It’s true. I just saw it on Fox.
I thought we might have been in the toilet earlier this week, when Elizabeth Hasselblecch warmed up the crowd for Sarah Palin at another hysterical clusterfuck in Florida.
But I was wrong.
You can see where I made the error, I’m sure. It’s easy to assume the end is near when someone who came in 4th on Survivor has enough heat to share the stage with a Vice Presidential candidate.
Granted, she went on to do important work, like judge Miss Teen America. But on a scale of “Nobody” to “Nuisance”, Bitsy comes in at a solid “I haven’t watched The View since Star lied about her bypass.”
It got even worse yesterday, when she went on Hannity & Colmes and said she wants Barack Obama back on The View. Because you know, that’s just a really good use of his time right now.
“My main focus now is to hopefully get Senator Obama back on the show,” says Hasselblecch. “The focus is more on why hasn’t he come back? Is he afraid to face tough questions again?”
Yes, I think that’s it. I mean, he may say that there’s less than a week before the elections, and another yenta fest with the harridans of The View isn’t the best use of his time, but we know what’s really going on. He’s terrified of those super-tough questions of hers!
Questions like “Why do you hate Jesus?”, or “Do you think dogs go to a separate heaven?”, or “Wait, are you black?”
But all of this is just the prelude to the toilet, it seems, because I just saw on the Fox News web site:
Yes, you read that right.
Joe the Plumber, who would be tiresome enough as a metaphor, is out on the campaign trail, talking about motherfucking Israel.
And they’re quoting him. Palin is on the podium, quoting Joe the Plumber on socialism, like he’s Henry fucking Kissinger, and not some unlicensed, tax-evading $40,000 a year yutz who couldn’t even finish an apprenticeship. But he has the moral authority, because his name is Joe and he works with turds. Joe the Plumber is the Republican’s Cindy Sheehan.
So this has to be it, right? This has to be the worst it can possibly get. Sarah Palin and a reality show princess famous for eating worms in her underwear. John McCain and the guy who fixes your toilet. The intersection of politics and sewage. How could it get more embarrassing?
There it is, folks. There’s the bottom. This is where the Bridge to Nowhere lets off.
It’s all playing out like Mark Burnett’s wettest dream. A hockey mom plucked from obscurity and given the $150K makeover. A simple Joe chosen over a million nobodies to be the voice of everybody.
It would be the show of the century, if only someone had talent.
101 responses so far ↓
1 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 28, 2008 at 9:31 pm
“Hairy butts: do you like them, Senator Obama?”
2 Gina // Oct 28, 2008 at 9:52 pm
“Senator Obama, I don’t like grape soda. Is there any chance we could have a different national beverage?”
3 John Foley // Oct 28, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Here’s hoping that Joe’s congressional run meets with the same success as Cindy’s.
And to think, I used to feel sorry for that guy.
4 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:13 am
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1531257,00.html
As dopey as Cindy Sheean is, she didn’t do nearly as much damage as this bitch. And I think george harrison was right. InstaKarma got her-big time. comic Danial tosh said something like ‘boob jobs are for women who want their outsides to match their insides-totally fake.’
5 TalkinHorse // Oct 29, 2008 at 2:21 am
I have to admit that Joe the Plumber is a moron. You can see how his simple mind works: Just because Obama spent the last twenty years as leader of an Israel-boycotting Farrakhan-loving church, it means that Obama might be something of an anti-Semite. Joe is so stupid, he looks at Obama’s history instead of listening to his advertising. Doesn’t he know this is the Messiah he’s talking about? Show some respect, Joe! You should be grateful to have Obama take your money and spread it around. Hell, we all should be grateful to have our betters micromanage our pathetic lives. That’s what Washington is all about, isn’t it, having really smart people tell us what to do. These dumb plumbers are getting so uppity these days, and forgetting their place. There ought to be a law.
6 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 4:42 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k84m2orSOaM
Talking Horse, sitting in a pew is one thing, witnessing in front of a congregation is something else.
Most church goers I know take what they need from a preacher and leave the rest. Of course, my friends aren’t stupid enough to take the bible literally.
Maybe all plumbers are smart, however, that doesn’t mean fake plumbers like this assClown joe is. BTW anyone who things that dinosaurs existed along with mankind less than 6000 years ago is fucking dumb and has no place holding office.
7 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 4:44 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-Q7fgiNVoc&feature=related
hey talking horse, Palin must hate the Jews too. Wait a minute she’s not an arab.
8 Stretch99 // Oct 29, 2008 at 8:10 am
Here in California we have a unique opportunity to give more rights to Chickens and take away rights from gays.
NO ON PROP 8
CHICKENS? meh…
9 MyMonoclePoppedOut // Oct 29, 2008 at 9:25 am
Oh, for God’s sake. Stop with the constant whining about the “rights” of gay people to marry. Why is it that some loudmouth decided to make an issue about it, and like lemmings, the rest of you start whining about how you suddenly should have the “right” to do it. You don’t really care whether you are legally allowed to get married. It’s just another attempt to make the whole world revolve around you. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and grow a pair, already. I’m so sick of the self indulgence. Waah, I’m gay so I’m special. Feel sorry for me. Shut up.
You never had the right to get married, so how the hell is that taking away any of your “rights”? Oh, that’s right, for about 10 minutes you had that “right”. Of course, you’re version of marriage is, “hey, I still get to screw anyone pathetic enough to have me, and I also get to pretend I’m married”.
And why doesn’t “Talking Horse” go on and on about how disgusting it is that people actually have decent hearts and don’t think cruelty to animals is acceptable. Oh that’s right, he’s on a different bandwagon right now. I don’t remember Obama being anything other than a member of a church congregation. Don’t remember when they declared him a leader.
God damn, I’m surprised half of you aren’t talking about yourselves for 8 paragraphs like you used to do. “Well, I liked Shirley Temple, and showtunes, and I have a bladder infection and eat marmalade on wheat toast, and I work digging ditches and have a cat named Sammy, and I like the yogurt, and April is so totally hot; but enough about her, I’m endlessly fascinating, and I want to talk to you about computer programs and I have a huge bald patch and live in the Alps. I think my political views are superior, and did I mention it for the 80th time yet?,I’m totally gay, or I’m unhappily married and living under a bridge, and I’ve got the rabies and I’ve had this lump for about 10 years on my thigh, and I want to tell you about my bathroom habits, did I tell you yet how fascinating I am with a stream of $100 words? Because I totally think I’m the “bomb” and everything. I’m so great, I won’t even talk about what the post was about, and go into an hour long post about Alexander Hamilton and his assortment of wigs.”
10 John Foley // Oct 29, 2008 at 9:55 am
MyMonocle-
When blacks were finally given the same rights as whites, that was correcting an injustice. Yes, these were rights that they had never previously possessed, but they SHOULD have had them all along. See the connection?
Gays are not asking for special treatment. They just want the same thing that straights already have (and which straight people routinely take for granted and fuck up). I believe that gays should be allowed the same opportunity to celebrate their love OR to fuck it up royally like the rest of us. I believe this not because I am a lemming, and not because some loudmouth convinced me of it. I believe in this because it’s the right thing, the decent thing. I have yet to hear an impassioned argument in favor of the ban that does NOT come from a deranged homophobe. Whether they are open about it or still closeted, the “Yes on 8″ people are doing this because they don’t like the gays. Honestly, what non-homophobic person really gets that bothered about what consenting adults do in the privacy of their fabulous WeHo apartments?
As for your statement of “hey, I still get to screw anyone pathetic enough to have me, and I also get to pretend I’m married…” I would like to counter with a couple of observations:
1. In case you hadn’t noticed, gay people have a tendency to be pretty hot. I don’t think there’s a lot of slumming or desperation going on there.
2. The most stable relationships that I know of are the committed gay ones, precisely because of all the carousing that they did in their youth. Once they’re done with it, they’re done with it.
And finally, what would you like us to talk about? It is all about you, after all.
11 April // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:05 am
Monocle, thank you for your long comment criticizing long comments that don’t address the original post.
12 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:14 am
BUT JOHN THEY’LL TEACH OUR KIDS THAT BOYS CAN MARRY BOYS! THE PEOPLE ON TV SAID SO!
Also, I choose to believe that Monocle is just a supremely talented troll who has fooled everyone with his skillful and ironic wit. The world makes more sense this way.
13 John Foley // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:27 am
The Knights of Columbus and Mormons would never lie to us, right?
14 jasonthegreat // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:57 am
After that picture at Burning Man, I didn’t know I could love John any more. But now I do.
I got married yesterday, Monocle, after 13 years together in a monogamous relationship. I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but IT WASN’T ABOUT YOU! That’s right–we actually got married because–*drumroll*–we love and care about each other and are committed to spending our lives together.
15 April // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:08 pm
jasonthegreat, I am so very happy for you both. Email me with your address so John and I can send you a wedding gift.
16 eBayEnigma // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I agree. I think gays should be able to get married. Why shouldn’t gays have the opportunity to be just as miserable as the rest of us married slobs?
17 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Hey April, If I say I’m gay will I get a present too? Because I’ll totally queen it up in here for a Cabela’s gift card.
18 Bitsey // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Christ. I can’t take it any more. See you all sometime after November 5th.
19 happyliberatian // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Why do people, all types of people, find it necessary to tear people down in order to advance themselves or their cause?
Do any of us truly feel better afterward? And if so, for how long? Till the next attack? And what happens when saving it anonomously (again spelling?) on a blog or shouting it at a rally is not enough? Are personal physical attacks next? For some, yes I fear.
The level of ad-hominum (spelling?) attacks is stunning and, in the end, sad.
Talk and debate policy….I’m with ya. Battle of ideas for the hearts and minds.
Attack personally because people are different than you (and it doesnt matter whether that differnce is political, racial, gender, sexual, socio-economic, cultural, or others), all it does is bring all of us down.
Disagree with McPalin on issues.
20 happyliberatian // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I see the Prop 8 question like this…..
Separate but equal back in the day didn’t fly then and it shouldn’t now.
No on 8.
21 Stretch99 // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I figured this was an appropriate thread to bring up the Cock rights/gay marriage dicodomy as it had to do with the upcoming election.
I suppose it would have worked under the Mr. Blackwell RIP thread also as he was partnered with the same person for 60 years.
Take that Liza, Burt, Madonna, Brittany, Prince Charles and Roseanne
22 coasterboy // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:52 pm
April, you better marry that man right now, or I will try to.
And I won’t abort the fetus.
23 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 29, 2008 at 2:34 pm
“jasonthegreat, I am so very happy for you both. Email me with your address so John and I can send you a wedding gift.”
Don’t get too excited, Jason. The last time AW mailed something to me (a prize I won on The April Winchell Show) it was a pair of wooden praying hands.
24 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 2:38 pm
folks, ever wonder why the people allowing gay marriage is just a step away from people marrying animals? The former is Leviitcus 20.13, the latter leviticus 20.15. Leviticus is the one old testiment book that should be required reading. it is mindblowing how out of date most of it is,Just a handful of sex taboos and several pages of laws governing the buying and selling of slaves.
Of course, the new testiment has ‘the book of revelation’ which if you haven’t read it in a while, go for it this halloween and see how scary Sarah Palin really is. “alaska will be our nation’s refuge in the coming endtimes’
25 jasonthegreat // Oct 29, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Don’t worry, David, we’re prepared for anything from a Lalique ice bucket to a pooping rubber chicken.
26 Stretch99 // Oct 29, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Speaking of Sarah Palin and Halloween she should dress up like Natasha from the Bullwinkle show because she is so good at hunting Moose and Squriel
27 Merujo // Oct 29, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I can’t help myself. I send little notes on the “Ask The View” page all the time, inquiring about when they’ll get rid of that little troll. Strangely, no response yet.
My brother and his partner got married in Germany last year – it was the coolest thing ever. They’d been together 30 years before they were allowed to marry. (The longevity and success of their relationship beat out any of my sisters’ failed hetero marriages by a mile.)
28 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 29, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Hey, happyliberatian…
Does your Libertarian philosophy prohibit the use of a spellcheck program? It’s not that I give a shit about the spelling/punctuation/grammar of others, but you just seem so concerned about it. I would think that using an in-browser spellcheck would be a lot less trouble than typing “(spelling?)” after every other word.
Maybe you should check it out?
29 zane // Oct 29, 2008 at 3:47 pm
As much as I hate Fox “News”, I was pretty happy to see Joe taken to task for being an idiot…..
http://www.politico.com/blogs/michaelcalderone/1008/Foxs_Smith_defends_Obama_on_Israel.html?showall
30 Stretch99 // Oct 29, 2008 at 4:04 pm
“The Knights of Columbus and Mormons would never lie to us, right?”
One can just imagine what Columbus was doing with his Knights – Can’t inagine there were a lot of women on the Nina, Pinta or the Santa Maria… (cue Charles nelson Riley laugh)
31 happyliberatian // Oct 29, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Speedy,
I’m not sure how you come to label me a “Libertarian” unless it is my seperate but equal is faulty comment. I don’t take it as a slight however.
I don’t know whether the Libertarians have a specific view on the topic of spell check. I heard the Green Party is completely for it.
I do it, (spelling?), just for you Speedy because “It’s not that I give a shit about the spelling/punctuation/grammar of others”.
Being an oldie on the net means, I guess, being schooled by you young’ns. Thank you.
But, to be fair, I can’t tell either if you are one (a young’n) or not.
32 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 5:13 pm
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/04/obamas-college.html
oh dear, obama had a pakistani friend in college and stayed with his family for three weeks. He was what, 19? that is scary. I don’t know, I for one think that you can’t spend five years in a vietnam POW camp without coming out a little loony tunes. All the bullshit we’ve seen from mcCain rececntly shows he has become an angry, addled man.
33 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Bush wasn’t too scared to let capitalism work. He just trusted that a handful of people wouldn’t act like thieves and ruin it for everyone. The problem was that when they Deregulated they completedly cut off oversite. Reagan started it in the eighties and they should have learned from the S & L fallout in ‘88. (neil bush and John McCain were a part of that number), but no, they continued it in bush ‘2000 and the same damn thing happened again.
34 adorisday // Oct 29, 2008 at 5:53 pm
PJacky: You don’t know why I’m asking why BO traveled on an Indonesian Passport. It implies Indonesian citizenship; and could be a Constitutional problem for someone that wants to be POTUS. This is why there is so much speculation about his Hawaiian trip, sans family, to see his white grandmother for two days off in the campaign but instead had his birth certificate sealed. BO’s actions on this are what are strange. If he was born in Kenya he is disqualified for POTUS because his mom failed the ten year residency test (five years after the age of 14) then in existence. If BO was born in Hawaii, where is his typewritten birth certificate? He said he was legally adopted by his stepfather in Indonesia in the mid sixties; yet Indonesia did not provide dual citizenship at the time.
All these put Constitutional stressors on the DNC to verify BO’s eligibility for POTUS.
But again it is because I am a Capitalist that I am anti Bush and anti Obama. I side with Ayn Rand.
She said (1957) the U.S. better wake up and get something on the books called “Separation of Economy and State” along with “Separation of Church and State”. She was right. Wish Bush was smart enough to have read and understood her. Obama read her but discarded her hard won wisdom (her parents were slaughtered by the Bolsheviks.)
35 April // Oct 29, 2008 at 5:57 pm
happyliberatian // Oct 29, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Speedy,
I’m not sure how you come to label me a “Libertarian” unless it is my seperate but equal is faulty comment. I don’t take it as a slight however.
It’s very simple, happyliberatian. In his haste to mock your spelling, Speedy misread your screen name as happylibertarian.
And I am snorting with glee.
36 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Doris, You still haven’t gotten over Ayn Rand. That explains it all. I can’t argue with logic like yours. The only thing worse than that is a person who never quite gets over Herman Hesse. Of course, I’ll say it is for entirely different reasons, but it isn’t.
37 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 6:05 pm
William f. buckley was perhaps the biggest proponent of that dreary fraud Ayn Rand. his son has followed in footsteps in that worship. However, he was recently fired from the ‘national review’ for backing BO. So at least one person is on Ayn Rand’s side and BO’s.
38 happyliberatian // Oct 29, 2008 at 7:00 pm
April,
Thanks. I kinda thought that.
Snort snort!
39 adorisday // Oct 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm
April W wrote: Please repost this, I accidentally deleted it.
Repost:
Deep down, we all want someone in office with character.
I Q or an Ivy League degree do not equate character.
We want someone who will keep their word, do things for “the people” and get out of the way of progress economically and socially.
I think it is strange snobbery of you April, to belittle the
undegree-ed Right. Joe the Plumber is actually right about Israel. Don’t think that Bush isn’t bribing Israel with everything he’s got left not to bomb Iran before the elections.
You don’t need a fancy degree to understand raw aggression in the world; in fact, too many diplomas always seem to blindside people. JFK didn’t get us out of the Cuban Missile Crisis because he had a degree, he did it because he understood aggression. PT 109 and
his brother dying flying against the Nazis were a big lesson…
Obama is too much of an academic for me — not ’nuff work done in the real world if you know what I mean. Why did BO go to Pakistan on an Indonesian passport in 1981, when US citizens were forbotten by law to go there then? Where are his college records anyway? His Occidental Columbia Harvard records? His passport records?
His IRS records? I don’t know anything solid about the man who would be Prez, and what I do know about his past, I don’t like. And I am still waiting for him to offer up his birth certificate as fast as McCain did his.
I’m not terribly pro McCain, tho if we were in a time warp and he was still married to his first wife after surviving what he did at the hands of the VietCong, I’d be much more of a flagwaver.
My vote unfortunately is Anti Bush and therefore Anti Obama because they seem to have the same one world bank ideas (Statism or Socialism, your call) about our hard earned money. Bush was too scared to let Capitalism work and Obama doesn’t believe it works.
40 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm
http://www.lewrockwell.com/rothbard/rothbard23.html
anyone interested in ayn rand can read up here.
41 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Glee? GLEE?! April, if that’s all it takes to make you snort, I’d like to extend my request to become your personal court jester. I would require a handsome stipend, of course. But come on, you can’t put a price on snorting with glee.
Hmmm… Yeah, I’ve never heard of the word “liberatian” (I’ll chalk this up to public schooling deficiencies). I assumed that it was an incorrect spelling (spelling?) of either “Libertarian” or “liberation”. This being a political discussion, and happyliberatian being a brand-new user, I assumed the former.
Yes, I’m not dyslexic. And I didn’t misread the screenname in some feverish mad dash to the comment field. I had a good three hours to mull over my thoughts and to choose my words carefully. Indeed, if you carefully read my previous post, you’ll note that I spelled his screen name correctly (that is to say, how he spells it…) before delivering my assumption as to haplib’s political lean.
Oh April, you wound me by saying that I “mocked” haplib’s spelling. That would be rather hypocritical, seeing as how I can barely spell myself. I rarely even notice when forum posts are misspelled (it’s the spirit of the piece, amirite?). What I do notice, and get annoyed at, is the sickeningly faux-modest, self-effacing practice of calling attention to your own mistakes. If you care that much, just take the time to make sure your damn spelling’s correct. Or follow my example and just stop giving a shit. When I mentioned (not quite mocking, but perhaps criticizing) his use of “(spelling?)” after each word he’s not sure of, my point was simply that, if proper spelling weighs so heavily upon haplib’s mind (to the point of being compelled to hit 14 keys after each word that may not be spelled correctly) he should ease his torment either by taking the 2 minutes to install an in-browser spellchecker, or just stop caring about spelling.
That said, I’d still like an a serious answer. Happyliberatian, why must you offend my eyes with your “(spelling?)”? It really fucks with the flow of your piece. Why not throw caution to the wind and just spell how you want to spell, without having to self-consciously fret over every word you might not know by heart? If this innocent question is considered a “schooling” on my part, please consider yourself schooled.
Oh, and as a side note: Since I’m such an insatiable learner, I would like to know exactly what a “liberatian” is. Mr. haplib, if you tell me, I’ll be your best friend.
42 David // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Stop being so sexist. “Hasselblecch” is a hard working mother with a “career.”
Please! Get that HAG off the stage.
43 Gina // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:42 pm
All ya’ll that want legal gay marriage don’t know what you’re asking for. We’re still cleaning up the plagues of frogs and locusts that rained down upon the Gay State four years ago. Just when you think you’ve swept them all up, one of those fuckers starts ribbetting.
And let’s not speak of the children…the sad little children. Although I must admit, the production of The Boys in the Band at the Little Red Schoolhouse wasn’t too bad. I thought four year-old Billy’s performance as Emory was very profound.
44 Gina // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Is it ribbit or ribbet?
45 postino // Oct 29, 2008 at 10:51 pm
so cold…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aktLRiWXfqg
46 adorisday // Oct 29, 2008 at 11:53 pm
P. Jacky:
Not as into Ayn Rand as much as all that or as much as either Buckley. But did appreciate her non religious view of the Founding Fathers’ smarts and harken to her cry for “separation of economy and state”…
The political spectrum is really just a straight line from anarchy to totalitarianism. Ideas of “left” and “right” though popular, are cutsey misnomers. Their distinctions have failed most recently in this Statist bailout of the private banking industry — when the left driven Congress joined the right driven Executive branch to seize Statist/Socialist control of private industry.
Rand was a demonized Capitalist, but I appreciate her brilliance in understanding this Republic. I shrugged off ATLAS SHRUGGED and found FOUNTAINHEAD dull.
47 jim // Oct 30, 2008 at 12:38 am
Elizabeth “Wormgobbler” Hasselbeck as MC for Palin? Looks like McCain’s got himself one harsh nostalgia jones on for his salad-days of crashing fighter-jets, because this baby’s coming straight down on deck at 200 knots, & it’s on fire. They may as well just go ahead & change their campaign-slogan from “Country First” to “Epic Fail 4-Evar!”
Yipes, what’s next? Carrot-Top introducing McCain? Exhibitions of Live Goldfish-Swallowing? Competitive Taffy-Pulls? Wet T-Shirt Contests to warm up the crowd for his speeches?
Love that they put “Joe” The “Plumber” on FOX to talk about Israel – because I always go to the plumber for MY foreign-policy advice … talk about bringing out your intellectual heavy-artillery … that just screams class right there.
Plus as a bonus, I just heard he’s going to put out a country-&-western album, so it smells like your music library will soon have a new “star” to put alongside the likes of Joe Peschi & Wing. Plumbing’s like a licence to print money, so if he has to go into music as a sideline he must REALLY suck seriously hard at it.
48 Stretch99 // Oct 30, 2008 at 9:59 am
“Barack TV” last night trounced its only prime timecompetition “Pushing Dasies” last night.
Insert John McCain/Pushing Dasies joke here
49 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 30, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I’m going to be soooooo glad when 11/5 arrives and I can finally organize a nice game of “What’s John Foley Wearing?”
50 John Foley // Oct 30, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Right now it’s just pajama bottoms and a tanktop.
51 pal Jacky // Oct 30, 2008 at 2:27 pm
ayn rand is only a problem when people are completely devoted to her. I stress for almost everything, take what works for you and leave the rest. Rand’s true devotees are usually intelligent but beligerent and like fundelmentilists of any kind just seem to do more harm than good because sticking to their tenets is more important than actually solving problems.
Don’t confuse them with the Clair Booth Luce fanatics who are dippy and confused. A remake of ‘the women’ was not needed and having Meg Ryan in it just comes across as completely grotesque.
52 pal Jacky // Oct 30, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I actually watched ‘Jason X-final Friday’ on AMC instead of Barack. The fact that he has my vote doesn’t mean I have to watch him every time he’s on. ‘Jason X’ was really godawful and I knew that because I saw it in the theaters when it first came out. However, I feel I made the wise choice.
53 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 30, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Wait, wasn’t “Jason X” the one set in space?
Fuck you Jacky, that should have won an Oscar.
54 John Foley // Oct 30, 2008 at 3:25 pm
In space, in the future, and featuring a Jason who’s been upgraded with nanotechnology.
55 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 30, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Fap fap fap
56 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm
“Right now it’s just pajama bottoms and a tanktop.”
**Sigh**
I can tell, JF, that you’re NOT a long-time ex-listener.
WE get to dress you. WEEE get to accessorize you. WEEEEE get to do your makeup.
Then, in exchange for providing AW with content, she yanks crap out of her garage and fedexes it to us.
57 pal Jacky // Oct 30, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Actually, the correct response it ‘isn’t that the ‘jason’where brilliant director David Cronenberg has a supporting role?’ It does put ‘Leprechaun 4- Leprechauns in space’ to shame.
don’t get me started on the academy awards that year. Even Halle Berry aside. “a Beautiful mind’ won for best picture. Obviously no real mathematicians vote. What a cockeyed crappy piece of shit that was. See oronofsky’s ‘pi’ if one wants to see something much closer to the real thing when it comes to depicting how real mathematicions think.
58 Doug // Oct 30, 2008 at 4:25 pm
April, that Halloween pet costume photo…I can’t wrap my head around that. The man figure has the proportions of a man and fills out the clothing perfectly; the dog looks too big for the grass; the dog’s feet look like cow hooves; but a man would be too heavy for a dog to carry; the man is too big to be a doll, but only a doll would fit onto a dog’s back like that.
Is this a Photoshop jobbie? It’s an amazing photo.
59 stiobhan // Oct 30, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Obama’s birth certificate:
http://fightthesmears.com/articles/5/birthcertificate
60 ScottP // Oct 30, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Instant Karma was Lennon.
Harrison was regular Karma (or delayed– did he ever get sprinkled over the Ganges?)
61 coasterboy // Oct 31, 2008 at 12:34 am
So back to the prop 8 thing…
I’ve said this before…but should we really be taking advice on family and marriage from the people that took the phase “if she’s old enough to bleed, she’s old enough to breed” and turned it into the core value of a religion?
62 coasterboy // Oct 31, 2008 at 12:35 am
And just what year was it when, according to the Mormon church, that Black people became humans? Wasn’t that in the 1980’s?
63 coasterboy // Oct 31, 2008 at 12:39 am
More on racism in the Mormon church HERE:
http://www.i4m.com/think/comments/mormon-racism.htm
64 happyliberatian // Oct 31, 2008 at 9:19 am
Speedy,
One either is flogged for their poor spelling or derided for pointing it out.
Ahhhhhhhh, the public square.
65 pal Jacky // Oct 31, 2008 at 9:38 am
I have cousins who went to Bob Jones university. Then candidate Bush spoke there and there was a fury that students had to get parental permission for interracial dating. It was actually a recent rule at the time. My cousin pointed out that the media had got it all wrong. The reason the bylaw was ennacted was that before then blacks weren’t allowed to attend at all.
66 pal Jacky // Oct 31, 2008 at 10:15 am
BTW, this morning(friday halloween). The L.A. times has an aritcle in their calendar section(pgE10) on Elisabeth Banks. Check it out and you’ll see why she must be stopped. I fear she will actually get the atomic bomb before Iran. If she hasn’t already. I’m thinking suitcase nukes.
67 happyliberatian // Oct 31, 2008 at 11:44 am
Speedy,
For those of you keeping score, I pointed out my own spelling flaws 2 times (in 1 post) and Speedy has pointed out my poor spelling 2 times (in 2 posts).
For someone who “doesnt give a shit” about peoples spelling quotient and “It’s not that I give a shit about the spelling/punctuation/grammar of others”, you sure seem like you do.
As for public schooling, wrong again. If between spelling and civility being transmitted from the nuns, I’ll take the latter.
And finally, on the matter of you being my friend. Yes! I have friends of all stripes. And when they act like an ass, I, as their friend, am going to point it out.
Friend!
BTW….I chose my ID just to tweek people like, well, you!
And as my original post pertained……will ad hominum attacks follow from Speedy? Will there be expletives? Will he tear down others? Or, will he be civil and maybe even, NO! The thought of it is terrifying. Apologize? We shall see in his next installment!
Friend!
68 happyliberatian // Oct 31, 2008 at 11:52 am
And the thought that Speedy was thinking about me for three hours makes me want to snort with glee.
You are making a great court jester Speedy! You are not getting paid enough!
69 pal Jacky // Oct 31, 2008 at 12:22 pm
happy “peoples” is plural for “people”. However, the possessive plural like would be “peoples’ ” With an apostrophy at the end.
70 bnaivar // Oct 31, 2008 at 12:33 pm
“Ya’ll” is singular. “All Ya’ll” is plural.
71 happyliberatian // Oct 31, 2008 at 12:53 pm
The spelling police are sure out in force today!
And it proves my point. Snort Snort
Thank you bnaivar for the levity!
72 JohnnyBoy // Oct 31, 2008 at 1:06 pm
The correct word is Youse
73 JohnnyBoy // Oct 31, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I’m IN the bathroom , but I’m ON the terlet
74 jasonthegreat // Oct 31, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Let’s get back to what John is wearing right now.
75 happyliberatian // Oct 31, 2008 at 1:26 pm
What John is wearing or what McPalin is wearing?
Lets stay focused!
76 John Foley // Oct 31, 2008 at 1:28 pm
More importantly, what am I going to be wearing later?
77 Gina // Oct 31, 2008 at 1:38 pm
http://tinyurl.com/5cgqao
78 pal Jacky // Oct 31, 2008 at 2:29 pm
actually, I was funning, with correcting an error with another error and a badly worded sentence to boot.
Here’s a fun game. What is the worst halloween film anyone has seen this year? Other than one of palin’s speeches, of course.
Having just watched ‘i still know what you did last summer’ on cable I’m having a tough time. This piece of shit isn’t even named right. It should be ‘I know what you did the summer before last’ since it is set a year after the original. No buffy this time just that horrible Jennifer love hewitt. She teams up with Brandy and goes to some tropical paradise to sing Karoyokee and get slaughtered. The killer this time is Jared Leto!!!
I watch that dreadful film everytime it is on. ’saw V’ was pretty bad, but I think I need to see ’saw VI’ to really hate it.
79 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 31, 2008 at 3:19 pm
“More importantly, what am I going to be wearing later?”
http://tinyurl.com/5kbxeb
80 happyliberatian // Oct 31, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Pal,
Thanks for pointing it out. I did not catch it at first but do now. Need more ginko.
If halloween films include those scary movies not themed around the holiday, BLOOD BEACH was truly awful. I remember the subtitle, “Just when you thought it was safe to get to the beach, YOU CANT GET THERE!”
Stunningly horrid!
81 Speedy Cerviche // Oct 31, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Oh. My. God.
The seed sown in my mind by Jacky and Foley fully blossomed last night as I downloaded and watched the cinematic marvel known as “Jason X”.
Now, I’ll admit that I was being mildly facetious when I said it should have taken home Academy gold earlier. However, upon further review, I must stand by this assertion. “Jason X” is probably one of the greatest movies ever made. I heartily recommend it to anyone who enjoys the finer things in cinema. My favorite part was when Mecha-Jason kills two holographic campers by putting them both in sleeping bags and then using one to beat the other to a bloody pulp.
Speaking of awesome movies, in an hour I’m gonna meet up with some of my closest associates to pick up some Chinese food (and a pint of Shifty’s Gelato) and we’re going to view “Låt den rätte komma in”, which is a supposedly-awesome Swedish vampire movie. Then we’re going to watch the old silent “Joan of Arc” movie, because my friend’s fiancee has an intense, irrational fear of silent movies and we want to see her squirm. Anyway, I’ll make sure to deliver my critique of Svenska Vamp after this viewing. I know all you fruits are into weird foreign shit.
Oh, and to liberatian: Sorry hombre, but you might be overthinking this situation. And that’s saying something, coming from the guy who contemplates internet conversations for three hours. I should probably restate for the record that I never once “pointed out [your] poor spelling”. I pointed out your annoying habit of calling attention to mistakes that would have never caught my eye otherwise. Hey, spelling ain’t a problem, but your reading comprehension needs some serious work. Does ginko help that at all?
And on the subject of apologies and whatnot… I don’t even apologize when I’ve done something that warrants an apology. What makes you think I’d apologize now? Honey, if you’re looking for civility on the internet, you’re gonna be here for a loooong time.
Meanwhile, I have chosen to heed the wise words spoken by the Lords of the Internet many moons ago: “Arguing on the Internet is like running in the Special Olympics: Even if you win, you’re still a retard.” Besides, I hear life’s more fun when you don’t try so hard.
General Tso and Swede Vampires, here I komma! (stavningen?)
82 pal Jacky // Oct 31, 2008 at 7:40 pm
’sleepaway camp’ had the by-line
“Go in a bus, come home in a box”.
I drove all the way to Palo Alto from Berkeley to see that one. Okay, it was playing closer, but not in a double feature with ‘the hills have eyes’(do even need to say the ‘original wes craven one’)
83 coasterboy // Nov 1, 2008 at 5:37 am
Musing about what Foley is going to be wearing later could only be better with pictures. How about a daily segment?
84 Andre // Nov 1, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Wow! You go to Vegas for a few days and the comment section explodes.
First off, to MyMoniclePoppedOut who said “You don’t really care whether you are legally allowed to get married. It’s just another attempt to make the whole world revolve around you.” I think you’re confusing gay people here with drag queens.
DavidinBerkeley said: “Don’t get too excited, Jason. The last time AW mailed something to me (a prize I won on The April Winchell Show) it was a pair of wooden praying hands.” I won tickets to The Disco Ball, which would have been way cool, except that April announced me as a winner the very night the Disco Ball was happening. I got a talking Diane cow puppet instead, which is cool, but I can’t help thinking she’s lonely for Janice.
I, too, will be happy when 11/5 has come and gone because maybe then Stretch will stop telling his “moose and squirrel” joke. Love ya’, pal, but enough already.
“What is John Foley wearing”? Who cares? He’s straight and taken. I’m more interested in what Gina is wearing. Rowrrrr! (Did I spell “rowrrrr” right?)
Finally, scariest Halloween movie? “Halloweentown”. Why? Three words: “starring Debbie Reynolds”.
85 coasterboy // Nov 1, 2008 at 3:14 pm
So, Andre, unavailable men can’t be used for wacking material? Isn’t hollywood built on beautiful man and women who will never be available to you and me?
86 WhereTheresSmoke // Nov 1, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Plumber discovers a load of CRAP! – Joe, you’re supposed to clear it away, not spray it all over the country.
Keith Olberman sums it up best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ruXEh8S12E
Joe (real first name Samuel) earned $40,000 last year which means he’d save $500 under Obama’s tax plan.
He has a tax lean for $1,100 from Jan. 2007 revealing he’s more against taxes than he even let on. I wonder if McCain plans of amnesty for all tax deadbeats like Joe.
Maybe Joe should marry the daughter and heir of a mafia linked booze distributor. Then he’d have that $250,000 to buy his plumbing company. It worked for McCain who’s political career was boosted to reality when the new wife (having ditched the old gammy-legged bitch) financed his purchase of a house in a district where he wanted to run for office in order to establish “residence” there. Samuel J is about as honest in his aspirations.
87 JohnnyBoy // Nov 1, 2008 at 3:44 pm
It’d be funnier if McCain were shorter, and named Boris
88 John Foley // Nov 1, 2008 at 4:13 pm
“Keith Olberman sums it up best…”
Gross. Keith the pretend news anchor said it, so it must be the gospel? If only he had used a funny voice during his editorial, too. That’s when you know he means business.
89 WhereTheresSmoke // Nov 1, 2008 at 5:21 pm
It’s still a free country Foley. If you have issue with Olberman’s observations, please site your source. Better hurry though. If McCain wins, I give him 5 months in office before one of Palin’s Crosshair evangelists blows his head off or he suffers an untimely ‘heart attack’ accompanied by syringe marks between his toes .
90 John Foley // Nov 1, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Smoke-
Whoever said this was anything but a free country? Did I tell you to stop writing? You gave your opinion, I gave you mine. That’s because we have the 1st Amendment. Pulling out the “it’s still a free country” line is weak and it doesn’t respond to anything that I said. I shouldn’t have to site(sic) any sources to express the opinion that I don’t like Keith Olbermann’s style.
Olbermann slams FOX News for being biased (correctly, I might add), but “Countdown” is literally the MOST biased excuse for a news program on television. That’s what I take issue with. Passing off opinion as fact is *not* news. If it’s wrong when FOX does it, it should be wrong when Olbermann does it. It doesn’t just magically become OK because you and Keith both have the same politics. “Countdown” is Obama campaign headquarters, and that’s not what I look for in a news program. I’ll stick with Anderson Cooper, a guy who actually interviews people from BOTH parties. He doesn’t selectively edit clips to make people sound stupid. He doesn’t have a childish obsession with Bill O’Reilly. He doesn’t call people morons or fascists. And he doesn’t have to play spooky Dracula music over stories to tell me how to feel.
Olbermann hates O’Reilly, which is certainly understandable. Except Olbermann IS O’Reilly. He’s the Left’s Bill O’Reilly. One was more than enough. At least Bill O’Reilly has the decency to tell you that he’s doing an opinion-based show. He doesn’t try to pass himself off as an actual newsman.
91 postino // Nov 1, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Palin Pranked! Pretty Phunny
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27489929/
92 pal Jacky // Nov 1, 2008 at 5:54 pm
The most interesting thing about Keith olbermann’s show is the music.
more precisely, he uses bach’s ‘toccata and fugue in D minor’ as his spooky Dracula music during his ‘countdown’ and he opens the show with the first chords of the second movement of Beethoven’s ninth. ‘toccata and fugue’ has been a standard for spooky music for a long time. My fave is the original ‘tales from the crypt’(1971) with patrick magee, joan collins and peter cushing.
the best use of the beethoven is in ‘a clockwork orange’ with the second movement used near the beginning for the daydream sequence when alex first gets his hands on a recording. And its played for him after ‘brainwashing’ by the great patrick Magee to get alex to throw himself out of a window.
If anyone desires the names of the classical tracks used on the new FX show ‘testees’ just ask.
93 WhereTheresSmoke // Nov 1, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Foley:
Not my opinion. It’s Olberman’s. I just happen to concur and agree. What give impetus to my “free country” comment at this time is the qualifier “still”. You seem impervious to the idea that could ever change. I see otherwise and not necessarily all that far in the future. You keep referring to Olberman’s Countdown program as a “news” program. Check the MSMBC front page . It’s under “opinion” as, I hope Oreiley’s scree is. No one can EVER present pure, 100% dead-certain “FACTS”. There is no such animal. Everything is fluid and suject to change to some degree. But Sam…excuse me Joe’s tax records are public domain, as is his income and Obama has made no secret of his tax proposals. You should have no trouble punching holes in any of Olberman’s observations and conclusions. Though, I warn you, if they weren’t true, you’d probably already have heard from Joe…er is it Sam about it as he’s preparing to throw his towel into the ring for the next congressional election and would take any opportunity to “clear the record.”
(Notice the new paragraph.) Countdown makes no pretenses as being a “News” program. The weird music makes that clear to anyone paying attention. Countdown is probably the only real counter to the myriad of out there on the far, far right opinion programs on Fox. It’s really odd the way you go off at the idea the left should even dabble in this area the right has been exploiting for years. What’s noteworthy however is that Olberman doesn’t have to lie. There is so much verifiable, easily verifiable dirt and strangeness against the new right, all he has to do is read what the news programs are reading, albeit selectively, add weird music and it’s the theater of the absurd reality. Long live the anti-O’Reiley.
94 pal Jacky // Nov 1, 2008 at 6:59 pm
On a similar note the Obama camp has yet to use my talking point that ‘Alaska isn’t just close to Russia, Alaska was once part of russia’. I also think the reason that because Obama is half white is the reason those in the pacific northwest haven’t mistaken him for bigfoot. Though they once did halle berry.
95 John Foley // Nov 1, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Smoke-
You’re missing my point. I don’t like FOX News OR “Countdown.” I think they are both equally reprehensible. I am “going off” on the idea that anyone would want to emulate FOX News. Tell me something; why does Keith make such a show of calling it “Fixed News” all the time? Because of FOX News’ lack of objectivity, that’s why. Well, if biased news is so bad, Keith shouldn’t be doing it, either.
I constantly hear liberals rail against FOX News for being so biased. It was my impression that these negative feelings and descriptions were founded on a desire for more straight, unbiased news. But that isn’t true at all, is it? Liberals have no problem with biased news. They just want it to be a bias that they share. Now I get it.
I realize that you’ll never find a completely objective news program or anchor. Journalists are only human; I understand this. Even knowing this, though, I still prefer to aim for a higher standard than the one established by Keith Olbermann.
In his own words:
“News is the news. We will not be screwing around with it….It will not be a show in which opinion and facts are juxtaposed so as to appear to be the same thing.”
Opinion presented as fact. I don’t like it. I don’t like it when EITHER SIDE does it.
96 Speedy Cerviche // Nov 1, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Pretending to be equally disgusted by both sides of the political spectrum is the new emo.
97 John Foley // Nov 1, 2008 at 7:46 pm
That’s harsh. Who says I’m pretending?
98 pal Jacky // Nov 1, 2008 at 8:01 pm
of course, Tod Browning used music from tchaikovsky’s ’swan lake’ for the original ‘dracula’.(what little music their was in the film) This hardly seems like ’spooky music’, but one must keep in mind that Browning started out as doing silents and was still experimenting with ’sound’. Very few directors made the transition well. Actually, the only one I can think of off hand is Fritz lang. In ‘m’, his first sound film’the murderer is discovered by a blind man because of the song he whistled(grieg’s ‘in the hall of the mountain king’). In freaks browning did do better with the whole wedding feast. He intentionally made it louder than the rest of the film to heighten the tension.
99 WhereTheresSmoke // Nov 1, 2008 at 8:44 pm
I suppose, having worked at Fox, Keith is qualified to own an opinion of Fox News as “fixed.” Who else could offer a more credible opinion. As to Countdown being the mirror-opposite of the pantheon of Fox screechers, you missed my point. Keith doesn’t have to lie. His far-out, bizarro news on the right happens to be largely verifiable by mainstream sources. Fox’s existence is built around covering-up those verifiable facts such as the Trooper-gate, the large numbers of Alaskans who are dissatisfied with Palin’s reign there etc. Fox has to try in pound in some half-truth or outright lie like ‘Obama is a Muslim.’ That’s the difference – independently verifiability of the “facts” presented as FACT.
Please Foley. Click the link in my previous post to the MSNBC page. Olberman’s show is under Opinion, just where it should be. It’s just that with so much foulness about among Republicans these days, he doesn’t have to use his imagination, lies or showmanship much to produce a three-ring-circus of corruption, contradiction, hypocrisy, idiocy and vileness the way Fox does.
100 Gina // Nov 1, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Long live the anti-O’Reiley.
The anti-O’Reilly? You can’t be serious. They’re the same fucking person! Just because the politics are different doesn’t mean he’s any less of a self-important, smug blowhard.
Pretending to be equally disgusted by both sides of the political spectrum is the new emo.
Yeah, fall in line, Foley! Dissent will not be tolerated.
101 coasterboy // Nov 2, 2008 at 4:39 am
Olbermann is fighting fire with fire….
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