In a few hours, I will be sitting in a dentist’s chair, loaded up on horse tranquilizers and getting 4 teeth pulled. They’ll also be taking out some kind of weird cyst thing that has been growing quietly under one of those teeth, which may or may not be a conjoined twin.
The important thing is that I’ll be eating Vicodin and ice cream all week. Yes, this year I truly have something to be thankful for.
While I can’t be with you all this Thursday, and probably won’t even be able to focus on my keyboard, it doesn’t mean I’m not with you in spirit. Almost nothing matters more to me than your happiness, and by that I mean I don’t give a shit.
To that end, I present this lovely mp3 for your holiday listening pleasure. It’s an oldie but a goodie, just reminding you to be grateful for all the little things.
I hope that you’ll play it as you sit down to your drink your Thanksgiving dinner.
UPDATE:
35 responses so far ↓
1 Gunner13 // Nov 26, 2008 at 10:01 am
Well, I guess Maurice Chevailer has nothing to worry about, but Ed sure does (and perhaps little girls everywhere???).
Seriously April, best of luck with your dental work. It’s never much fun, but way better than the alternatives (since I have been in places that have no dentists, I know that life there is not pretty).
2 Gunner13 // Nov 26, 2008 at 10:03 am
Hey and can I ask what the heck Drinking Gravy is????
Never heard of that and frankly I prefer Guinness any day
3 theFatTubist // Nov 26, 2008 at 10:51 am
Vicodin ice-cream?
4 Dave M. // Nov 26, 2008 at 11:05 am
Trish Vs. Stacy (Gravy Bowl Match)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOE6Pwox_f8&fmt=18
5 clevelandphil // Nov 26, 2008 at 11:39 am
Vicodin a la mode
6 Bitsey // Nov 26, 2008 at 12:20 pm
The idea that you’d schedule major teeth work the day before Thanksgiving doesn’t surprise me (you’re you, after all…) but I wonder what kind of sick oral surgeon you’ve got. Does he kick puppies, too?
7 pal Jacky // Nov 26, 2008 at 12:25 pm
with april’s ’sort of’ famous status and being a close personal friend with season 2 fave gary Busey. I think april can turn this little oral surgery into a gig on ‘celebrity rehab with dr. drew-3′.
Let’s face facts, if one has the right dentist a small filling can turn a nun into a full blown addict. Imagine the speed and efficiency this amount of procedures can turn a person into soemthing realluy ugly. Tawny kittain, you better not relapse, your seat is taken.
8 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm
She can add those 4 teeth to the 3 that Patrick had pulled and make a nice, jangly bracelet.
9 jasonthegreat // Nov 26, 2008 at 1:34 pm
April, I feel so close to you. I, too, had a cyst growing in my gum that had to be removed. I like to believe it’s a mark of genius.
Hang in there, and happy Thanksgiving.
10 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 26, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Oh that is just the saddest picture of a human being ever.
Where can I send my dollars to help the poor woman in that picture? Isn’t money the least I can give?
11 April // Nov 26, 2008 at 3:04 pm
It’s not sad. I can’t feel it yet. It’ll be sad in a few hours.
12 Annemarie // Nov 26, 2008 at 3:51 pm
You look soooo pathetic in the picture. That root on the left looks like it reached down to your knee. Feel better. Happy Thanksgiving to the two of you.
13 clevelandphil // Nov 26, 2008 at 3:55 pm
That picture looks like an ad for a tv-movie “Moment Of Tooth: My Dentist Battered Me”
14 pal Jacky // Nov 26, 2008 at 4:46 pm
all I see is soup stock.
15 PeekaBooRevue // Nov 26, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Screw Thanksgiving! When can you get back to oral pleasure?
16 Speedy Cerviche // Nov 26, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Yeah, you need to make a necklace with those. That would be so awesome.
17 Dave M. // Nov 26, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Oooooooooouch!… April, please recover real soon! We are all rooting for You!!…
and I do remember when mine were removed, after being gassed and shot up with Demerol, I was so high on the way out, while slowly looking into the little tooth envelope, that my good patient gift was shinny candy molars for the way home…
and John, please be aware of the ‘ancient pagan rule of the molar’ and try to keep them close to April’s person at least until midnight or morning after, because we should never shun pearls of wisdom… roughly translated,,, ‘never take molars away twice in the same day’.
18 socalfrank // Nov 27, 2008 at 12:39 am
I hope John is being the sympathetic spouse and joining you in your liquid turkey and Vicodin cornicoppia.
19 steve // Nov 27, 2008 at 1:23 am
no really. did those come out of your face?
20 javier // Nov 27, 2008 at 9:59 am
Not to be scratching out blessings in the face of painful, unfortunately-timed dental work, but this is another reason to be glad you quit smoking, April. Nothing could make this situation worse than a screaming-ass painful case of dry socket — curse of the smoker when it comes to oral surgery. Got to stay away from straws too.
Hope you and John manage a decent T-day despite the dental work.
21 April // Nov 27, 2008 at 10:45 am
@javier - I completely agree. Being a non-smoker is one of the things I’m thankful for today.
22 JohnnyBoy // Nov 27, 2008 at 10:52 am
I don’t know if you’re thankful for the questionable mp3s I’m sending, but I’m sending them anyway !
23 eBayEnigma // Nov 27, 2008 at 11:43 am
So how much does the Tooth Fairy give for monster molars?
24 April // Nov 27, 2008 at 11:47 am
Nothing yet. God Damn it.
25 Matt C // Nov 27, 2008 at 4:42 pm
UGH! There should never be a time when a person holds up removed body parts. Well, at least you can make a fun necklace with the teeth!
26 Stretch99 // Nov 27, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Stove Top Vicdine-Codine stuffing: with mushrooms
27 Area Man // Nov 27, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Forget the Tooth Fairy — sell them on eBay!
28 jim // Nov 27, 2008 at 8:54 pm
The mere mention of dental work makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My teeth would make even an Englishman feel pity - so I feel for you.
Not much of a consolation but you’re looking splendid - expression of total misery notwithstanding, I mean.
Happy pill-buzz (& Thanksgiving)!
29 vonriesling // Nov 27, 2008 at 11:22 pm
I had an emergency a root canal on Nov 26, which I have dubbed Dia del Dentist since I was in two dental offices from 10:30am to 5pm. Similar expression on my face, but no teeth to hold. If misery loves company you have some. I had a reaction to the antibiotic that left today kneeling at the bowl while the VonRiesling family enjoyed tasty vittles.
30 haineux // Nov 28, 2008 at 12:56 pm
I thought you were holding pain pills the first 5 times I looked at those monsters in your hand!
YIKES!
Well, at least it keeps you out of Black Friday shopping traffic. http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=6353623
Among the bargains offered by Wal-Mart for Friday were Samsung 50-inch high definition Plasma TVs for less than $800.
$200 off the typical sale price! Well, that makes it worth camping out for over 24 hours, doesn’t it?
31 haineux // Nov 28, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Oh. NOW we know how you REALLY lost those teeth: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1128081mugs16.html
32 JohnnyBoy // Nov 29, 2008 at 1:10 pm
That Wal-Mart is about 30 miles west of me……not the most savory of areas
33 Mr Pete // Nov 29, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Seriously, if Shatner can auction his kidney stone for charity, think of the possibilities here…
34 Mr Pete // Nov 29, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Is it too late to tie this into your Crest contest entry?
35 DavidinBerkeley // Dec 1, 2008 at 12:16 pm
“Forget the Tooth Fairy — sell them on eBay!”
Ohmyfreakinggawd this is the best idea ever. Think of the publicity!
You should totally sell those teeth on eBay. If you don’t already have plans to turn them into another one of your sewing projects.
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