April Winchell

46 responses so far ↓

• 1 TalkinHorse // Sep 6, 2008 at 5:05 pm

  FWIW, this is listed in Snopes. The key word, perhaps transmogrified through electronic/software limitation, would have been “evacuated”.

• 2 Xanadude // Sep 6, 2008 at 6:45 pm

  i like ejaculating better. let’s go with it.

• 3 Xanadude // Sep 6, 2008 at 6:57 pm

  oh, that reminds me: i completely forgot to masturbate today…how silly of me, please excuse me.

• 4 Xanadude // Sep 6, 2008 at 7:00 pm

  whew! now i can scatch that off my list.

• 5 pal Jacky // Sep 6, 2008 at 7:11 pm

  See it is fun to be an arsonist.

• 6 ShannonS // Sep 6, 2008 at 7:17 pm

  This is not so difficult for the guys but my hat is off to the ladies!

• 7 jandu // Sep 6, 2008 at 7:25 pm

  Does anyone else think Iron Chef Cat Cora is a lesbian?

• 8 Gunner13 // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:54 pm

  This was in Malibu? What in world was burning? Really makes you wonder : )

  Would burning something else cause people to have sex in the middle of the road?

• 9 steve // Sep 6, 2008 at 9:01 pm

  whew! now i can snatch that off my list.

• 10 davidhazard71 // Sep 6, 2008 at 10:50 pm

  I remember when Sinatra was on the Grammy Awards, Closed caption said Poilce Welcome …..when in fact they said please welcome…..Gotta love Closed Caption.

• 11 bnaivar // Sep 7, 2008 at 5:37 am

  Buncha “middle-of-the-road” jerkoffs.

• 12 PeekaBooRevue // Sep 8, 2008 at 2:50 am

  hahaha! I was watching crappy daytime TV (The Young and the Restless), that was closed captioned and the guy said “We’ll go back to your place and have some beer and pizza” which turned into “We’ll go back to your place and have some beer and piss”

• 13 ira_shlamazel // Sep 8, 2008 at 8:35 am

  All those firefighters with their hoses squirting- an orgy of heroics.

  Makes my naughty bits all turgid and tingly!

• 14 ListenerJustin // Sep 8, 2008 at 9:54 am

  Well, if you’re feeling romantic and you don’t have a fireplace at home.. This is just a fantastic example of horny optimists making good use of a bad situation!

• 15 jim // Sep 8, 2008 at 8:30 pm

  I fail to see the problem here – at least as long as those people in the middle of the road were directing their ejactamenta toward the flames. Obviously the firefighters were just getting a little, er, helping hand in putting out the fire.

  Just hope nobody’s bits got scorched.

• 16 ListenerJustin // Sep 9, 2008 at 9:04 am

  “Ejactamenta.” I’m going to work that into a conversation today. This, I swear.

• 17 Knavish Rogue // Sep 9, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  whatwhatwhat?

• 18 pal Jacky // Sep 9, 2008 at 6:29 pm

  wouldn’t jsut pissing on the flames be quicker and more useful? i’ll go away now.

• 19 pal Jacky // Sep 9, 2008 at 7:41 pm

  has this ever happened to anyone else of am I a real freak of nature? Ever run out of Q-tips and not buy any for a while? Not like I wanted to, it is just when I remembered them at the store I could never find them and then I’d get distracted and go home without them. I finally asked and they kept them with the baby products of all stupid places nobody would ever look. Okay, so I break them open and the first swab was really repulsive. It took three q-tips both sides to clean each ear. Here’s the part I don’t get. My first thought is, boy I bet my 12 year old nephew is gonna want to see these filthy swabs. SO I kept them to show him, he went ‘yuk’ and then laughed like I knew he would, but now my sister thinks I damaged his psyche somehow. Of course, her ex is a crackhead and she handpicked him when her biological clock was running out, and has spent six months of the past year in jail and I’m the one damaging his psyche.

• 20 jaxworlds // Sep 9, 2008 at 10:21 pm

  you gotta read this one.. to all my anal retentive fiends..
  http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/htf/755891987.html

• 21 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 9:23 am

  I thought I was bad. I had rectal surgery about 8 years ago and because of scarring now I use soap and water on my toilet paper.

• 22 April // Sep 10, 2008 at 9:25 am

  TOO MUCH INFORMATION

• 23 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 10:06 am

  Considering this website, I’ll take that as a complement.

• 24 JohnnyBoy // Sep 10, 2008 at 11:17 am

  Remember when I asked if there was Assbook?

  Well, this is it now

• 25 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 11:39 am

  I can’t help, In fact I’m writing in Jamie Lee Curtis for president. It is time us yogurt eaters take a stand. How many times have I laughed myself silly reading IBS websites only to scream, ‘put down that taco bell and pick up some yoplait’ Colon health is really every one’s number one issue. People are just too afraid to talk about it.

• 26 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 10, 2008 at 12:39 pm

  “What did the doctor say about your diarrhea?”

• 27 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:15 pm

  not diarrhea, I had a cyst removed from an anal gland(yeah not just dogs have them) and now the scar tissue around my rectum requires more than just a simple wipe with T.P. Want more information? All I can say is that I made up the line ‘It feels like being fistfucked by Freddy Kruger every time I shit’, less than a week after surgery. I was told by my doctor to have 2 pints of probiotic yogurt a day and over eight years later I swear by it. furthermore, I eat whatever else I want and I’m still 160lbs 32″ waist.

• 28 JohnnyBoy // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:18 pm

  Diarrhea – The Modern Science of Rectal Health by Elron Hubbub

  What can Brown do for you?

  Tastes Great Less Filling?

  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

• 29 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:32 pm

  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1014775/
  of course I meant 2 cups, but enough about my rectum, let us talk about chiuauas. Not only does this film have April winchell’s voice it and it stars the next president, Jamie Lee curtis, it has PIPER PARABU in it. I’m gonna go just to see how the years have treated her. I’m thinking not well.

• 30 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 10, 2008 at 4:26 pm

  No, the correct answer is, “I have irritable bowel syndrome”.

  Didn’t anyone catch my old-school April reference? N00bz, the lot of you.

• 31 JohnnyBoy // Sep 10, 2008 at 4:32 pm

  What can I say, my Delorean with the Flux Capacitor is in the shop

• 32 TalkinHorse // Sep 10, 2008 at 5:19 pm

  I remember the scene in “Repo Man” where Emilio Estevez is reading L. Ron Hubbard’s “Diuretics”. I mentioned this once when I was getting harassed when I happened to walk past a scientology building, and the guy got mad at me. If I’d wanted to pursue the conversation, I would have gone on to ask whether Tom Cruise was pitching or catching, but I’m not sadistic enough to enjoy these unpleasant encounters, so instead I just make my awkward getaway.

• 33 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 6:03 pm

  I sort of remember that speedy, but I think at the time I was re posting some of the more insane IBS user groups rantings on April’s Yahoo group. so I was deep in the shit any way you look at it. My younger cousin has crohn’s disease and has to wear depends, and it isn’t a laughing matter. but when someone complains about the embarrassment of the amount of noise and smell that reaches the dining area from them sitting at the toilet at the local burger king, everybody wins.

• 34 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 6:10 pm

  “it always hits me when I’m taking the first bite of my whopper’… ‘It hits me whenI’m in the drivethru lane, somethimes I just leave the car running while I go in for a pit stop….’If only they had portapotties for cars..The only thing I’ ever added was. ‘its always worse on thursday nights, its been that way for over twenty years, I turn on must see T.V on NBC and know the cramping and intestinal distress follows’.

• 35 JohnnyBoy // Sep 10, 2008 at 6:36 pm

  “Radiation. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half- baked do-gooders telling everyone it’s bad for you. Pernicious nonsense!”

  J Frank Parnell – Repo Man

• 36 jaxworlds // Sep 10, 2008 at 7:03 pm

  Gosh I am learning so much from this blog.. Jacky there is no way you are imbibing two pints of the white stuff.. oh.. I just realized why they call that stuff.. ‘pinkberry’ OMG1

• 37 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 7:39 pm

  http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/cgi/prosoma.dll?searchby=offender&id=1869525003448
  I already said , 1 pt , 2cups/ day. IE A quart every other day, it really isn’t that much(2-8-oz cups) and none of that fucking pinkberry shit..
  Here is another attempt to change the subject. I looked up local sex offenders on the megan’s law list recently and I know this guy, he’s the younger brother of a really good friend of mine!! I knew he was an ex-con, I just didn’t know he was convicted of rape.

• 38 pal Jacky // Sep 10, 2008 at 8:08 pm

  http://www.lifeway.net/about.php
  this is the crap. and I drink one pint for breakfast every morning. I.E a quart over two days. Check its caloric content vs. an Egg McMuffin. Before Ralph’s carried it, I had to get some weirdass yogurt from a local Japanese market. Give it two weeks and you will never gop back to fucking pop-tarts and count chocula

• 39 Chocolate Martini and Turtles Links » Ayyyy! // Sep 11, 2008 at 1:35 am

  [...] Is it hot in here or is it just me? (AprilWinchell) [...]

• 40 clevelandphil // Sep 11, 2008 at 10:23 am

  HAPPY 9-11!!!!

• 41 JohnnyBoy // Sep 11, 2008 at 11:26 am

  The day on which we celebrate our amazingly effective and thorough government, at least in the matters of conspiricies and coverups

• 42 DavidinBerkeley // Sep 11, 2008 at 12:12 pm

  “oh, that reminds me: i completely forgot to masturbate today…how silly of me, please excuse me.”

  Dude, man, put it on your cell-phone calendar or something. You do NOT want that stuff backing up on you.

• 43 pal Jacky // Sep 11, 2008 at 2:04 pm

  A different rectum. Brad garret got a prostate exam on live television Friday, how great is that?

• 44 pal Jacky // Sep 11, 2008 at 2:05 pm

  bill maher or george carlin once said. 9/11 couldn’t have been the Bush adminstation because it worked.

• 45 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 11, 2008 at 5:13 pm

  I still think Rudy Giuliani said it best:

  When 9/11 9/11ed, 9/11 was forever 9/11ed as a 9/11 of the 9/11 9/11s. 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11

  Still makes me well up.

• 46 Gunner13 // Sep 11, 2008 at 9:03 pm

  “Still makes me well up.” or is it swell up?