, but are you prepared to defend what you think is the right answer? Because we’re all going to laugh at your silly, silly choice…
83 Speedy Cerviche // May 22, 2008 at 12:09 am
Sorry, JohnnyQuest, this isn’t a matter of my personal opinion. That survey deals with cold, hard facts. Facts is facts. Don’t worry, though: it’s the only GL question on the survey. The next one has to do with Supes. And there will be Marvel. And crossovers. Just sayin’.
Oh, and no matter how much you laugh at the answers, you could never laugh as much as I just did at your use of the 14-year-old boy phrase “full of win”. Lets have some fucking decorum for my comic survey, shall we?
84 JohnnyBoy // May 22, 2008 at 5:54 am
Thanks JQuest !
Glass houses, Speedy, did you even get the implications of my Roy Harper Jr. answer ?
If you did, you didn’t let on
and don’t you think he was being ironic? Shouldn’t Iron Man be more ironic?
85 DavidinBerkeley // May 22, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Congratulations, Ms. Winchell!
It looks like she won $5,000, if last year’s prizes are any indication: http://www.radiomercuryawards.com/rma/winners.cfm
What should she spend the money on? More dinnerware?
86 OLDFART // May 22, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Dear April:
I am Oldfart sovereign prince from Nigeria now living in the Valley. For only 5 grand you can help me get my 5 billion dollar fortune out of my country. I will gladly give you half of my fortune for this most kind gesture. Please respond ASAP.
87 OLDFART // May 22, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Dear Ms. Winchell:
You have won the S.F. Valley Mexican lottery. Please remit 5 grand for processing and we will send you your 50 million euros.
Thank you and good luck.
88 JohnnyBoy // May 22, 2008 at 5:56 pm
For $5000 I will show you how to lose inches off your height while increasing the weight of your penis
89 John Foley // May 22, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Dear Speedy Cerviche-
I kind of like Alan Scott the best. I respect his journalistic instincts, the fact that he’s been doing this for over 60 years, and I can’t imagine too many guys who could pull off that color combination.
I’d take John Stewart as my second. He’s actually better on the cartoons than he is in print.
90 Speedy Cerviche // May 22, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Hoo boy.
JB: My glass house is well-ventilated. You should know this about me.
Yes, yes, I chortled slightly at your Harper comment… I just didn’t think I had to acknowledge every little joke made on this board. Especially after that sneaky-ass leak which came immediately afterwards. That coment left me nodding my head in approval while simultaneously stroking my manly stubble.
However, if you are in need of a self esteem boost, I will now “let on” for your benefit.
LOL LOL ROY HARPER JR. LOL IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S THE NAME OF A SEMI-OBSCURE COMIC CHARACTER. LOL “SPEEDY”, GET IT? HAY HE HAS THE SAME NAME AS ME! LOL LOL LOOLOLOL EPIC WIN11!1!!!ELEVEN!SHIFT+ONE
I hope that was sufficient.
And just to be completely plain, I meant no offense to you or your Green Lantern humor. Obama Sur made me grin. My complaint was strictly directed towards the phrase “full of win”. This phrase, which JohnnyQuest used in a completely unironic fashion, is usually uttered by one of two different types of people: early-teen videogamers or *chan site newfags. Both of these groups are extremely unpleasant. That was my only problem.
Now to business.
John Foley: Thank you for your participation in this survey. Your answer for question number one has been recorded as “Alan Scott”. You will receive your grading after the survey is completed.
And on a side note, I noticed that you mentioned the difference between cartoon and print when weighing the merits of the Green Lantern that sucks. I should inform you that all questions in this survey, unless otherwise stated, are to be answered solely in accordance with standard, post-Crisis comic book continuity. Unless the question explicitly states that it concerns the DCAU, please answer while keeping this in mind.
And yes, there will be some DCAU questions coming up in the future.
The next question will follow shortly.
91 pal Jacky // May 22, 2008 at 7:48 pm
the guest on the sunday before 9/11 was micheal York and was shilling his second film based on ‘the late great planet earth’ scenerio of rapture. It was called ‘Megido’ something.
92 pal Jacky // May 22, 2008 at 7:50 pm
next question:
What name dr Mr.(later dr.) porn use when directing films?
Hint, I had the idea from it that if I were to direct pporn I would use ‘rainer werner herzok’.
93 pal Jacky // May 22, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Micheal york played the antichrist in the films. I saw part of the first one on TV (omega code?) where he was listening to ‘Sheherazade’ as if that part of morden kooky bible prophesies the antichrist would embrace rimsky korsakoff.
94 Speedy Cerviche // May 22, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Antonio Passolini is his name, makin’ bizarre porno films is his game.
95 Speedy Cerviche // May 22, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Okay, Mr. Foley. We’re going for a big one here.
SECOND QUESTION:
This question is not multiple choice. Please provide an answer and a short essay (no more than a paragraph) supporting your answer.
Superman and Batman decide to do battle for whatever reason. This battle takes place in an open field, has no time limit, and Batman is allowed use of whatever tools or weapons he would have realistic access to. Assume that each participant has had about a day to prepare for this battle.
Here’s the twist: this battle is not to the death. Batman has absolutely no intention of killing Supes, and vice-versa. They are both going for an incapacitation of the other party.
Who’s the victor?
96 JohnnyQuest // May 22, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Oh, Speedy - I just erased a sentence where I chided you for for limiting your survey to post-Crisis comics, because it wasn’t ironic enough…
Anyway, since I don’t own a console and I’m too old to even know exactly what you mean by “*chan” (image boards?), I must be a newfag. I kind of like that one, though. BTW, (oh, crap - am I allowed to use acronyms, or is it too proto-internet dial-uppy lazy-typist…?) I used the phrase “full of win” the same way I use the rest of the vocabulary in our beautiful and complex language - with relish and, I think, correctly. (And yes, I know I split an infinitive in my second sentence. Suck on it.)
Now (”finally, you long-winded turd”), to business. Since it’s facts you want, the answer is, of course, Hal Jordan (Hey, what do you know - JF did get it wrong…).
The answer to your second question is: Batman.
The reason: Because the obvious answer is Superman.
He has multiple ways of incapacitating Bats at a distance, but is also nearly as fast as the Flash, and almost impossible for a normal human to injure. However, you feel the question is worth asking, and believe you have the only correct answer. Since Supes would be the victor in almost every describable “open field” scenario and by most reasonable arguments, you must believe the answer to be Batman, or you wouldn’t have asked the question.
Finally (”Christ, will he ever stop typing?”), I hope I didn’t come off too flamey at the start - I don’t mind being thought a fag, but a teenager? *shudder*
Speedy Cerviche, you are an intelligent questioner, quick with an answer, a sharp and humorous individual, and a credit to your race (whichever one that might be). (But “post-Crisis”? C’mon, with but a few exceptions, it’s all been crap since the Silver Age…)
Much love to all the bro’s and ‘ho’s - peace out.
97 Speedy Cerviche // May 23, 2008 at 2:09 am
JQ, I’m flattered that someone would devote that much text to me. I feel so pretty. However, I hand out walls of text like penny candy. Get ready, because it’s time to sort everything out. I’ve come here to type longwinded paragraphs and chew bubblegum… and I’m all out of gum.
Well first of all, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chan (it’s the second definition). You are correct, a *chan is a type of image board, well known for being the collective anuses of the internet. The “*” was a wildcard, representing the myriad chan numbers and prefixes.
In regards to the SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS that has erupted from my slang-mocking: I’m sorry. There are just certain phrases that raise my ire. I can’t stand terms like “1337″, “blog”, “ROFL”, “epic win”, “full of win/fail”, “lolcat”, the use of east-Asian emoticons (^_^) or any of that other cutesy internet shit. When these bits of text are used with a straight face, it just causes my blood to boil. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I did, and now we’re stuck in a cycle of playa-hatin’.
The reason I commented on it was probably the fact that “full of win” originated on the imageboard 4chan. 4chan, as you may know, is a pit of AIDS and cancer, and nowadays anything that once found its home there causes me to go into rage mode. Sorry I picked on your choice of words, it won’t happen again. I’ll just go back to gritting my teeth and massaging my temples like I do whenever someone talks to me about lolcats.
Oh, and go crazy with the acronyms. Though it is my personal belief that acronyms are a sort of modern semaphore, and as such should only be used when brevity or speed is a priority (chats, IM, etc), I’m not about to rag on something so widespread and accepted. And I’m definitely not about to jump on you for splitting infinitives. As you can probably tell from my breathtaking run-ons and bizarre verb tense choices, I’m about the furthest thing from a grammar Nazi. I might be closer to a grammar Marxist. The means of sentence production should be in the hands of the common people. Let us, not some asshole who wrote a few books, choose how to get our ideas across.
In regards to your sneeringly mocking comments directed at my choice of continuity: I chose to focus on the modern age mainly because (List time)…
1. Post-Crisis is the standard, accepted continuity for the current DCU.
2. Pre-Crisis characters are, by today’s standard, “broken” and way too powerful. Pre-Crisis Supes is basically invincible. This is because…
3. Golden age funnybook writers didn’t have gold standards for their characters’ powers, preferring to change their power limits as the stories dictated. Pre-Crisis Supes’ strength could fluctuate in one issue from being “as strong as twenty men” to moving fucking planets from their orbits. You can imagine how difficult it can be to decide “who would win in a fight” when you don’t even know the participants’ basic limitations. But the real reason is…
4. At the end of the day, I know dick-all about golden age comics. I may be an asshole, but I’m certainly not asshole-y enough to quiz someone on a subject about which I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about.
And that’s why. Chide to your heart’s content.
In regards to your answer to my second survey question: How do you know I’m not using double-reverse psychology? I could have counted on JF assuming what you assumed, only for me to pull the old switcheroo and declare the underdog (that is to say, the obvious winner, thrown into uncertainty by the very existence of the question) as the final victor. Or I could do the opposite, and count on JF knowing that I would assume that he would assume that the obvious loser would win, and then I would end up declaring the original obvious loser who was the obvious loser because he was the obvious winner as the winner… or the loser… Uh.. Well what I mean to say is that I’m tricky like that. Of course, I could never reveal my answer until the survey is over, so you’ll just have to stay tuned to hear my choice.
But in actuality, I really feel that it depends on his reasons. If JF came up with some good reasons or scenarios for whomever he chose as the victor, I would gladly give him the points, even if his choice deviated from my original idea. He’s a very smart and creative guy, with a good strong funnybook background. I could see him swaying my opinion either way.
(Jesus, and here I though the shitstorm would start with my “What if Batman got the GL power ring” question.)
Lastly, I’d just like to tell you this: Never be afraid of flaming me. By troll-hardened e-skin has seen it all, and my feelings are never hurt by mean things said on the net. If you ever get the urge to really lay into me, I only ask you to be creative. Calling me a “stupid fucking cunt”=bad. Calling me (as someone did just this very week) a “poster child for safe and legal abortion who likes to give Jesus Christ handjobs”=good. So flame on.
Oh, and I should point out: The “-fag” in “newfag” has nothing to do with sexuality. It’s simply a neutral suffix used on certain, *ahem*, imageboards when describing someone’s attributes or proclivities. Someone who is new to a site and is making an ass of themselves might be called a “newfag”, but the same people using that term may refer to themselves as “oldfags”. Someone who posts their art on the site might be called a “drawfag”, a person who talks about chess a “chessfag”, and so on. It really has nothing to do with being gay. That is, unless you are gay. Then you might just be a homosexualfag.
98 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 4:25 am
speedy wins that one, from Michelangelo Antonioni(director of’ Blow up’) and Pier Pasolini(the director of ’salo the 120 days of Sodom’).
99 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 4:28 am
okay big guys what is his real name? Hint he shares his last name with one of the better male country western singers around. Think big hair
100 JohnnyBoy // May 23, 2008 at 5:58 am
Speedy, no I don’t expect acknowledgement of every/anything I say
Except that in this case, you were one of the few capable of “getting it”
101 JohnnyBoy // May 23, 2008 at 7:57 am
One Hundred First !
102 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I’m sorry chessfags are gay. It is well known that part of their agenda is to kidnap young boys and force them to play chess until they pass out. 95% of men who know how to play chess learned this way. God only knows how many they shanghied into their ‘alternative’ lifestyle. I think ‘can’ play chess and ‘do’ play chess might be the important distinction. That and whether or not they wear underpants.
103 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 12:20 pm
new idea for a game show
“Do you think you can wipe?”
an on the street, stop for a rubber gloved hygiene test, sort of contest. winners get cheap prizes, losers thrown in the ‘poo pit’.
I think my next game show idea will try to bring back the stockade, public humiliation has been gone far to long in our society.
104 JohnnyBoy // May 23, 2008 at 12:24 pm
My idea…try to find out when a black couple is on a first date, then get someone to pose as the devil-midget from Helldate, and have him show up at the table.
then they’ll both think it’s the show when it’s not
great fun
105 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 1:53 pm
History has told us that some of European Royalty and other large influential families such as the Medicis would try to have at least one son become homosexual. This so he could stay at home and rub his mother’s feet after his father had died. They did this not be teaching him flower arranging or dress making, but by forcing the lad to learn how to play chess. This fact will be in my book on the subject of ‘the agenda’. I’m just finishing up the chapter “Charles Nelson Reilly-genius or madman’
106 Speedy Cerviche // May 23, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Antonio’s real name is Anthony Lovett.
As long as we’re on the whole “what’s the real name” thing, I’m gonna stump you all. Get ready…
On Sunday, July 1, 2001 April had a very special guest on her show, who did the entire show in the character of a certain fast food mascot/CEO. We all know this character’s name, but do any among us recall this velvet-voiced man’s real, honest-to-God birth name?
The winner gets a Sourdough Jack on me.
107 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 3:41 pm
i’m stumped on that one speedy.
But it seems strange that in this day and age with video games being quite popular in the age range in which they recruit one wonders why they still use chess. It is simple, scientific studies show that chess shares the same part of the brain as the homosex part. A few video games do cross into that area such as ‘metal gear solid’ and ‘mortal combat’ but kids rarely pass out while playing these games so the true indoctrination cannot begin.
108 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 5:34 pm
another chapter in my book is the revisionist history agenda. Every man in the arts and sciences had to be a gay according to some of them. Naturally, it does explain the popularity of the thinly veiled homo-eroticism of Mark Twain, but Lewis Carroll? Of course, if carroll was gay it would probably mean the nude photos he took of a 13 year old alice liddle were not for titallation and therefore he really wasn’t a child pornographer. Unless of course he sold them to his friends.
109 John Foley // May 23, 2008 at 6:39 pm
D**k S****g.
110 Speedy Cerviche // May 23, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Sorry Foley, you can’t participate. Did you not read my previous terms and conditions?
“no personal acquaintances of April shouting out the answer. I only want people who found this out through listening to the show religiously.”
The points are STILL UP FOR GRABS.
111 pal Jacky // May 23, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Usually the less said about Mark Twain the better, however, another theory has raised its ugly head. Some believe that Mark Twain was actually a woman. An rather ugly woman with a fake moustache or of Rumanian descent but a women nonetheless. Remember that most of his/her following is by sub-literates who somehow consider his/her meanderings as ‘pithy folk wisdom’. This theory then takes this slop and re-christens it what it actually is, the blatherings of America’s nagging mother of literature.
112 JohnnyQuest // May 24, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Oooh, Speedy, I know this one - but I have to disqualify myself, because I heard it from my brother-in-law. who’s an ad exec (I think he actually knows the guy). So, no points for me (I feel like such a Dick. I think I’ll go sit down.)
113 admin // May 25, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I don’t even have to post anymore, do I?
114 Speedy Cerviche // May 26, 2008 at 1:58 am
Or log in, apparently.
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