It’s hard to believe that someone as steady and grounded as Michael Jackson would find himself in financial trouble. He’s always seemed so solid to me.
Sure, he had a theme park in his back yard. And a zoo. And a train station. And yes, those slumber parties with little boys got expensive, especially when you factor in the hush money. But he got a $25,000,000 refinance last year, so you’d think he’d have been able to pay off the Sears card and get on with it.
And yet, today I read that the contents of Neverland are up for auction. You could have knocked me over with a marble chess table supported by four parcel gilt horses on marble pillars.
But it’s not all bad news. This offers all of us an unprecedented opportunity to own a piece of Jacksonalia (or pedophilabilia, if you prefer), for just pennies on the dollar. Something we all appreciate in today’s tough economic times.
Take the portrait above, for example:
A portrait of Michael Jackson dressed as a king, oil on canvas, signed and dated 1995 and housed in an elaborate gold frame. Guide price $4,000-$6,000
That seems very reasonable. Particularly when you amortize it over the many years of pleasure you’ll get gazing at it, and thinking about where you’ll hang it after the foreclosure goes through.
If that’s not going to match the drapes, consider this painting:
Michael Jackson’s lookalikes painting: A painting on stretched canvas featuring iconic figures such as Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein wearing Jackson’s trademark sunglasses and glove. Guide price $1,000-$2,000
The only thing wrong with this painting is that he didn’t include Jesus. Jesus on the cross, with one sequined glove. That’s what’s missing.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this collection is really pricey. And you’re right. But what did you expect? This is Michael Jackson, after all. He’s got an entire ranch full of fine art and antiques to auction off! It’s not like he’s going to sell his old socks.
A pair of Michael Jackson’s Triumph-era socks with uppers covered in rhinestone banding. They date back to his 1981 Triumph tour with the Jacksons. Guide price $600-$800
Wait – are those Thorlo Drymax socks? I could wear those to the gym!
You know, it just occurred to me that you can’t get these wet. You’d ruin them. Which means they’ve never been washed.
So let’s move on.
An electric cart featuring an image of Jackson as Peter Pan on the bonnet and Peter Pan cushions. Guide price $4,000-$6,000
Wouldn’t you feel great driving that around your favorite warehouse store? Imagine the look on their faces when you pull in to Food For Less!
Not convinced? Maybe you need a closer look at the bonnet.
That’s what I thought.
Speaking of cars . . .
Jackson’s Rolls Royce with interior designed by himself. Guide price $140,000 – $160,000
Another bargain! If only I had a prom in Afghanistan to go to.
It’s a tough call, but I think this may be my favorite item on the auction block.
A full-length red velvet cape with detachable faux ermine collar with gold rope trim, gold metal cross brooch with faux cabachon gems and satin lining. Guide price $300-$500
All of the garments up for auction are attributed to tours or television appearances. All of them, except this one. And I think that’s what makes it my favorite. Because that means this robe was just for him.
I like to imagine him wearing this in front of the television on Saturday mornings, pouring himself a bowl of Sugar Smacks and watching The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Maybe he threw it on to greet the lion groomer, or just draped it about his bony shoulders as he sat on the edge of the tub, clipping his toenails.
- Story and more pictures here
19 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Feb 15, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I’d pay 500 bones for that Burger King cape!
2 Daredevil o' Western Avenue // Feb 15, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I bid a 1000 bones for the cape!
3 Speedy Cerviche // Feb 15, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I have a feeling that cape’s already seen more bones than either of your offers.
4 Mellotron // Feb 15, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Wow Sugar Smacks. I remember when they were called that! Gawd I’m gettin’ old.
5 Ira Shlamazel // Feb 15, 2009 at 8:52 pm
There! That’s my Christmas shopping done!
Once again, thanks April!!
6 jim // Feb 15, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I never knew he was actually royalty!
“designed by himself”
I’m assuming he also uses the royal “we” in conversation. Must be tough on himself to have to part with such exquisite & tasteful items. Obviously someone with a chronic allergy to subtlety.
7 Doug // Feb 16, 2009 at 6:23 am
Good one, Speedy!
8 Knavish Rogue // Feb 16, 2009 at 12:49 pm
What did you expect from the King of Pop? The King has no nose!
9 jandu // Feb 16, 2009 at 1:38 pm
whoreifying. I always thought those sweaty “bangs” were a mistake, now I see them captured in a painting and I know it’s deliberate. Speechless.
10 Area Man // Feb 16, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Why does he have pointy ears on the cart hood?
11 Gunner13 // Feb 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Area Man: Simple, he’s starring as the Elf King of Child Molesters.
Question: Did Peter Pan ever treat the Lost Boys the way Michael “Space Alien” Jackson treated the underage boys he held “sleep overs” with? My guess is no!
Here’s another: What parent would let their kid within 10 miles of this weirdo unsupervised? I’m still struggling with that one!
Wow, you just can’t top this list: Pop Star, Wealthy recipient of way too much bad plastic surgery, Fruit Cake Supreme, Pedophile, Spendthrift Financial Idiot and King of Bad Taste all in one! Truly a legacy for the ages!
I’ll take my own little life, thank you. Thank you April for sharing this one as did brighten up the day (lots of rain up by my house).
12 DavidinBerkeley // Feb 17, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Shades of Liza.
Which reminds me: is there something in the offerings that AW can wear?
‘Cause I’m still waiting for her to clean Stacey’s toilet (like she promised) and Ms. Winchell no longer has Liza’s gloves.
13 JohnnyBoy // Feb 17, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I am Baron of Greymatter, and I claim the cape in the name of me !
14 chrisbcritter // Feb 19, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Quote:
” ‘King Michael’ even had a royal cape, a Father’s Day present inscribed inside with a message from his children ‘Princess Paris’ and ‘Prince Michael’.”
Awwww.
Ewwww.
15 chrisbcritter // Feb 19, 2009 at 6:29 pm
My one encounter with MJ: I was at a Three Stooges convention in Burbank some 10-odd years ago and they had a room set up where you could be videotaped having a pie fight with some Stooge impersonators. Late in the afternoon they shooed everybody out out of that area and MJ, clad in a metallic silver-gray boxer’s robe, arrived with his entourage. They closed the doors to the room but forgot there was a video monitor outside, which broadcast Michael joyfully watching several preadolescent boys having a pie fight with the “Stooges”…
Oh. Billy Barty was there that day too, along with Bela Lugosi Jr. Geez, April, you could’ve gotten a whole week’s worth of material if you’d been there!
16 Area Man // Feb 20, 2009 at 7:36 pm
They’ve started posting the five(!)-volume auction catalog on line. Perhaps you would like a statue of Michael Jackson as Batman?
17 Area Man // Feb 20, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Also, this statue, rife with symbolism and not creepy at all.
18 yachtbar // Feb 23, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Is it just me or does the cape have ear hair on it?
19 April // Feb 23, 2009 at 10:36 pm
HA!