April Winchell

29 responses so far ↓

• 1 ShannonS // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:20 am

  Maybe he should have rethought the photo.
  Now if we can get Johnmansexcake to make the same offer…

• 2 yelkcub // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:57 am

  Beats licking stamps, I suppose.

• 3 ira_shlamazel // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:59 am

  I suspect John doesn’t need to offer. April seems pretty cheerful.

  As for George the Vampire’s picture- YIKES! And in front of a CHURCH!! IN DAYLIGHT!!!!

  Holy farking schnit!

  If I had a pussy, it would have dried up and blown away just seeing that pic!

  Oh, and exactly what is “Complicity to Armed Robbery”?

  And finally, how did you come across this “Pubic Service” website April? Did you just randomly google “Louisville” and “Carpet Munching”?

  WTF?

• 4 Wheeze // Sep 6, 2008 at 9:29 am

  This is my favorite part (get ready to swoon, ladies!) –

  Collections: Transformers (the toys), Swords & Medieval weaponry (temporarily out of my possession)

  Misdemeanors: 2 Possession of Marijuana, 2 Speeding Tickets

  Felonies: 2 Complicity to Armed Robbery

  I’d really like to know more about his two armed robbery incidents, but more importantly – why did they take away his swords and whatnot? Are the two related? Is he robbing toy stores with a broadsword?

• 5 goofydes // Sep 6, 2008 at 10:21 am

  On the application under “Do you like other things to be done while you are reciveing oral” it actually lists electricity. Finally, I was looking for another way to utilize my jumper cables and wall sockets!!!

• 6 pal Jacky // Sep 6, 2008 at 10:28 am

  He listed his IQ. Does anyone remember that discussion a while back about people in Mensa? I think this guy is one of them. See why I lasted less than one meeting. I’m actually somewhat smarter than him, Okay, I’ll go back to my final fantasy games and Simon rattle’s mahler box now and be satisfied to know at least I’m not a geek. Mahler symphony #6 is next and Rattle really understands the concept of ‘more cow bell’. It is nearly inaudible in too many recordings.

• 7 John Foley // Sep 6, 2008 at 11:52 am

  Ahhh, the rap sheet. Nothing sweetens the pot quite like a list of prior offenses.

• 8 clevelandphil // Sep 6, 2008 at 1:14 pm

  Louisville Kuntlicky

• 9 April // Sep 6, 2008 at 1:21 pm

  clevelandphil, I am ashamed at how hard I laughed at that.

• 10 SpicyD // Sep 6, 2008 at 3:53 pm

  speaking as woman (well almost) nothing makes me more wet than seeing a mans transformer collection. Get that kitty!

• 11 John Foley // Sep 6, 2008 at 4:45 pm

  Er, I do own some Transformers. But for God’s sake, it’s not the first thing I show a lady.

• 12 Xanadude // Sep 6, 2008 at 6:49 pm

  um, we went from free oral to collecting Transformers. All i can say is gosh.

• 13 Xanadude // Sep 6, 2008 at 6:50 pm

  Gosh, i love this place!!!

• 14 JohnnyBoy // Sep 6, 2008 at 7:07 pm

  I would be guilty of complacency to armed robbery, if like say, I didn’t like the storeowner because of their tray that says “Leave a Penny”

• 15 Gunner13 // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:55 pm

  All I can say is EEEEWWWWW!

• 16 masimond // Sep 6, 2008 at 11:25 pm

  Oh goodness, this settles it, I’m off to Louisville, Kuntlicky! (that’s just too funny, clevelandphil)

  I think my favorite part of his site is:

  -If you enjoy your experience, please let me have some type of referral that I can put on my site.

  and

  -Word of mouth is the best advertisement, so if you enjoyed yourself, recommend me to your friends. Also, you can utilize my service as often as you would like.

  He should propose to do bachelorette parties.

• 17 JohnnyBoy // Sep 7, 2008 at 7:11 am

  bacheloringus parties

• 18 Bitsey // Sep 7, 2008 at 11:15 am

  How much do you figure he charges?

  Or would charge, if he could get a customer?

• 19 Bitsey // Sep 7, 2008 at 11:47 am

  Oh, my bad. It’s supposed to be free. So why does he keep referring to customers? I’m not understanding his business model.

• 20 TalkinHorse // Sep 7, 2008 at 5:28 pm

  His business model is simple: He figures he can lick the competition.

• 21 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 7, 2008 at 8:05 pm

  He’s just trying to fill an opening.

• 22 aristan // Sep 7, 2008 at 11:15 pm

  @ira: Complicity basically means that he knew that an armed robbery was going to be committed, knew details of the crime, but did nothing to stop it.

  Complicit: Kept happy ass at home, did nothing to stop crime
  Accessory: “You Can Do it!” The criminal cheerleader, probably gave advice, did nothing to stop crime & kept happy ass at home.
  Accomplice: Showed up, carried stuff, kinda like a roadie.
  Conspirator: Helped planned crime, probably would have been an Accessory or Accomplice if everyone hadn’t gotten caught or kept their happy ass at home.

• 23 JohnnyBoy // Sep 8, 2008 at 6:38 am

  Complacency: Hearing that the merchant who has that “Leave a Penny” tray got robbed and not worrying all too much about it because he’s an idiot

• 24 socalfrank // Sep 8, 2008 at 12:44 pm

  Sure he licks, but does he drink from the tap?

• 25 JohnnyBoy // Sep 8, 2008 at 1:13 pm

  Nah, he’s a rank amateur

• 26 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 8, 2008 at 3:03 pm

  I wonder, does he get off weekends?

  Or what about the high holy days, like the feast of ‘Taint Peter or Yeaster?

• 27 jim // Sep 8, 2008 at 8:38 pm

  3 words: Listerine endorsement deal.

  Obviously this guy is catering to a niche market.
  But he’s devouring the competition!

• 28 JohnnyBoy // Sep 9, 2008 at 9:35 am

  and once a month he puts on Redface and performs in a Minstrual show

• 29 Stretch99 // Sep 11, 2008 at 1:28 pm

  He’s very upfront about his penchent for “Licking the Kitty” – all fine and well…then you find out he works for PETCO – “ACK!!!”

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