The first round of Sack o’ Crap™ deliveries are starting to happen, and people everywhere are raving about their piles!
Well, actually only one person has said anything. But she seems really happy.
The box was waiting at my front door when I arrived home from work today. It was heavy (April spent more than $15 to send it to NJ), so I knew it must be worth the meager $30 I shelled out.
My purchase was well-protected in its shipping vessel. The sack is white with a light blue drawstring. The bag’s distinctive turd is playfully misshapen with dark eyes that move when jiggled.
Opening the sack for the first time was intriguing, as a light, musky smell permeated the inside. Slightly apprehensive, I prepared myself mentally to reach into the bag.
Wow! Such treasures were inside! The largest item was a hard-bound copy of John Grogan’s “Marley & Me”. Luckily, I have not read this, nor have I seen the movie. The puppy on the cover is so cute — I hope he lives forever!
Also, book related, I received a Barnes and Noble gift card. How did she know I can read?
Not one, but TWO bags of fine-quality Euro Coffee were also inside, along with Angry Scotsman chewing gum (“So minty fresh, it’ll put starch back in yer kilt!”) I’m a little hesitant to try the gum, as I don’t want my panty liner to stiffen up as I type.
With April being in the “the business” and all, I knew the media selection would not disappoint. The DVD enclosed is R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12” — I am so excited, I don’t even mind that it’s used!
My most treasured item in the sack is a new, unwrapped copy of Nichelle Nichols’ 1967 album “Down to Earth”. While it does not contain my favorite song (her cover of the Star Trek theme), it does contain four bonus tracks, including “Hey Boy (Hey Girl).”
Found the source of the smell — it’s a bar of Calla-Lilly and Rosemary soap. It looks really expensive and it will help me increase my chances of getting an inheritance when I give it to Aunt Sally for her upcoming birthday!
Finally, two handmade items were found at the bottom of the sack — a really well-made fabric flower pin and a bracelet that will be handed down through generations of somebody else’s family.
Overall, this Sack O’ Crap™ was so much more than I expected. I encourage all of April’s fans to order one before they sell out!
And selling out they are!
I can probably do about 10 more of these before I completely run out of shit, steam, patience or fabric.
If you get one, please send me a picture and a review, and I’ll post it for the envious ogling of all those missing the boat.
7 responses so far ↓
1 Ojoya // Jun 11, 2009 at 3:49 pm
“The puppy on the cover is so cute — I hope he lives forever!” ……BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
2 DavidinBerkeley // Jun 11, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Whereza picture of the fabric flower pin and bracelet?
3 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 11, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Is it happy hour already, David? I see it is! Yippee!
I am so excited! I can’t wait to get mine!
Now if you will excuse me. the Bombay Sapphire beckons…
4 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 11, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Also, she didn’t mention if the bag was signed or not. I sure hope it is! If it isn’t, I may cry.
Either way, I will be the talk of the town, with the perfect bag to carry all of my shit!
I may buy an empty bag to use as a colostomy bag cozy for my great-grandmother! She’d love it!
It was worth it just to be able to say “April bought a house, and I helped!”
5 TalkinHorse // Jun 11, 2009 at 6:42 pm
“April’s sack came in the mail today, and it took the postman an hour to clean out his mailbag!” Har-de-har-har!
6 ShannonS // Jun 12, 2009 at 1:05 pm
When I saw the option to personalize the bag I requested that April autograph my husband’s sac (it’s a Father’s Day present).
It’s coming and I’ve never been so excited by a delivery.
But what makes me happier is that there are people out in this world who can write a great review like the one above. I am a little intimated but I’ll give it a go…
7 cmvbbay // Jun 13, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Is Angry Scotsman gum as good as Hollywood gum? I’m hoarding about 6 packets of the latter because who knows when I’ll next be stranded at de Gaulle and have a chance to shop?
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