So my friend Gina forwarded this to me today:
You know what that is?
That, my friends, is a portrait of CBS head Les Moonves and his robotic wife, Julie Chen.
Can you believe how awful that is? And they proudly hang it in their home! “It looks so right there”, said Moonves, “in the room where we hang out most.” Clearly the room where they keep their wine.
I can’t stop looking at it. Les and Julie and their friends, the Disembodied Hands, having entirely too many beverages and being toasted by Lee Iacocca.
And what’s with the bottle of “Perenchio”? You’d think the Moonves family could afford the name brands. I guess platters of badly rendered fruit are expensive.
I don’t know why they’d buy a piece of shit like this. I don’t know why they’d hang it in their house. I don’t know why Julie Chen would want a blouse like that memorialized in oils. But most of all, I don’t know what they’re toasting. That’s what’s really nagging at me.
The ratings for Harper’s Island?
The success of The Mentalist?
The triumphant return of Joe Mantegna?
If you think you know what’s got them in such a self-congratulatory mood, let me know. Post your guesses in the comments.
And speaking of show business, look what I got at the supermarket today!
Yes, printed right on the bottom of the receipt, a big old Leslie Uggams two for one. How proud do you think she is?
Oh sure, there are restrictions. They’re not going to just paper the Pasadena Playhouse with non-paying customers because they happened to buy Tampons at the supermarket.
Well no, they are. But only through March 31st.
So get on it.
37 responses so far ↓
1 Mavis // Feb 19, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Leslie Uggams as Lena Horne? Well, get me a…benzedrine.
2 Ira Shlamazel // Feb 19, 2009 at 6:43 pm
It looks like a scene from the “Take on Me” video by Aha.
Not that I’ve ever seen that.
They are toasting the success of finally being mocked by April Winchell!
I’m curious, where on Earth did you find this? It really looks like Fan Art…
3 April // Feb 19, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Ira – New York Times
4 adorisday // Feb 19, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Where is Al Hirschfeld when you need him?
5 dickuhne // Feb 19, 2009 at 8:13 pm
It’s interesting to note that each of the guests is toasting the couple in question with a different drink, while Mr. Moonves and his wife are both drinking what looks to be urine –quite likely from a child imported for the occasion. Also, it reminds me of that Will Smith movie where he’s the last man on earth and he composes these little scenes with mannequins and attempts to interact with them in a desperate and lonely way.
6 JohnnyBoy // Feb 19, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Lee Iacocca? I thought it was Hunter Thompson
Which if you apply DaVinci Code logic to the painting, you’ll see that the two central figures, if looked at as a silhouette, actually form the unmistakable shape of a pile of dogshit
Which proves that Jesus really had his shit together
All kidding aside, I saw Lena Horne and Alan King in the early 70’s…Art Carney was in the audience
7 Ira Shlamazel // Feb 19, 2009 at 8:49 pm
adorisday // Feb 19, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Q: Where is Al Hirschfeld when you need him?
A: Dead.
8 Ira Shlamazel // Feb 19, 2009 at 8:51 pm
And what about this??
http://tinyurl.com/cobajw
9 adorisday // Feb 19, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Dear Ira:
Yes. I lamented his passing at the time. And doubt if Moonves and the lovely Chen would be colorful enough subjects for Hirschfeld, anyway.
10 Gunner13 // Feb 19, 2009 at 9:26 pm
So this “artist” Ms. Perenchio uses a photo she took while Moonves and Chen (who does come across a robot scarily enough) were on vacation in Capri (how nice). Later she takes more photos Ms. Chen with makeup “So she’d look glamorous” – Yeah, right and I sure don’t want to see Ms. Chen “completely au naturel” as that has a whole different meaning to me. Good thing this went to a charity (I wonder who/what?).
Well it looks to me like something you find on the walls of a middle class hotel in a smaller city or in the house of someone with very little taste (explains some of the dreck on CBS?). Kind of warm and sunny at first look, but really dreadful in about 2 minutes. As to your questions April:
1. I don’t know why they’d buy a piece of shit like this. Simple, they love to look at themselves and have no taste.
2. I don’t know why they’d hang it in their house. See 1 above.
3. I don’t know why Julie Chen would want a blouse like that memorialized in oils. So she looks human and like a “regular’ gal.
4. I don’t know what they’re toasting. That’s what’s really nagging at me. They are toasting Les’ tenure as head of CBS. Here he has been highly paid to put out increasingly rotten and unwatchable TV. CBS used to be pretty good network, but it is pretty awful right now (or so I am told, I never watch it). Yet this POS gets to keep his job and rake in the bucks. If I could afford vacations in Capri, I would celebrate too.
Can’t help you with the Uggams – Horne thing though.
11 John Foley // Feb 19, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Nice perspective on the fruit plate.
12 naruwan // Feb 19, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Try this. Stare at the centre of the picture for 30 seconds and then close your eyes. The picture goes away. Try it – it really works!
13 Nusa // Feb 20, 2009 at 12:44 am
It doesn’t matter how ugly or bad it is when it’s memorabilia.
14 Daredevil o' Western Avenue // Feb 20, 2009 at 2:04 am
He has what looks like a hospital wrist band on? and poltergeist floating things above the high toasting glass…?
Alternative medicine?
this mystery combined with the ticket offer gave me a sublime thousand yard stare…
15 linnefaulk // Feb 20, 2009 at 5:07 am
Maybe is this was painted by their 8 year old kid. But that frame! Isn’t that the cheap frame you find on every starving artists show painting?
16 comoprozac // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:06 am
I just want to know why Joe Torre is there and where is his Dodgers hat?
17 joshpincusiscrying // Feb 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I used to see stuff like this when I was in art school.
Yeesh!
18 Stretch99 // Feb 20, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Check out this Stormy Weather review at GOLDSTAR:
“Great entertainment – Luv & huggams for Leslie Uggams, the tap dancers were the tops”
19 pal Jacky // Feb 20, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Here’s the deal. There is some hard core alcoholism going on here. If one takes a camera to a party one is expected to have a few pictures of people drinking. However, normal drinkers don’t commission paintings of themselves looking so tipsy. Any doubts canbe answered with this thought.These are the people who think Charlie sheen is worth a third of a million/episode.
20 yelkcub // Feb 20, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I really hope it was put on the refrigerator and not the wall.
As for Ms. Uggams, it almost compares to a touring stage version of Driving Miss Daisy that hit Poughkeepsie some years ago starring Ted “Love Boat” Lange and was directed by Charles Nelson Reilly. Really.
21 pal Jacky // Feb 20, 2009 at 3:08 pm
ok, after re-reading they didn’t ‘commission’ the painting.
However, who would want a painting of themselves looking like such a pair of winos? furthermore, the ‘artist’, hopefully chose the worst photo of them on purpose to do as some sort of perverse joke that Les and julie just were to drunk to’ get’.
22 DavidinBerkeley // Feb 20, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Uggums “playing Lena Horne”? Does this mean it’s a stage version of the film “Stormy Weather”? Can’t be, because Lena Horne didn’t play “Lena Horne” in that movie.
Does this mean that it’s some kinda bio-stage-musical? Can’t be, because it’d be in questionable taste to stage a bio-musical of someone who ain’t dead yet.
23 Stretch99 // Feb 20, 2009 at 3:43 pm
“These are the people who think Charlie sheen is worth a third of a million/episode.”
…don’t mean to make you soil your Depends Pal Jacky but it is more like 3/4 of a million per episode – around $800,000
24 pal Jacky // Feb 20, 2009 at 8:57 pm
shit, that’s even more reason to drink. I was looking at the $350,000 number from 2 years ago. I didn’t think it would get raised that much. Of course, these are the same people who were giving two million/ episode to Ray Ramano. How much does John C. McGinley get for ’scrubs’? He was in ‘Platoon’ too, and unlike sheen he can actually act. Of course, Zach braff makes that show unwatchable, but Mcginley is good.
25 Doug // Feb 20, 2009 at 9:14 pm
APRIL, I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR TICKETS ALREADY!!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20090221/en_top_eo/101005
Hugh. Jackman. NUDE. DRUNK. What else needs saying?
26 jim // Feb 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm
They’re celebrating having sold off all their Bear Stearnes stock back when it was still worth $60/share.
This would look right at home in any flea-market warehouse. It’s nice to know that rich folks can be just as aesthetically retarded as the tackiest of us.
27 Matthew Dickens // Feb 21, 2009 at 11:37 am
How long will it take for someone to make a remix of that Julie Chen video? Because if no one else does it, I will.
28 Andre // Feb 21, 2009 at 12:28 pm
“Luv & huggams for Leslie Uggams”
That’s as good as April’s Juliet Prowse rhyme.
I think Les and Julie are toasting the fact that they aren’t NBC. And that’s definitely Jack Nicholson sitting with them.
29 Doug // Feb 21, 2009 at 7:34 pm
And here I thought it was Tom Leykis…
30 pal Jacky // Feb 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Speaking of Tom, he is off of L.A. radio as well due to KLSX’s format change. So he is sweetly and completely silent everywhere. This is only marred by the great Adam Carolla also being unemployed, sadly his show was one of the few things I could listen to on the radio these days.
31 PPasquale // Feb 21, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Moonves, the ever-lovin’ mother fucker, is celebrating the 25 cents that the bean counting suits at CBS said that they would save by shutting down 97.1 FMTalk and replacing it with crap targeted to teenage girls. Burn in hell fathead Peter Pasquale
32 joshpincusiscrying // Feb 22, 2009 at 9:18 am
On a totally different subject…..
Hey April,
On Saturday morning, TV Land showed the Brady Bunch episode featuring your dad as a TV commercial director. I was really digging the dashiki and love beads! Groovy, man!
33 clevelandphil // Feb 22, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I want to see some photo shopping of April and John Foley drinking some Ed Macmahon whisky.
BTW Fuck Heath Ledger.
34 pal Jacky // Feb 22, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Pasquale, other than Adam corolla, what pray tell was worth listening to on 97.1? certainly not heidi, frosty and frank, perhaps Danny bonaduce was riveting when he wasn’t being out classed by corolla. even thinking about tom leykes causes brain cells to die.
35 clevelandphil // Feb 22, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Pasquale, other than Adam corolla, what pray tell was worth listening to on 97.1? certainly not heidi, frosty and frank, perhaps Danny bonaduce was riveting when he wasn’t being out classed by corolla. even thinking about tom leykes causes brain cells to die.
MERRILL SHINDLER!!!!!!!!!!!!
36 pal Jacky // Feb 22, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Resturant reviews!! Give me that old KFI cooking lady Melinda lee any day. It sounded like she could orgasm by just eating the right thing. I think she is still doing her show on weekends at either KFWB or KNX.
Nonetheless, KLSX was pretty much a bunch of dickwads at the end. I know that Moonves will already burn in hell and is probably trying a bit of redemption tactics by firing Assklowno leykes.
37 goofydes // Feb 22, 2009 at 8:50 pm
April’s not watching the Oscars? She’s missing Jerry Lewis’ big head get a humanitarian Oscar!
You must log in to post a comment.