April Winchell

12 responses so far ↓

• 1 joshpincusiscrying // Sep 21, 2008 at 4:03 pm

  I love Oreos, too.

• 2 ira_shlamazel // Sep 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm

  Ooh! Can I have the ears?

• 3 JohnnyBoy // Sep 21, 2008 at 4:55 pm

  Hydrox is back ! Get them while you can !

• 4 Speedy Cerviche // Sep 21, 2008 at 5:07 pm

  That’s all well and good, but I have it on good authority that the cake is, in fact, a lie.

• 5 JohnnyBoy // Sep 21, 2008 at 5:12 pm

  Now if it were Pie…..that’s NEVER a lie !

• 6 TalkinHorse // Sep 22, 2008 at 2:31 am

  I have very strong opinions about the upcoming election. Anyone that disagrees with me is evil. However, I find it counterproductive to discuss these matters, because I just get mad and end up either beating somebody up or getting beaten up, and sometimes there’s a subsequent medical condition to attend to or a body to be disposed of, which sucks. So instead I listen to April’s old shows. I just played back an episode where she had gotten her hands on an old Paul Winchell recording; an uplifting children’s fable in which Paul tells Knucklehead about a girl named Mary Smith who had been orphaned, and some wonderful people named Johnson had adopted her, even though she was butt-ugly. But Mary Smith was beautiful on the inside where it counts, and so all the good people lived happily ever after. April, being the queen of psychodrama that she is, dwelled on the terror of these tales, and touched on her own dysfunctional youth. She didn’t explicitly mention the irony of her father publicly praising the virtue of the family taking in a poor girl with no obvious attributes, while he didn’t exactly stand by his own daughter…although, upon reflection, I’m sure it was all April’s fault. And I’m flashing to April’s occasional comments about how people rush up to her and tell her how lucky she was to have such a wonderful father, and she doesn’t want to spoil their happy illusions, but neither can she really endorse them. And now that she’s lost weight, she can’t get out of it by saying they made a mistake and she’s not April Winchell; she’s Rosie O’Donnell. Ah, April’s psychodrama is so much more interesting and relevant than the endless political bickering. And her tales remind us that we really don’t know much about people unless we know them personally. But we’ve got to take our best shot nevertheless. Well, don’t ask me; I can’t deal with any of the craziness. Except I’ve got no choice. I’m in the game (how did that happen?), and circumstances require me to make the best of it. To slap a smile on my face and proceed in good spirits. Okay, I’ll do my best. But it’s an uphill battle.

• 7 bnaivar // Sep 22, 2008 at 4:43 am

  I suggest a change in your moniker to “Typin Horse”.

• 8 Knavish Rogue // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:52 am

  One time, I was watching Family Feud and there was a black family and the young son had a name tag that I swore from a distance read “OREO” and I was astonished that they would actually name their own son OREO and then on a close up the G’s showed up and his name was actually GREG. I think they did it on purpose.

• 9 Knavish Rogue // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:56 am

  Someone left the cake out in the rein!

• 10 Bitsey // Sep 22, 2008 at 9:57 am

  I just have one question. Why does he want his campaign poster images to look like Soviet-era propaganda?

• 11 Kandi // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:25 pm

  TalkinHorse…. tl;dr well really tl;dctr (too long; didn’t care to read)

• 12 Xanadude // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:47 pm

  wish you were hung as long as you talk, horsey!

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