So this is where Dane Cook was before he got his comedy central contract? Good for him.
Anyhoo, I would like to meet the 1546 people who found this review “helpful.” Well, maybe not now that I think about it.
There are a number of things I agree with in this review – the shiv being the “secret of relationships;” a third conviction for defecating into a mailbox would indeed indicate an alcohol problem; and that having pretty eyes usually does lead to anal rape (ask Bambi’s dad – they don’t call it “the woods” for nothing).
I’m also happy to find out that being rape-a-phobic is not the same thing as being homophobic, though I do worry that our august reviewer only discovered this fact after being imprisoned.
Based upon his reference to being worth $15, Iam concerned about the reviwer’s math, though. Three packs of Winstons cost about $12 at the Circle K (you get a special deal by buying three). I would also assume that it would cost at least $3 to transport them into the prison, meaning that the 8 ounces of Pruno he mentioned would, in fact, be valueless, a circumstance I sincerely doubt. If one sets a value for the Pruno (no vintage is mentioned so I’ll have to guesstimate here) at $6 per glass, our reviwer was actually worth at least $25, not the $15 he seemed so insulted about.
If he discovers his true value, maybe he’ll feel better about himself.
Anyway, I’m deleting him from my e-harmony match list.
I usually get a kick out of facetious Amazon reviews, but this one kinda reminded me of a SNL skit. Funny idea, but it just drags on and on and on. Also, jpegs of text.
Jpegs are highly compressed and produce ugly artifacts. When making screenshots of very simple images (like text or black-and-white line drawings), it’s better to use png (or bmp if it’s a small image). This makes for a smoother and more comfortable reading experience, as these formats produce no eye-straining blurry pixelization.
Yeah, it’s a piddling distinction to make, but it’s one worth making. Excellence in all things, etc. I’m gonna go organize my lossless music collection.
Speedy, you said that wrong. Highly compressed images (JPEGS and other formats) show artifacts, but that doesn’t mean all JPEGS are highly compressed. Compression is a quality vs size choice made by the person that created the image.
What I want to know is who got the cigarettes and booze?
I gotcha, Nusa. I understand that not all jpegs are artifact-y. I’m just saying that jpegs are for images with a lot of gradients or non-solid colors. For text and simple images, png is far superior in terms of quality and file size.
Like I said, it’s not exactly the most pressing concern facing the online community right now… but hey, I’m anal about this type of shit. Oh look, more steamer-inducing language for jandu.
With all the back-and-forth regarding image compression, I was wondering if April’s blog is becoming a “tech help” site, because I’ve been having problems accessing a USB jump drive housing pixelated AAC files of lossless formatted streaming bluetooth dongles.
ever get paranoid that you’ve mailed your tax return papers in a PUBLIC mailbox (the kind you find on NYC street corners) and some antisocial prick throws a lit cigarette into it…a bit later ???????
I just want to know if the mailbox defication story comes from real life – you know, like Law & Order stories – or if it is only from the someone’s fertile imagination.
33 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Jan 8, 2009 at 5:12 pm
tl;dr
2 yelkcub // Jan 8, 2009 at 5:38 pm
So this is where Dane Cook was before he got his comedy central contract? Good for him.
Anyhoo, I would like to meet the 1546 people who found this review “helpful.” Well, maybe not now that I think about it.
There are a number of things I agree with in this review – the shiv being the “secret of relationships;” a third conviction for defecating into a mailbox would indeed indicate an alcohol problem; and that having pretty eyes usually does lead to anal rape (ask Bambi’s dad – they don’t call it “the woods” for nothing).
I’m also happy to find out that being rape-a-phobic is not the same thing as being homophobic, though I do worry that our august reviewer only discovered this fact after being imprisoned.
Based upon his reference to being worth $15, Iam concerned about the reviwer’s math, though. Three packs of Winstons cost about $12 at the Circle K (you get a special deal by buying three). I would also assume that it would cost at least $3 to transport them into the prison, meaning that the 8 ounces of Pruno he mentioned would, in fact, be valueless, a circumstance I sincerely doubt. If one sets a value for the Pruno (no vintage is mentioned so I’ll have to guesstimate here) at $6 per glass, our reviwer was actually worth at least $25, not the $15 he seemed so insulted about.
If he discovers his true value, maybe he’ll feel better about himself.
Anyway, I’m deleting him from my e-harmony match list.
3 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I usually get a kick out of facetious Amazon reviews, but this one kinda reminded me of a SNL skit. Funny idea, but it just drags on and on and on. Also, jpegs of text.
4 April // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:38 pm
“Also, jpegs of text.”
Also, jpegs of text what, Speedy?
5 bnaivar // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I call BS!
Nobody in prison would be named Marcus.
6 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 8, 2009 at 7:31 pm
April:
Jpegs are highly compressed and produce ugly artifacts. When making screenshots of very simple images (like text or black-and-white line drawings), it’s better to use png (or bmp if it’s a small image). This makes for a smoother and more comfortable reading experience, as these formats produce no eye-straining blurry pixelization.
Yeah, it’s a piddling distinction to make, but it’s one worth making. Excellence in all things, etc. I’m gonna go organize my lossless music collection.
7 April // Jan 8, 2009 at 7:42 pm
My God you’re annoying.
8 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 8, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Correct. But hey, you asked.
9 coasterboy // Jan 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm
You could do all of us a favor and boot his ass….just sayin.
10 jandu // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:14 pm
I giggled at the Dane Cook reference, thank you.
Also of note….there’s a whole lotta ass/anal/piddling/BS going on in this thread.
Makes me want to drop a steamer out back of JR’s…..see if I can’t rustle up me a rape in gen-pop.
11 Nusa // Jan 9, 2009 at 12:32 am
Speedy, you said that wrong. Highly compressed images (JPEGS and other formats) show artifacts, but that doesn’t mean all JPEGS are highly compressed. Compression is a quality vs size choice made by the person that created the image.
What I want to know is who got the cigarettes and booze?
12 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:44 am
I gotcha, Nusa. I understand that not all jpegs are artifact-y. I’m just saying that jpegs are for images with a lot of gradients or non-solid colors. For text and simple images, png is far superior in terms of quality and file size.
Like I said, it’s not exactly the most pressing concern facing the online community right now… but hey, I’m anal about this type of shit. Oh look, more steamer-inducing language for jandu.
13 JohnnyBoy // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:45 am
we are the jpegs…..we are the jpegs of text….lalala
14 JohnnyBoy // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:51 am
Mucinex is not so bad of a product name, Phlegm-go would be less desirable.
Anusol is probably the worst name, regardless of how they think it’s pronounced
15 Strongbow Links » Ayyyy! // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:58 am
[...] The Real Secret (AprilWinchell) [...]
16 EverybodysLittlePony // Jan 9, 2009 at 5:01 am
But you have to admit, it leaves little confusion as to where the product is meant to be applied.
17 joshpincusiscrying // Jan 9, 2009 at 8:38 am
With all the back-and-forth regarding image compression, I was wondering if April’s blog is becoming a “tech help” site, because I’ve been having problems accessing a USB jump drive housing pixelated AAC files of lossless formatted streaming bluetooth dongles.
Funny post, April.
18 bnaivar // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:18 am
I think it’s out of blinker fluid.
19 Stretch99 // Jan 9, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Dead firefly
20 theFatTubist // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Of course, he’s annoying… he’s a goon!
21 Speedy Cerviche // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Shhhhhhh! I don’t think April holds much love in her heart for the goons.
22 Bitsey // Jan 9, 2009 at 5:43 pm
The banner picture up top shows John Foley beckoning me with champagne in a pair of sexy pajama pants. Is he inviting me to be April for awhile?
23 joshpincusiscrying // Jan 9, 2009 at 7:01 pm
…and speaking of cool prison stories…
24 JohnnyBoy // Jan 9, 2009 at 8:38 pm
They actually call the prison psych ward the Jester Unit?
25 N.Y. COUSIN // Jan 10, 2009 at 9:58 am
Salvia Divinorum is “smokin’ !!!”
26 jim // Jan 10, 2009 at 11:54 am
A story that warms the heart of my duodenum.
All the more so as I’m the only one of four brothers with zero criminal convictions … yes, you guessed it: I’m the white sheep of the family.
“Winners don’t do drugs – THEY SELL THEM”
27 pal Jacky // Jan 10, 2009 at 7:14 pm
shitting in a mailbox can get you three to five years?
Only if you are caught.
28 JohnnyBoy // Jan 11, 2009 at 4:43 am
What are the logistics of shitting in a mailbox? I don’t think I could figure out how to do it SOBER
29 N.Y. COUSIN // Jan 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm
ever get paranoid that you’ve mailed your tax return papers in a PUBLIC mailbox (the kind you find on NYC street corners) and some antisocial prick throws a lit cigarette into it…a bit later ???????
30 JohnnyBoy // Jan 11, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Activities such as that happen all the time and we are powerless to prevent them
31 indusarts // Jan 11, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I just want to know if the mailbox defication story comes from real life – you know, like Law & Order stories – or if it is only from the someone’s fertile imagination.
32 Andre // Jan 11, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Get me Jack Bauer!
33 Stretch99 // Jan 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm
“Get me Jack Bauer!”
sorry he’s on the Can – WAIT THAT’S A MAILBOX!