April Winchell

54 responses so far ↓

• 1 Prof. Oddfellow // Sep 1, 2008 at 4:49 pm

  The last item, “Shotgun Wedding,” is a terrific zinger!

• 2 Catman51 // Sep 1, 2008 at 7:07 pm

  How about a trip to Bush’s acreage in Paraquay?

• 3 pal Jacky // Sep 1, 2008 at 7:35 pm

  I can’t wait to hear Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’reilly blame this on Clinton’s blowjob.

• 4 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 1, 2008 at 7:47 pm

  April, why do you hate America?

• 5 ShannonS // Sep 1, 2008 at 8:43 pm

  Now I am so a conspiracy sort. The McCain faction had the information of the preggers daughter for at least a month.
  So they (McCains people) leak the “bad” story about daughter giving birth to the baby that the mom (our next VP) is claiming is hers. That way, when the real story breaks that daughter is just preggers, it’s not such a big deal.
  Sigh…
  Spin a bad story so the real story looks better.

• 6 ShannonS // Sep 1, 2008 at 8:45 pm

  Do they make the Full Armor of God playset in growup sizes? The hubby and I are gettin a little boring in the sac. I think me in the Onesie Camo outfit and him in the armor might just spice things up a bit.

• 7 JohnnyBoy // Sep 2, 2008 at 1:43 am

  John Edwards is the real father

• 8 bnaivar // Sep 2, 2008 at 4:45 am

  Before marriage:

  a 3-pack of Trojans. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

  After marriage:

  a 12 pack of Trojans. January, February, March….

• 9 joshpincusiscrying // Sep 2, 2008 at 5:54 am

  If your teenage daughter doesn’t get pregnant, then the terrorists win.

• 10 coasterboy // Sep 2, 2008 at 9:08 am

  I was just wondering. The Republicants are screaming that this girl and he Mom have a right to their privacy. That we have no right to question who is the baby’s father.

  How about with John Edwards? I didn’t hear these people complaining when the whole “love child” thing was going around and around…

  Curious!

• 11 pal Jacky // Sep 2, 2008 at 9:42 am

  Am I the only one who is thinkin’ Harriet Meyers’ about now? It doesn’t even seem to phase anyone that this bitch is a loud ‘abstinence only’ self rightous screamer that can’t even teach her own daughter but wants to legislate everyone else’s. Just another person who can’t run their own lives telling us how to run ours. Maybe Dr. Laura’s son will beat up someone at this year’s convention like he did in 2004.

• 12 David // Sep 2, 2008 at 9:59 am

  I was totally thinking Harriet Meyers! And why does a teenager getting married suddenly justify everything?

• 13 clevelandphil // Sep 2, 2008 at 10:20 am

  Maybe Dr. Laura’s son will beat up someone at this year’s convention like he did in 2004.

  That was somebody else.

• 14 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 2, 2008 at 3:55 pm

  Dr. Laura’s son lives in West Hollywood.

  Just sayin’.

• 15 jiggman // Sep 2, 2008 at 5:27 pm

  April, I thought you had more class than that. Silly me. Being respectful is so passe. Sometimes, visiting your site is like stepping in dog poop that you just can’t completely remove from your shoe.

• 16 April // Sep 2, 2008 at 5:32 pm

  You thought I had class? You must be new here.

  Grow the fuck up. Humor is largely at the expense of someone or other, and it’s everyone’s turn at one point .

• 17 laffingsherry // Sep 2, 2008 at 5:32 pm

  I’d give the daughter a referral to an adoption agency. If the 4 parnets of the 2 teens had a brain among them, they’d be advocating adoption to a 2 parent married family.

• 18 Gina // Sep 2, 2008 at 6:46 pm

  Hey jiggman, tell me something. Why does this situation deserve respect?

• 19 pal Jacky // Sep 2, 2008 at 7:40 pm

  http://kingofheartsmaybeschlessinger.blogspot.com/2008/08/convention-history-deryk-schlessinger.html
  Perhaps som,eone else, but at least one source says he is still number one suspect.

• 20 pal Jacky // Sep 2, 2008 at 7:45 pm

  One other thing. When the Pope says ‘no capital punishment’ why doesn’t that ever enter into the ‘right to life’ debate?

• 21 Gina // Sep 2, 2008 at 10:09 pm

  Speaking of Dr. Laura, she went on a tirade against Palin today. She thinks she’s a bad role model and bad mother.

• 22 naughty zoot // Sep 2, 2008 at 10:13 pm

  I can feel sorry for the poor kids AND laugh at the situation all at once! (Does that make me amoral or ambi-emotional??)
  She was just doing the normal hormonal think-you’re-in-love-fer-EVER, screw your Mom’s stupid morality in the Alaskan Styx, and suddenly she’s in the middle of a national election and a shotgun wedding.
  BUT- it does make her fundy Mom look like an idiot. Not for just imposing her morals on a hapless 17 year old, but for insisting on making her under age daughter a child bride to save her own career.
  Mock on, April! Palin Sr. deserves it!

• 23 gary // Sep 2, 2008 at 10:19 pm

  Nice echo chamber going on here.

  Nice job comparing Edwards to this kid as well.
  See, the difference is Edwards is denying it’s his kid.
  The Palins aren’t denying a thing. I don’t remember anyone from that family claiming that they were perfect either.

  I’m the father of a 17 year old and I’ve tried to set a good example and steer him in the right direction……….it’s worked out just great. And by great I mean not great.
  He’s going to do what he’s going to do until he figures it out. And I know he will.

  So just because Palin’s a hard core Christian doesn’t mean her children will follow. Especially her teen aged daughter.
  It doesn’t make Palin a hypocrite. It makes her a regular old parent. Period.

• 24 April // Sep 2, 2008 at 10:29 pm

  I’d agree with you if Sarah Palin were just some Alaskan housewife. But this is someone whose belief systems can impact a lot more people than her kids.

  She wants to make abortion unavailable to even rape and incest victims, teach creationism to our kids and take sex education out of schools. She also opposes modern contraception methods for even married couples.

  That makes her more than just a “regular old parent”. It makes her dangerous. And I think it’s appropriate to hold her and her dogma up to scrutiny.

  I want to live by her rules about as much as her daughter does.

• 25 jim // Sep 3, 2008 at 12:58 am

  I’d like to get them a new identity, & a safe-house in which to hide from their fucked-up mother. The postage on that is going to be a right bitch, though.

  Sarah Palin - Full Metal Failmom!
  Freakiest politician since Sam “Batshit Insane” Yorty.

  They don’t call it “creationism” any more, you know - it’s “Intelligent Design” now — & even though it has zero to contribute to real science, they’ll be more than happy to eat a big hole in already-gutshot education budgets shilling it at kids too young to realize they’re being conned. I.D. has a dirty little secret: evolution’s already been empirically proven via research in a natural setting (the Galapagos Islands, no less) but don’t you dare say that out loud or you’ll make Baby Jesus cry!

  That poor girl Bristol must be going through a real sea of shit right now. You couldn’t buy a better refutation of “abstinence-only” anti-sex-ed dogma. Needless to say, none of this will penetrate the thick skull of the proud grandma-to-be. Damn straight she’s more than a “regular old parent” - she’s running for VP & is opposed to abortion - EVER. Get this lunatic in the VP slot under McThuselah & she’ll be a heartbeat away from stacking the Supreme Court with like-minded psychos, & you can kiss Roe v. Wade goodbye. Rape? Incest? Sorry, that’s a no-go: being pro-abortion means you want the terrorists to win - Sarah’s sacred “Culture Of Life” trumps either human decency or common sense. Her stance on being pro-choice is kind of like the Westboro Baptist Church’s stance on unbelievers. Even a lot of Christians consider her position extreme if not downright wicked.

  What really turns my stomach is hearing about the old biddies who’re cheering her on & looking forward to seeing a woman in the White House when her boss bites the dust, shrugging at her pro-life extremism & saying “well heck, I’m too old now to have kids anyhow - you GO, girl!” It’s like Jews For Jesus, but without the good taste.

  Not buying this hoopla about the GOP knowing all about it & spreading the alternative rumor … come on, hands up: who actually thinks they’re anywhere NEAR that smooth? Anyone, anyone at all? Bueller?

  There’s an 8-man team up in Alaska vetting her NOW … is that some creative timing or what? At least nobody can say they jumped the gun on that.

  More scandals in a week than the Dems have had in a year, singlehanded: Sarah Mooseburger FTW!

  She’s so completely ultra-bizzaro that she makes either Bush OR McCain look like Mr. Rogers.

  Damn, America can really hit the jackpot when it comes to bringing the real high-octane weird. Another 5 years at this clip, & Japan will be #2!

• 26 bnaivar // Sep 3, 2008 at 3:57 am

  Helloooooooooo

  VICE-President.

  all they do is go to funerals. (and shoot people)

• 27 coasterboy // Sep 3, 2008 at 6:29 am

  Helloooooooooo

  VICE-President.

  all they do is go to funerals. (and shoot people)

  And run the secret government from an undisclosed location….

• 28 PeekaBooRevue // Sep 3, 2008 at 7:19 am

  jiggman, April has lighted up this blog with fun and kindness. She’s made us proud of her and she’s brought a GLOW to our lives that we have never had before. You just don’t know April. Its a shame that many times we loose the good things in this world because we close our eyes instead of opening our hearts. Words to live by jiggman. Words to live by… Oh wait, that was Mary Smith…

• 29 ShannonS // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:05 am

  Respect, HA! Just like the boyfriend respected the daughter.

  Heard Handel this morning and he referenced this and I looked it up on Wiki:
  Garner once described the office of the vice presidency as being “not worth a bucket of warm piss.”[1] [This quote was Bowdlerized for many decades to "not worth a bucket of warm spit" by the media. The incorrect version is still used on occasion by writers who say they never heard or read it any other way. Garner once described a writer who quoted it this way as a "pantywaist."][2]

• 30 ShannonS // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:06 am

  John Nance Garner was FDR’s first VP.

• 31 gary // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:08 am

  April, I’m not putting down your post. It’s funny as hell.
  But the thing is, she’s going to be vice-president( if McCain wins).
  McCain is pro choice. He’s going to be making the decisions. She’ll be attending funerals .
  And as far as everyone worrying about McCain dying in office, that prick has wanted to be president for so long and wanted it so badly that he’s too stubborn to die.
  Also, I’d like to point out that we had 8 years of Reagan and Roe V. Wade still stands.
  We’ve had 8 years of Dubya and Roe V. Wade still stands.

• 32 coasterboy // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:32 am

  Hellloooo!

  The next president gets to pick, what, 1,2,3? Supreme Court Justices?

  The only reason Roe has not been overturned is that the court has been balanced the way it was during Reagan and Bush’s terms. You can thank Sandra Day - who is gone now.

  Any more conservatives on the court and Roe will be history. I’ll bet money on it.

• 33 coasterboy // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:36 am

  And, sorry to say it, but Dick Cheney has had far more power as VP than any other VP, probably eclipsing W in some cases. What was he doing on 9/11?

  “Pot of warm piss” is really a historical statement at this juncture.

• 34 John Foley // Sep 3, 2008 at 9:07 am

  I have to agree with gary- Roe v. Wade isn’t going anywhere. Right wingers have to pretend they’re going to repeal it in order to please the creepy base, but abortion is not going away.

  “McThuselah?” Lame. Also, Biblical. Ewww.

• 35 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 3, 2008 at 9:27 am

  I come to AprilWinchell.com for the high-minded political debate.

• 36 JohnnyBoy // Sep 3, 2008 at 9:48 am

  I come here for the ambience, and the free sandwich recipes

• 37 clevelandphil // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:39 am

  The Republicans are mad because we’re not respecting the Palin’s privacy.

  Can you imagine what would’ve happened if Chelsea got pregnant while Bill was President?

• 38 bnaivar // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:57 am

  WITH HIS OWN DAUGHTER???!!!

  Oh, you meant…nevermind.

• 39 jiggman // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:06 am

  April // Sep 2, 2008 at 5:32 pm

  You thought I had class? You must be new here.

  Grow the fuck up. Humor is largely at the expense of someone or other, and it’s everyone’s turn at one point .
  _______________________________________

  April, I know you and I view the world very differently, I’ve listened to you on Friday nights for years. Respect is relative. You may enjoy laughing at another’s expense, but I would personally draw the line if a comedian decided to tell a series of tasteless jokes about that old hag cancer patient, with no hair, who lets her dog sleep in her bed next to her and her boyfriend. Sure, real life can be funny, but you can always respect it for being normal real life before thinking it’s worth laughing at. By the way, I’m the one who sent you the song “He will Fuck you up”. I go to church but I still know how to laugh at the hypocrisy of it. Sorry about the serious. tone.

• 40 April // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:21 am

  I agree that respect is relative. I’m sure some people would find the song you sent to me very disrespectful. In fact, a very religious person might even think that kind of humor was at their expense.

  Going after someone you like doesn’t make the joke invalid. Going after someone you dislike doesn’t make the satire brilliant.

  Ultimately, where you draw the line, or where I do, is irrelevant. We don’t get to choose who is worthy of mockery or ridicule, we only get to choose what’s funny to us.

  - The Old Hag Cancer Patient

• 41 ListenerJustin // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:43 am

  Touche!

• 42 jiggman // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:49 am

  Roger That.

• 43 bnaivar // Sep 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm

  You’re not THAT old.

• 44 JohnnyBoy // Sep 3, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  To those promoting Absinthe as birth-control….it DON’T WORK !

• 45 Gina // Sep 3, 2008 at 1:08 pm

  Gary, McCain isn’t pro-choice. Far from.

  “I do not support Roe versus Wade. It should be overturned.”

• 46 phoebefigalilly // Sep 3, 2008 at 1:57 pm

  Palin puts the “vice” back into Vice President

• 47 pal Jacky // Sep 3, 2008 at 2:26 pm

  Actually, McCAin did support Roe V. Wade at one point. It is not flipfloping when one sees the wisdom of the neocons.

• 48 pal Jacky // Sep 3, 2008 at 2:28 pm

  don’t get me wrong, I agree with Dr. Laura that this bitch is a terrible role mode. I just think Dr. Laura is one too.

• 49 gary // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:09 pm

  Just as we’re not bombing Iran, Roe V. Wade will stand.
  It’s in stone.
  Seriously, step back and take a long look instead of getting drawn into the drama.
  Another thing, Palin’s a bad role model? How?
  I stand by my , just plain old parenting, statement.
  Plus, her family’s been conditioned for this shit.
  They don’t give a damn what anyone thinks and THAT’s what makes Palin so appealing to the right and so fucking scary to the left.
  Sorry for the ramble, but I’ve really been blown away by how hard the media and lefties have gone after this woman.
  It’s pathetic.
  Makes me think that McCain’s a fucking genius.
  He’s going to win this election and it’ll be another case of the Dems snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

• 50 gary // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:17 pm

  Wow, I need to take another norco, I can’t believe I actually used that last line.

• 51 ShannonS // Sep 4, 2008 at 7:59 pm

  The reason abortion is still legal is because it keeps the Christian right from having to face hoards of sinning, sex-crazed liberals and their own misdeads.
  Liberals face the protesters at the front door of the abortion clinic. Conservatives avoid them at the back door.
  That’s if they aren’t schtupting the male pages in the Senate bathroom. Tippy tappy toes, tippy toes…

• 52 ShannonS // Sep 4, 2008 at 8:00 pm

  Oh, and shooting moose from a chopper. That’s hot.

• 53 Keith // Sep 28, 2008 at 2:32 pm

  Hey, April.
  I don’t know which is funnier–the Amazon baby registry itself or the imbecilic objections to it some people posted. Hold on, let me check…
  Okay, I’m back. Your stuff is funnier.

• 54 Stretch99 // Sep 29, 2008 at 9:35 am

  For Halloween - Sarah Palin should dress up like Natasha from “Bullwinkle and Rocky” - she has lots of experience huntimng Moose and Squirrel

You must log in to post a comment.