A few weeks ago, John and I decided to get ribs.
We headed over to Mr. Cecil’s on Ventura Boulevard. They make their ribs with a dry rub that tastes amazing. You can add sauce if you want, but I like it just the way it is.
We ordered a huge pile of ribs, as well as cole slaw and grilled corn. And we sat there, gnawing on bones and sucking our fingers and being generally repulsive until we were completely stuffed.
John went to the mens room, while I sat there in a meat and sugar daze. I was hoping he wouldn’t be long, as the kids at the next table were jabbering about how great Get Smart was, and loudly re-enacting all the “funny” parts.
Suddenly, a thin, dark haired man with glasses lurched into the restaurant. He was very, very drunk. he was shortly followed by a blonde actress type and a short guy in a ball cap.
On the way to their table, he saw a man at the bar, who was writing on a script. He stumbled over to him.
“Hey, what are you working on?”
The man looked up at him, confused. They didn’t know each other.
“Uh . . . a thing for ABC”, he answered.
“Cool,” said the drunk, “come and sit with us.”
At this point I realized the drunk was Andy Dick.
The waitress seated them all directly across from me. I had worked with Andy on What’s My Line at the Acme Comedy Theatre a few years ago, but I knew he wouldn’t remember me.
The waitress came to the table. Before she could open her mouth, Andy spoke up.
“I am very, very, very drunk,” he said. “We’re all going to Vegas after this, so I need food right now because I’m very, very drunk.”
“Ok,” said the waitress, “what would you like?”
“Do you have cole slaw? Because I’m very, very drunk and very hungry.”
At this point, Andy and I made eye contact. I realized I hadn’t touched my cole slaw, so I held it up to him. He immediately slid out of his seat and stumbled over to me. He took the cole slaw out of my hand and went back to his table, where he began to eat it with his fingers.
“Thank you”, he said, around a mouthful of cabbage, “I’m very drunk.”
“I know,” I said.
The waitress started to take the order once again, but Andy interrupted.
“Do you have corn? I want corn. We’re going to Vegas and I’m very drunk and I need corn.”
I held out my uneaten corn to Andy, and he came over and grabbed it. He went back to his seat and started gnawing on it. He looked at me.
“Come over here,” he said, and he pulled out a chair.
So I went over and sat down next to him.
“What’s your name?
“April. We actually worked together but you probably don’t remember me.”
“What did we work on? I’m very drunk.”
“I know. We worked on What’s My Line at Acme Comedy Theatre.”
He stared at me, corn kernels dropping off his chin.
“I never did that show.”
“No, you did, we were both on the panel together.”
“No, I’m telling you I did not. I never did that fucking show. Don’t tell me what I did and didn’t do, because I never did that fucking show.”
“Ok,” I said, “maybe it was something else.”
At this point, John came out of the mens room and I went over to him.
“Is that Andy Dick?” He asked.
“Yes,” I replied, “and he’s eating your corn.”
I took my camera out of my purse and held it up to Andy, who nodded. John and I went back to his table.
“I’m glad you asked if you could take my picture. Some people don’t ask and I fuck them up. I go fucking crazy on them. I ruin their fucking cameras.”
He looked John up and down.
“Who is that?”
“That’s my boyfriend, John.”
“Oh,” he said, brightening. “This is my girlfriend.”
He turned around and tapped the blonde on her on the shoulder.
“Honey, this is my friend Emily.”
“April”, I said.
His girlfriend didn’t even look up from her drink.
“And this is Jorge, he’s a comic. And we don’t know this guy but he was at the bar. We’re going to Vegas. Right after this. You should come with us. I’m really drunk.”
I said I just wanted a picture. So we took one.
I thanked him, then I went back to my table and got my things. As we started leaving, Andy called out to us.
“Amy! Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Don’t you want to go to Vegas? We’re going right after this.”
“No, we just want to go home. But thank you.”
“Ok, well . . . have fun!”
As we walked to the car, I said to John, “I wonder if we have the last photo of Andy Dick alive.”
46 responses so far ↓
1 Spaizgirl // Jul 22, 2008 at 3:01 pm
So frigging funny!
2 Spaizgirl // Jul 22, 2008 at 3:02 pm
It was so polite of him to inform you that he was drunk .
3 Scott // Jul 22, 2008 at 3:16 pm
He touched you? Eewwww!
4 John Foley // Jul 22, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Weird, I never really picked up on the *drunk* thing.
5 ListenerJustin // Jul 22, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I’m vaguely curious as to who this “Emily” was.
6 JohnnyBoy // Jul 22, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Emily Dickinson, who wrote the Gilligan’s Island theme song
7 Doug // Jul 22, 2008 at 5:17 pm
“he allegedly groped a 17-year-old girl and then pulled the teenager’s tank top and bra down, exposing her breasts”
Sounds like he’s living the American male dream…you know, the one the rest of us are too sober/smart/chicken to dare to live ourselves.
He’s a jerk, but a jerk for our times.
8 Letty Cruz // Jul 22, 2008 at 6:01 pm
wow, how sad, but how funny … yeah, that’s all I got.
9 coasterboy // Jul 22, 2008 at 6:18 pm
So, does Mr. Cecil’s have beef ribs? or just pork ribs? Cause I’m a real beef rib fan.
10 JohnnyBoy // Jul 22, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Did Thicke and Dick appear at the same time? hehehehehehehe
11 Dave // Jul 22, 2008 at 7:56 pm
He still looks human with you tearing into that roasted corn, unlike the mug shot with rodentia like features… it is a miracle he did not bite you!
12 pal Jacky // Jul 22, 2008 at 8:08 pm
the mug shot was on ‘the soup’ last friday with Joel McHale asking ‘how drunk do you have to be to forget your sexual preference? I really don’t want to like Andy dick, but the problem is he really is a lot funnier and than most of his generation of quazi dim witted insult comics.(IE david spade and adam Sandler) Did anyone see his drag on Mad TV as christina Aglairas drunk ugly cousin?
13 JohnnyBoy // Jul 22, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I agree palJacky….I don’t DISLIKE him
Does anyone recall him playing the updated holographic doctor on Star Trek Voyager?
14 thefifthbeatle // Jul 22, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Most of the time I really detest Andy Dick, but sometimes, when I’m either really tired or on a sugarhigh I’ll laugh at his jokes.
That picture of you and him is so great April. I lol’d.
15 Dylan // Jul 22, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Chris Farley all over again.
16 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 22, 2008 at 10:09 pm
JB… Andy Dick playing EMH Mark 2. Yeah, I remember that!
Youtube for the non-geeks among us (holy homosexual innuendo, Batman!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MnQcVLOCPE
Voyager had some great cameos. I vaguely recall The Rock playing an alien wrestler or something.
17 manniem // Jul 22, 2008 at 10:13 pm
It’s sad to see him, or anyone, like that. I think you handled it quite well.
18 socalfrank // Jul 22, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I’ve never found him even remotely funny and I don’t understand what he brings to the entertainment table. Andy Dick is a loser.
19 jaxworlds // Jul 22, 2008 at 11:16 pm
“I never did that show either”.. he is hilarious, drunk , sober, or incarcerated..
20 bnaivar // Jul 23, 2008 at 4:38 am
Somewhere in Vegas there’s a backseat floorboard covered in coleslaw and corn.
21 PeekaBooRevue // Jul 23, 2008 at 5:15 am
Anyone see the new Gong Show on Comedy Central? Andy was a guest judge. Our friends Trixie Little & The Evil Hate Monkey were on the show last week and were petrified by Mr. Dick. There must be ALLOT of eggshell walking around him, you just never know when he is going to snap.
22 joshpincusiscrying // Jul 23, 2008 at 6:25 am
Andy Dick’s name always sounded to me like a name you would put down on the roll sheet when you had a substitute teacher, right after Dick Hurtz and Heywood Ja’blowme (Nigerian exchange student).
23 cult of wikipedia « life sucks less and less every day // Jul 23, 2008 at 8:22 am
[...] Posted by redshield3 under Uncategorized | Tags: idiots, mental illness, world | So I read this article about Andy Dick and I was curious about who the author (April Winchell) was, so I looked her up on [...]
24 april winchell is funny. « sister sisyphus // Jul 23, 2008 at 9:47 am
[...] incredibly accurate, descriptions are beyond enjoyable. Please do yourself a favor and read: My Dinner With Andy. He’s no Wallace Shawn, but who needs witty existential banter when you can read about a [...]
25 clevelandphil // Jul 23, 2008 at 9:59 am
Apparantly when gays get drunk they either have unprotected sex, resulting in STD’s or they grab women’s tits. No one is buying this “Emily is my girlfriend” bullshit.
26 Andre // Jul 23, 2008 at 10:12 am
“Corn. Now when did I eat corn?”
– Carol Channing
27 Mavis // Jul 23, 2008 at 11:02 am
Andy is getting it all out of his system before he goes before the judge., either that, or he’s just drunk.
28 beetlebug // Jul 23, 2008 at 11:38 am
Well..he’s consistent in his diet. The drinker’s food club: First ribs and then wings. His mug shot is so Hannibal Lecter scary.
29 Stretch99 // Jul 23, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Andy, Dick
30 pal Jacky // Jul 23, 2008 at 6:10 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsK6Z-GUkS8&feature=related
Okay, so he is no Milton beryl, but I have to repeat I laugh my ass off it this bit
31 coasterboy // Jul 23, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Wow! I just checked out Mr. Cecil’s online, and boy, are they pricey $$$. I thought BBQ was supposed to be cheap!
32 TalkinHorse // Jul 24, 2008 at 2:37 am
Dick is obviously something of a sick f***. But sometimes he nails it. Here’s a legit clip of Matthew Lesko’s Free Money. Then look at Andy Dick’s version.
33 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 24, 2008 at 6:31 am
I checked out the Mr. Cecil’s site to see what coasterboy was talking about, and I noticed their front page boasts the “slight Asian influence” the chef puts into his cuisine.
HAHAHAHA… No.
April, is this place is like one of those foo-foo Hollywood “Mexican” restaurants that specializes in plum reduction-drizzled duck tacos served with mango-fig salsa and blue corn goat cheese quesadillas?
I don’t wanna be one of those snobby “Outside of [X Region], you can’t get good [X Type of Food]” douchebags, but BBQ is BBQ is BBQ. Ain’t no Asian influence about it. April, your state has dropped the ball on this one.
For shame, Cali. For shaaaame.
34 eBayEnigma // Jul 24, 2008 at 7:57 am
Is is my imagination, or are drunk people the only ones that smile fiendishly in mug shots?
35 April // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:09 am
Speedy, the only Asian influence I saw was the guy who refilled my Diet Coke.
36 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:00 am
Hey, I’m just going by what I read. They should change their website blurb.
http://www.mrcecilscaliforniaribs.com/
Nobody wants an Asian influence at a rib joint. Someone comes at me with some teriyaki pineapple ginger-crusted ribs, we’re gonna have some problems. Homie don’t play that.
37 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:06 am
By the way, congratulations on the colorful name you gave that picture.
38 John Foley // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:11 am
Speedy-
There’s no Asian influence to be found. They may have some overzealous PR people writing their ad copy, but it’s just a basic rib joint once you sit down.
Speaking of which, when are we getting some ribs again?
39 coasterboy // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:58 am
I smell the delectable odor of another April Fan Meet-and-Greet!
40 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 24, 2008 at 10:22 am
Smells like elves to me.
41 beetlebug // Jul 24, 2008 at 10:38 am
I agree on the pricey comment. Don’t ask what I paid for rib in Memphis or here in the VA/NC area currently. Still, I wish I knew about Cecil’s when I was in LA last month so I could have tried it.
42 Mavis // Jul 24, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Speedy, unless it’s Korean, they have good BBQ.
43 Stretch99 // Jul 24, 2008 at 12:40 pm
“I smell the delectable odor of another April Fan Meet-and-Greet!”
Please don’t invite Andy. Its all fun and games until someone vomits on their shoes
44 pal Jacky // Jul 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm
stretch,
i don’t know what kind of boring ass parties you go to, but for me it’s only fun and games after someone vomits on their shoes.
45 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 24, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Mavis, I completely agree. Korean BBQ is amazing.
However, ribs are a totally different class of food. When I want ribs, I want… well, ribs. I desire no Asian influences in my western BBQ.
Besides, when I hear “Asian-influenced” in the description of an LA restaurant, I don’t immediately think “delicious Korean BBQ pork and skate wings”. In fact, my usual thoughts could be more accurately described as “honky chef throws around a bunch of leeks, ginger and duck sauce in a desperate attempt to seem original and talented”.
Oh, and that lunch will now run you about $50 per person. That too.
46 TalkinHorse // Jul 24, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Wow. I can’t believe April posted a picture of herself eating Dick.