April Winchell

35 responses so far ↓

• 1 Andre // Jul 18, 2008 at 3:14 pm

  Frist (Bill)!

• 2 coasterboy // Jul 18, 2008 at 3:26 pm

  I feel that most Midget Ministers are under rated.

• 3 DavidinBerkeley // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:17 pm

  5 points to Coasterboy.

  *Ding!*

• 4 Stretch99 // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:26 pm

  I assume the ceremony will be short…

• 5 Xanadude // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:39 pm

  $100??? If I were a midget, I’d stick my teeny-tiny middle finger in the air and say “Crouch down very low and spin!” Potential Midget Ministers should be made aware that $100 for a wedding gig of any kind is a very (sorry) small fee. The midget should get at least $300 and be able to bring 2 guests. If you’re in a city like New York, LA or Chicago you could go for $500 and 1 guest. For an extra $50 you could maybe do a little “Lollipop Guild” for the nice folks.

• 6 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 18, 2008 at 6:03 pm

  Isn’t the term “midget” frowned upon these days? I’ve heard “dwarf” isn’t exactly encouraged, either.

  “Little people” is the term du jour, I believe. I think that sounds ridiculous. “Little people”? Come on. That sounds like something Tolkien would make up. “The Little People”… “The Wee Folk”… “The Dwarf-Lords of the Mines of Moria”… Goddamn.

  I hereby propose this motion: From this day forth, the commonly accepted term for all persons of unnaturally small stature shall be called “Shrinky-Dinks”.

  It just feels right. Read the following sentence aloud: “Say, [significant other's name], I saw a shrinky-dink on the bus today. Barely 3 feet tall he was!” Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue? “Shrinky-dink” is the way to go.

  All those in favor, please say “aye”.

• 7 pal Jacky // Jul 18, 2008 at 7:10 pm

  I was gonna say something flippant, but really, these people sound just awful. If they know a fucking sword swallower wouldn’t they know a fucking midget too? I mean don’t freaks have some sort of union? They probably alienated all the local midgets because of their severe dreadfullnes ‘no dancing’ … If I could pass as the world’s tallest midget I’d do the gig just too mention God in the ceremony. If you don’t believe in the power of God, just mention the name around an atheist.

• 8 pal Jacky // Jul 18, 2008 at 7:14 pm

  they are fucking atheists and instead of getting married by a justice of the peace they want a minister. (even of some nebulous church). Here’s an old B-52’s song they can play
  ‘do the hypocrite…hyppy..hyppy.. forward.hyppy.hyppy.. shake’ better not people will dance to that.

• 9 Xanadude // Jul 18, 2008 at 7:20 pm

  Well, speaking from the midget’s(and “midget” is the word they used so anybody applying in hopes of getting this low paying gig should be okay with that word)point of view, a gig is a gig. But if there’s a vote going I would vote for petit. When you have to say something descriptive and you don’t want to sound disrespectful, go with a french translation. French makes everything sound okay.

• 10 Mellotron // Jul 18, 2008 at 8:34 pm

  Good for them, the ultimate wedding, no god and all. I feel an Oingo Boingo song coming on.

• 11 Gunner13 // Jul 18, 2008 at 8:38 pm

  pal Jacky wrote: “If you don’t believe in the power of God, just mention the name around an atheist.”

  Even more powerful than garlic against a vampire, or facts against a die hard liberal.

  I would love to see the guy (or gal) who takes this gig show up dressed as a Rabbi or Priest (Hey, it’s my Halloween costume, dude!) and see what these folks do. Or maybe not, as they are probably really weird and ugly (a wedding with music, but no dancing????)

• 12 Xanadude // Jul 18, 2008 at 9:22 pm

  yes music, no dancing, yes drug using, no yoga, maybe cake.

• 13 JohnnyBoy // Jul 18, 2008 at 9:53 pm

  You don’t see many Midget Rabbis

  or Midget Priests for that matter

  This doesn’t seem right, there should be more Midget Everything

• 14 gary // Jul 19, 2008 at 1:59 am

  Back in the day I participated in a recording to raise money for the Billy Barty Foundation.
  It was a “We Are The World Kind” of thing called ” From Where We Stand”.
  Proof that there is no god.

• 15 renedrivers // Jul 19, 2008 at 3:35 am

  So can the midget go in costume as a tall person?

• 16 joshpincusiscrying // Jul 19, 2008 at 6:32 am

  I was thinking of getting on my knees, like Tim Conway’s “Dorf”, and responding until I saw the stipulation If you are not a TRUE midget do not reply.
  Damn!

• 17 Dave // Jul 19, 2008 at 12:06 pm

  > and a DJ playing punk/newwave/alternative/metal/oldies…

  Oh my! when that DJ puts on some Soft Cell…

  http://youtube.com/watch?v=g3MtaVS60eY

• 18 JohnnyBoy // Jul 19, 2008 at 1:41 pm

  I found a Surfing Rabbi, though:

  http://www.surfingrabbi.com/

• 19 Dave // Jul 19, 2008 at 3:27 pm

  >Probably no dancing….?

  http://youtube.com/watch?v=PxNWVSxxuGg

• 20 creeto // Jul 19, 2008 at 5:21 pm

  …no dancing…

  Are they Baptist athiests?

• 21 pal Jacky // Jul 20, 2008 at 12:34 am

  gunner, actually it is facts against a reaganite. They keep saying ‘What the fuck does deregulation and its lack of oversite have anything to do with the shit we are in?’.
  Gelibtes alles…

• 22 pal Jacky // Jul 20, 2008 at 12:39 am

  Sorry, I just think both die hard liberals and die hard conservatives have go to take their heads out of their asses and fess up to the failings and shortsightedness of their policies. Deregulation of things sounds good except one or two extremely sacks of crap can ruin it for everyone, and if they got caught, they get a slap on the hand. If neil bush was treated like the friggen’ thief that he was during the first savings and loan crises caused by reagan’s policies in the late eighties. his brother would not be president today.

• 23 JohnnyBoy // Jul 20, 2008 at 3:35 am

  Yes, maybe we’d even have a Midget President !

  We need one of those

• 24 JohnnyBoy // Jul 20, 2008 at 3:42 am

  Here is an inf0rmative article on Midgets:

  http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Midget

• 25 coasterboy // Jul 20, 2008 at 9:55 am

  I think we are underestimating the heights to which there is a demand for this…

• 26 jaxworlds // Jul 20, 2008 at 3:46 pm

  they gotta get beetlejuice, he is their man..

  http://www.jollydwarf.com/html/home.htm

• 27 pal Jacky // Jul 20, 2008 at 6:51 pm

  guys, sorry, I kind ran off all policitcal like when someone agreed with me then interjected some idiotic political dogma. “all liberals are stupid’. I just had to stoop to that old boring level.

• 28 pal Jacky // Jul 20, 2008 at 6:57 pm

  back to the topic. The porn star known as “gidget the midget’ is really a dwarf. Discuss. That feels better. all the hyperlinks I could find were to porn sites so, google the bitch yourself if you don’t believe me. I just realized I do have standards, I don’t like to hyperlink porn. this after hyperlinking Jon-Benet ramsey autopsy photos on another blog.

• 29 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 21, 2008 at 12:11 am

  As long as we’re on Craigslist posts, I should probably disclose that this man is my hero.

  http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/323692159.html

  We should all aspire to be as awesome as this man.

• 30 bnaivar // Jul 21, 2008 at 6:24 am

  Is the caterer going to serve shrimp?

• 31 eBayEnigma // Jul 21, 2008 at 8:52 am

  Laughed myself silly about Speedy’s post with the link to craigslist. Funny stuff.

• 32 pal Jacky // Jul 21, 2008 at 5:35 pm

  when talk turns to little people and grand opera, it seems the alpha and the omega is Berg’s ‘lulu’. The photos of the frist performance had midges(my word for all little people) the first performance of the completion (recorded by DG) had midges and the performance I saw in the late eighties had midges. Midges are just a necessary element of this opera. So when I saw a DVD performance of the opera, I was giddy with excitement. Andrew davis conducting(he is best known for the british compers like elgar, holst and vaughn-williams). It was 35 bucks but I’m willing to pay the price when it comes to culture. For some ghastly reason they decided to stage the damn thing without midges. Those fuckfaces.

• 33 pal Jacky // Jul 21, 2008 at 9:02 pm

  if one politely asks. ‘where are the fucking midgets?’ in the user comments section, it gets delelted right away
  http://www.amazon.com/Berg-Schafer-Kuebler-Harries-Glyndebourne/dp/B00014NE76/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1216699159&sr=1-1

• 34 coasterboy // Jul 22, 2008 at 9:32 pm

  Are the above films ’short subjects’?

• 35 Stretch99 // Jul 23, 2008 at 3:49 pm

  Sex dwarf
  Isn’t it nice
  Luring Disco dollies to a life of VICE

  The applicant need not be a priest - but MUST be a member of the Lollipop Guild

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