By now you ‘ve probably seen the ads barfed up by The National Organization for Marriage (NOM), created in response to the recent advances in gay marriage laws in Vermont and Iowa. These craptastic commercials have hastily been slapped together courtesy of the Mormon Church; the people who brought you Prop 8, the Osmonds and magic underwear.
But what you may not have realized is that even idiocy has to be rehearsed. And while the idea of gays getting married is frightening, it’s not so scary that NOM was able to find real people who are scared by it.
So here are some leaked audition tapes of shitty actors, pretending to be terrified by the prospect of complete strangers making a legal commitment to each other which will affect them in no way. Scary!
Auditions for marriage lie ad from End Marriage Lies on Vimeo.
What I love about this is that it’s even more moronic and pathetic than the commercials themselves; something I would not have thought possible.
And what a wonderful revelation it all is! Because anyone can see that this is not about salvation. This is show business. Beneath all the passion and the piety, this is a cheap production on green screen, and somewhere, someone has this on their reel.
I’d throw in a Wizard of Oz reference, but that would be so gay.
47 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Apr 8, 2009 at 9:51 pm
But the clouds are coming, and the storm is gathering!
2 Gina // Apr 8, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Joke all you want but you have NO idea how hard it is to live in a state where gay marriage has been legal for almost five years. Since May 17th, 2004, our suffering has been immense. Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. No one.
3 Auntie Vera Charles // Apr 8, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I’m gonna go suck some dick.
4 haineux // Apr 8, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Just a moment of serious: I rarely get worked up about politics, for fear that I’d have a heart attack. (Irrational, but there you go.) I go to elaborate lengths to avoid Hannity, Rush, and even often John Stewart/Stephen Colbert.
Personally, I always was kinda rooting for the Mormons. Sure, they call about every 5 years or so, but they politely leave when I tell them that my salvation is between me and my own personal deity or deities, none of their business. I fondly recall the time that they went and got me gas when I ran out. And I work with a few young, smart, energetic Mormons who never mention their religion at work. (And yes, the magic underwear is just as boring as the pictures you’ve seen.)
But this is a stupid battle for them to take on, because like it or not, the Constitution establishes itself as a body of government independent from churches. Anyone who ignores this is breaking the law, and liable to be punished. The Mormons have already been shown to have lied about their involvement.
Several of my closest friends are same-sex parents, and it’s the parenting that tilts the issue for me. Those that oppose same-sex marriage are doing so to keep the legal advantages of marriage to themselves, out of nothing but greed.
Same-sex couples have to work extra-hard, and spend extra money, just to have the same parental rights. Period.
You can make up all kinds of scary music and talk about how Important it is to Protect Marriage, but that’s the real issue behind this. The people who get out and vote for same-sex marriage, are voting for the children who will “get” to have two real parents.
Sorry, Mormons, you must not only be defeated, but punished, for fucking with MY constitution.
5 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 9, 2009 at 2:19 am
But haineux! Didn’t you watch the video? They’re going to teach our children that gay marriage is okay! Do you really want to live in such a bleak and horrific dystopia?
Also: Noting the organization’s name, I’m surprised no one has yet made an “NOM NOM NOM” joke. I know I’d be down. I would even make an appropriate image macro, had I the gay porn needed for such an undertaking.
6 bnaivar // Apr 9, 2009 at 4:42 am
I’m gonna go eat some pussy.
(NOM, NOM, NOM)
7 Dave // Apr 9, 2009 at 10:43 am
For a few seconds I thought the ad was a parody and the lighting would start taking them all out, even person #3 has some St. Elmo’s fire going on.
Yes, to stand out in a electrical storm espousing logical fallacies is divine comedy.
A Saturday night live version of this would be great!
8 sleepytako // Apr 9, 2009 at 11:17 am
I’m coming back to the US next week for my honeymoon and this is what I have to look forward to seeing on the TV. Makes me wish I married a Japanese transvestite rather than a Japanese lady.
Arrgh, and I’m going to Utah too!
9 Andre // Apr 9, 2009 at 11:30 am
Number three in the auditions looks like Nancy Pelosi. Talk about a mind-fuck.
10 clevelandphil // Apr 9, 2009 at 11:32 am
Gavin Newsom is the reason Prop 8 passed in California. That and the fact that the legbits here are obnoxious.
11 Stretch99 // Apr 9, 2009 at 12:31 pm
“I’m gonna go suck some dick.”
Gay men SUCK!
ask me how I know this…
12 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 9, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Clevelandphil-
You wrote:
“Gavin Newsom is the reason Prop 8 passed in California. That and the fact that the legbits here are obnoxious.”
Which pill am I supposed to take to make what you wrote not bizarre?
Diazepam? Lithium?
What is “legbits”?
Can you explain how Newsome is responsible?
13 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 9, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Auntie Vera Charles IS the Big Gay Storm!
14 clevelandphil // Apr 9, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Newsom saying “It’s gonna happen whether you like it or not”.
Legbits is what I gay activists , particularly gay men, who use the term LGBT. The politically correctos who went after Dr. Laura with a vengeance and then embrace man-hating Gloria Allred. The ones who abuse and overuse the word “homophobe”.
15 bevw // Apr 9, 2009 at 2:13 pm
What galls me most is that they’re calling themselves a “rainbow coalition”; (ab)using the name an organization created to further social justice to try and support their own lies and ignorance. Sigh…
From Wikipedia: At the 1984 Democratic National Convention on July 18, 1984 in San Francisco, California, Jackson delivered the Keynote address, entitled “The Rainbow Coalition”. The speech called for Arab Americans, Native Americans, Asian Americans, youth, disabled veterans, small farmers, lesbians and gays to join with African Americans and Jewish Americans for political purpose.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow/PUSH_Coalition#National_Rainbow_Coalition
16 PeekaBooRevue // Apr 9, 2009 at 2:26 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5HQ2fOUYws
17 Stretch99 // Apr 9, 2009 at 2:35 pm
“Legbits is what I gay activists , particularly gay men, who use the term LGBT”
I personally dislike the term LGBT. B’s and T’s shouldn’t be lumped in with the L’s and G’s
One doesn’t have a choice in being L or G. We are what we are.
B’s HAVE a choice and in fact just feel they don’t have to make one (plus B’s are a myth and are lying to themselves)
T’s are a whole differnt mental state, really nothing to do with sexuallity – just a big cry for attention.
18 Erik no longer in Santa Monica // Apr 9, 2009 at 3:16 pm
This is awesome:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmVACvVQwSc
I think we have a new internet meme!!
(Anyone have a transcript so I can write some new faux-subtitles to that scene in “Downfall” where Hitler loses it?)
19 Auntie Vera Charles // Apr 9, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I’m gonna go suck some more dick.
20 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 9, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Clevelandphil,
How would wording the truth differently have had any affect?
Newsome spoke the truth. To say it resulted in something negative is a little simplistic. Just because right-wing tools and f aux-religious hate-mongering racists use it as a battle cry means nothing! Fred “child-fucker” Phelps was homophobing his sad ass off long before Newsome said his opinion.
In fact, if Newsome is to blame, then so are gay activists and pride parade attendees! Do you see how stupid that is?
Equal rights ARE coming whether anyone likes it or not. It is the nature of our constitution.
Legbits is a stupid word. Caring about whether it should be LGBT or just LG is also petty and stupid.
All this accomplishes is separation from the rest of the population.
LGBT should simply call themselves human.
I am a guy. Who I sleep with or want to marry is none of your fucking business. That is what it is really about.
We’re here, we’re NORMAL, get used to it. That is the truth.
21 creeto // Apr 9, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Too bad the NOMers pulled the audition clips from youtube. I could have had some fun with the green screens.
22 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 9, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Stretch99-
“B’s HAVE a choice and in fact just feel they don’t have to make one (plus B’s are a myth and are lying to themselves)
T’s are a whole differnt mental state, really nothing to do with sexuallity – just a big cry for attention.”
Wow. The pompous ignorance of this statement is staggering! How are you any different than Dr. Laura?? Claiming to know all and judging people accordingly.
Petty and trivial. And clearly very bitter.
You are wrong, Stretch. You are closer to Ann Coulter than you think.
23 Soysie // Apr 9, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Gina // Apr 8, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Joke all you want but you have NO idea how hard it is to live in a state where gay marriage has been legal for almost five years. Since May 17th, 2004, our suffering has been immense. Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. No one.
Please name something that was so traumatizing that you saw. Other wise I will call pure Bull pucky. People like you are so over dramatic with ignorance its not funny.
24 Gina // Apr 9, 2009 at 9:04 pm
“Auntie Vera Charles // Apr 9, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I’m gonna go suck some more dick.”
Stop talking with your mouth full.
25 goofydes // Apr 9, 2009 at 9:23 pm
aww crap.. the national organization for marriage took the video off of you tube before i got to see it
26 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 9, 2009 at 9:40 pm
You can still see the auditions here…
http://tinyurl.com/d3b59w
27 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 9, 2009 at 9:44 pm
And also here:
http://vimeo.com/user1556102
28 April // Apr 9, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Soysie, Gina was joking. That was sarcasm.
29 bnaivar // Apr 10, 2009 at 4:44 am
Soysie: Well, there was that time at Disney World where the two guys making out were holding up the line to Space Mountain. Bitches.
30 ShannonS // Apr 10, 2009 at 7:59 am
I come here for a little humor in a day that blows. Recently I was relieved of my editing duties and while the publisher (ultra-conservative, christian, anti-gay, anti-Planned Parenthood) won’t say so it’s because I am in favor of gay marriage, birth control, a woman’s right to choose and I won’t bite my tongue when I saw her putting things in the paper as news that were factually incorrect and biased.
So I can’t imagine what she would have done if I was actually gay.
Any gay publications looking for a straight editor?
31 Speedy Cerviche // Apr 10, 2009 at 8:04 am
Soysie, you just don’t get it. When gays are allowed to marry, it’s gonna trample all over the rights of normal, regular straight dudes like me. For example: my boyfriend will probably start expecting an engagement ring from me.
Now, he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not gay in any way. Really, I’m just in it for the dick. But this guy, all he can think about is commitment. What a fag.
32 Stretch99 // Apr 10, 2009 at 8:42 am
B’s HAVE a choice and in fact just feel they don’t have to make one (plus B’s are a myth and are lying to themselves)
T’s are a whole differnt mental state, really nothing to do with sexuallity – just a big cry for attention.”
These are not necessarily the views of April Winchell or the April Winchell show. Simply my observations in 20 + years in the community.
Also guys – after the fourth cock you’ve sucked and you’re not disgusted – COME ON REALLY -BI?
33 Auntie Vera Charles // Apr 10, 2009 at 9:57 am
I’m gonna go fuck some ass.
34 pal Jacky // Apr 10, 2009 at 9:58 am
How many times must this be said?
The big problem with gays is that they kidnap young boys and make them play chess until they pass out.
How to tell if a man is gay.
1. He doesn’t weart underwear.
2. He’s morbidly obsessed with ‘malcom in the middle re-runs’.
3. He shits behind J.R’s.
35 Stretch99 // Apr 10, 2009 at 10:42 am
How to tell if a man is gay.
They go to Barney’s Beanery on SMB – JUST TO CAUSE TROUBLE !!
36 Andre // Apr 10, 2009 at 11:14 am
I’m gonna go arrange some flowers.
37 clevelandphil // Apr 10, 2009 at 12:12 pm
People can’t stand Newsom, especially now with the Bologna case. And legbits is a funny word. The term was once called GLBT, But lesbians started saying LGBT and the gay men deferred to them. Advocate.com used to call themselves “The award winning GLBT site” and then changed it to “The award winning LGBT site”. Gay people who frequently use this term are the ones that went after Dr. Laura, Basic Instinct and Gene Shalit because he gave Brokeback Mountain a bad review. That’s his job!
As for Equal Rights for everyone, what about equal responsibility? A few months ago Huffington Post writer Carole Ann Burger stabbed her girlfriend Jessical Kalish 222 times. No one called it Domestic Violence. Abused lesbians are turned away from battered women’s shelters. If the “LGBT’s” can’t call abusive gay relationships “domestic violence”, why should people call loving gay relationships “marriage”?
38 John Foley // Apr 10, 2009 at 12:22 pm
“The term was once called GLBT, But lesbians started saying LGBT and the gay men deferred to them.”
You’d defer too if you had a bunch of angry lesbians threatening to break a pool cue over your dome.
39 pal Jacky // Apr 10, 2009 at 12:33 pm
a Lezbotic stabbin’ her muffy 222 times isn’t domestic violence. It’s hot, in a snuff film cum stain sort of way.
40 Stretch99 // Apr 10, 2009 at 1:05 pm
“You’d defer too if you had a bunch of angry lesbians threatening to break a pool cue over your dome.”
Seems we caught the same episode of BAD GIRLS on Logo
41 Lips and Hooves // Apr 10, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Stretch 99 wrote:
“B’s HAVE a choice and in fact just feel they don’t have to make one (plus B’s are a myth and are lying to themselves)
T’s are a whole differnt mental state, really nothing to do with sexuallity – just a big cry for attention.”
These are not necessarily the views of April Winchell or the April Winchell show. Simply my observations in 20 + years in the community.
Also guys – after the fourth cock you’ve sucked and you’re not disgusted – COME ON REALLY -BI?”
I am heterosexual (BTW, even though “heterosexual” is a cumbersome word, I hesitate to use the word “straight”, because it implies that gays are, what… bent?) and I’m admittedly not frequently exposed to “the gay community” to any significant degree, so I hope the following is taken in the way intended: an honest question, and not antagonistic.
If, as we agree, someone can be naturally sexually attracted to their own gender, why could someone not be naturally sexually attracted to both genders, through no choice of their own? What do you base this upon? What have you seen that specifically supports this notion, during your years in “the community”.) I really am curious. Hmm… Curious about Bi’s? Does that make me bi-curious?
As for “T’s”— That’s a whole other can of worms, and I’ve written enough without getting into discussing those cans and worms right now.
I’m sure I will be mocked for attempting to engage in such a “serious conversation” here, but that’s alright. I know I’m a nerd. I’m used to it.
42 ShannonS // Apr 10, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Good point on the “straight” word.
Let’s coin another one, breeders is not correct because some don’t.
If “straight” makes “bent” than does “gay” make “sad?”
43 Lips and Hooves // Apr 10, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Yeah, I never got that either.
How did the word “gay” come to be used this way? I imagine the conversation:
“What’s up with Amos, Jebediah? Wherefore doth he dance thusly?”
“Maybe he’s just gay, and cannot contain his gaiety.”
“And yet when I dance, I am stiff and straight as if I had a ramrod inserted in my nether regions.”
“Yes, Ironic, isn’t it?”
“How do you mean?”
I guess these terms are here to stay, though they are goofy.
Yes, I’m drinking.
44 norelpref // Apr 10, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Remixed it. They’ve changed their tune alright.
http://www.norelpref.com/media/slack3/coming_together_in_love.mp3
45 Ira Shlamazel // Apr 11, 2009 at 8:04 am
The videos are here:
http://tinyurl.com/cmydkl
Green 960 AM San Francisco
46 Doug // Apr 11, 2009 at 6:38 pm
GLBT??
LGBT??
Me, I don’t care. Just give me a BLTG (BLT on Granary bread).
47 Stretch99 // Apr 13, 2009 at 11:29 am
most T’s do have worms
just saw a “film noir” (circa 1946) at the Cinemateque.
Two lines caused unintentional laughter:
“There is a man here to see you and seems very queer”
“You really need to buy ties that are more GAY”
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