December, 2010
September 3rd, 2008 · 64 Comments
Tags: Photoshoppery
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64 responses so far ↓
1 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm
LBJ was awesome.
“Yeah. Now another thing, the crotch, down where your nuts hang, is always a little too tight. So when you make ‘em up, give me an inch that I can let out there, because they cut me. It’s just like riding a wire fence… see if you can leave me about an inch from the front of the zipper (loud belch) ends, right on under the back of my bunghole.”
So saith the thirty-seventh President of the United States.
2 bnaivar // Sep 3, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Apparently McCain died of estrogen poisoning.
3 Doug // Sep 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Could she be a worse President than Obama? What’s that you said? No? Agreed…I don’t think she could do any worse.
4 April // Sep 3, 2008 at 4:44 pm
You know Doug, I think a religious conservative anti-choice hockey mom who wants to teach creationism in schools and do away with sex-ed is a worse choice.
And I admit, it’s close.
5 JohnnyBoy // Sep 3, 2008 at 5:28 pm
“better to have them inside the tent pissing out, then outside the tent pissing in”
LBJ
6 Doug // Sep 3, 2008 at 6:17 pm
But hey, she’s a hockey mom, not a soccer mom, so she can’t be all bad…can she?
7 Andy // Sep 3, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Tina Fey becomes President while Amy Poehler watches?
8 Andre // Sep 3, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Oh yeah. She’s evil alright. Not only did she kill John McCain but she brought Jack Valenti back to life!
9 laffingsherry // Sep 3, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Tacky. Very tacky.
10 supertec // Sep 3, 2008 at 7:08 pm
But shes hot LOL
11 clevelandphil // Sep 3, 2008 at 7:23 pm
do away with sex-ed
And a knocked up 17 year old daughter to boot.
BTW remember the montage April had of herself when she first had her page? She looked exactly like Palin, only thinner.
12 April // Sep 3, 2008 at 7:40 pm
“Tacky”? How so?
I’ve been seeing the original of that photo posted a lot lately. People have been thinking about how old McCain is, how poor his health has been, and how easily she could wind up being president if they were elected.
I just swapped out the players. I wasn’t going for anything else.
13 Doug // Sep 3, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Frankly, April, I think you did a brilliant job of illustrating what most people thought of when they first heard of McCain’s selecting Palin as his VP. Or at least, it was what *I* first thought of. And I had assumed that John had did the photoshoppery…nice work, regardless!
14 pal Jacky // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:37 pm
The one good thing about the situation is that people will realize that Abtinence only is a dumb idea. The problem is that none of the people who need to understand that even make a connection. “It should be off limits’ Any person hell bent on inflicting their morals onto the rest of the country, are bringing their personal morals into question.
15 Xanadude // Sep 3, 2008 at 8:48 pm
maybe he’ll die before november…i mean, everybody’s gotta die sometime. right? (not that i’m making plans or anything but he is old and sick)
16 NDNation // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:19 pm
LOL That’s really clever. But I have to say it. I love this woman. She’s infinitely interesting. Call me shallow, but I don’t look to elections for anything but entertainment, and I am having the shiz entertained out of me this year. First the Hillary vs. Obama drama. Now this. LOVING IT!
17 jiggman // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:25 pm
April // Sep 3, 2008 at 4:44 pm
You know Doug, I think a religious conservative anti-choice hockey mom who wants to teach creationism in schools and do away with sex-ed is a worse choice.
_______________________________________
Hey April, me again. By reading your comments, here and elsewhere, it appears to me that you don’t like conservatives because you fear they will take away your choice to abort the unborn child if you so choose. I thought you were all about humor. What’s so funny about fighting for the right to kill innocent babies? It’s a good thing you don’t believe in God or else you might believe that “He will fuck you up”. Nothing like liberal values to kill the laughter as well as your children.
18 Gina // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I’m afraid that conservatives will make me carry an unborn child that was conceived when I was raped. I’m afraid that conservatives will make me deliver an unborn child even if that delivery will cause my death . See, the neo-con pro-lifers don’t really care about life. If they did, they’d support embryonic stem cell research, would be against the death penalty and wouldn’t get a hard on at the prospect of sending other people’s kids into war to kill other people’s kids. They’re not pro-life. They’re pro-birth and couldn’t give a shit less once the umbilical cord is cut.
It’s a fucking shame that the Religious Right, an oxymoron if there ever was one, has co-opted the Republican party. What used to be the party of smaller government and lower taxes and capitalism has become a party filled with hate for anyone with the slightest variation from the white, Christian male. Those people aren’t Republicans. They’re opportunists.
19 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 3, 2008 at 10:52 pm
jiggman, go on back to KABC. I don’t think you belong here.
On AM radio, the people all have soothing voices, and they say things that make you want to nod your head.
Go now, and rest. Rest that tired gray head of yours.
20 gary // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Isn’t congress dominated by the Dems?
And don’t get me wrong here. I really don’t know what I’m going to do as far as voting.
I DO know that I’m not voting for Obama. I’m not into socialism.
It’s a shame socialists have co-opted what used to be my party.
And I thought the GOP was the party that was trying to scare us. Seems to me that the Dems are doing a great job of that as well, Gina.
” Vote for us or those mean ole Repugnicans will MAKE you have babies!!!!!11!!!!11!”
Scary.
Not based in fact.
But scary .
In conclusion:
1. We’re not bombing Iran
2. Roe V. Wade will stand
3. Noone’s closing the borders
4. Fuck you, jiggman
21 pal Jacky // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:36 pm
In catholic hospitals, miscarried fetuses are considered medical waste, then they turn around and tell us life begins at conception. A woman who defines herself as ‘Abstinence only’ has a knocked up 17 year old daughter and we are supposed to believe that her values are better and more pragmatic than anyone else’s and her parenting skills are off limits. There is humor in the situation.
22 pal Jacky // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:44 pm
The rich could always afford abortions, the problem is the back ally coat hanger type that the rest of us are forced into. As long as there are unwanted pregnacies, there will be abortions. 90% of this country believes aborttions should be safe and legal in the first three months. I.E. 90% of the people do not believe that human life begins at conception. No, ifs ands or buts about that. Again when was the last time anyone has been invited to the funeral of a miscarried fetus?
23 Gina // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Socialism.
Scary.
Not based in fact.
But scary.
24 pal Jacky // Sep 3, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Somehow, the term ’slippery slope’ has been misused an awful lot. what it really means is that things can exist without a defining point. Take for instance a rainbow. We know red and we know orange. but where on the gradiations between the two does one say its no longer red and is now orange. Same with pregnancy. We know a zygote when we see it, and we know a baby, but actually putting a defining line between the two is impossible. Saying a small group of cells is a full fledged innocent baby isa as dumb as saying red is orange.
I’m done, i’m going to sleep.
25 gary // Sep 4, 2008 at 12:39 am
The left’s fixation with national healthcare, for example = socialism.
Fact.
26 coasterboy // Sep 4, 2008 at 3:25 am
Hey Jiggman!
If you are so intoenforcing your your Biblical values on other people, I challenge you to let me come on over and enforce Biblical law on your family.
I bet I could drop a semi full of stones on you and still not even scratch the surface of your sins….
I bet you eat shellfish, have your hair cut, and wear clothing of multiple fibers….that’s death right there!
27 pal Jacky // Sep 4, 2008 at 5:51 am
Common sewers are solicialized waterworks , does this =socialism? the world’s richest country can afford a lot of shit much of it useless. One would think that keeping its citizens healthy would be an expense worth paying for.
28 Crash // Sep 4, 2008 at 6:54 am
How many abortions do you thing the Bush twins racked up between them when they were out partying hardy? At the very least, they were using birth control.
I’m so sick of hypocrites. Republicans scream “less government” until it’s something THEY want the government to handle. How many of those pasty white old farts at the convention are already getting free health care and drawing a monthly check? Social Security and Medicare is senior welfare. If they live more than three years after starting to draw, they’ve used up anything they paid in. If free healthcare and a monthly government check is socialism, the seniors are already on board.
29 Gina // Sep 4, 2008 at 7:27 am
“The left’s fixation with national healthcare, for example = socialism.
Fact.”
Do you consider Mitt Romney to be a socialist?
30 April // Sep 4, 2008 at 8:47 am
Jiggman: What’s so funny about fighting for the right to kill innocent babies?
I stand corrected. Forcing an already traumatized rape or incest victim to have a baby is way funnier.
I’m not pro-abortion, but I’m pro-choice. As a woman who was raped by a family member at 19, I can tell you for sure that having to carry that child would have resulted in my suicide. And I was an innocent, too.
By the way, my contempt is not reserved for conservatives. Liberals are idiots on a wide variety of subjects, but I’m trying to stay focused.
31 John Foley // Sep 4, 2008 at 9:04 am
Trey and Matt once said that the only thing they hate more than a Conservatives is a Liberal (or something like that). That’s why those guys are my personal heroes. Everyone is stupid. Everyone is a hypocrite. Everyone will say whatever they need to say against their political enemies, but when the same tactic is tried in reverse, suddenly it becomes “off-limits.”
The right to life shit disappears when it’s a Death Penalty case.
Small government is a rallying cry, except when it comes to outlawing gay marriage.
Concern for human rights and civil liberties is awesome, unless we’re talking about Cuba. Or China. Or Venezuela. Or anywhere that’s not the U.S.
Homophobia is OK when it’s a gay Republican.
Obama’s lack of experience is cool and a breath of fresh air, while Sarah Palin’s lack of experience is ludicrous.
These are all contradictions, and everybody does it.
P.S. my mother was 16 when she became pregnant with me, and I think making fun of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter is hilarious. I’m also pro-choice (lower case p).
32 njcaaz // Sep 4, 2008 at 9:55 am
Sarah Palin believes in right-to-life… as long as she can get right back to her job in three days. Even my most hard-assed “career woman” friends took advantage of maternity leave.
Don’t blame Palin for her daughter’s poor judgement–she just births ‘em, she doesn’t actually bond with them. I’m all for stay-at-home dads, if that’s the Palin’s choice, but something (like birth control) was left out of the daddy/daughter talks, no?
I have a teen aged daughter, and I cringe when I try to visualize sitting her down after finding out she’s knocked up and telling her I’m about to put her under the international microscope–because mommy wants to make the world a better place.
33 JohnnyBoy // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:02 am
We need to get rid of icky words like Abortion and Fetus
Abortion sounds too much like borscht, it needs a better name like Pro-Bama…. or Winky
and smelly fetus needs to be changed to Gloop or BlubBlub or some such
But until the Catholic Church lets Men become Nuns, this’ll never happen
34 mere9 // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:02 am
i’m curious is there anyone out there who is actually pro abortion? i’m pro choice, but jesus, i’m not condoning abortion.
i often wonder if this would be an issue if a man had the responsiblity for sustaining life for 9 months… during football season.
regardless… palin as president? uhh.. ummm… i’m not real comfortable with that.
35 ListenerJustin // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:21 am
On an entirely unrelated note that has nothin’ to do with nothin’, I just noticed that our old friend Wing posted a new CD on her website back in July titled “Too Much Heaven.” Don’t you just love that title? It works on so many levels. Wing IS heaven, and really, can you ever have too much Wing?
36 pal Jacky // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:24 am
if our government thinks its important enough to have public education, something a childless person like myself gets no benefit from but pays for, while is public health care considered socialism. We are supposed to be an informed 21’st century civilization here, If there wasn’t so much war profiteering going on, America could easily afford it. BTW I became liberal after building bombs during the reagan era(yep I was once a rocket scientist) after seeing how the rich always get back what they spend.
37 pal Jacky // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:28 am
for complete disclosure, I worked on the MX(also known as ‘Peacekeeper’, never knew why)I asked for a layoff after the 1st gulf war, because I could not deal with the glorymongering of the people I worked with.
38 jiggman // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:33 am
Hey again. April, your situation gives me great sadness and some perspective but I just don’t understand your fear about losing this right you are so endeared to. Roe v Wade was decided in 1973. 35 years ago. 23 of those years have been under republican administrations. I think conservatives get it. They are not the hate mongers you make them out to be. They just go one step further. They realize that along with the rape victim being the victim, so is the unborn child. Maybe they just feel that two wrongs still don’t make it right. There not out to change the law. They are trying to change your mind. In our current society, you will always have the right to turn down that advice. Try not to be so angry at them. They are not angry at you. It’s just a question as to how to treat the sanctity of life. That’s all. Sorry I’m becoming such a pest. I will stop if you ask.
39 April // Sep 4, 2008 at 11:03 am
But Jiggman, I don’t want them to try to change my mind. Get off my doorstep and take your Watchtower with you.
You don’t see me picketing churches like pro-lifers do at Planned Parenthood.
I honestly don’t care if they never see this the way I do. They’re entitled to their opinion. What they are not entitled to is my body.
And just because they’ve been unable to change this particular law thus far doesn’t mean they don’t have an active, passionate interest in doing so. That will always make me uncomfortable.
40 April // Sep 4, 2008 at 11:30 am
Ok, one more thing. Then I have to go to work.
I had a friend years ago named Julie. She was a comedian and an actress. Very funny, sweet, pretty, talented woman.
She found out she was pregnant and that she had cancer within a week.
The doctor said if she didn’t have chemo, she would die. If she had the chemo, she’d lose the baby.
So now, imagine this is your wife. Not some biblical principal or some abstract theory but a person you love.
What should happen?
1. The doctor says, “I can’t let you have this child because it will kill you. I can’t let you carry it to term because I’m basically assisting your suicide, so you must abort the baby.”
2. The doctor says, “The government forbids me from aborting the fetus, so you have to carry it to term, and you will die.”
Can you imagine being forced into either scenario? How helpless and angry you would feel?
Can you imagine deciding you want your wife to live and you’re forced to watch her die? Can you imagine wanting your child to be born and being forced into aborting it?
Julie had a choice. She had the baby. And she died.
Would I have done that? Not likely.
But it wasn’t my call, no matter what I believe.
And that’s the whole point here. When you boil it all down to real people and real life, it becomes very personal, and no one’s business but your own.
41 jim // Sep 4, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Photo made me LOL – then some of the comments made me LOL all over again. It’s a two-fer!
I’m up here in “socialist” Canada, so that spurious link between public health-care & Fidel Castro stuff is just pure comedy gold. You have no IDEA how hilarious that particular line looks from up here. Keep it coming!
Yeah, POTUS Palin banning “The Origin Of Species” & returning prayer to public schools looks to be a real hoot. Making possession of The Pill or condoms a felony? Par-Tay-Time!
Hey, she’s an old-school hardcore pentecostal too – so go on, give her those launch-codes! She’s got Jesus on call-waiting, & gosh-darn it all, that Rapture won’t start itself, you know! She needs to REALLY “Let The Eagles Soar” – & the means to her magical paradise awaits, right under Cheyenne Mountain. You don’t want to make her bawwwwwww, do you now?
42 jiggman // Sep 4, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Thanks April, I appreciated all your comments. This will be my last post. It is not my intention to stand at your doorstep preaching my “Watchtower?” views. You for one surely knows that our lives are faced with many obstacles that don’t always have clear answers. Your friend Julie was faced with one of those. She must have been a very special and loving person to decide what she did. With the uncertainty of cancer, she chose saving one life over the possibility of losing two. I’m sure you miss her so. I hope you are able to stay in touch with her child. But for her moms decision, he/she wouldn’t be enjoying the gift of life themselves.
I like you April. you are honest and you speak your mind. And you have a sense of humor second to none, You obviously don’t like to be told how to live your life but you might want to keep in mind, that unless you know you have all the answers, it is always a good idea to be a good listener with an open mind. Our short lives are full of joy and sorrow and no matter how much crap we encounter along the way, always remember that you were given that gift of life by your parents and you should always be grateful for that, no matter how long it will be.
Your friend. The conservative hag
JP
By the way, Jiggman is what I call my best friend, my dog.
43 John Foley // Sep 4, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I think this discussion needs to be steered towards more useful topics, such as the relative cuteness of John Foley.
44 JohnnyBoy // Sep 4, 2008 at 1:34 pm
relative to what?
Einstein married his cousin, which is how he came up with Relativity
Jerry Lee Lewis too
45 Crash // Sep 4, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Dear Jiggman’s human (I won’t hold it against the dog,)
Gosh, I’m sure you made April’s day by telling her you like her. You left out the “Jesus loves you” part, like the freaks who stand outside Planned Parenthood screaming at women who have already carefully weighed their options and decided that giving birth is not right for them.
Your warm, fuzzy comments just barely conceal a solid hatred for women. I don’t blame April for bailing on you; you aren’t hearing what she’s saying, and you refuse to see the value of choice on this issue.
People like you don’t value life, they value control, pure and simple.
So take your smug, self-righteous, passive agressive, condescending bullshit and shove it. I have no doubt that your dog is your “best friend”. I’m guessing other humans have had just about enough of you. I’ll bet Jiggman wishes he could catch a train out of there, too.
46 Crash // Sep 4, 2008 at 1:46 pm
P.S. I hope you don’t take offense of my jumping in, April. People like Jiggman make my blood boil.
47 Gina // Sep 4, 2008 at 1:56 pm
When John Foley walks by, newborn puppies squeal with excitement.
CuteOverload.com has changed its name to JohnFoleyOverload.com.
Some kittens are so cute that they poop marshmallows and rainbows. But John Foley poops Lucky Charms.
48 John Foley // Sep 4, 2008 at 2:40 pm
OK, I get the picture.
49 April // Sep 4, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Kudos, Jiggman. You handily distilled Julie’s painful story into fodder for Christian dogma. I’m impressed at how deftly you reduced such a complicated story to a one-dimensional piece of garbage.
I would have really respected you had you just spent one moment in her shoes, instead of pouncing on her decision as support for your position. It would have been eye opening for you to think about the process she went through, and not just the outcome.
Can you imagine how hard that decision was? Can you imagine all the sleepless nights and tears for her and her family? And can you imagine how horrible it would have been if someone tried to “change their mind” because their belief system was more valid than hers?
I’m sure if Julie had made the choice to survive, she would have been thrilled to hear that “unless she knew she had all the answers, it is always a good idea to be a good listener with an open mind.” Maybe you and your friends could have stood outside her house with a bullhorn to make sure she really heard you.
While I appreciate your tone, politely repeating your position is not the same as having an open mind, so you’re not really in a position to advise me there.
Thanks for making it your last post.
50 pal Jacky // Sep 4, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Okay, lighter topic film review’ ‘Death race’ I need to see this film again now that I’ve seen Sarah Pallid in action. I think they based the Joan Allen character on her. (what a great tie -in)Of course this is a remake of Paul Bartel’s classic satire ‘death race 2000′. only david carridine’s voice links it to the original. No women racers this time so no ‘calamity jane(played by the beautiful, mary Waronov) ‘. The real don steele is dead so the announcer was inferior. The orginal had music composed by a real live classical composer, paul Chihara, and I honestly don’t remember a note of the music in the new one. They turned Sylvester Stallone’s character into a black man who might be gay. Furthermore, it is no longer transcontinental, they just keep circling around terminal island. Is it even worth seeing? Yes, why, because on the track they get weapon and defense power ups by driving over them, just like you do in ’super mario kart’. PS the director is porking Milla Jovovich in real life which should put both Darren aronovsky and Tim Burten to shame with their fancy british wives.
51 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 4, 2008 at 5:27 pm
And now, this.
Whoops, broke Godwin’s law. I guess that means no more boring political discussions.
52 ShannonS // Sep 4, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Yes, John Foley is cute. Way cute. I’d do him and then abort the fetus.
53 April // Sep 4, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Shannon, that is the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in a week.
54 ShannonS // Sep 4, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I am humbled. We drink to your health. May I put that on my resume?
55 rudylarue // Sep 4, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Is it just me or is anyone else insulted by politicians – of all people – having the balls to dictate morality? I mean, come on, they’re politicians. Even Woody Allen referred to them as “two notches below a child molester.” And he should know.
Fix the economy, make it relatively safe to be alive and stay the hell out of my uterus. Literally and figuratively. (Sorry Shannon.)
56 ShannonS // Sep 4, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I don’t want any one near my uterus, I think you have me confused.
57 postino // Sep 4, 2008 at 10:04 pm
http://scienceblogs.com/neurotopia/2008/09/most_accidentally_inappropriat.php
58 MyMonoclePoppedOut // Sep 5, 2008 at 6:38 am
Not to jump all over any particular person, but unborn fetus’ are not innocent babies. Innocent babies are the creatures that have already been born, and are able to breathe and move independently of another person.
The kind of creatures that get dumped into trash bins, wrapped up and thrown down the hole in outhouses (yes, years ago in Arizona some mexican broad dumped her newborn down into one of those nasty outdoor toilets), burned with cigarettes, scalded with boiling water, held underwater in the tub, starved, beaten, fatally shaken. You name the offense, people have done that to the “precious little ones” you want them to put on the planet. Do you think if women were forced to breed, forced to keep babies they don’t want, that these children would be well treated? How many serial killers and general criminals do you suppose had parents who cared about them?
And thanks to the person that mentioned the “if men were having babies” point, because that’s exactly how I feel. If men were the ones having babies, abortion would be part of medical coverage. It wouldn’t be the “moral” issue it is now. Because the general attitude is that women are either too childish or too unintelligent to control their own bodies.
59 coasterboy // Sep 5, 2008 at 7:51 am
The second funniest line that I’ve read this week is from Slate.com:
“But then the press scented the lard-fried Snickers bar that was Palin.”
Makes me giggle. I don’t know if there is enough lipstick on that pig….
60 beetlebug // Sep 5, 2008 at 8:16 am
Is it me or does the political season just the most depressing thing ever? Every year I can’t help but feel more and more dislike for homo sapiens. History tells me that none of this stuff is new, it’s a variation on a dance as old as society but it still gets me down. In a country that supposedly cherishes the “individual spirit” why do so many want to dictate to others what to believe and how to live? I know, blah blah blah. It’s the same old story. With all the problems there are why can’t we prioritize a little? I don’t think that empathy, caring, or respect will ever have a chance to be a societal foundation but how about a little logic for crying out loud? I’m going to vote for a computer.
61 JohnnyBoy // Sep 5, 2008 at 8:57 am
Shannon, I drove by your Uterus but the sign said Out Of Cervix
62 beetlebug // Sep 5, 2008 at 9:11 am
*rimshot*
63 coasterboy // Sep 5, 2008 at 10:04 am
Ummmm. rimming.
I’d rim Foley.
64 jim // Sep 5, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Well, April, I know you don’t like him either, but I’m betting Obama is reeeeeeeally lovin’ him some Alaska Fried Palin right about now. The day she dropped out of the political ether, he stood at 278 seats in the electoral college polls. A very comfy lead, but it’d also been pretty flat for at least a week or so. Princess Von Mooseburger changed all that. The day after Sarahcuda’s “pitbull with lipstick” rootin’-tootin’ RNC speech? He’s at 301.
Hmm. Do Dems have the savvy to do the whole Sleeper Agent thing?
She seems too bad to be true.
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