What in God’s name is this?
I’ll tell you what it is. it’s Madonna, looking like Jackie Stallone’s older sister.
What a fucking mess. She looks like a scarecrow on meth. Amy Winehouse wouldn’t leave the house looking like this.
I’ve often heard that Madonna only drinks holy Kablahblah water that’s been blessed by Rabbis. I may not know much about religion, but it might be time to get a Britta because that shit is clearly not working.
This is not a good look. She’s all tendons and leather. She looks like something I’d give my dogs to chew on. I bet if she cut herself shaving, sand would pour out.
How many hours on the treadmill do you have to put in to look like this? Someone tell me so I can stop about 6 years before that.
Sweet Jesus, this is tragic. Why doesn’t someone help her? Is there no one to tenderly take her by the ligaments and say, “How about we skip the Pilates and get Lourdes waxed?”
That’s the real crime here, in my opinion. It’s one thing if she wants to leave the house looking like something from the catacombs of Palermo, but why let your daughter be photographed with a mustache? I mean for God’s sake, she’s starting to look like Ralph Machio.
It was bad enough when she had the unibrow going, though I guess you could make the argument that she was just a kid. But for God’s sake, she’s 13! She’s wearing make-up now! When you’re old enough for eye shadow, you’re too old to look like Eddie Munster. It’s true. I read it in Vogue.
And P.S., the weird Mighty Isis headdress isn’t helping. It’s like a flashing silver arrow, pointing directly to her unchecked testosterone levels.
I always knew that money didn’t buy happiness. But I was pretty sure it bought a couple of sandwiches and a jar of Nads.
75 responses so far ↓
1 naughty zoot // Jul 27, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Yes, but helping her daughter look decent in public would involve Madonna thinking about someone other than HERSELF. Come ON–where’s the self-involved faux religion fun in THAT???
(I’m with you, btw- while I loath mothers who pimp out their six year olds in curlers and make-up, this girl is WAY old enough to have access to a few grooming essentials. And as an Italian fake-blond, her mom should know that.)
2 Mellotron // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Relax. Photoshop has simply struck again. And miserably I might add.
3 April // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Afraid not, Mellotron.
Three pages of photos? Who has that kind of time?
4 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Mmmm, I just got a hankerin’ for some beef jerky.
Also, Lourdes = Prince + Dave Navarro.
5 Dave // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:30 pm
The 1-888-2-CONFESS T-Shirt is very perplexing….
6 bnaivar // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Mama’s gone from “High Maintenance” to “High Mileage”.
7 Mellotron // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Holy crap! Ok i’ll shut up now. Sorry April.
8 JohnnyBoy // Jul 27, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I had a pretty good feeling that AyRod wasn’t tagging THAT, and now I’m more convinced.
9 clevelandphil // Jul 27, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Oh April, she’s 60 fucking years old and so is her mother Madonna. Madonna is a bubby-in-training. BTW why is no one mentioning her arms? Veinzapoppin!
10 thefifthbeatle // Jul 27, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I’m a big Madonna fan but she looks like SHIT. Eat something, you stupid cow.
And Lourdes…well…
11 Mavis // Jul 27, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I think Madonna could at least invest in tweezers for Lourdes.
12 TalkinHorse // Jul 27, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Hey! Show a little respect for Madonna and Child! (I’m *assuming* that moustache is actually a shadow. Either that, or a picture of young Rosie O’Donnel.)
13 pixie // Jul 27, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Beyond not taking advice from Catherine Deveuve (who said it was good for older women to add a little weight to help with looking too gaunt), it appears to me Madge is suffering Madame Syndrome — looking a little too much like Madame (as in Waylon Flowers and Madame) after cheek and chin implants.
14 IsraeliSchmali // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:00 am
So I thought this was Madonna and mini Frida Kahlo. However, this is not possible. There is no physical way Madonna’s demon spawn could have that kind of talent.
She is coming to my town’s Film Festival this week. I guess she’s introducing her new film about the African kid she stole. Micheal Moore and Phil Donahue are going to be here as well. I’m looking forward to Phil.
15 aristan // Jul 28, 2008 at 5:25 am
Talkinhorse:
That ‘Shadow’ has been in every picture of that girl for ages. For example:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2007/11/LOURDES%20LEON.JPG
That’s not a shadow. That’s facial hair. In fact, it’s very similar to the mustache her father wears. Hmmm… maybe it’s a signal to her father, like Carol Burnett’s ear tug.
16 Doug // Jul 28, 2008 at 5:34 am
I thought it was a chocolate milk mustache on a dirty-faced girl.
THAT’S Lourdes? Hell, I remember when she was born, and now she’s THAT big? F*ck I’m getting old.
And yes, it sucks.
17 joshpincusiscrying // Jul 28, 2008 at 5:59 am
Those are some frightening photographs!
and speaking of whacked celebrities, I saw Lindsay Lohan was admitted to the hospital in New York on Saturday, claiming to have been sideswiped by a motorbike. Just to clear the record, I was in New York on Saturday, but I took cabs everywhere.
18 slimothy // Jul 28, 2008 at 8:40 am
Fuck all of you scumbags for making fun of a little girl. Why don’t you all post pictures of yourselves for critique? Madonna is fair game because she puts herself out there.
19 April // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:05 am
Slimothy, I realize this is your first day on the internet, but we make fun of people here.
I should also tell you that starting a comment with “Fuck all of you scumbags” is a great way to be taken seriously. Though it would have helped if your whole comment was in caps. Maybe next time.
20 John Foley // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:06 am
Speaking only for myself, I resolve to never, ever, ever say anything critical of anyone ever again. I have been made to understand that this is wrong, and completely antithetical to the way that the internet works.
Thanks, “slimothy!”
Hey check out my pics!
21 slimothy // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:15 am
I’m not remotely interested in being taken seriously by creeps like all of you. Please delete my account. I was taken to this link through Fark and have no further use for your ridiculous “discussion”.
Making fun of children in a public forum is creepy by any definition.
22 ira_shlamazel // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:36 am
Slimothy doesn’t get it. SHE IS NOT JUST A CHILD!
She is Madonna’s DAUGHTER. MADONNA!!
If you want to be pissed- be pissed at MADONNA!
Anyone who goes ANYWHERE with MADONNA will photographed! Those photos will be SEEN, and more importantly, MOCKED!
When you put yourself out there in the public, there will likely be some ridicule- kind of like you- you chose to open your big mouth, now you get ridiculed! See how that works?
Slimothy. Very appropriate name.
23 ira_shlamazel // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:38 am
Oh, and OWWW! My eyes!!
Suddenly, I feel so pretty!
Thanks, Madonna!
24 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:38 am
Hairy Ewok-looking children are what’s creepy
especially in High Definition
25 April // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:39 am
It’s real simple, slimothy. If you don’t want people to make observations about your daughter, don’t allow her to be photographed in public over and over again.
And if you are going to insist on putting her on display in the media, deal with the facial hair. It’s not attractive on a woman. If it were, Madonna would still be an Italian from Detroit instead of Aryan British royalty.
Delete your own account. Ask your mom to show you.
26 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:40 am
oh, and FUCK ALL OF YOUR SCUMBAGS !
27 ira_shlamazel // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:53 am
Who is her father? I forget…
28 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:53 am
A wooden stake might be effective against Madonna, but it’d take a silver bullet for Wolf-Girl
29 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:54 am
Possible fathers:
Chewbacca
Lawrence Talbot
Sy Sperling
30 ira_shlamazel // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:00 am
Other possibility-
Herve Villechaize
31 April // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:00 am
Actually, it’s Carlos Leon, who was Madonna’s personal trainer.
I see a certain resemblance around the sideburns.
32 ira_shlamazel // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:05 am
Wow. And he admits it? Such chutzpah!
33 PeekaBooRevue // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:14 am
That child look like some Pakuni from “Land of the lost”. Honestly, thats horrible. I wonder if she’ll wax or do the laser hair removal. I’m not saying where, but I feel that it’ll be quite the first time experience….
34 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:36 am
Ok, I’m done beating up the kid more than God did.
Re: Madonna’s Insect Arms….she can lift 100 times her body weight in money with those
35 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:38 am
did Dimothy leave?
36 clevelandphil // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:42 am
Lourdes looks like she crawled out of Madonna’s hairy arm pits.
37 ListenerJustin // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:46 am
Is it just me, or does Maddy look like someone took a bat to Sharon Stone these days?
38 steve // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:59 am
I like the way Brendon put it: http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=9861
39 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 11:22 am
Someone on Fark mentioned another potential father:
Inigo Montoya
40 Slim Portly // Jul 28, 2008 at 11:39 am
“I was taken to this link through Fark and have no further use for your ridiculous ‘discussion’.”
I came here via a link on a German scheisse site, and I too am disgusted by the level of discussion here. Fick all you schaumtaschen.
41 JohnnyBoy // Jul 28, 2008 at 12:46 pm
nicht so schnell, you didn’t capitalize !
42 DavidinBerkeley // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:01 pm
All these women with the cheek implants that blend into their upper lip-shelf seem to be trying so hard to look like those aliens in the “The Eye of the Beholder” episode of “The Twilight Zone.”
I can only ask: “Why?”
43 Scott // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Oh boy, am I glad that I am not in the public eye.
44 TalkinHorse // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I wouldn’t want to be, you know, a scumbag or anything, but that facial hair makes no sense. I mean, that’s a pretty basic thing to attend to, so if it hasn’t been done, then it would seem they’ve deliberately chosen to showcase this attribute. But why would they do such a thing?
I hate to put myself in i’m-slothy’s camp, but I have to say that April’s insensitive comment about facial hair being unattractive on women has deeply offended my cat Molly.
45 Letty Cruz // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:39 pm
can’t.STOP.LMAOingandndljOHGODAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
46 Letty Cruz // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:40 pm
***DEEEEP BREATH****
and yeah: I’d of run away from home if I’d grown that kind of stash at 13 and my mom forbade me tweezers and wax.
47 Letty Cruz // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:44 pm
aaarrgh! “I’d HAVE run away if ” — OHFUCKIT.
and I think Madonna is going Mommy Dearest on pour Lou Lou — if Mommy looks like a melting witch, then Lou Lou will look like Cousin It before she ever outshines Mommy!!! [insert tired hanger beating references here]
48 rosco // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Ignoring all else, would someone please, Please tell me what is growing out of Madonnas left bicep?
I keep looking. And the longer I look, the more scared I become.
49 pal Jacky // Jul 28, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m guilty. mental peasants are tracing me through my German Scheisse sites again. (Actually, I didn’t know that Fark was a german Scheisse site. I don’t practice the perversions there of course. . )I just look, laugh and then tell them all they need to bathe. I get ridiculed by people like slim portly, and other easily confused hotheads. The keep telling me to ‘fick off’. I correct them that ‘Fick’ is not a correct conjugation of the verb ‘ficken’ but it only confuses them even more if possible.
50 pal Jacky // Jul 28, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I wasn’t sure of ’schaum’ so I looked it up. We were called ‘foam pads’ .Perhaps it is part of the lingo of a deep dark perversion. Otherwise, I just don’t feel too insulted. Hey folks I didn’t even need a lead in for today’s german lesson!!!
51 pal Jacky // Jul 28, 2008 at 3:04 pm
April, this isn’t a correction, but ‘aryan british royalty’ leaves out her spirtual beliefs. I.E. Khabbala. Life was so much easier 10 years ago when the only thing heavily influenced by this weirdass orothodox Jewish subsect was the game ‘Final Fantasy VII”. The bitch even got a Khaballa tattoo. Even In this day and age orothodox jews still cannot get tattoos of their own free will.(it was no tattoos until the death camps) She wonders why she gets booed in israel. . But she knows Khaballa. What a fucking fraud.
52 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 28, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Little known fact: Sephiroth worked part-time as a mohel.
FFVII was a very Jewy game.
53 pal Jacky // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I’m not making this up really
http://www.learnkabbalah.com/light_and_the_sefirot/
Take ‘jenova’ replace ‘n’ with ‘h’. Most of the symbols in the well sequence(where you place the ancient key) are also in hebrew.
54 Doug // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:13 pm
pal Jacky, you misspelled Kahblahblahblahblahblah.
HTH.
55 pal Jacky // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:31 pm
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Kaballah
lots of ways to misspell the damn thing
56 pal Jacky // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:40 pm
http://www.luckymojo.com/esoteric/occultism/divination/numerology/ny200106numerolinguistics.txt
This bit of longwindedness seems to suggest in the second paragraph that people like Madonna practice their own ‘khabbala’(my spelling) and a the differnence is important enough to spell it like this. So nah nah, blow it our your arschloch doug.
57 Doug // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:58 pm
“So nah nah, blow it our your arschloch doug.”
HEY!! I resemble that remark! (I need to get some Preparation H…seriously. For reals.)
58 Stretch99 // Jul 28, 2008 at 5:49 pm
…we can now see the results of excess Vogue-ing
IT MUST BE STOPPED.
Of course we first see it in Madonna. Don’t let this happen to your children.
WORD TO LOURDES:
“Say the secret word and the duck will come down and bring you $100
59 dmjj // Jul 28, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Madonna looks like Eddie Vedder and Iggy Pop had a child together.
60 jim // Jul 28, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Holy shit. Well, at least the title fits – suddenly “optional entertainment” like Goatse looks like lighthearted jocularity.
The ugly! It BURNS!!!
Material Girl needs only a baseball-cap proclaiming “HONK IF YOU’RE HORNY,” a safety-vest, & a shopping-cart full of wiring from a demolished house – & she’ll fit right in on the streets of any slum in the land.
61 Speedy Cerviche // Jul 28, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Think about this: Have we ever seen Madonna and Goatse in the same room?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…
62 clevelandphil // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Madonna looks like Eddie Vedder and Iggy Pop had a child together
And then dumped its head in the toilet from Trainspotting. BTW the poop that hits the family at breakfast, from the same movie, looks like Lourdes.
63 aristan // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Speedy… I’ve seen Goatse’s XTube videos. Trust me, It’s not Madonna.
64 eBayEnigma // Jul 29, 2008 at 8:27 am
When I look at Madonna in that picture — and I don’t know why — but beef jerky comes to mind.
65 Stretch99 // Jul 29, 2008 at 12:31 pm
That was a great Shake just now
I could use some fries to go with it
66 Andre // Jul 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Looking at Madonna is still better than looking at a bloody maxi-pad.
But just barely.
67 Stretch99 // Jul 29, 2008 at 3:08 pm
What did the House say to the earthquake fault…
shake me more than three times and you’re playing with it
68 rmsrmsrms // Jul 29, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Check this out, very clever:
http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2008/07/madonnas-plasti.html
69 pal Jacky // Jul 29, 2008 at 5:22 pm
that fucking earthquake. A little fucking shaking and they go into panic mode. I was watching Steve Wilcos yell at a child rapist and.. ‘we interupt the broadcast to’. And there is arschKlown Sam ruben yapping ‘no dead, no dead’ The guy can’t even do celebrity news. They pulled a few more of their useless news team to tell use how to pack ‘emergency kits’ and kept cutting to that hag from Cal Tech with her seismographs and her other charts.. they inteviewed lots of people who had lots of insight. ‘everything started shaking then it stopped’. This carried on long enough to pre-empt the 1:00pm broadcast of Jerry Springer.
70 Gunner13 // Jul 29, 2008 at 5:52 pm
clevelandphil, hate to break this to you, but she is not even 50 yet as her birthday is listed as 16 August 1958. That does not make this any better of course.
After a careful review of the photos that April gave us the link to, I have concluded that the person formerly known as Madonna (AKA Maddy, Mo, The Material Girl, Madge
Esther (Kabalah name!) and M (What she and her friends call her) (she calls HERSELF M?????) is no longer human.
She is in fact, transforming into a mummy (and I mean the Egyptian kind). Look for her versus Bredan Frasier in The Mummy III – Tramp Queen of the Undead.
71 Doug // Jul 29, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Actually, she does pull of the “looking quite human” thing on occasion:
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/11348207.html#cutid1
72 Doug // Jul 29, 2008 at 7:24 pm
But then again…
http://cityrag.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/madgesty.jpg
73 JohnnyQuest666 // Jul 29, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Damn, those arms look like something that should be clawing up through the ground in Michael Jackson’s THRILLER video!
BTW, that wasn’t an earthquake this morning – it was Madge going at Lourdes’ face with an Epilady…
74 pal Jacky // Jul 30, 2008 at 1:59 am
Did Madonna know that Mad King george III of England had an imaginary wife named Esther? His childhood friend esther was actually dead. Actually, he believed that the real queen was an imposter and his true wife, ‘esther’, was kept hidden from him. Of course, that is nothing to our own george III thinking that the war in Iraq is doing just fine.
75 bnaivar // Jul 30, 2008 at 4:43 am
Would he fall asleep when he would see Esther?
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