April Winchell

30 responses so far ↓

• 1 rmsrmsrms // Jul 2, 2008 at 11:22 pm

  Isn’t this how Mr. K found his wife???

• 2 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 2, 2008 at 11:31 pm

  Ugh. This was obviously written by someone with no knowledge of Super Mario Bros.

  First of all, “the boss”? Please, his name is King Koopa. Or Bowser, if you’re a stickler for the original names. And I resent the fact that he insinuates that the only way to defeat him is to topple the bridge and make him fall. Any player with any kind of skill would have long since obtained the fire flower.

  And what is even more damning, there is no princess at the end of world 1-4 as the author says. The end of 1-4, like every other castle level, simply features a little mushroom man who says “Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!” The princess isn’t found until world 8-4, by which time I’m sure he’d have fallen asleep.

• 3 Bitsey // Jul 2, 2008 at 11:31 pm

  Man. I wonder what was goin’ on at his house during his prepubescent years.

• 4 goofydes // Jul 2, 2008 at 11:52 pm

  If I get from behind from playing Super Mario Brothers, what kind of action can I expect from playing The Legend of Zelda?

• 5 TalkinHorse // Jul 3, 2008 at 3:25 am

  I got a tip to go to YouTube and search on “GTA4 sex”. This would yield posts of the sex scenes in the latest Grand Theft Auto video game. This is jaw-dropping stuff. I mean, I don’t want to start censoring or anything, but this is over the top. And I’m sure the players understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and they’re not going to go out in real life and pick up whores and pay for sex and then shoot them to get the money back, while shouting expletives with rap blaring in the background. The whole thing is too cartoonish to take it seriously. It would have been more disturbing if it had been more subtle. And yet…well, it was nevertheless just too unclean. Something is wrong here. This stuff…it should be hidden away in dirty little corners, and not an openly-available best seller.

• 6 bnaivar // Jul 3, 2008 at 4:46 am

  There’s a “joystick” joke in there somewhere, but I can’t find it.

• 7 EverybodysLittlePony // Jul 3, 2008 at 5:18 am

  *sniff*

  This is *so beautiful!*

  Seriously, though, this has to be a joke, right? Right? Anyone?

• 8 JohnnyBoy // Jul 3, 2008 at 5:51 am

  there must be buckets of women out there saying….oooh…I like a man who knows exactly what he wants.

  mmm.maybe not

• 9 steve // Jul 3, 2008 at 6:24 am

  “I’m gonna kill her and get my money back”

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tA-YKZjUsc

• 10 joshpincusiscrying // Jul 3, 2008 at 7:06 am

  haaaamina haaaamina haaaamina haaaamina haaaamina haaaamina

• 11 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 3, 2008 at 7:53 am

  I don’t mean to derail the topic, but this is just great.

  http://mediamatters.org/items/200807020002

  I love, love LOVE Fox News. Any channel that surreptitiously adds yellow teeth and deep eye-circles to peoples’ faces is a winner in my book. Next up: drawing Hitler mustaches and tooth gaps with a Sharpie.

• 12 Rocky // Jul 3, 2008 at 9:12 am

  That is one for the top of “The Best of Craigslist” list….

  I love the supposition that while all of this is going on, the intrepid player will be successful in jumping from level to level without repeating any or losing the game – I mean what happens if you hear “Game Over” before he’s done?

  And who brings the quarters?

• 13 John Foley // Jul 3, 2008 at 10:08 am

  I’m more of a Castlevania man, myself.

• 14 JohnnyBoy // Jul 3, 2008 at 10:18 am

  pervert

• 15 Andre // Jul 3, 2008 at 10:22 am

  Who says all the good ones are gay or taken?

• 16 JohnnyBoy // Jul 3, 2008 at 10:41 am

  Shakespeare

• 17 pal Jacky // Jul 3, 2008 at 11:19 am

  there is only a few seconds after mario dies before the level resets. Not really enough time to pull out and spank. also speedy, if i’m fire or big mario I just run through and take the hit at bowser. It just is an old habit.

• 18 pal Jacky // Jul 3, 2008 at 11:33 am

  also, considering how much a original nintendo goes for on Ebay these days, it might be just the ticket to strongarm the idiot.
  What a great police report.

• 19 steve // Jul 3, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  I appreciate that April resizes her browser down before doing the screen cap, so as to eliminate sideways scrolling on the part of her readers. oh that April, she’s a giver.

• 20 pal Jacky // Jul 3, 2008 at 2:20 pm

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIX3WeJWSeg
  Everyone can find the sex in the GTA series, but in the final fantasy series it takes a very special kind of illness.

• 21 pal Jacky // Jul 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X0QYjeiN1c&feature=related
  The greatest sex scene in any video game ever. Keep in mind I’m a real sick fuck.(but not creepy)

• 22 DavidinBerkeley // Jul 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm

  Speedy, it sounds like you are the perfect candidate for answering the ad.

• 23 DavidinBerkeley // Jul 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm

  Andre, you are still the funniest.

  *Ding*

• 24 DavidinBerkeley // Jul 3, 2008 at 5:05 pm

  Personally, if the dude wants THIS much expertise from his boink-ee’s, I think he should pay them.

• 25 Super Mario a Capella! | roasted ice musikblog // Jul 4, 2008 at 9:20 am

  [...] Super Mario goes a Capella gefunden bei April Winchell [...]

• 26 Stretch99 // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:34 am

  I’ve always been more of a Donkey Dong man myself

• 27 Stretch99 // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:34 am

  I meant DONKEY KONG

• 28 Andre // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:19 pm

  I think we all know exactly what you meant, Stretch

• 29 JohnnyBoy // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm

  A horse is a horse

• 30 Stretch99 // Jul 16, 2008 at 12:43 pm

  of course
  of course