April Winchell

33 responses so far ↓

• 1 John Foley // Jan 8, 2009 at 5:12 pm

  tl;dr

• 2 yelkcub // Jan 8, 2009 at 5:38 pm

  So this is where Dane Cook was before he got his comedy central contract? Good for him.
  Anyhoo, I would like to meet the 1546 people who found this review “helpful.” Well, maybe not now that I think about it.
  There are a number of things I agree with in this review – the shiv being the “secret of relationships;” a third conviction for defecating into a mailbox would indeed indicate an alcohol problem; and that having pretty eyes usually does lead to anal rape (ask Bambi’s dad – they don’t call it “the woods” for nothing).
  I’m also happy to find out that being rape-a-phobic is not the same thing as being homophobic, though I do worry that our august reviewer only discovered this fact after being imprisoned.
  Based upon his reference to being worth $15, Iam concerned about the reviwer’s math, though. Three packs of Winstons cost about $12 at the Circle K (you get a special deal by buying three). I would also assume that it would cost at least $3 to transport them into the prison, meaning that the 8 ounces of Pruno he mentioned would, in fact, be valueless, a circumstance I sincerely doubt. If one sets a value for the Pruno (no vintage is mentioned so I’ll have to guesstimate here) at $6 per glass, our reviwer was actually worth at least $25, not the $15 he seemed so insulted about.
  If he discovers his true value, maybe he’ll feel better about himself.
  Anyway, I’m deleting him from my e-harmony match list.

• 3 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:34 pm

  I usually get a kick out of facetious Amazon reviews, but this one kinda reminded me of a SNL skit. Funny idea, but it just drags on and on and on. Also, jpegs of text.

• 4 April // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:38 pm

  “Also, jpegs of text.”

  Also, jpegs of text what, Speedy?

• 5 bnaivar // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:38 pm

  I call BS!

  Nobody in prison would be named Marcus.

• 6 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 8, 2009 at 7:31 pm

  April:

  Jpegs are highly compressed and produce ugly artifacts. When making screenshots of very simple images (like text or black-and-white line drawings), it’s better to use png (or bmp if it’s a small image). This makes for a smoother and more comfortable reading experience, as these formats produce no eye-straining blurry pixelization.

  Yeah, it’s a piddling distinction to make, but it’s one worth making. Excellence in all things, etc. I’m gonna go organize my lossless music collection.

• 7 April // Jan 8, 2009 at 7:42 pm

  My God you’re annoying.

• 8 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 8, 2009 at 7:59 pm

  Correct. But hey, you asked.

• 9 coasterboy // Jan 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm

  You could do all of us a favor and boot his ass….just sayin.

• 10 jandu // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:14 pm

  I giggled at the Dane Cook reference, thank you.

  Also of note….there’s a whole lotta ass/anal/piddling/BS going on in this thread.

  Makes me want to drop a steamer out back of JR’s…..see if I can’t rustle up me a rape in gen-pop.

• 11 Nusa // Jan 9, 2009 at 12:32 am

  Speedy, you said that wrong. Highly compressed images (JPEGS and other formats) show artifacts, but that doesn’t mean all JPEGS are highly compressed. Compression is a quality vs size choice made by the person that created the image.

  What I want to know is who got the cigarettes and booze?

• 12 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:44 am

  I gotcha, Nusa. I understand that not all jpegs are artifact-y. I’m just saying that jpegs are for images with a lot of gradients or non-solid colors. For text and simple images, png is far superior in terms of quality and file size.

  Like I said, it’s not exactly the most pressing concern facing the online community right now… but hey, I’m anal about this type of shit. Oh look, more steamer-inducing language for jandu.

• 13 JohnnyBoy // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:45 am

  we are the jpegs…..we are the jpegs of text….lalala

• 14 JohnnyBoy // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:51 am

  Mucinex is not so bad of a product name, Phlegm-go would be less desirable.

  Anusol is probably the worst name, regardless of how they think it’s pronounced

• 15 Strongbow Links » Ayyyy! // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:58 am

  [...] The Real Secret (AprilWinchell) [...]

• 16 EverybodysLittlePony // Jan 9, 2009 at 5:01 am

  But you have to admit, it leaves little confusion as to where the product is meant to be applied.

• 17 joshpincusiscrying // Jan 9, 2009 at 8:38 am

  With all the back-and-forth regarding image compression, I was wondering if April’s blog is becoming a “tech help” site, because I’ve been having problems accessing a USB jump drive housing pixelated AAC files of lossless formatted streaming bluetooth dongles.

  Funny post, April.

• 18 bnaivar // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:18 am

  I think it’s out of blinker fluid.

• 19 Stretch99 // Jan 9, 2009 at 1:04 pm

  Dead firefly

• 20 theFatTubist // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:38 pm

  Of course, he’s annoying… he’s a goon!

• 21 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm

  Shhhhhhh! I don’t think April holds much love in her heart for the goons.

• 22 Bitsey // Jan 9, 2009 at 5:43 pm

  The banner picture up top shows John Foley beckoning me with champagne in a pair of sexy pajama pants. Is he inviting me to be April for awhile?

• 23 joshpincusiscrying // Jan 9, 2009 at 7:01 pm

  …and speaking of cool prison stories…

• 24 JohnnyBoy // Jan 9, 2009 at 8:38 pm

  They actually call the prison psych ward the Jester Unit?

• 25 N.Y. COUSIN // Jan 10, 2009 at 9:58 am

  Salvia Divinorum is “smokin’ !!!”

• 26 jim // Jan 10, 2009 at 11:54 am

  A story that warms the heart of my duodenum.

  All the more so as I’m the only one of four brothers with zero criminal convictions … yes, you guessed it: I’m the white sheep of the family.

  “Winners don’t do drugs – THEY SELL THEM”

• 27 pal Jacky // Jan 10, 2009 at 7:14 pm

  shitting in a mailbox can get you three to five years?
  Only if you are caught.

• 28 JohnnyBoy // Jan 11, 2009 at 4:43 am

  What are the logistics of shitting in a mailbox? I don’t think I could figure out how to do it SOBER

• 29 N.Y. COUSIN // Jan 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm

  ever get paranoid that you’ve mailed your tax return papers in a PUBLIC mailbox (the kind you find on NYC street corners) and some antisocial prick throws a lit cigarette into it…a bit later ???????

• 30 JohnnyBoy // Jan 11, 2009 at 6:17 pm

  Activities such as that happen all the time and we are powerless to prevent them

• 31 indusarts // Jan 11, 2009 at 7:24 pm

  I just want to know if the mailbox defication story comes from real life – you know, like Law & Order stories – or if it is only from the someone’s fertile imagination.

• 32 Andre // Jan 11, 2009 at 10:05 pm

  Get me Jack Bauer!

• 33 Stretch99 // Jan 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

  “Get me Jack Bauer!”

  sorry he’s on the Can – WAIT THAT’S A MAILBOX!