Yes, that’s right. A brand new podcast, made this morning in my closet.
Well, maybe podcast is too strong a word. It’s more like a 35 minute spew, followed by a song so lovely, it might have to be your new ringtone.
Just so you know, there’s a lot of cursing.
35 responses so far ↓
1 Stretch99 // Jun 22, 2009 at 4:56 pm
#$&%!$!!
&%^@!(~!!!
#$%#!
and I don’t say that lightly
2 adorisday // Jun 22, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I’m only at 7 minutes 6 seconds and the lack of the will to live is completely understood, so just take your tape recorder or videocam on your real estate treks and podcast for us as you narrate. You’ll get to blow off steam at the North Hollywood marble crypts and other Early Jewish Renaissance lovelies you are viewing plus entertain us at the same time.
3 Melissa // Jun 22, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I know exactly how you feel, April on the househunting. I live in San Bernarghetto and have been looking since March for a house to buy. I’ve seen all sorts. I have offers out right now for 2 months already on short sales.
Boy have I got a story for you. We recently saw a house we LOVED. 3 bed, 2 bath, $99k!! I saw it the day it was listed and did what you did: bid high. I had to cross qualify with their bank, they ran my credit (zillionth time this month) & I put in a bid for $113k. I had my offer in so fast I’m positive nobody else had bid. The next day my realtor was calling trying to see if they’d accept it & lo and behold those jerkoffs decided AFTER my offer was submitted to change the listing to ‘Cash Only’. Cash only for a house that was in great condition, no repairs necessary and definitely turnkey. No investor would pay $99k for this house when nothing needed to be done! Yet there goes my offer and gee, they were so sorry (yeah right) for running my credit to cross qual me.
I haven’t looked at another house since. I’m just burned out and DONE. Buyers market my ass!
4 Kandi // Jun 22, 2009 at 7:35 pm
So I tend to listen to your podcasts as I’m cooking… Don’t know why, I just do. I must say, my neighbors likely think I’m insane dancing around my kitchen while listening to that song. I must say, it was quite amusing and I just might need to replace my MmmBop ringtone with it.
5 Nusa // Jun 22, 2009 at 10:19 pm
If you’re gonna get fucked that hard, don’t forget the lube.
6 TalkinHorse // Jun 23, 2009 at 12:53 am
Wow, these stories touch a lot of nerves. I’ve been in place for more than 20 years, and I’m reinforced in my notion that I don’t want to go anywhere if I can help it.
I remember, in the process of house hunting, seeing how every house bore the warped characteristics of the idiot or miscreant or pervert that previously owned it. And indeed, if I had enough money, I would certainly do something completely weird to my house. But since I can’t afford that sort of indulgence, all I could do was hope to find the abandoned domicile of an idiot or miscreant or pervert whose idiocies or peccadilloes or perversions were somewhat in line with my own.
I’m still trying to figure out whether the ongoing economic crisis and/or war will cause a depression (driving house prices down) or hyperinflation (driving house prices up and reducing a mortgage to pocket change). Is this a time to buy with both hands or run like hell? The world doesn’t seem like the most stable of places at this moment, but which way will is break? I wonder.
7 bnaivar // Jun 23, 2009 at 5:23 am
I’m so happy that this kind of shit happens to other people too.
Well, at least the foreclosure courts won’t have Ed Mcmahon to kick around anymore.
8 Doug // Jun 23, 2009 at 7:12 am
April, just curious…what microphone did you use for this podcast? It sounds good, but I’m wondering just how much money it takes to get a mic that produces quality sound. Some folks say to spend a hundred or more, but others say $50 is enough…me, I dunno.
9 Stretch99 // Jun 23, 2009 at 8:40 am
“Well, at least the foreclosure courts won’t have Ed Mcmahon to kick around anymore.”
“HEY-YO!!”
10 April // Jun 23, 2009 at 8:58 am
Doug – I use a Blue Snowball microphone which is on sale at Amazon for about $75. It’s usually about $120.
I know people who use much more expensive mics, and you really can hear a difference. But when I’m sitting in a closet talking to a shirt, I think this is sufficient.
11 xlistnerliz // Jun 23, 2009 at 9:02 am
April, I truly believe that anything that has had so many obstacles in front of it… Was not meant to be. You will find the perfect house you will love and be happy in and it will come to you with ease. Yes, I beleive in the law of attraction, it has happened over and over and over for me. Just try asking the Universe for it…..it does not hurt, Swear!! or just tell me to shut the fuck up.
12 April // Jun 23, 2009 at 9:16 am
xlistnerliz – I do agree that this was not meant to be.
I don’t mind working for something, but when you struggle every step of the way, I think something is wrong with your premise.
13 clevelandphil // Jun 23, 2009 at 10:19 am
Ed Macmahon found nude hanging from his closet door.
14 Stretch99 // Jun 23, 2009 at 10:45 am
Dead McMahon
15 DavidinBerkeley // Jun 23, 2009 at 11:03 am
From the looks of the comments, it’s bad news. Nuts.
16 DavidinBerkeley // Jun 23, 2009 at 11:05 am
Why not look for a place in Auntie Vera’s neck of the woods?
Living that far into the Valley, you can hang out your laundry and it’ll be dry in about 6 or 7 minutes.
17 Pookie // Jun 23, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I’m sorry you’re depressed but this is a riot. Do my wife and I know about the weekend at the local hotel? Yes. And it’s so pitiful, I mean, when you’re in it. But really, it’s touching, too. Jeez, you just want to get the hell OUT.
The process of looking, by itself, is soul-sucking. It’s either looking at the same repeated cosmetic features which are going to be the ’sunburst and avocado’ of our time, or it’s places so horribly laid out, smelly, and depressing you can’t even imagine what’s buried under the garage. It’s the Drag Me To Hell of buying a car, times a thousand.
I feel for you. But I also don’t think it’s not meant to be. Any time anyone buys anything these days it’s like having your knuckles stomped at the rim. It’s scary. But you guys are smart. And you know what you want.
Boy. I’d LOVE to see John kick ass! Too bad Chris Brown won’t be out and about much these nights.
18 PeekaBooRevue // Jun 23, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Come over to Philadelphia! Or Joisey even….hyeah right? You’ll have that Joisey patois down in no time! Sheila Sands would have a permanent home. Just sayin.. Speaking of Shelia, you have any footage of her? I would really dig seeing it.
19 PeekaBooRevue // Jun 23, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Oh and sorry to hear about all the bullshit. honest. But NOT sorry to hear you rant about it.
20 pal Jacky // Jun 23, 2009 at 11:13 pm
when listening, I was reminded of the great writing describing L.A. architecture and decor at the end of the first chapter of nathanal west’s ‘the day of the locust’.
“….but plaster and paper know no law, not even that of gravity….
It is hard to laugh at the need for beauty and romance, no matter how tasteless, even horrible, the results are. But it is easy to sigh. Few things are sadder than the truly monstrous”.
21 TalkinHorse // Jun 24, 2009 at 1:55 am
Ah, Jacky, I recall an element of “The Day of the Locust” being a painting entitled “The Burning of Los Angeles”….presumably wishful thinking with respect to local architecture. One of the lurid paperback covers from the 1950’s had a conception of the artwork, or maybe it was just the riot…anyway, it’s here (mentioning this just ’cause I like old lurid paperback covers…their delightfully sinful aura reminds me of a more innocent age, before we took the fun out of sin by making it mainstream and letting it all hang out).
22 Auntie Vera Charles // Jun 24, 2009 at 8:28 am
So close to perfection. So close. It just needed the tiniest touch of Auntie Vera and …..
Adore you. Beyond words.
23 Stretch99 // Jun 24, 2009 at 9:59 am
I smell a FISH
24 pal Jacky // Jun 24, 2009 at 10:23 am
I thought homeless encampments added to property values.
I just thought my neighbors were jealous that they streetpeople liked me more than they liked them.
25 jim // Jun 24, 2009 at 10:48 am
I’m not laughing AT you, I’m laughing FOR you.
Condolences on your recent cornholing. Sometimes life hands you a shit sandwich & you just have to focus on chewing as little as possible & swallowing as fast as you can … & where to get mouthwash for dessert.
I agree with xlistnerliz: hang in there until you get what you need.
Your podcasts are always a treat, so don’t hesitate to get your vent on anytime. Vitriol for the right reasons is a beautiful thing.
26 clevelandphil // Jun 24, 2009 at 10:50 am
LA don’t have anything that resembles a river.
27 ShannonS // Jun 24, 2009 at 11:21 am
Maybe if we all take a moment and each of us visualize the perfect house for April. Her and John looking happy as they sign the papers and get keys.
Go the extra mile and make it a double-wide. It’s hard to put marble on the floor of a mobile home.
Now you know why homeless people don’t seem stressed.
I attribute my 2005 nervous breakdown to the concurrent 2004 selling of one house and the buying of another. We still haven’t unraveled the mess that is our mortgage. I will NEVER move.
Useless Real Estate agents never bothered to check to make sure the garage/apt. was permitted (it’s 2500 sq. feet and a little hard to miss). It’s not.
But we paid $235,000 for it and it’s probably worth $150,000 now!
I have no idea what caused the 2006, 2007 and 2009 breakdowns.
28 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 24, 2009 at 12:00 pm
The shows you did were always funnier when you had a bee in your bonnet!
When we bought our house, I took out a signature loan from my credit union for $30,000. to add to my down-payment.
Petty reasonable payment…
Or move to Detroit suburbs- a 6 bed, 7 bath 3 car garage on 1.5 acres for $19,000.00!
I am actually tempted!
29 SpicyD // Jun 24, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I just listened to your podcast. The next time you says to me “You really make me laugh. Why don’t you live here?” replay your podcast and consider Albuquerque, NM.
30 ihearttalkradio // Jun 24, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I loved the podcast – I hope you do more of them. Not that you need the publicity, but I blogged about it today. Whoever said Adam Carolla was the king of the rant hasn’t heard any of your gems.
31 Gunner13 // Jun 26, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Wow, is this funny!
It also brings back some very recent, and very horrible, memories from our recent refinance (where I had to have a Power of Attorney for my wife) and purchase of a house in another state (where she had to have a POA for me).
If either one of us ever has to use the words “Attorney in Fact:” on a document again, we will likely freak out.
The awful, horrible, timewasting and south draining process of providing stacks of stupid documents, over and over and over and over again only to find out they need more documents just about killed us.
Then we found out that so much time has gone by (usually because the lender or escrow weenies neglected to tell us about addtional requirements) that they need addtional payroll and tax documents.
I almost terminated the whole process twice and about told the lenders to stuff it up their 4th point of contact! We actaully had to change lenders at one point because the one we were dealing with came back with really stupid terms and dropped another because they couldn’t give us answer in under 30 days. At least THEY were honest about it!
April, you are looking in the wrong neighborhoods, but do really great podcasts. I hope it was a big a catharsis for you as it was for me.
April, ich liebe du!
32 Gunner13 // Jun 26, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Sorry, meant to sy SOUL DRAINING (I am the guys spell check was invented for).
33 RCoA // Jun 26, 2009 at 4:13 pm
AW: I believe your Scarlet O’Haras are probably quincenera celebrants. It’s like a Latin bat mitzvah. I’ve seen ‘em a bunch of times at CityWalk.
34 mkf // Jun 28, 2009 at 6:13 am
i must comment, if for no other reason than to commemorate the first time (in my memory, anyway) that pal jacky made a comment to this blog that was not only coherent and apropos to the post at hand, but actually added to the discussion [and yeah, he'd come back and ruin it all the next day, but at least there was that brief, shining moment...]
35 Gratitude Cocktail Girl // Jul 4, 2009 at 2:45 pm
April, you lucky girl. You didn’t witness some Gone With the Wind celebration gone awry, it was a Quinceanera, aka, a virgin march. In Latin American culture, it’s a coming of age ceremony held on a girl’s fifteenth birthday. That means, if you make it to 15 without losing your virginity you get a big party. I shit thee not.
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