We have a ritual in our house.
Every night, John and I get in to bed with our two dogs and we watch the Japanese version of Iron Chef.
This only started recently. We’d never even seen Iron Chef until a few months ago. But from the first episode, we were totally hooked.
It was natural we would respond this way. Like other favorites Quincy and CSI: Miami, Iron Chef is basically the same show every night, and we love that kind of TV. If you can say what the people on the show are going to say before they do, can a drinking game be far behind?
Of course, with Iron Chef it’s not so much a matter of what’s said that’s predictable, it’s what’s used. There are about 30 tools and ingredients that the chefs use over and over again, and up until this show, we’d never heard of any of them. What an education! I can’t wait for Christmas so we can cook our turkey in a pig’s bladder.
We’re also wildly entertained by the enthusiasm they have for organ meats. In fact, the panel of judges audibly smack their lips over every part of the animal you and I would throw out. Lobster brains, codfish livers, squid faces and beef bones boiled down to brown cauldrons of thick gelatin. And everything gets topped with fish fins and edible flowers. We often remark that the finished platters look like something you’d scoop out of your garbage disposal.
As jaw-dropping as the dishes are, nothing compares to the desserts. The Iron Chefs often try to impress the judges with something sweet, and that’s no small feat when the main ingredient is haddock. We especially loved the squid ink ice cream, and watching the gray rivulets running down the judge’s hands as they licked their hell cones.
So it occurred to us the other night, as Iron Chef Italian made ravioli out of face meat, that this show needs a game. Something you can play at home, in the safety of your own bedroom, where no one will ever force you to eat a goat’s ass.
God willing.
So may we present . . . .
There are three cards below. Each has 24 ingredients or tools used by the Iron Chefs; those invincible men of culinary skill. All have the same information, but each is laid out differently, like Bingo.
KAGA Card 1
KAGA Card 2
KAGA Card 3
You don’t have to choose a chef. Any time something is used by anyone, you get to mark that box. We think it’s very possible that by the time the judges sit down to a steaming plate of flounder pancreas, you could very well be yelling “KAGA!”
We tried it last night for the first time, but it was a cabbage battle, so not a lot of organ meats were used. Hopefully someone will win tonight.
If you play and win, let me know what episode you watched and which of the three cards you played.
Allez cuisine!
22 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Jul 17, 2008 at 1:07 am
Winter melon stuffed with suction cups.
2 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 17, 2008 at 2:56 am
I see one of the spaces is marked “Nato”.
Do you mean “Nattō”, the putrefied soybean spooge so dear to the Japanese palate? Or perhaps you meant NATO, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization?
Honestly, I could easily see either one being involved.
Anyway, I got a KAGA. 3rd card, horizontally across the middle. I really don’t watch Iron Chef regularly anymore, but I distinctly an episode back in 1998 that featured both “soft roe in sake with truffles” and a dude using a pressure cooker. The “Bones or Shells” space is a lock, as pretty much everything those bastards cook on that show has some type of unholy spined defensive carapace.
Though I suppose, in order to win the glory of an official KAGA, one must provide some sort of documentation… and I’m not about to dig through Food Network archives to find the specific episode number of the show I remember.
Therefore, I shall acquiesce to the strict yet fair rulebook of KAGA, and wait for another, more devoted player to claim the mantle of KAGA champion.
3 PeekaBooRevue // Jul 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
This is ear-delicious!
4 sleepytako // Jul 17, 2008 at 7:30 am
Since moving to Japan a mere 3 years ago I’ve gained a new appreciation for eating strange meats.
My list of meat… The meats I can remember at least:
-smoked horse meat
-whale, raw
-whale bacon (on pizza)
-chicken cartilage
-fried small intestine
-cow tongue, cooked
-cow tongue, raw
-pig ear, i cant remember if it was cooked or not
-chicken, raw
-beef, raw, chopped up and served with raw egg
I eat the horse meat and cow tongue at least a few times a month.
Like most Japanese things that are popular in America now, Iron Chef is something I’ve never seen nor talked about with a Japanese person. Food plays a major part of TV though. Almost every talk or comedy show seems to have some sort of food related thing involved.
5 JohnnyBoy // Jul 17, 2008 at 7:36 am
” But the true Zen of flavour is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen, with friends. That is why I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept only the lesser title of “Zinc Saucier”, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. ”
Bender - Futurama
6 JohnnyBoy // Jul 17, 2008 at 7:45 am
One needn’t got to Japan to enjoy these, I’ve had the following, without even trying too hard:
-horse meat (cooked not smoked)
-fried small intestine (a variety of chitlins)
-cow tongue, cooked (fairly common around here)
-chicken, raw (but it WAS Sushi-Grade Chicken)
-beef, raw, chopped up and served with raw egg
7 JohnnyQuest666 // Jul 17, 2008 at 8:16 am
I also grew up on cooked cow tongue - we had it so often that I didn’t even realize it was repulsive until my wife informed me in no uncertain terms…
My favorite thing about Iron Chef has to be the judging panel. It’s always:
A) An actress (young, pretty, and you’ve never heard of her, even if you’re Japanese)
B) A fortune teller (a job that apparently gets more respect there than it does here)
C) A member of parliament (WTF? I mean, picture Denny Hastert on the panel of the Gong Show…)
and D) An athlete (But from a Japanese sport, like sumo wrestling or baseball)
The best part is that they almost never have a food writer or restaurant critic, unless the person has some background in fortune telling or sumo.
8 theFatTubist // Jul 17, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I knew there was something special about Speedy…
Yesterday, he correctly ID’d Josh Boruff from SomethingAwful. Well, even more than that… he was playing with the joke and when someone else finally pointed out who it was, he not only correctly ID’d, but also expanded upon his role.
Now he displays a new facet: that he knows of Japanese “things” but is not enchanted by them, as some tend to be.
Sir, I applaud you for speaking the truth about natto and its incredible nastiness.
9 naughty zoot // Jul 17, 2008 at 1:14 pm
At our house we’ve made a drinking game out of the sillier panel responses:
Any reference to food resembling “clouds”= 1 drink
Using the words “In my mouth”= 2 drinks
Any words better used to describe a luxury car than a food
(example= smooth, luxurious, rich)= 3 drinks
We add to it as we go along- but it’s a great way to work through that nightcap of red wine!
10 DavidinBerkeley // Jul 17, 2008 at 2:38 pm
PeekaBoo make me laugh!
11 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 17, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Ah, theFatTubist… I raise my milk-filled wine glass to you.
I’m just happy whenever SA gets some recognition. I’ve always found it strange that SA, being as funny and innovative as it is, rarely gets the praise it deserves. Here it is, arguably the most consistently hilarious web site in the world… and its demon spawn 4chan is now getting more recognition and press. It ain’t fair, I tell ya.
And yes, I do know of Japanese “things”. And yes, I am not enchanted by them. And yes, Weeaboos happen to be one of the many groups for which I hold intense dislike. I’ve been going to Japanese websites for a long time, before anime was in vogue with the Myspace set, and long before the Weeaboos crawled out of the woodwork. I went to these sites (Nichanneru, Futaba, etc) because they were natural extensions of the internet subculture that I had become fascinated with. Not because I wanted to see KAWAIII ANIMU LOLOLOL ^____^ OMG JAPAN IS SOOOO KEWL @_@;
People who are enamored of everything Japanese are annoying, mindless fanboys. And annoying, mindless fanboys are never good, regardless of the focus of their passion.
Anyway, The Sneeze had a very funny blog called “Steve, Don’t Eat It!”, in which homeboy eats a variety of horrific foodstuffs. The post on natto was hilarious, as was the rest of the blog. If any of youse haven’t already read this, hop to.
12 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 17, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Okay, so we’re all going to see Watchmen when it comes out, right? I mean, even the most pessimistic, whiny, goatee-stroking comic geek will have to at least watch it once before having a nerdfit about how Alan Moore should kill himself so he can roll over in his grave.
Hey, at least the trailer looks interesting. It looks like 300, which is arguably the best direction they could have taken the film. I mean, considering Joel Schumacher was once attached to it.
http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/07/17/must-watch-zack-snyders-watchmen-trailer-absolutely-stunning/
And the screenplay… Written by Solid Snake. Honestly, since I don’t make it a habit to obsess over upcoming movies, I had no idea. I nearly aspirated my iced tea when I saw that.
Needless to say, I shall spend the rest of the week creeping around the house uttering lines like “Dr. Manhattan, this is Snake… I’ve found Metal Gear… Oh shit, it’s Rorschach Ocelot!” in my best gravelly David Hayter growl. Fun times.
13 pal Jacky // Jul 17, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I burned out on the Iron chef years ago. Everyone seems to be discovering it just now. Years ahead of my time, yet again.
But since ‘the gong show’ has been mentioned. It is being revived on Comedy Central with Dave Atell. It starts tonight but in great comedy central manner, It will be repeated ad nauseum all week so don’t worry. I like Dave Atell, I like the gong show, but this one is still in the wait and see column. After that they have a new reality show where they humilate grade zee comics in the style of other reality shows. In the preview it looks like they eat sushi off the whore from ‘borat’ .
14 Andre // Jul 17, 2008 at 6:04 pm
What always kills me is when the judges, after eating some godawful food like, say, sheep bowels, will say something like “You’ve really covered up the crap-like taste”. Here’s a free tip, Iron Chefs. Try using food that tastes good to begin with.
15 pal Jacky // Jul 17, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Two posts about the world disgrace known as the Japanese has made me realize that I need to add some thoughts about these moral degenerates.
Though not as odious as the koreans, the japanese do share most of their most loathesome characteristics. They probably aren’t human at all. Probably some sort of monkey. We thought we had them beat when they surrendered in WWII. they are a vile parasitic race who specialize in taking good american products and mass marketing cheaper smaller imitations. They have turned american chldren into mindless pokeman fanatics who want to do nothing except ‘ gotta catch ‘em all’ hoping they will transfer this philosophy to Venereal diseases when they become sexually active. That is how they plan world domination. As this post seems to show their food is pretty inedible. This is actually to perserve their species since when conquered, the victors would rather starve than eat their slop. The only good thing to be said about this heartless, insidious clan is that they frequently commit suicide.
16 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 17, 2008 at 8:50 pm
.∧＿∧
Jacky, you should not speak of COREA in this fashion nida. We are the masters of Asia and soon all American pigs will be ground into kimchi by our kekeke Zerg rush nida.
However on the subject of Japanese you may speak freely nida.
17 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 17, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Hey, Nida’s face didn’t show up! Perhaps he had too much apology juice.
Or maybe shitty shitty wordpress thought his face was a tag, since his cheeks are made up of less-than and greater-than signs.
Oh well. I shall continue my valiant efforts to bring SJIS to the masses.
18 joshpincusiscrying // Jul 17, 2008 at 8:57 pm
my favorite all-time Iron Chef episode was when the Iron Chef was bitten by the secret ingredient.
I don’t think it was potato battle that night…..
19 Gunner13 // Jul 18, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Well, I think it’s just great that you are spending your time watching a really interesting show like Iron Chef and not something wimpy like Food Network’s Challenge. I mean how can a cook off (weird to use that term as it means something totally different to me) using all those truly fascinating ingredients (especially when they strike back at the chef - how dare you prepare me that way!) compare to the “tension” of completing a “cake” in 5 or 6 hours and then having to move it 3 or 4 feet so it can be judged. I mean really!
Hey Speedy, I am sure April did not mean NATO, as most of the NATO types I have met looked singularly unappetizing (although some of them did have large posteriors form sitting around while on duty with ISAF) and you simply can’t fit the whole NATO Council into a reasonable sized skillet.
20 gary // Jul 19, 2008 at 1:40 am
Iron Chef Morimoto is so bold.
He worked in New York, you know.
21 gary // Jul 19, 2008 at 1:48 am
And BTW, I actually do smell fish.
I think it’s Pike Conger
22 jj // Jul 20, 2008 at 9:12 am
While it wasn’t the greatest overall episode, one of my favorite IRON CHEF moments occured when the evening’s ingredient was…YOGURT!!
Liberace-san pulls back the covers and there’s this HUGE HUGE HUGE glass vat of plain, slightly off-white yogurt - The camera quickly turns to the chefs, and the looks on their faces was priceless…I don’t know how you say “WTF” in Japanese or Korean or Italian, but the look that goes with such a phrase crosses all borders, apparently. Equally funny was the mad dash to the vat, and everyone brought huge measuringn cups or bowls, scooping up big ole blobs of what began to look like Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man’s leavin’s…the episode soon ran out of steam, as the yogurt became a glaze, or a filler…no one knew how to give it center stage in a dish. I kept yelling, “just mix it with some Grape Nuts and its fine!”, but nobody heard…
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